Beautiful Deception

  I spin on my heels and force myself to look at the small room they granted me here at Demi’s childhood home. It’s a crisis center now slash working resort for families with small children. An entire army of volunteers met me at the gate last night. Initially, I told them I was a runaway, but the bitchy girl with wide-brimmed glasses called me on my bullshit, so I told her the truth, told her I was related to Demi and that my life fell to pieces, that I needed a place to collect my thoughts—maybe do some finger-painting in their art therapy class. Hell, I might stay forever and run the place. Lord knows I don’t have any other prospects looming.

  The bed is soft, lofty, and high, and I fall back on it like falling into a puddle of feathers. I pull out my phone, and my eyes snag on the messages Abel’s left me. He wants to talk. There are things he needs to tell me.

  No kidding? I almost want to laugh.

  Married.

  My eyes close at the thought of it. Was that all I was to him? Some extramarital affair? And why the hell was he away from his wife for so long? Obviously, things weren’t right. But she sure claimed him last night. She wants him back, and that’s one party I’m not inviting myself to. It kills me to think Abel cheapened what we had by hiding such a bitter truth from me. If I’m going to be someone’s inamorata, I think I have the right to know. My heart and brain are on fire just thinking about it. Abel and his secrets have consumed us, burned us to cinder. I can’t stand the thought of it, so I do my best to sweep it away. Instead, I deflect with another form of torture, wedding pictures of Arlene and Holder. My husband and his whore. I shake my head as a website dedicated to their wedding pops up on my phone. A website. I almost want to laugh, but it’s done so elegantly it’s a knife in the heart all over again. I’ve seen it before, the presentation of it when it first blipped into existence. I cyberstalked Arlene on Facebook enough to know about all of their happenings. Got the wedding page up today! Be sure to stop by and check it out! All gifts ship directly to the happy couple. Wink emoji.

  God, she’s so annoying.

  But the wedding. The wedding was yesterday. They enjoyed their wedding night while I drove hours through foggy switchbacks. I risked my life to run from Abel. It was worth it. But today, today the happy couple is drunk off one another’s flesh. Or at least they are if they’re doing it right. But then, Holder never could do anything right. Our wedding night was a snooze-fest. I was already three months by then. I was growing a human life in my belly, one that he planted there himself. In the beginning it was beautiful, but it all soured quickly, and by the time I lost the baby, we weren’t even a couple anymore. I was the last to know, of course. Maybe that’s why I sided with Abel’s monster wife. And she was a monster to me. Just because I sided with her emotionally doesn’t mean I like her.

  I click through the pictures of last night’s festivities and recognize familiar faces from Port, from the sororities, from the faculty. Rumor has it, Arlene dropped out. They want to start a family right away—four kids. I hope she gets them all. I hope they’re all colicky and have explosive shit-filled diapers and that the two of them never catch a wink of sleep again. All things I read up on when I was looking forward to my own precious babe. The bile rises in the back of my throat when I think of how easily Holder replaced me. Those stinging words we shared last resonate in my mind on a loop. We’re not the right fit. You’ll find someone else. I want you to be happy.

  The hell he does. But with Abel I was beginning to believe it. I believed Abel truly wanted me, not just for the summer, but forever. It’s a tragic thing, the lies we tell ourselves when we’re desperate enough to believe them.

  I click on the tab that reads Shop Now!

  Keeping it classy, I shake my head as I peruse my options. The Everything Store is listed, and I’m almost amused by this. Along with fine department stores and a few lowbrow yet chic rustic-inspired options, the Everything Store literally has as its name states, everything. Above the icon for the store—a question mark—it reads Can’t find the perfect gift? Feel free to get creative! Holder and I love surprises. Go ahead. Make our day!

  Get creative. I can’t help but smirk as I click on over. I happen to consider myself a damn creative person. I may be a general screw-up in life, but I have always prided myself for my creative edge. Both Gavin and I are artists. My mother painted watercolor and my father carved evergreens. The fruit did not fall far from the tree.

  I head over to a section marked smexy and roll my eyes at the ridiculous word. I click on the adult content guidelines, assuring them I’m over eighteen, and a giddiness riles up in me. Maybe I should send the happy couple a gift? A hot pink dildo for her. An anal plug for the groom—but then, he’s got a built-in. Nope. I can do better. I click through pages for what feels like hours, laughing myself into a tizzy, until I finally settle on a ball gag for her— purple with mouth ties, and a strap-on for him, clear with glitter floating through it like a snow globe. It’s perfect. Just as I’m about to hit purchase, a light knock emits over the door and I startle. Too soft to be Abel. My heart thumps its way to my throat from the quick shot of adrenaline. I head over and crack the door to find the same girl with the thick glasses leaning over a clipboard.

  “How you doing?” Her voice is meek, her expression a little more sympathetic to my cause than she was when I got here, and I exhale with relief. She’s just checking in on me. She probably wants to take my dinner order for the kitchen. Chicken or beef? See, Holder? We’re both at the same point in our lives. Just about.

  “I’m great. I was just about to take a nap, actually. But thanks for checking in.” I’m about to close the door when she jams her foot in the crack.

  “You have a visitor.”

  “Zoey?” Abel’s voice booms from down the hall, his footfalls stomping their way over in haste.

  The girl with the clipboard gasps as she turns his way. “I said wait downstairs!” she barks loud and hostile. “I’ll call the police if you take another step in this direction.”

  “Call them,” he thunders as the door widens and I’m staring at Abel McCarthy still wearing that suit I left him in last night, dustier for the wear. But he still looks hotter than hell in it. His watery blue eyes dig into mine, and all of time seems to stand still. “Zoey.” His voice breaks, and I lose it.

  My arms collapse over his shoulders, and I pull him in with a violent embrace.

  “Do you want me to call the cops or not?” the girl shouts, stumbling back a few feet as Abel spins me wildly.

  “No,” I say, pulling Abel into my bedroom. “Please don’t call anyone.” I entomb us inside my tiny sanctuary with a click, my gaze still pinned on his. “You have something to say to me?” I give a hard sniff, trying my best to ignore the deluge of tears wetting the front of my shirt. Abel looks wrecked. The stubble is back with a vengeance, his hair is unkempt, finger raked at best, his eyes bloodshot as if he hasn’t slept, as if he bawled all night right along with me.

  “I’m married.” He flickers a dry smile. “But only because I was too suborn to grant her the divorce she wanted.” He segues into a long-drawn-out drama that is primetime-worthy filled with jealousy, betrayal, cheating—his wife and his coworker, a baby he was led to believe was his—and my heart twists with that one, a baby that was revealed to belong to someone else. His wife went with the other guy. He tells me how they’re not together anymore, how Elizabeth tried to trap him in her web once again—my analogy, not his. How he deflected her and told her to have a nice life. How he chose me. “That’s when I came to Loveless. The day I found out that Ryan, my sweet baby boy, wasn’t mine at all.”

  My heart shatters for him. I want to riot against the wind, bleed myself dry as I scream into the night all because of the anguish I feel for him.

  Abel takes a bold step forward, all but closing the distance between us. Those tired eyes look as if he has his balls ripped through them.

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Zoey.” His hand caresses my arm, and I don’t stop him. In
stead, I drink down the feel of his skin over mine—something altogether unimaginable just this morning.

  “Wow”—I blink back in disbelief—“I’m sorry I didn’t hear you out last night. I would have saved us both the gas to come here.” I chew the inside of my cheek while studying that smile flickering over his lips like a candle. “How did you know where to find me?” I was careful not to tell a soul. I told Neva and Kennedy I was alive and to give the message to Gavin but no one else. I didn’t have the guts to text my brother back. I didn’t want to hear or see him tell me he was right. The worst part was that for a small window of time Gavin was right. Abel McCarthy broke my heart.

  “Demi had a hunch and I went with it.” He takes my hand to his lips and presses a careful kiss over the back, his glacial blue eyes never leaving mine.

  But Abel is here, repairing the damage that was done by way of that determined gaze, that heartfelt ache pouring straight from his soul to mine.

  “I love you, Zoey.” The words string from his lips simply enough, like a fact, like a feeling that emitted from the depths of his being. “And I regret not saying it sooner. I regret a lot of things, and I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me for them all.”

  A breath hitches in my throat. Abel loves me. A heated rush radiates from my chest, down my limbs, until my fingers and toes tingle with exhilaration.

  “I forgive you,” I whisper, and he closes his eyes as if it were a hard-won victory. “Will you forgive me?”

  He shakes his head. “You did what anyone would have done last night. You took off for safer ground. Believe me, I wanted to join you. In fact, I was right behind you until your brother tackled me to the ground as if a high school football game broke out.”

  “He did, huh?” I pull him in by the back of the neck, my playful demeanor quickly dissipating. “Before we move on, there is something you should know about me. Many things.” I wince. “The day I headed back to Loveless was the day my husband filed for divorce.” I give a little shrug. “I guess we’re the yin to one another’s yang.” And then I segue into my own story. I tell him about my brief, unpalatable marriage to Holder, about our baby—Jamie, the way I held him in my arms, the way they took him from me, no burial, no ashes, nothing at all. I tell him about Arlene, my husband’s whore, and his cheek flinches when I say it. I tell him about their wedding that took place just over twenty-four hours ago.

  “Shit.” Abel lands his forehead softly over mine, tears rolling down his beautiful face just for me. “Zoey.” He leans back and brushes my face clean with his thumbs. “I’m sorry. All of it—it kills me. I can’t put into words the grief I feel for you right now.” His lips twitch as he struggles to hold it together.

  I give a gentle nod, our eyes locking in that magnetic way they’re prone to. You can’t deny electricity like Abel and I share. It was something I never had with Holder. I don’t think we ever could have.

  “I have something that might make the two of us feel a little better.” A naughty grin percolates on my lips as I lead him to the bed. I pull Abel in next to me on the overgrown downy pillow and fall backward as if plunging into the waiting arms of a swimming pool.

  “My God,” he groans as he wraps an arm around my waist. “This is nice.” He warms me with his body. “But being near you again is heaven.”

  “I love you, Abel McCarthy.” Tears come, this time of joy. There. I’ve said it. Issued his heart a warning. “I’m on fire for you. I want nothing more than to spend my days with you.” My chest rises with a hiccup.

  A gentle laugh trembles from him. “You really love me?”

  “Yes, I really love you.” I pull the pillow out from behind me and swat him. “You’re the man I was hoping to find all along. Who knew I would find you in the last place I’d look—home. And that is what you became to me. I meant it when I said it. You’re my home, Abel.”

  “I meant that, too.” He doesn’t hesitate with the words, his gaze bearing hard over mine. “You are my home, Zoey. Anywhere with you feels like the exact place I belong.” His lips brush over mine, his lids still closed as he pulls back. “I’m moving to Loveless indefinitely. Who knows? Maybe I’ll commute to the office with my brother.”

  A laugh gets caught in my throat. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, Abel, but I know that I can’t be very far from you while doing it.” I pull my phone out and settle it between us. “I was just about to make a purchase for the happy couple. I’m curious to see if you’ll try to talk me out of it.” I pull up my virtual shopping cart and watch as his lips twist while he examines my selection, the ball gag, the strap-on.

  “That’s all you got?” He takes the phone from me and does a little scrolling. “How about throwing in something like this?” He holds the screen up, revealing matching his and hers boob slippers with obnoxiously large nipples that span the front of them.

  “I don’t know how I missed those. I’d hate for them to have to pad around their brand new home in socks. Thank you.” I add two pairs to the cart and complete my purchase. “The bride has assured her loyal shoppers that all gifts will be delivered straight to their door. I’m sure they’ll enjoy these soon enough. Their honeymoon is postponed until December. The professor must earn his keep.”

  “I’m sure they’ll appreciate all the thought behind it.” He pulls me in close, chest to chest, a dark laugh rumbling from the two of us. “Zoey, I’m not a fan of the circumstances that threw us together, but I am damn grateful for them.”

  “Same.” My lips float over his face, his prickly scruff, his forehead, those trembling lids of his. “Great news. We’ve got the room for the night. Have any ideas of what we might do with it?”

  His grin expands, his hands traveling down to my thighs as he straps me around his body like a seat belt. “I can think of a few things that will keep us busy.”

  Abel rolls on top of me, full weight, and it feels like bliss to feel his body bearing down over mine. He springs up on his elbows, dotting me with a kiss in the process. He takes a moment to run those lucent eyes over my face, searching, examining me.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” His brows pinch in, proving the point that it is very much something. “I just wanted to remember this moment. The exact juncture in my life that I knew I would never leave you, deceive you, hold you at bay another second. The moment I realized you’re the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

  My mouth falls open with wonder. I run my fingers through his glossy thick hair. “I guess that means there’s a proposal coming somewhere down the line. I, for one, cannot wait to see you on bended knee.”

  A wicked gleam ignites those blue eyes. “Keep an eye out. It might be sooner than you think.” He pulls my ring finger over and kisses it just below the knuckle. “Now that you’ve had a preview of the question—how about a preview of that answer?”

  A laugh bubbles from me that floats right up to the ceiling. “Now this is one pop quiz I know I’ll pass.” I curl my finger under his chin, and he settles those powerful lenses he sees the world through on me. “One word. Yes. Every day of the week it will be the same. Yes, yes, and yes. I don’t need a fancy ring, and I don’t need to see you dropping to the ground. Take my answer now and accept it. I want to be your forever, Abel.”

  “You already are.” His lips crash over mine, heated and wanting as Abel and I start in on a delicious kiss that blesses our future before we ever set foot back in Loveless together. Abel wants to make me his wife, his life, and I am more than happy to oblige. There isn’t one day I want to spend apart from him on this planet. I need this man in my arms, in my bed, night after delicious night.

  I tuck my lips to his ears as my body wedges in close to his. “So does this make us official?”

  “This makes us very official.” He takes a gentle bite from my neck. “In fact, I think it’s time we properly introduce ourselves to Loveless’ not-so high society.”

  “Oh yeah?” I pull back to get a
better look at this gorgeous man. “How do you propose we do that?”

  “We throw a party and invite all our friends. I’m buying the food and booze. You think they’ll show up?”

  “Are you kidding? You’ll have them at free food. And free booze? They may never leave.”

  Abel and I leash our mouths together. Our limbs fasten over one another’s bodies as if we were readying to rocket to the moon, and we do just that.

  Abel makes love to me as if he just came back from combat, as if it were our last night on earth, our first night together, all of the above rolled into one.

  I thought life ended the night my parents died. I thought my soul left my body the night my son was ripped from my womb. I thought I ceased to exist when I thought that Abel had used me in the most horrendous sense. But tonight, with each of his careful kisses, I see that my life didn’t end when my mother and father died. I was left to live and love. My soul didn’t vacate the premises when they took my sweet son from me. My existence does not center on any man or his truths. I am enough in and of myself, and I am worthy to be loved. I am so very blessed to be loved by Abel McCarthy. I am the luckiest girl in the world. Abel makes me feel that way. And I believe it. He makes even the impossible possible.

  Abel

  When I arrived in Loveless all those months ago, I thought I’d pen a book, words to paper, thoughts that migrated from my mind and onto a hard drive. But the words never came. Instead, life penned a love story with my own body, Loveless itself the medium. Zoey is the best love interest I could have hoped for. I couldn’t have penned a better tale. The best part? This story has one hell of a happy ending.