Doing it my way

don’t care. I don't even think we really need to work together on this. Just rattle off a page on all the positive contributions you can think of that organized religion played in the history of mankind, and I'll go home and do the opposite on my computer. I know you're smart enough to throw this together in one evening, and you'll just have to trust me when I tell you that I'm not going to have any problem with it either."

     Steven really wasn't adverse to the idea, but he did have a question. "Ian, is there any particular reason that you think I'd be better at writing the pro than the con?"

     "No Steven, it's just that you're going to have to do it by default. I can't think of any pros, and I don't have enough of an imagination to invent any."

     With that, Ian bid his friend goodbye, and went home to work on his speech. He knew there would be much to pay when his family arrived, and wanted to get as much work done as possible in the mean time. Also, he needed to rehearse out loud in front of a mirror. His presentation was going to be the only one in the class which would not involve reading from any sheet of paper.

  7:03 pm

     Ian was rehearsing in front of the full length mirror in his room, what he would be his speech before the class the next day, when he heard the family car pull into the driveway. He sat down at the computer and started to type something, thinking it would look like he was doing homework when his mother or father walked into the room. His dad swung open the door and immediately ripped into him.

     "Hey bi head! What's the matter with you? Do you realize how embarrassing that was for us, you leaving like that?"

     Ian was a bit fired up by the speech he was rehearsing, and decided to take on his father. Ian swivel chair swung around, "Your embarrassment is unfounded. I am very sure that nobody but you knew I was there, or that I had left."

     "I spoke to Mayor after the ceremony, and he was wondering why you weren't there!"

     "No he wasn't," contradicted Ian. " If he said anything, it's only because you probably walked up to him first and said, 'I'm sorry that my idiot son isn't here'."

     His father was indignant. "What happened? Usually, we have trouble getting you to do your homework, and now you're using it as an excuse to..."

     "It's not just the homework!" Ian cut him off. "I'm going to be frank. I hate Ricky! I hate everybody there!”

  Another new day

  11:15 am

     There was a lot of nervousness in Sociology class, the day that the pro and con assignments were to be presented. Betty and Trish's debate about home video went over particularly well. The final two entries of the day would be Rita and Phoebe's, followed by Steven and Ian's.

     Rita gathered her papers, and took her place on the podium behind the lectern that was set up at the front of the class.

     "As Mrs. Pinny previously stated, prior to the 1950s, when it came to entertainment, the choices for most people were extremely limited, and sometimes, nonexistent. Of course there were radio networks that featured music, comedy and drama, but even they had their limitations. For people at extremely rural areas, there was often poor reception or no reception at all. Bla, bla, bla.

     The class just sat there as if they were expecting her to say more. They loved to see her talking. They don’t even cared what it was all about. Then, she suddenly stopped.   Not quite sure of how to quell the awkwardness of the moment, Rita just said, "Um...The end." She sat back down to the sound of polite applause.

     Mrs. Pinny was pleased, but with a few reservations. "Miss Rita, while I appreciate your articulate delivery, I can't quite give you an "A," because you were supposed to be the pro, and there was a lot more con in your argument." She turned to Phoebe. "I can't wait to hear your counterpunch, Miss Phoebe."

     Phoebe stood up, faced the room, and her body language immediately signaled to everyone that her delivery was going to be a lot more angry and aggressive than her partner's. She went on with full vigour. Finally, as she took her seat to the sound of uproarious applause, Mrs. Pinny spoke. "Hmm, quite interesting. That was a good one.."

       She now looked at Steven and Ian. "Alright, I guess that leaves you two as the final entertainment of the day."

     Steven stood up, placed his papers on the lectern, adjusted his glasses, and proceeded to read in his usual studious manner. "I will now, to the best of my ability, make a case for the necessity of organized religion."

     Rita muttered sarcastically under her breath, "Good luck."

     "Quiet Rita," the teacher reprimanded. "Go on, Steven."

     Steven’s performance was superb. His arguments were all based on facts. Solid facts.

   "You know," observed Mrs. Pinny, "that is the second pro argument in a row that utilized the phrase 'necessary evil.' Lots of back-handed compliments going on here. Alright Mr. Ian," Her voice now turned a bit passive as it usually did whenever she spoke to Ian. "Your rebuttal please."

     Ian calmly stood up and walked to the front of the classroom. He had a mischievous smirk on his face, and the fact that he wasn't carrying any written notes was not lost on the teacher. Instead of standing on the podium behind the lectern like everyone else had done, he instead just turned around and addressed the class. What a professional act!

     "Who in this class believes in God? Let's see a show of hands."

     Mrs. Pinny was not amused. "Mr. Ian, do you have any kind of a prepared presentation?"

     "I most certainly do," Ian's voice now took on an air of pride. "And I've memorized all of it. When you handed out these assignments, you didn't specify that they had to be delivered while standing at that podium. All you said was that they had to be between three and eight minutes long." He pointed at the clock on the wall. "I believe I still have seven minutes and ten seconds left."

     Mrs. Pinny rolled her eyes and sighed. "Proceed."

     Ian turned back to the class and repeated, "Come on, let's see a show of hands. Who in here believes in God?"

     There was a smattering of hands that went up in the air. Ian picked up a chalk eraser from the blackboard. He then walked up to one girl by the name of Gina, and proceeded to improvise. "So Gina, you believe that there is a great and powerful invisible entity who is all knowing and watching over us at this very moment?"

     Not sure whether to take Ian seriously or not, Gina just nodded her head and said, "yes I do" in a flat voice.

     "Alright, who do you think is more powerful, God or me?"

     Mrs. Pinny began to interrupt, "Mr. Ian..."

     Ian quickly spun around and cut her off "I believe I still have six and a half minutes to make my case! For all I care you can give me a big fat 'F' for this assignment, but I demand the right to finish it!"

     Mrs. Pinny just shook her head in exasperation. At this point, she was pretty sure that she, in fact, was going to give him a 'big fat F,' but begrudgingly decided to let Ian go down in flames, if that was his wish. "Alright, go on."

     He resumed his rant. "Who is more powerful, God or me?"

     "God" said the Gina, folding her arms.

     "Oh yeah?" Ian placed the chalk eraser on the corner of her desk. "Let's see this all knowing, all powerful God of yours move this eraser from this end of the desk to that end of the desk."

     "Ian, you are such a..."

     "Husshhh! I still don't see that eraser moving."

     "Why would God want to move that eraser?"

     "To give an upstanding Christian like yourself the opportunity to make an Atheistic guy like me look foolish."

  Gina rolled her eyes and shook her head. "If ever there were a task that did not require any divine intervention..."

  Laughter erupted throughout the classroom.

     "Look," Ian picked up the eraser, and moved it across the desk himself. "The fact remains, that you’re mighty God couldn't even perform this simple task, and I just did. Just
one of many things we all can do that this imaginary God can't. Caught my drift?"

     Ian now turned his attention to the rest of the class. "My friend Steven over there just put forth the proposition that the belief in a higher being can make a low-life behave himself. And I say that I have a solid proof that the remark isn't true. My living proof is sitting right in that chair over there."

     He pointed directly at Becker, who immediately responded menacingly. "Ian, If you know what's good for you, you will not drag me into your lame-ass attempt at performance art."

     "Becker, you may not realize it, but you just proved my point by threatening me like that." Ian addressed the class again. "Everybody check out the size of the crucifix hanging around this guy's neck. You know he's got to be Catholic. Protestants usually only wear dainty little earring sized crosses, but that one looks almost as big as the one they hung Jesus on. And do you think that's going to stop him from slamming my head into a locker later on....like he's done just about every day for the last month?" Ian's voice was now starting to get angry. "Of course not. As a matter of fact, that's what Catholicism has always been all about. One can do just anything that suits one's fancy, as long as one goes to mass the following Sunday to ask for forgiveness. I'll bet that's what Becker over here is thinking to himself at this very moment." Ian now tried a spontaneous impersonation of Becker, "'I'm going to beat the crap out of Ian this afternoon...but I'll still avoid going