Catalyst

  He leaned in and kissed me. He didn’t wait for me to answer him. He doesn’t seem like to type to want me to say it just because he did. He’d want me to say it when it was true for me. When he was certain about something, he just did it and dealt with the consequences.

  He didn’t know that I was in love him too.

  I kissed him back eagerly. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling his hands slide down from my face all the way to my hips. He was doing amazing things with his tongue as I broke off, before I got too breathless and couldn’t speak to say what I had to say without another second going by.

  I ran my hand over his head, scratching with my nails as I did it, over and over again to gather my courage. He groaned.

  “You already got me, L. No persuading required.”

  “It’s hilarious that you like that so much.” He just smiled and closed his eyes as I continued to scratch and rub his scalp. Now or never. “I love you too, Cain,” I whispered.

  He opened his eyes as they snapped to mine, sea green and honest. He watched me closely for a few seconds.

  “I didn’t say it just so you would-”

  “I know that, but I knew already. I was just too chicken to say it first.”

  He smiled slow and smug, looking thoroughly pleased and very much Cain.

  “Really?” he said, his voice a happy growl.

  “Yes…really.”

  He yanked me to him and pressed his face into my neck.

  "You're rattling my bones right now, L."

  "I have no idea what that means, but it sounds good enough," I said through my giddy laugh.

  "It means," he said suddenly serious and once more took my face in his hands, "that I am so incredibly happy with you. I don't think you realize what that means."

  "I can guess," I answered back softly. "I love you," I said it again to make sure he got it.

  "I'm gonna leave with that," he replied quickly and then pulled me to him, almost roughly. He held me close and still for at least a minute before looking up again. "I'll say it to you when I get back," he said, his voice grating and rough.

  I nodded in understanding. This was not a goodbye.

  He pulled me along with to him to the stairs. A devastated crowd was gathered there. This was it.

  "My group is the first one to leave," Cain told me. I looked around and saw them already making their way up the stairs. "Don't worry. I'll make sure to keep them all in line," he joked.

  "I'm sure you will, Sergeant."

  "Don't you wrinkle that pretty nose with worry," he whispered into my hair. He'd said that to me once before and it almost broke my no-crying resolve.

  "Ok," I said and cleared my throat before smiling at him. His ocean eyes never left mine. We heard Jeff saying it was time to go behind us and it was painful as his words lanced through my chest. Three days. I could make it for three days. This wasn't just stupid girly things though, this was worry. They would be out there for three days in danger. I was terrified for them.

  I looked away to see them all saying their own goodbyes. Jeff was hugging Sherry, and Lily was practically forming a hug assembly line.

  "Hey," Cain turned my face up to his. "I see a wrinkle," he said and tapped my nose.

  "Nope." I gulped. "No wrinkle. I'm fine. Be careful, ok?"

  "I will, promise."

  He used his gentle fingers on my chin to lift me and bring me to him. I found myself winding my arms around him furiously, my hands bumping onto the bag on his back. He let it slide to the floor and engulfed me in his arms. With my feet off the floor I could do nothing but hold on and pray time would stand still. But it didn't and all too soon he was putting my feet back to the floor.

  "Bye, my lovely," he whispered and then leaned down to retrieve his bag.

  "Bye, sweetie pie," I whispered back.

  He turned to go, letting our fingers hang on until the last second before they let go. I held my breath. I had to until he was out of sight. This just didn't make any sense. I was so crazy about this guy. I'd never been like this before. I had loved Michael, of course, but it wasn't like this. This was more than love, this was a need.

  He followed Jeff and Marissa up the stairs and turned back once to smile and wink at me before disappearing. My breath still held, refusing to let me relax. I waited and the seconds ticked by. The pressure in my chest was so unbearable so I took a breath.

  All it did was allow the tears to come. I wiped them away, thinking how stupid I was as I turned to go back to my room, when I felt a hard strong hand on mine.

  I jerked around quickly to see him there. He pulled me to him and whispered in my ear, "I love you too, L." I did one of those annoying half laugh/half cry things. He kissed me quickly and forcefully, reminding me that he could be sweet and cute, but at the heart, he was rough and rugged and all male. It was one of those fascinating things I loved about him.

  He turned to go, smirking smugly at my inability to form words, and quickly ran to catch up with the rest of them. I touched my lip. I could still feel the imprint of his lip ring, or maybe it was all in my head. Either way, I found myself smiling and then caught myself.

  No. No smiling until he walked back through that door.

  Wooden Pony

  Chapter 12 - Sherry

  "Lily," Miguel said sweetly and lifted her, "I've got to run fast, but I wanted to give you this first." He handed her a little wooden carved pony that fit in her hand. She squealed and lifted it to her face to nuzzle it. "I made that for you."

  "You did?" she whispered, enraptured in her awe of him.

  "I sure did, little sheila," he told her and kissed her forehead before handing her off to Merrick. "You make sure to think of a good name for her while I'm gone, ok?"

  "She'll miss you," Lily told him.

  "Well, I'll miss you," he said and tweaked her nose before winking at me and turning to go.

  "Be careful, Miguel," I told him and wrenched my necklace charm back and forth. "Come back, ok?"

  "Will do," he confirmed and nodded.

  "You're weaving too, Daddy?" Lily asked Merrick, but her eyes never left her wooden prize.

  "Yeah, baby, I am," Merrick sighed his words and hugged her to him.

  "I'll miss you. Can you bring back another watermelon?"

  "I'll try real hard," he told her with a smile for her naiveté.

  He let her down and she trotted her pony in the air towards the commons room. Then he turned to me.

  I was never one to hide my feelings and though I knew it probably didn't make him feel any better about leaving, I couldn't stop the tears that decided to fall right then.

  "I know," I groaned, "I know. I'm being silly."

  I pulled him down and looked at his mark once more to make sure my cover-up job was still good. When I straightened again he looked pained, his lips twisted in a half frown.

  "I'm sorry," he said roughly.

  "It's ok. It can't be helped." I reached up and let him pull me to him. I wished I had the Keeper's mind talk at that moment so Merrick didn't have to hear the tears in my voice as I pleaded with him with everything in my soul. "Please, please be careful."

  "Of course."

  "Make sure you come back."

  He pulled me back to look at him. His hand cupped my cheek in his way that was as loving as it was possessive.

  "Always," he said firmly.

  The tingles that had started months before at his very first touch were ever present. They traveled along with his touch across my cheek and down my neck. My everything was walking out the door. I sighed and breathed through it.

  He lifted me once more and kissed me. His arms snaked around my waist as he squeezed and held me there. His stubble rubbed my cheek and it reminded me of things from last night; feverish hands, traveling lips, melding and hanging onto every second we had together. He'd been ferocious and I had been in a fevered scuttle. It was a magical combination for us and I couldn't stop the smile as I thought about the marks on my neck and
other places. He'd never been very good at not making marks on me. It was funny, really.

  But I liked it. It was strange. I liked having his marks on me, claiming me, possessing me. I was his.

  "You've got to go," I whispered when he gave me a second to breathe.

  "Yeah," he sighed against my forehead. "I love you. I'll be back before you know it."

  "I love you," I croaked.

  "Please don't cry after I'm gone. You know what it does to me."

  "But you won't be here to see it," I joked and even tried to smile for him.

  "But I'll know," he said ominously. "Remember everything Lily does while I'm gone. I'll want a full report when I get back."

  I laughed and sniffed as I told him, "Oh, don't worry about that. I'm sure she will chat your ear off when you get back."

  His loving fingers caressed my cheek and then reached down to run in the ends of my hair. When he leaned his forehead to mine he said, "I love you, baby, so much."

  "I love you more."

  "Not possible," he promised and kissed my forehead as he left with a sad smile. He waved to Lily and then with one last look at me he was gone with one just last word in my mind.

  Always…

  I smiled through my tears and then hugged Danny as he finally made his way out of their room.

  "Be careful, brat."

  "I will. I've gotta go or Merrick will leave me on purpose," he said quickly.

  "Watch out for each other, Danny. Love ya."

  "Love ya, shorty."

  "We'll be fine, Sherry," Celeste assured me as I hugged her to me. "I'll make sure they both behave."

  "I have no doubt," I said and laughed as she swatted his butt.

  "Let's get moving, hottie," she said as she pushed him forward.

  "Ok, ok," he laughed and called over his shoulder to me, "Bye, little sister. Don't worry so much."

  "Like that's possible," I rebutted and then they too were gone.

  "Bye, Sherry," Josh said from behind me and I turned into one of his all encompassing hugs. His Keeper, Racine, had a wicked case of the flu, and that was the only reason he was going without her right now. She was fevered, almost to the point of worry. "We'll all be together so what could go wrong?" he said trying to cheer me up, but I just felt worse. So not only could I lose one, but I could lose all of them. I smiled at him regardless though. "Make sure Ryan works on his lady skills while I'm gone," he said in jest and lifted an insinuating eyebrow.

  I laughed as I said, "Oh sure. I'll get right on it."

  He waved to everyone as they all wished him well in yells and goodbyes. He was the last one to leave…

  I gulped at the utter empty feeling of the bunker.

  I saw Lillian watching the stairs in a stupor. I slowly went her way and just before I reached her she jerked her attention to me.

  "Hey," she said and cleared her throat. "They're all gone, huh?"

  "Yep," I answered. "You ok?"

  She nodded and gave me a contesting look.

  "Are you?"

  "Not really, but I don't have much choice."

  "He said he loved me," she whispered and covered her lips with her fingers like she was remembering something. She smiled a little, but stopped herself.

  "That's great, Lillian." I paused, but she stayed silent. "Do you love him?"

  "Mmhhmm," she answered with a nod.

  "Then what's the matter?" I asked softly.

  "I just can't lose him. I always lose."

  "You won't," I assured her and put my arm through hers. "Come on. Let's get Lily and make some cookies or something. Then I should probably take some soup to Racine."

  "Ok," she agreed with a vigorous nod, eager to have something take her mind off things.

  "We don't have much in the way of cookie stuff, but we have flour and sugar."

  "Sugar cookies are my favorite."

  We passed Ryan and Ellie who were playing cards on the floor behind the couch. She was trying to teach him to play to Spades. They were laughing and he was animated. I even saw him smirk once as he pulled the end of her hair playfully. It was curious behavior. He had no notion to go on the run with them at all and was perfectly happy to stay here with his two charges.

  Katie and Sky were in the rocker as we went by. Katie was fighting a yawn and Sky was about to wail away, I could tell.

  "Here," I told her with a smile, "let me take her for a while."

  "Thank you, Sherry," she said as she handed her off gently.

  "It's ok. Go do whatever you need to do." I looked down at Sky who was fascinated by the taste of my hair. "We'll be fine."

  Lillian followed me to the kitchen and we both laughed when Sky burped loudly.

  "There's no way to cover that one up as lady-like," I laughed. Lillian continued to watch Sky even as she dumped ingredients in a bowl. "You want to hold her?"

  "Nah," she said and shook her head. "I just love babies. Michael didn’t want any."

  "What?" I asked completely shocked by that. "Why not?"

  "He said he wanted to wait, that he wasn't ready; that he might not ever be ready." She smiled sadly. "I was devastated by that, but now, I think it was probably a blessing." She came closer and rubbed Sky's cheek before the baby promptly gnawed on her finger. We laughed, but Lillian still said, "Can you imagine having to keep this little one safe? The worry would eat me alive."

  I thought about that. It was true but I still felt that little ache for it, the little itch that never quite went away. Being told you couldn't have something made you want it more. I didn't think the want would ever go away, however irrational it was.

  Lily marched in, making her horse gallop and neigh, before she looked at me. She pursed her lips and scrunched her nose in disapproval.

  "What you doin' with that baby?"

  I tried to stifle my laugh as I said, "I'm holding Sky for Katie. Do you want to see her?"

  "No, thank you," she said haughtily and marched right back out of the kitchen.

  We couldn't help it as Lillian and I laughed in fits that we desperately needed.

  Roof Under Foot

  Chapter 13 - Merrick

  "Sherry packed up way too much food," Danny was saying but I was barely listening. "Dude," he said and waited for me to look at him in the mirror. He and Celeste were smushed together with Josh, who was clearly not happy with the seating arrangement, in the back. Miguel sat next to me up front. "The sullen look is not working for ya."

  "Bite me," I muttered and went back to sulking and driving. Our group was to take the west side of the outskirts of town. We'd spend as much daylight as possible looking through abandoned houses and buildings. Look for any signs that someone may be there, even if they didn't want to be found.

  "I know I have no room to talk, because my girl is with me," he continued and I gave him a look to agree with that, "but still. You know she's safe there, nothing will happen to her. I feel better about her being there. I wish someone else had stayed behind as well."

  "Me too," Kay sulked from the trunk space. She was the smallest person to fit back there and she swatted her red hair away from her face as it blew everywhere from a tiny hole in the soft top.

  Danny gave Celeste a poignant look and she stuck her tongue out at him before saying, "You can use me on this run and you know it. I can find people, and though I'm not sure if I can find people I don't know yet, I think this is a perfect opportunity to test that."

  Miguel leaned over in the seat and whispered loudly, "Are they going to be like this the whole time?"

  "No doubt," I answered.

  "Bugger," he groaned and leaned back into his seat. I heard him mutter, "I'd rather be fed to a Marker."

  I held in my chuckle. We were minutes away from the first place on the map to search. We'd test Celeste's gift theory soon.

  As we turned into the first building I pulled all the way into the back. The Jeep's brakes squeaked loudly echoing off the walls. I cringed, but it didn’t matter. We wanted them to
know we were here so hopefully they didn't jump the gun, literally.

  "Alright, let me do the talking, please," I told them and gave Celeste a look to make sure she understood.

  "Of course! Why do I get the look and no one else?" she said and scrunched her nose.

  "Babe," Danny said sarcastically and lifted his eyebrow with meaning. "Come on."

  "Ok, fine. Whatever," she said and pushed Miguel's seat back. "Let's go, Bush Man."

  "Watch it, sheila," Miguel growled and opened the door. "You're stuck with me for three days so let's not start off on the wrong foot."

  "Miguel, in those shoes, you're always on the wrong foot," she said and laughed, leaning on Danny like it was hilarious. I sighed and waved Miguel off who was inhaling for a rebuttal.

  "Alright guys. Leave all the stuff here and let's go," I told them. I knew right then that this whole operation was probably going to be more of a pain than it was worth. I was away from my girls and if something good didn't come of this run, I was going to be one unhappy Keeper.

  "So, should I try now?" Celeste said and I was pleased that she sounded serious now.

  "Please."

  She kneeled on the ground, just like that day in front of the Mayor's Manor. Her eyes took on that greenish freaky look. Her mouth opened slightly and though her breaths were steady, she looked a little peaked, like she was exerting herself.

  "I'm sorry," she finally said and her eyes went back to their color. "I guess I have to focus on someone specific. I'm getting nothing."

  "It's alright," I told her at the same time that Danny said, "It's ok, babe."

  "I don't see anything either," Josh supplied and shook his head to clear his vision. "All I see is wall after wall. That doesn't mean that someone isn't in there though. It's just too much to see through."

  "Well, we go in like the good old days. Blind," Miguel said and checked his knife in his boot and his stake in his waistband before straightening and leading the way. "Let's get this show on the road."