The Constitutional Convention of 2022

invitation for you?"

  "No way, dude. I don't want to be anywhere around when that guy begins speaking. He gives me a headache."

  "You don't know what you're missing."

  "Yes I do. Catch you later," says Jim as he heads off towards one of the exits.

  Time: 10:00 AM

  Jim jogs over to the campus police office located in the basement of one of the many administrative buildings. He passes through endless corridors that host the elaborate suites of assistant, vice assistant, special assistant and deputy assistant vice presidents, provosts, deans and directors. In the modern university, the number and salaries of administrators far exceeds those of the faculty.

  For most students, their four to five years in college are an exercise in the accumulation of debt. For most, it is debt that will follow them to retirement. While degrees in mathematics, science and engineering lead to lucrative careers, most are lured into worthless majors by seductive promises of easy grades and little work.

  So, they enroll in droves into psychology, art history, womyn's studies, sociology, fine arts, and general studies, unaware of the of the Faustian bargain they have struck. Their prospective incomes will scarcely pay the unending interest. But four years of beer pong is a lifetime of memories.

  The rising tide of easy student money did not, however, go unnoticed by empire building college administrations. They swiftly siphoned this flood of gullible cash to build ever larger, palatial administrative offices, elaborate hierarchies of assistant and associate administrators, meaningless programs of outreach, sister schools (in resort climates), lavish travel and entertainment budgets, ever ballooning salaries, opulent recreation centers, and luxurious theaters to entertain faculty and administrators alike, at discounted, below market rates.

  After working two or three part time jobs and selling a pint of plasma every two weeks, students seldom find time for these questionable amenities.

  At last Jim locates the administrative directory and scans the list of offices. Each, he knows, is headed by a flunky drone making a small fortune for a no-show job at student expense.

  Office of the Chancellor

  Office of the Provost and Executive Vice Chancellor

  Office of the Vice chancellors

  Office of the Assistant Vice chancellors

  Office of the Vice provosts

  Office of the Assistant Vice provosts

  Office of Academic Affairs

  Office of Academic Counseling (Undergraduate)

  Office of Academic Personnel

  Office of the Academic Senate

  Office of Accounting & Fiscal Services

  Office of Administrative & Business Services

  Office of Administrative Policies & Records

  Office of Admissions & Relations with Schools

  Office of University Advancement

  Office of the Alumni Association

  Office of the Bookstore

  Office of Campus Billing Services

  Office of the Campus Counsel

  Office of Campus Recreation

  Office of the Career Center

  Office of the Career Center – MBA

  Office of the Center for Educational Partnerships

  Office of Child Care Services

  Office of Community College Relations

  Office of Strategic Communications

  Office of Counseling Center (Faculty & Staff)

  Office of Counseling Center (Students)

  Office of the Cross-Cultural Center

  Office of the Dean of Students (Student Life & Leadership)

  Office of Design & Construction Services

  Office of Discrimination and Harassment

  Office of Labor Relations, and Organizational and Employee Development

  Office of Disability Services Center (Students)

  Office of Distribution & Document Management

  Office of the University Editor

  Office of Silly Walks

  Office of the Employee Assistance Program

  Office of Environmental Health & Safety

  Office of Environmental Planning & Sustainability

  Office of Equal Opportunity & Enforcement

  Office of Extension

  Office of Facilities Management

  Office of Financial Aid & Scholarships

  Office of Financial Services

  Office of Food Services

  Office of the FDSU Foundation

  Office of the Graduate Division

  Office of the Graduate Student Resource Center

  Office of Health Education

  Office of Human Resources

  Office of Faculty & Staff Housing

  Office of Information Technology

  Office of Institutional Research

  Office of Internal Audit Services

  Office of Internal Controls

  Office of the International Center

  Office of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Resource Center

  Office of Loan Services

  Office of Material & Risk Management (Purchasing)

  Office of the Mediation Program

  Office of Meditation and Yoga

  Office of the Medical Center

  Office of the Ombudsman

  Office of Organization Charts

  Office of Parking

  Office of FDSU Partnerships

  Office of Planning & Budget

  Office of Public Relations & Publicity

  Office of FDSU Police

  Office of FDSU Fire Department

  Office of Policies & Procedures

  Office of Provost & Executive Vice Chancellor

  Office of the Registrar

  Office of Research

  Office of Research Administration

  Office of Safety Escort Services

  Office of the Center for Service in Action (Volunteer Center)

  Office of Sexual Harassment/Title IX Officer

  Office of Special Event Parking

  Office of Staff Assembly

  Office of the Student Center & Event Services

  Office of the Vice Chancellor Student Affairs

  Office of the Student Center

  Office of Student Health Services

  Office of Student Housing

  Office of Student Life & Leadership (Dean of Students)

  Office of Sustainability

  Office of Organic and Vegan Food Services

  Office of Teaching, Learning & Technology Center

  Office of Technology Alliances

  Office of Transfer Services Counseling Program

  Office of Transportation & Distribution Services

  Office of Division of Undergraduate Education

  Office of the University Club

  Office of International Alumni and Development

  Office of Diversity, Inclusion, Multiculturalism, Speech Code Enforcement, Equity and Quota Management

  Finally finding the building and corridor coordinates for the Campus Police, Administrative Personnel Subsection, he soldiers on.

  After several minutes of walking through administrative maze, he finds and enters the office. There he sees a woman he knows and asks if there are any jobs available for the convention president visit.

  She's an older woman who was always friendly to him from his days in ITS. He used to spend hours fixing her computer and showing her how to use the software which she would promptly forget and he'd have to start all over again. She appreciated it.

  "Yes, Jimmy, there are a few. Mainly putting up security barriers, parking cars, directing pedestrian traffic, that sort of thing. Can you work twelve hours each day?"

  "Terrific! I sure can, Mrs. Wells."

  "Good, here fill out these forms and then come back Thursday for a security pass. You won't be able to move around here next week without one of those. It's gong to be crazy but I'm looking forward to it."

  Ji
m goes to a table and fills out the forms then returns to Mrs. Wells desk and says, "How many people are there going to be at this party?"

  "Oh we're not completely sure but it may be as many at ten thousand if the weather is good."

  "Wow! That's a lot of folding chairs!"

  "No, the seating will just be for the invited guests, only about a thousand of them. The rest will be standing."

  "Will there be concession stands and all?"

  "Oh yes, the university is having a big tailgate party over in the G lot behind Coleman Hall"

  "How does President Munson get to campus?"

  "He'll fly into the airport in Des Moines then he'll fly here in a helicopter. They're going to cordon off the roof of the parking garage on the north side of Bander for a landing zone. Then they can bring him over through the back entrance of Bander."

  "I'll bet that will be a sight!"

  "Yes, indeed it will be!"

  "Ok, see you Thursday," as he hands her the filled-in paperwork.

  Happy at the chance to make some money, he wanders towards a classroom building to sleep through the noon class in thermodynamics where an aging, hippie physics prof rants for fifty minutes about genetically modified foods or anything else that enters his mind, other than thermodynamics.

  Time: Noon

  Today's lecture topic is a surprise! A hackneyed oldie but goodie: Communism didn't fail in Russia, It was just wrongly implemented. This one is a campus staple, it makes the rounds every few years like clockwork. The faculty never came to grips with the loss of the Soviet Union. Jim wonders why no trigger warning? He's heard this one three times this month already. Surely that requires at the least a terminal boredom warning?

  Midway through the rant the lights start flickering. He and the other students' eyes wander apathetically to the failing bulbs above. Not enough wind, so the electric grid is failing, yet again. A common occurrence since the progressives closed the baseline coal, oil, gas, and nuclear power plants. Until the projects to reopen the coal fired stations is done, most of the electricity comes from windmills, solar panels and wood chips which means blackouts on cloudy, windless days.

  After a few minutes, the power totally fails. The inmates of the blackened lecture hall groan and, with the light of small LED flashlights, which they carry for these occasions, they pick up their things and thread their way out