Give Me Love

  I swore quietly when I saw Frog and Cooper both passed out in Mac’s bed. I tiptoed into her wardrobe, climbing the little step ladder until I reached the locked steel box up the back of the top shelf. I pulled it down and cringed when a loud clink invaded the silence.

  “Mac?” Cooper's voice was a sleep filled whisper.

  Shit.

  I moved back down the ladder and quickly put the box on the floor, opening the wardrobe door.

  “Sorry, Cooper.” I shrugged. “It’s just me.”

  Cooper exhaled loudly and he shifted up on one elbow, rubbing sleepily at his mess of dark hair. “Any news?”

  My heart was pounding in frustration. Damn you, Cooper. Now is not the time for a freaking conversation.

  I shook my head.

  “What are you doing up so early and in there anyway?”

  “I uh….wanted one of Mac’s shirts. You know, to make me feel closer to her. Go back to sleep, Cooper.”

  He nodded and flopped back down on the bed, rubbing his hand over his tired eyes before closing them.

  I watched him carefully for a minute before I moved back into the wardrobe. Time was precious now.

  I used the key to unlock the box, cursing when my unsteady hands took twice as long. Grabbing Polly, I quickly set about loading her and tucked her into the back of my jeans. Polly was Mac’s gun. I’d jokingly called it Polly Pistol one day and the name stuck. Every time we visited the shooting range, Mac always threatened to send Polly to the bottom of the ocean because she was a terrible shot and always ended up owing everyone lunch.

  Peeking my head out of the wardrobe, I saw Cooper was breathing deeply with his eyes closed, so I tiptoed back out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen, picking up my keys with a fist so they didn’t jingle.

  Letting myself out into the cool, quiet dawn, I felt the air brush my face and looked up into a cloudless sky, wondering if Jimmy would finally have his way today, and I would never see another morning again. I'd gladly let him if I knew it meant that Mac would be safe, that she would live.

  Once in my Hilux, I put the keys in the ignition and let it roll quietly out of the driveway, not starting it until I hit the street. As I shifted into first gear, I planted my foot on the gas, not being able to stop now even if I wanted to. Thankfully, my emotions seemed to have taken a vacation as adrenaline took over.

  I accelerated quickly through the quiet streets, and the phone I’d placed on the passenger seat started to ring again. I risked a glance as I drove, fearing Jimmy was calling again and jolted at Jared’s name on the display. Christ. There was nothing I needed more than to hear the rumble of his voice wash soothingly across my skin. I ignored the call, instead turning up the volume of the CD in the car. The loud techno beat screamed enough distraction, providing some measure of relief from the thoughts running through my mind. The phone rang again and once again, I ignored it. It eventually beeped a voicemail, and when I reached a set of red lights, I turned down the music and put the message on speaker. When the panic and the pain in Jared’s voice came through the speaker, I wanted to close my eyes as it washed over me.

  “Baby, fuck. I’ve got frantic messages from Henry and Coby. What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Frank has your location on GPS, so wherever you think you’re going, Travis and I are right behind you. Just turn around and go home. Turn the fucking car around damn you and go home. We need to know you’re safe. Ring me, baby, please? Don’t do this. Please don’t... I...fuck.”

  The crack in his voice on his last words had me resting my head on the steering wheel, and when I eventually looked up, the light had turned green. I hated that what I was doing was causing more pain, but I wasn’t going to leave her alone out there no matter if that meant I was going to be the Thelma to her Louise. No matter what she said, she needed me.

  Forty minutes later, I screeched to a halt out the front of a shitty, rundown weatherboard house in the far south of Sydney. Leaving the phone in the car, I made sure Polly was loaded with an efficient, practised movement and slammed the car door behind me.

  Equipped with the knowledge Jared and Travis were hot on my heels, I raced up the path to the porch until I reached the front door. Not bothering with the social niceties of knocking, adrenaline had me slamming it open so hard it hit the far wall.

  “Jimmy,” I screamed as my heart tried to pound its way clear out of my chest. “I’m here, you son of a bitch.”

  I heard a noise somewhere down the back of the house. I followed it through a huge rectangular archway on my left and into a big open area. Mac was bound to a chair in the middle of it. Her ankles looked raw, blood dripped down the side of her face, and her usual silky hair was in a state I’d never seen before, matted and lank. Seeing her this way was a shock, leaving me cold and breathless.

  She looked up at me wearily and shook her head, tears filling her eyes. Usually she would blink them back, but this time she let them fall. “Damn you, Evie,” she whispered. “Why did you come?”

  “Mac? Oh my God.”

  Jimmy stepped out from behind a wall as I started towards her.

  Mac flinched as he pulled out a gun and held it up against her temple.

  “One more step, bitch, and your friend is dead.”

  I froze and he looked pleased, making me want to smack the expression off his face with a baseball bat.

  “So the plan was to have a bit of fun, but unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll have much time for that. In case you’re both stupid bitches and don’t understand the plan, I’ll spell it out. Today, both of you die.”

  Jimmy cocked the gun he was holding against Mac’s temple. Another tear spilled over and rolled down her cheek.

  “Don’t. Please?” she begged in a whisper.

  Seeing Mac so defeated was completely unacceptable, and I stilled, my breathing harsh in the sudden silence.

  This shit ends now.

  I locked my nerves down tight and with a hand as steady as a fucking rock, I reached behind me to pull out the gun tucked into the back of my jeans.

  Jimmy looked up at my movement, saw me bringing out a gun and without any hesitation or warning, he swung his gun towards me, arm out straight and fired. Twice.

  I jerked back, the searing, white hot burn of pain sharp and excruciating. It would have brought me to my knees if the wall hadn’t been there to catch my weight. I put my left hand to my stomach as I sucked in deep breaths of panic, feeling the trickle of blood start to seep through my fingers. I heard Mac screaming my name and Jimmy laughing, all through a fog as my vision tunnelled.

  Blinking, I focused on Jimmy’s face as he put the gun to Mac’s head. “You fucking asshole,” I said through grunts of pain.

  Without any hesitation, I swung the gun up and fired once. The bullet hit Jimmy in the centre of his forehead, and I watched as he hit the ground.

  Adrenaline gave out under waves of pain and the gun fell out of my fingers. With my legs shaking and no longer able to hold me, I slid down the wall, leaving behind a thick trail of blood against the filthy plasterboard. My chest fluttered frantically up and down, fighting for a breath against a bubbling sensation that left me feeling like I was choking.

  “Mac?” I whispered, feeling the blood pulse over my trembling fingers where they rested against my stomach. The relief at knowing Jimmy was gone was overtaken by slivers of dread that wound its way like tentacles all over my body. “Mac, I’m sorry.”

  “Fuck you, Evie,” I heard her sob. “You are not going to die on my watch. Goddammit!”

  Her voice finished on a shout, and I could hear her struggles to get loose from the ties that bound her to the chair. It all began to sound far away, and I started shivering, feeling the cold and shock take over. Closing my eyes, everything narrowed to black.

  Hoarse shouting had me coming around, but this time the pain was a dull throbbing. I felt hands running over me, tearing open my singlet, pressing down so hard it made breathing unbearable.

 
“Fuck!” An agonised roar filled the room. “Where are the fucking paramedics?”

  My eyelids fluttered open. Jared was kneeling over me, bare chested, as I lay on the floor. Through eyes that burned painfully, I lifted my head and risked a peek down the length of my body. Jared’s shirt, red with blood, was bunched in his hands, his biceps bulging from the pressure of holding it hard against my stomach. On the other side of me, another set of rigid arms pressed a bloodied shirt equally as hard against my chest. My eyes travelled up another bare chest and met the frantic eyes of Travis.

  “Evie,” Jared said in a broken whisper.

  Wincing, I turned my head slowly and met his eyes. Wild and panic-stricken, they locked on mine and when Mac called out “ETA one minute,” from somewhere behind my head, he never took them off me.

  “Jared,” I croaked out and swallowed the bitter, metallic tang of blood.

  Tears spilled over and down his face. “Oh God. I’m here, baby. I love you,” he said fiercely. “I love you so fucking much. Hang on, okay? You’re going to be okay.”

  His voice was hoarse, but his words were beautiful, and I clung to them as I closed my eyes again. I felt Jared rest his forehead against my ribs, his shoulders heaving with sobs until I thought my heart would break just from hearing it.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Jared was standing by the window looking worthy of a devouring dressed in an old t-shirt and pair of boardshorts, hair slightly damp like he’d just come out of the ocean. Unfortunately, his manner didn’t indicate a devouring would be welcome, not that I’d be up to the task anyway. His red, tired eyes, dark circles, and distracted demeanour indicated more of a “get the hell away from me” vibe.

  “I have to leave.”

  Having only just busted out of the ICU, a plethora of tubes removed from my body, seeing more of Jared was the current plan, not less.

  “Oh?” My voice came out raspy, sounding foreign to my ears. After the breathing tube had been removed, speech had eluded me for a good two days. “So soon?”

  “No.” He frowned. “I meant overseas. For work.”

  “When?”

  “Couple of days.”

  “How…” It hurt to speak but I wanted to ask him how could he leave me? Was work so much more important? Why now? The questions burned on my tongue, but instead I rasped out, “For how long?”

  Hands in his pockets, he turned away to face the window, and I braced myself because whenever someone couldn’t look you in the eyes, you knew it was going to be bad.

  His flat voice bounced off the window and hammered into my chest.

  “Four months.”

  “Four months!” The intended shout came out as a squeak. “Can’t someone else go?”

  I need you.

  Still not looking at me, he replied. “I wasn’t forced to go. I volunteered. I’m taking Casey’s place.”

  Why would he volunteer? I put a hand to my eyes as though to push the tears back in that were threatening to spill over.

  “Why?”

  He drew in a deep breath and met my eyes for one brief, painful moment. “I can’t be around you anymore, Evie. Us being together was a mistake and the further we’re away from each other the easier it will be.” Jared’s body was rigid but the stress in his voice was distinct.

  I frowned and swallowed through the ache in my throat at him calling us a mistake. Was that what he really thought? Offering no further explanation, his silence became all-consuming, and my confusion evolved into anger. My body tensed as it engulfed me and had me gritting my teeth from the pain it caused my healing body.

  “You told me you loved me, I heard you, and now you’re leaving me?” My voice sounded raspy and pitiful, and I cleared my throat as I struggled to sit up. “What I did saved your sisters life; and I almost died, but I’m just a fucking mistake to you? You asshole!” My voice rose with my anger, ending with a shout that echoed satisfyingly off the walls of the hospital room.

  Grabbing the nearest object, a bottle of water, I pegged it at his head, but my body was weak and sore, and it fell pathetically short of the mark. I watched the lid break off and water spill out everywhere, and right at that moment I felt like that bottle of water was me.

  I was starting to wonder if the paramedics that worked rapidly at saving my life a week ago, shouldn’t have tried so hard. Their frantic movements and voices were still fresh in my mind.

  “What have we got?” A female barked the question as they set their bags down and started undoing clips and zippers.

  “Gunshot wound to the chest and stomach,” Jared replied.

  “Move. Now,” Another man instructed. I felt something press at my chest, hands fluttering over me.

  “How old is she?” the man asked.

  “Twenty-four,” Mac replied.

  “Any allergies? On any medications?”

  “No, nothing,” Mac muttered.

  “How’s the breathing?”

  “Shallow. Blood pressure bottoming out, and she’s turning blue. Collapsed lung.”

  “Crap. Starting decompression now. How long ago was she shot?”

  “Maybe about fifteen minutes ago,” Jared said.

  “We need her in ER yesterday.”

  I had come to again when they were loading me into the ambulance. I could feel the jolt of being guided to the waiting doors.

  “Evie!” I’d heard Henry’s anguished shout from far away.

  “Step back,” the curt voice of the female paramedic ordered.

  “Damn you, Jared. How the fuck did this happen?” Coby’s distraught voice was close, and I felt a hand brush down the side of my face.

  The paramedic spoke again. “Just one goes with her.”

  At the time, I couldn’t open my eyes to see what the fuss was about. I was floating high. It felt amazing.

  I buzzed for the nurse. She needed to take me back to the floating place. STAT.

  “I don’t understand why you’re doing this.” I choked out the words as I slumped back in my bed. I didn’t want to look at him, but I couldn’t look away. He stood there, so beautiful, almost close enough to touch in the small room, but the distance was now a living thing that pulsed between us.

  He cursed and shoved his hands in his pockets, making no move to pick up the bottle leaking water all over the floor.

  “Remember both those assholes that almost got you killed? All I wanted to do was keep you safe, but it turned out I was the biggest one of all. I didn’t plan on being another asshole in your life, Evie. I never wanted to be that person to you.” Jared’s shoulders slumped as he stared out the window, the wall propping his weight. He looked defeated and pain lined his eyes, sending a pang through my body.

  I looked away quickly, closing eyes so tired they burned. “All I know is that you’re leaving me. Just like everyone else who mattered that came before you.” I opened my eyes and glared at him. “Despite our misunderstandings, I thought you were so far beyond doing something like this that I actually trusted you. In your eyes, I saw strength and courage and fearlessness, but I guess I saw wrong. I never figured you for a coward. I always thought that was my department, but obviously I’m not…I've never been the best judge of character have I?”

  His shoulders slumped further at the words that left a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt the urge to escape the confines of my hospital bed and run away from this new nightmare.

  I knew I’d been scared and cautious, but in the end I’d given him my heart, and now the warmth that once flooded my body from feeling treasured by this man was now a cold chill of rejection. I remembered being in my car after I picked him up from hospital, when he’d said that when I wasn’t with him it was like someone had turned out the lights, and here he hadn’t even left, and it was so dark I thought I’d never see daylight again.

  Where was that damn nurse? I pressed the buzzer impatiently, biting down on my lip so I wouldn’t beg him to stay.

  “Get out.” My hoarse shout ripped through the s
ilence and he flinched at the words as though I’d hit him.

  Swallowing hard, he nodded, his chest expanding as he drew in a deep, shaky breath.

  “I’m sorry, Evie.” His deep voice was rough, cracking on the apology, and he spared one more glance at me, his eyes trailing slowly over my face as though to memorise every feature, before he turned and left the room. The door closed with a soft click behind him.

  The fight left me as I heard his heavy footsteps recede down the hall. I turned my head, my face pressing into the pillow as the tears came, heavy in my throat and spilling over to slide down my face. I could hear my own choking sobs in the empty room and cradled my arms over my stomach, never feeling more empty or alone in my entire life, than I did right at that moment.

  When the nurse arrived she stood at the end of my bed, checked my chart, and informed me that she couldn’t give me anything more for at least another hour.

  My eyes were bruised from tears, my body ached from head to toe, and my voice was thick and raspy. “But it hurts so much.”

  She glanced up from the page she was busy scribbling a note on. I didn’t know what she was writing. I imagined it was something like patient acting irrationally, proceed with caution, yet her eyes on me softened with concern. “Do you need the doctor?”

  Not unless his or her speciality was in the practice of life reassignment. I shook my head and waited for sleep to give me some peace.

  * * *

  When I woke again, I welcomed the return of the blessed floaty feeling with a loving hug and a warning not to leave like that again. I didn’t feel better, I didn’t feel worse, but I also didn’t feel happy or broken. I just didn’t feel. At least for a moment, until, not opening my eyes, I focused on what appeared to be an argument in progress.

  Henry growled. “I say we play the song.”

  “No way!” Mac hissed. “We’ve been sitting on this for years, asshead, and you’re not ruining it for me now.”

  “Come on. She gets that song out on repeat every time she’s suffering through something really bad. It’ll help.”