Transgender J

  “I can’t understand it!” He sighed. “Everything checks out. All her vitals, everything! Why won’t she just wake up?

  “I have been thinking….” Umar said.

  “What?” Mahmoud asked exasperatedly. “What? She’s different? I know.”

  Umar looked up at him from his seat farther behind the bed and sighed.

  “Okay. Let’s talk about that before we get to it shall we?” He said snarkily. Then he sighed. “This isn’t us Mahmoud. We don’t argue like this. Why her? Why not Farida? She’s been after you since we were in college. SHE fits! This girl doesn’t!”

  Mahmoud couldn’t argue with that logic so he decided to remain quiet and see where it would go.

  “I am not trying to be a bigot, believe me, I’m not. Just…” he raised his hand in a wondering gesture. “Why her?” he finished.

  “I don’t know.” Mahmoud finally answered. “I surely did not expect this. I…logically Fari makes sense. She’s a great person. Pleasant, lovable, great to be around…yes! She makes sense! But…” he shook his head helplessly.

  “You know what?” Umar said, “I think you’re letting yourself get carried away with the emotion of this whole situation.”

  “So…I think I’m in love with Sarah Jane because we are caught up in Jay’s issues?” Mahmoud questioned carefully.

  Umar shrugged his response. Mahmoud barked out a sharp laugh and turned to continue watching Sarah Jane.

  “I just don’t want us to argue about this. Can you think about it? Will you?” Umar pleaded.

  “Fine. I will. When I get over feeling a bit insulted.” Mahmoud acquiesced.

  They both turned to watch Sarah Jane as she lay on the bed, breathing evenly but otherwise unmoving.

  “What happened? We are missing something apparently.” Umar said after some time had passed.

  “We’ve checked everything.” Mahmoud said woodenly.

  “Well, apparently not.” Umar interjected. Mahmoud started to make a sharp retort but shut up.

  “There has to be something we are missing.” Umar continued.

  “Sometimes the mind…it’s a strange thing the mind.” Mahmoud said.

  “Hm! I read those books too.” Umar got up to walk closer to the bed where Sarah Jane lay. “Did something odd happen that day? Something that would not be so, so obvious?”

  “What do you mean?” Mahmoud asked. “You were the one with her. Should be you asking yourself that question.”

  Umar turned to look at his friend who he held closer than a brother. “I AM talking to myself.” He said and turned back to watch Sarah Jane. He took a hold of her limp hand and turned it this way and that. He mumbled something to himself that Mahmoud did not quite hear. Then he took the other hand and did the same thing.

  “Umar?” Mahmoud called out questioningly. Umar went right on studying other parts of her body and mumbling.

  “What is it Umar? You know I can’t stand it when you do this!”Mahmoud exclaimed in exasperation.

  Umar turned to look at him, a look of confused horror dawning on his face.

  “She was bleeding when we came back!” He exclaimed. “She had a cut! We thought that perhaps some projectile had grazed her or some such thing.”

  Mahmoud sprang from his seat and turned her arm over, looking for the cut that he himself had cleaned and dressed that day. It had been a nasty gash. He remembered being upset by it. It had seemed like a little cut until he had tried to clean it and realized that it had run really deep. He had been amazed that Sarah Jane had not felt the pain on the ride over to the hospital but Umar had said she had been so focused on Jay making it to the hospital alive that it might have dulled the pain for a period.

  Not seeing any wound on that arm, he made to pick up the other arm to check it out when Umar’s voice stopped him.

  “There’s no wound there too.” He said.

  Mahmoud went ahead and checked that arm too. Indeed there was no wound.

  “How can that be?” He asked, just as confused as Umar seemed. He checked her pulse rate, felt for her temperature, put his head to her chest to hear her breathing.

  “I never saw what might have injured her.” Umar contemplated. “What if..?” he turned to look at Mahmoud a look of contemplative wonder slipping over his face. He touched Sarah Jane, feeling her up as he went.

  “Umar?” Mahmoud questioned as he watched his friend’s hand feel up Sarah Jane.

  Umar abruptly dropped his hand. “Get Jay here.” He said in an awful tight voice. “We need to do some blood work.”

  “What is it Umar?” Mahmoud asked worriedly. “What is it?”

  “It’s been nagging at me but I wasn’t sure what it was. I’m still not sure what it is.” Umar started. Suddenly, he grabbed Mahmoud’s hands and ran it carefully along Sarah Jane’s arm. “What is your impression?” he asked Mahmoud?

  “Impression?” Mahmoud asked at a loss to his friend’s line of questioning.

  “What do you think about her skin?” Umar urged.

  “Smooth? Soft. A bit warm maybe?” Mahmoud said as Umar continued to carefully and slowly run his hand up and down Sarah Jane’s arm. “What should I be seeing? Feeling?” Mahmoud asked in confusion, his heart hammering away as he saw the intense look on his friend’s face.

  “Mahmoud…this….” He abruptly dropped Mahmoud’s hand and exhaled noisily. “Let’s do that blood work. Get Jay back in stat. I think something bad must have happened to Sarah-J that day. A lot worse that a cut. Perhaps it became an infected cut? But I need those samples and I need them now!” He said as he hustled Mahmoud out into the corridor.

  “What Umar? What are your suspicions?” Mahmoud grabbed his friend’s arm and jerked him to a stop. “TELL ME!” he yelled.

  “I think she’s dying…or maybe dead.” Umar intoned looking at the floor not wanting to see the effect of his suspicions on his friend.

  Mahmoud burst out laughing. He laughed hysterically for a few minutes while Umar watched him carefully, wavering between alarm and relief. Finally, he stopped laughing so hard and he could speak.

  “Come on Umar! I know you would rather Fari but…this is just too much!” he shouted, anger colouring his voice.

  “You think I would wish her dead just so you could wed Fari?” Umar asked in amazement. “Guy, did you feel anything at all when you felt up her skin?” Umar questioned in amazement.

  Mahmoud felt the anger that had been surging in him spluttering to a stop. “What are you saying? We just left her breathing, alive!”

  “I know you haven’t worked with bodies as extensively as I have but there’s something off about that…Sarah-J’s …there’s something off. And there’s no sign of that wound. None at all! A wound that deep! Think Mahmoud! Think!”

  Mahmoud looked steadily at his friend, his mind churning with fully formed thoughts and half sketched ones. Suddenly, his mind emptied of all other thoughts and only one, a black smoke of impressions and half-formed thoughts remained. He felt the horror he had seen earlier on Umar’s face dawning on him.

  “Oh my God!” he whispered.

  “Get Jay!” Umar instructed as he headed towards the back of the building where the labs were.

  CHAPTER 15

  She could sense their fear and worry like it was a living, breathing presence. She really would that they took it away with them. Anywhere but around here!

  Finally, they did leave. She knew those people. She was sure of that. What she wasn’t sure of was how she got to be here and where ‘here’ was. She tried opening her eyes again and the brightness of the light had here snapping it close once more. This was the fifth time she had tired in the last hour.

  Umar. Mahmoud. She smiled fondly as memories floated lazily into her mind. Jay. He made it then. It seemed like ages ago since those events occurred but that couldn’t be right. They had been discussing it like it had been fairly recent. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she see beyond the bright light? Was she dead? Stuck in
a limbo of some sort? What? She tried flexing her hand and discovered that she could so she tried with various body parts. Toes next, elbows, knees, holding her breathe and releasing it, tucking in her stomach and releasing it. That’s right! A doctor! That’s what she was. She was a doctor. All seemed well but yet, she felt uneasy.

  There was a surge in her ear, like some electrical charge pumped suddenly through her system. Then the caterwauling began. There were so many sounds in her head. It seemed like some ear plug was suddenly removed from her ears in a market place and all the sounds came at her at once.

  She slapped her hand to her ears and in the process, pulled off the intravenous syringe that she had been hooked to. The noise seemed to go on unabated. She squirmed and turned on the bed looking for escape from the agony in her head but there was no escape. She jumped from the bed and rushed to the connecting bathroom, slamming the door shut. It sounded like a thunderbolt. She leaned against the closed door, the sounds in her head muting only a little.

  Her breathes came in huge gasps. She felt like she was choking. Like she couldn’t take in enough air on a normal breathe. She looked down on her chest as it expanded and contracted abnormally. It looked and felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest.

  Only when Sarah Jane slapped at her tears and did she realize that she was crying and then she began to sob in earnest.

  She did not understand what was happening to her but the unease trotting up and down her spine told her that whatever was going on with her was bad. Really bad! She wasn’t sure how long she sat in the corner of the bathroom alternately crying and staring blankly into space, trying to make sense of the unreasonable when she heard the door to the main room open and then shut.

  ‘Have they moved her?’ she heard the nurse on duty mumble to herself as she exited the room.

  Instinct took over. She had to get out of here! She would not, could not become a lab rat. She needed to understand what was happening to her. Make sense of what was happening to her. Until then, she would lie low. She opened the door and stepped into the room. She walked swiftly to the outer door and opened it. She peeped out into the corridor and looked up and down it. It was empty. Good! She snuck out of the room and walked down the hallway into the laundry room. As she changed into some clothes she found that might fit, she tried to rationalize that it was an emergency and that she would return the clothes once she could. She walked back out into the hallway and made for the nearest side exit.

  As the door shut behind her, she heard the blast of sounds of rushing feet and heightened emotions and the voices…oh the voices. It was a cacophony. She stumbled to the gates just as an ambulance screamed into the premises. In the resulting chaos, she was able to walk on to the street without much notice. She breathed easier for having escaped from the hospital but her heart still raced with apprehension. Something bad was happening to her. She could feel the urgency of it pumping through her veins.

  As she turned the corner of the hospital fence, she bumped into someone on the sidewalk. The young, well built man fell down flat on his rear like he had been violently pushed.

  “Ah! Sister wetin I do you nah?” the young man exclaimed.

  Sarah Jane starred at him in consternation and mumbled an apology of sorts as she side-stepped him and practically ran off as the sound of his voice ranting followed her. When she got to a bus stop, she stopped running and bent over double, her head buzzing. What had just happened? Then she realized that she wasn’t even winded by her almost 200 meters dash to the bus stop. She stood up abruptly and looked around her. She needed help. She was convinced of that, but who to turn to? She had never imagined that such a thing would happen to her. What was it that was happening to her? She saw a taxi cab making its way down the street towards the bus stop and flagged it down. Where to go to? Who to go to?

  The taxi came to a stop beside her. “Aunty, where?” the cab driver called. Sarah Jane made a snap decision. “Area C Police headquarters.” She responded.

  “Ah! That na two thousand naira o!” he responded.

  “I will pay one thousand five.” Sarah Jane bantered.

  “Join small monie for me Aunty. This is hold-up period.”

  “Okay. One six.” She said “And that’s my last o!” she said and stepped away from the cab.

  “Oya enter!” the cab driver said as he released the locks on the car.

  Sarah Jane got in on a sigh of relief. She hoped that her gamble was going to pay off. She couldn’t think of anyone else to turn to. No one else.

  CHAPTER 16

  Jay watched the images of news broadcast fly past on the television screen. He was oblivious to the worried looks that Angela kept sending his way as the news caster delved into the details of the story with what seemed like unholy glee.

  It was official. His life was the latest ratings-busting reality show. It should have been funny but he wasn’t laughing. Wasn’t it ironic that just when it seemed he was getting his life back on track, the sordid details of his life as some group’s favourite ‘toy’ would begin making the headlines on all the news channels? They even reported on the airport blast. It was fortunate that they apparently had no concrete evidence if not he had no doubt in his mind the police would be beating down the door to arrest him at this point.

  He couldn’t blame them. It all sounded fantastic, even to his ears and he had lived it! This was his life they were drawling on about. The television snapped off and Jay looked up wondering if there had been a power failure. No, all the other electrical appliances were humming in the background.

  “You shouldn’t watch it. You’ve come a long way from that person.” Angela said remote in hand, still pointing at the television.

  Jay starred at that remote wondering if he should just snatch it from her hand and continue with the self immolation he had been indulging in.

  “It wasn’t even you. Not the real you. There was so much stuff in you how could you know what was you and what wasn’t?” she continued, her voice seemingly pleading for understanding.

  Jay sighed. He was dragging this precious girl into his sordidness. Funny how when he had been fighting to live post surgery, he hadn’t felt sordid. No, it had to wait till now, till the trial of Doctor Greene and his cohorts, for the sordidness of it all to overwhelm him.

  “It was me.” Jay responded in a whisper like he was scared what admitting it out loud would do. Wipe away almost two years of trying? He shuddered. He never wanted any of it. He never asked for it. If only he could remember where or when it had all began but he couldn’t. What had he not tried? Even hypnotism but that too hadn’t worked!

  “It may have looked like you, sounded and walked like you but THAT wasn’t you Jay! I know you! You wouldn’t have hurt a fly if you knew which way was up and you didn’t Jay! You didn’t.” she railed.

  Jay slouched into himself. Her words coming at him like so much stinging wasps. Perhaps he should just let go. What was the use? What use was he in a world full of normal people, competent people, unaltered people?

  The sofa dipped as she came to seat by him. He felt her arms go around him, slim, firm, strong, just right and drew a deep breath. In spite of himself, he felt his body react to her closeness. He was in love with this girl. It was more than he could ever have imagined happening to him but here he was, in love and more worried about how involved with his mess she was letting herself become than with what would actually become his fate now that the story was out.

  He shrugged himself loose from her grip and she scooted closer to embrace him again.

  “No Angie.” She ignored him and made to put her arms back around him. “Angie stop.” he directed.

  “Why?” she challenged. “Am I not allowed to comfort you?”She asked. “Must you stand alone? Must you go it alone?”

  “Angie.” He groaned. “Angie…I don’t even know where I’m going.” He shifted further away from her.

  “Now. You don’t know it now but you’ll figure it out.” She smil
ed. “You are frighteningly brilliant.” She continued. “Once you’ve had time to think through it, I have no doubts you’ll make it all work.” Somehow she had scooted close enough to put her head on his shoulder.

  His shoulder. Jay smiled. That was something else. It seemed he was going through a delayed puberty and his shoulders were broadening at an alarming rate. He had had to replace some of his shirts when they had stopped fitting.

  “See!” she teased. “It will be alright once you think on it!” Angie said, completely mistaking the reason for his smile. Jay patted her hand that she had placed on his lap and stood up. He held out his hand to help her to her feet. She put her hand in his and stood facing him.

  “Thanks Angie.” He smiled at her. “Your faith in me leaves me humbled. I will try to live up to it.” He patted her hand once again and turned saying over his shoulder.

  “I’m off to the Centre. I would like to speak to Mahmoud and Umar.”

  “Yes. How about the whole Dr. Sarah Jane thing? Has anything new come up?” Angela asked as she walked him to the door.

  “I’ll find out when I get there.”Jay said. “I just hope that wherever she is, she’s okay somewhat.”

  “Hmm! Poor woman. Can’t imagine what she must be thinking. I pray whatever it is isn’t as bad as…” she trailed off.

  “I hope so too.” Jay said in earnest. “I really hope so.”

  He shut the door behind him as he made his way into the streets.

  Angela turned from the front door to see both her parents sitting on a step in the stair well. She stared at them in surprise for a moment.

  “Oh.” She said as she walked towards the sofa adopting a nonchalant gait. “I did not see you there.” When there was no response, she turned to look again at them. Her father had an eyebrow cocked up in question.

  Angie made a nonplussed face at him and he shook his head in bemusement.

  “I am almost afraid to ask you what that was about.” He commented.

  Mrs. Acha grunted and clapped her hand together in a sign of consternation.

  “Angela? Are you..? Hey! Are you ‘liking’ Jay or was I confusing things just now?”

  Angela sat up on the sofa. “Mummy I don’t understand what you are hinting at? I’ve always liked Jay. We’ve always gotten along well enough.” She said belligerently.