Restless Waters

  The Park Side street team? Really? Those guys rock, hard. I adore my team and all the massive love that they throw my way.

  The astounding fans on my Facebook author page routinely overwhelm me with love, support, and incredible heart. Together, we’ve built something wonderful on that page. It’s more than a professional author page. It’s become an important community made up of fabulous people who give and give. We share intensely personal stuff, we are brazenly honest and raw, and we cheer for each other all the time. I adore my readers, and they are the reason I write and push myself, challenge myself, and take risks. Writing can be frightening and emotional, but they give me a place to fall. My readers catch me time and time again. There are no words to say what this means.

  Jovana Shirley can seemingly do it all, and I could not ask for a more professional, talented, creative, and lovely all-in-one copyeditor, proofer, and formatter. Knowing that my book will end up in her hands makes the writing process significantly easier.

  I’ve always written to music, and finding the perfect song and tone to write alongside has been such a significant part of my work process. When I got stuck with how to continue with Blythe, Chris, and Sabin, I turned to music. And I found heart and feeling in so many artists. I dived into John Mayer, The Low Anthem, Ed Sheeran, Christopher Jax, X Ambassadors, Peter Bradley Adams, and more.

  Then, there was Troy. Troy is such a talent, and I’ve been a fan of his music for years. We have been trying to work together on a project for what feels like forever, and we finally got the opportunity with this book. He is brave and powerful and tireless with his music, and I’m not sure he has a bigger fan than me. The richly layered emotional quality in his voice has always affected me so deeply, and I remember when I finally made the connection that his voice is also Sabin’s. It seems so obvious to me now, and I was thrilled when Troy agreed to let me use his music and lyrics. He and I connect so well, and in part, it’s because we often channel our creative energies to write about pain, hurt, loss, understanding, and survival. His lyrics are emotional, his sound unforgettable, and I cannot thank him enough for giving me this opportunity. Please check out his links, and throw him the support and love he deserves! Also, huge thanks out to Dante Lattanzi from Caelum Music Production for the work he’s done to produce and finalize Troy’s music.

  Thank you is not enough to convey what it’s meant to me to get letters from people all over the world who connected profoundly with Left Drowning. The bravery so many have had to show in this life astounds me. I have been repeatedly moved by stories of surviving unspeakable tragedies and horrific abuse. I am unspeakably pained by what you all have endured, but it’s an honor that Left Drowning managed to give comfort and hope to some readers. I have an overflowing email folder with every message I’ve received. That is what this whole writing gig is all about—affecting people, helping people, making even one person feel less alone. Your willingness to reach out and connect with me will never be forgotten.

  To all of you: Keep fighting, and run through the heartbreak.

  Troy generously allowed his lyrics to be used in Restless Waters, and he even more generously wrote an original song for this book, “Coward,” that will be available for purchase on iTunes in the next few days. Keep an eye on his artist page there, and click that Follow button! It’s a gorgeous track, and I’m so honored that he wrote this specifically for me and my readers. Troy and I send out huge thanks to Dante Lattanzi from Caelum Music Production for his gorgeous work on these tracks.

  “Sheets” and “Honey” are from his time with a band called In Like Lions, so search them out, too.

  Troy is busy recording final versions of some of the other songs featured in the book. Check out his SoundCloud page to listen to tracks, and sign up for his mailing list to stay updated on new releases!

  To follow Troy on social networking and to listen to and purchase his music, please visit the following sites:

  iTunes

  Spotify

  Facebook

  Twitter

  Instagram

  SoundCloud

  Website

  ALL SONGS ARE WRITTEN BY TROY, AND “SHEETS” IS COWRITTEN WITH JAMES BRIDGES.

  SO LONG, MY LOVE.

  YOU KNOW YOU WERE THE ONE.

  YOU RIPPED MY HEART IN TWO,

  BUT I’LL STILL SAVE HALF FOR YOU.

  IF YOU WALKED INTO THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW,

  I’D TELL YOU HOW I FEEL FOR YOU STILL.

  YOU’RE THE ONE I LOVE,

  BUT NOW I’M GOING AWAY.

  SO, IF I AM LONELY,

  I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO BE,

  FOR A WHILE ANYWAY.

  [CHORUS] THE ONE I LOVE,

  ALWAYS ON MY MIND.

  YOU’RE STILL WITH ME

  ALL OF THE TIME.

  SO LONG, MY LOVE.

  DAISY, YOU WERE MY ONE,

  BUT YOU RIPPED MY HEART IN TWO,

  AND NOW IT BLEEDS FOR YOU.

  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

  I’LL HOLD ON HOPE.

  YOU KNOW IT’S ALWAYS

  HERE TO CLAIM.

  SO LONG, MY LOVE.

  YOU KNOW YOU WERE THE ONE,

  BUT YOU RIPPED MY HEART IN TWO,

  AND NOW MY HALF IS BLUE.

  I’M SWELL,

  BUT I’M SAD, MY LOVE,

  SAD AS HELL.

  OH, LAST NIGHT, I TRIED NOT TO DRINK,

  BUT I WAS SCARED I MIGHT NOT GET MY SLEEP.

  MID AFTERNOON, STUCK IN A BAR SEAT,

  AND SHE SAID, “BABY, WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU TODAY?”

  OH, BUT SHE GOT

  MORE HONEY,

  MORE HONEY,

  MORE HONEY THAN I CARE FOR.

  OH, AND SHE GOT

  MORE HONEY,

  MORE HONEY,

  MORE HONEY THAN I NEED.

  [CHORUS] OH, SHE BLEW MY HAIR BACK.

  MY MIND SAID LOOK AWAY.

  I DON’T WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS PLACE.

  IT AIN’T MY SOUND,

  AIN’T MY SCENE,

  AIN’T MY TASTE.

  BUT SHE SAID, “OH, IF I HAD MY WAY.”

  AND SHE DON’T KNOW ME.

  SHE DON’T KNOW ME AT ALL.

  [CHORUS] OH, SHE BLEW MY HAIR BACK.

  MY MIND SAID LOOK AWAY.

  I DON’T WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS PLACE.

  IT AIN’T MY SOUND,

  AIN’T MY SCENE,

  AIN’T MY TASTE.

  BUT SHE SAID, “OH, IF I HAD MY WAY.”

  THESE CITY LIGHTS

  SHINE SO BRIGHT,

  BUT ONCE A YEAR,

  WE PUT ’EM IN OUR MIRROR.

  DIRT ROAD ON TIRES,

  FIREWOOD ON FIRE,

  SNOW-COVERED HILLS,

  OUR COUNTRYSIDE HILLS.

  [CHORUS] NO, I WON’T CATCH A WINK,

  NOT ON THIS CHRISTMAS EVE,

  ’CAUSE MY LOVE SHINES SO BRIGHT

  IN THIS COUNTRYSIDE,

  BRIGHTER THAN YOUR CITY LIGHTS.

  THESE COUNTRY NIGHTS

  FEEL SO RIGHT,

  BUT ALL THE YEAR

  WE PUT ’EM IN OUR MIRROR.

  DIRT ROAD ON TIRES,

  FIREWOOD ON FIRE,

  SNOW-COVERED HILLS,

  OUR COUNTRYSIDE HILLS.

  [CHORUS] NO, I WON’T CATCH A WINK,

  NOT ON THIS CHRISTMAS EVE,

  ’CAUSE MY LOVE SHINES SO BRIGHT

  IN THIS COUNTRYSIDE,

  BRIGHTER THAN YOUR CITY LIGHTS.

  ALL THE WEIGHT I FOUND

  IN MY HOME, THIS TIME AROUND.

  ON MY KNEES, I WOULD FALL WITH EASE,

  FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY HOME.

  I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S RIGHT.

  YOU COULD HOLD ME TIGHT,

  BUT I STILL DON’T FEEL I FIT INSIDE THIS LIFE.

  I DON’T KNOW THE LIGHT,

  THE KIND OF LIGHT YOU LIKE,

  BUT I’LL TRY TO SHINE IT ON YOU IN THE NIGHT.

  WIND BLOWS THE LEAVES,
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  FALLING FROM THE TREES,

  I COULD JUST BE HOME WITH YOU FOR LIFE.

  ’CAUSE I COULD SEE THEM HILLS,

  MY MEMORY IS FILLED

  WITH A LIGHT HEART IN THIS MOUNTAINSIDE.

  I WANNA KISS YOUR SKIN,

  JUST LIKE THE BIG SUN DID,

  BUT I DON’T WANNA GO

  WHERE EVERYBODY GOES.

  FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY HOME.

  FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY HOME.

  [CHORUS] FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  I’D GIVE ALL OF ME

  AND EVERYTHING I OWN,

  IF YOU’D JUST FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  I PUT ON A FACE,

  FACE IT TILL THE END.

  I CANNOT CONTINUE TO PRETEND.

  THIS LIFE AIN’T ME.

  OH NO, THIS AIN’T LIKE ME.

  I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE MOVING TOWARD.

  I WANNA KISS YOUR SKIN,

  JUST LIKE THE BIG SUN DID.

  BUT I DON’T WANNA GO

  WHERE EVERYBODY GOES.

  FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY HOME.

  FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY HOME.

  FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY HOME.

  FOLLOW ME BACK TO MY HOME.

  [CHORUS] FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  FOLLOW ME, FOLLOW ME BACK HOME.

  COLD, COLD VIRGINIA SKY.

  AND TONIGHT, TONIGHT, WE DRIVE

  THROUGH THEM HILLS,

  BLACK AS ALL NIGHT.

  WE AIN’T RUNNING, NO.

  WE’RE JUST STAYING ALIVE.

  OH, AND THE MOON

  WAS THE ONLY LIGHT THAT GUIDES.

  ’CAUSE THAT VIRGINIA SKY,

  IT WAS ON MY MIND.

  YOU COULD NEVER TAKE MY HAND

  ’CAUSE YOU’D NEVER UNDERSTAND

  WHY WE RIDE

  THROUGH THAT COLD VIRGINIA NIGHT,

  AND WE AIN’T RUNNING, NO.

  WE’RE JUST STAYING ALIVE.

  [CHORUS] OH, I SAID,

  ALL I WANT,

  ALL I NEED,

  ALL I WANT,

  ALL I WANT IS YOU.

  OH, I SAID,

  ALL I WANT,

  ALL I NEED,

  ALL I WANT,

  I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

  COLD, COLD VIRGINIA NIGHT.

  AND WE RIDE

  IN THE CORNER OF MY ENTIRE LIFE,

  ON DOWN SOUTH NOW

  WITH DRAGONS AND MOONSHINE.

  OH, AND THE WIND

  WATERED MY EYES.

  ’CAUSE THAT VIRGINIA SKY,

  IT WAS ON MY MIND.

  YOU COULD NEVER TAKE MY HAND

  ’CAUSE YOU’D NEVER UNDERSTAND.

  WHY WE RIDE

  THROUGH THAT COLD VIRGINIA NIGHT.

  AND WE AIN’T RUNNING, NO.

  WE’RE JUST STAYING ALIVE

  [CHORUS] OH, I SAID,

  ALL I WANT,

  ALL I NEED,

  ALL I WANT,

  ALL I WANT IS YOU.

  MY DADDY WAS A SONG MAN.

  OH, HE WAS A STRONG MAN,

  REACHING OUT FOR MY HAND.

  CAN’T YOU SEE?

  OH, SHE WAS MY SHADOW. SHE HAD STRONG LOVE,

  HOLDING IT OUT THERE,

  ALL FOR ME.

  OH, SHE RAN HER OWN LINE,

  TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME,

  HEAVY LOVING FIGHTERS,

  BUT PEOPLE ONLY SEE THE END.

  ENDED UP A SAD LOVE.

  MAKING LOVE WAS STARVED UP,

  HOLDING LOVE WAS SILENT,

  BUT STILL IN LOVE.

  [CHORUS] WE WERE ON FIRE TILL LONELIER DAYS.

  LET IT RAIN ON ME BULLETS. I DON’T CARE.

  ’CAUSE WE WERE LOVESICK,

  SO LOVESICK ON THE FLOOR.

  YEAH, WE WERE LOVESICK, SO LOVESICK.

  I WANT MORE.

  HOLDING ON TO SAD LOVE,

  IN AND OUT OF MADNESS,

  HOLDING ON TO SAVE IT.

  YOU DON’T SEE.

  I HAVEN’T KNOWN FAITH, FAITH.

  YOU KNOW I’M NOT—

  HOW DO YOU SAY?—

  A HOLY MAN,

  SO YOU WON’T KNOW MY CONFESSION.

  CAN YOU SEE ME FALLING NOW

  WITHOUT MY SHADOW?

  YOU SAW ME WITH SOMEONE.

  THEN, YOU SAW ME SUFFER.

  WITHOUT YOU, I’M ALONE.

  [CHORUS] WE WERE ON FIRE TILL LONELIER DAYS.

  LET IT RAIN ON ME BULLETS. I DON’T CARE.

  ’CAUSE WE WERE LOVESICK,

  SO LOVESICK ON THE FLOOR.

  YEAH, WE WERE LOVESICK, SO LOVESICK.

  I WANT MORE.

  LET IT RAIN ON ME BULLETS,

  RAIN ON ME BULLETS.

  YOUR LOVER IS A SONG MAN.

  OH, HE IS A STRONG MAN,

  REACHING OUT FOR YOUR HAND.

  CAN’T YOU SEE?

  AGED LIKE WINE,

  YOU OWN MY TIME. HEY, YOU SORTED OUT MY OWN HEAD.

  YOU CALLED IT TIME FOR A WOMAN.

  YOU STARTED TO KNOW, KNOW ME.

  I STARTED TO KNOW YOU, KNOW YOU.

  YOU SHUDDERED MY BONES,

  HOLDING ON TO MY HAND.

  [CHORUS] HERE WE GO AGAIN.

  I’M NOT THE LUCKY ONE YOU NEED.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN, LOVE.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN,

  NOT THE LUCKY ONE YOU NEED.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN, LOVE.

  WAS IT ALL IN MY HEAD?

  YOU FELL INTO MY CELL PHONE AND MY BED.

  MY THOUGHTS STILL SILENT WITH MY HEAD ON LOCK.

  I WANNA FOLLOW YOU AND SEW MY TEARS.

  FELL INTO MY HEAD, GIRL, MY MIND.

  I WANNA FIND A LOVE THAT’S ALL MINE.

  SO, SO.

  [CHORUS] HERE WE GO AGAIN.

  I’M NOT THE LUCKY ONE YOU NEED.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN, LOVE.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN,

  NOT THE LUCKY ONE YOU NEED.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN, LOVE.

  AND WE LET IT FALL,

  AND WE LET IT FALL.

  AND WE LET IT BURN,

  AND WE LET IT BURN.

  YOU WILL LOVE ME ALL,

  OR YOU WON’T LOVE ME AT ALL.

  I WILL NOT BE

  PIECES OF YOUR FAVORITE SONG.

  [CHORUS] HERE WE GO AGAIN.

  I’M NOT THE LUCKY ONE YOU NEED.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN, LOVE.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN,

  NOT THE LUCKY ONE YOU NEED.

  HERE WE GO AGAIN, LOVE.

  “HEY, LOVE,” SHE CRIES

  ON HER KNEES AT HIS EMPTY BEDSIDE.

  SHE CAN’T BELIEVE HER OWN LIES

  SHE TELLS HERSELF ANYMORE,

  LIKE IT’LL BE JUST FINE TO STAY IN THIS PLACE.

  IN EVERY ROOM, SHE SEES HIS FACE,

  AND SHE TRIES TO KEEP IT UP,

  BUT MONEY AIN’T FALLING FROM TREES.

  IF SHE COULD PAY WITH BLOOD,

  SHE’D BLEED.

  [CHORUS] AND SHE’S HOLDING ON

  AS HARD AS SHE CAN.

  HOLDING ON BY THE SKIN OF HER HANDS,

  HOLDING ON FOR HER BABIES,

  HOLDING ON, RESTLESS LADY,

  HOLDING ON, RESTLESS LADY,

  HOLDING ON, RESTLESS LADY.

  “HEY, LOVE,” HE CRIES

  AS HE SEES HER AT HIS BEDSIDE.

  I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU BEHIND.

  YOU’LL ALWAYS BE BY MY SIDE.

  DON’T CRY, DON’T CRY.

  WE AIN’T GOT MUCH TIME BEFORE I SAY GOOD-BYE.

  [CHORUS] AND SHE’S HOLDING ON

  AS HARD AS SHE CAN.

  HOLDING ON BY THE SKIN OF HER HANDS,

  HOLDING ON FOR HER BABIES,

  HOLDING ON, RESTLESS LADY,

  HOLDING ON, RESTLESS LADY,

  HOLDING ON, RESTLESS
LADY.

  YOU GOTTA MOVE ON

  AS HARD AS YOU CAN.

  MOVE ON BY THE SKIN OF YOUR HANDS.

  MOVE ON FOR YOUR BABIES.

  MOVE ON, RESTLESS LADY.

  MOVE ON, RESTLESS LADY.

  MOVE ON, RESTLESS LADY.

  AND SHE BURIES HERSELF INSIDE

  A GREAT BIG BOTTLE OF WINE

  TO SEE IF

  HER LOVE IS HIDING INSIDE.

  HIDING INSIDE LOVE, HIDING INSIDE,

  HIDING INSIDE LOVE,

  HIDING INSIDE LOVE.

  “HEY, LOVE, GOOD-BYE.”

  THE LIGHTS CAME.

  NEW FIRE, NEW HOPE

  WAS AN OVERLOAD.

  HEAVY AIR THINNED,

  BUT IT’S STILL THE SAME.

  FED THE FIRE TOO LONG.

  MY NEW HOPE WAS MY MOVE ALONG.

  LONELY HEARTS WILL FIND A HOME.

  THE KIND OF LIGHT YOU WANNA HOLD,

  KIND OF LIGHT YOU WANNA SHOW,

  KIND OF LOVE THAT BRINGS YOU HOME.

  [CHORUS] I WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT ON.

  I WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT FOR THE TWO OF US.

  I WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT ON.

  I WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT FOR THE TWO OF US.

  I WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT ON.

  I WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT, WANT THE LIGHT FOR THE TWO OF US.

  LIGHTS CAME COMING,

  SO I WENT RUNNING.

  ALL LIFE LONG,

  I JUST NEED A LITTLE HOPE SOMETIMES.

  A GOOD FRIEND I HAD

  ONCE GAVE ADVICE.