Leavesly

  “That’s our friend, Elliott. Anyways, so how did you hear about A.A.C.F.?”

  “My roommate wanted to come. He said there would be free food and cute chicks,” Stan said bitterly. “But he didn’t mention it was going to be a religious thing.”

  Lexi threw Julia a grimaced look then turned her attention back to Stan. “Is your roommate a Christian?”

  Stan shrugged. “I guess. I’m not sure. That’s him, over there.” He pointed at one of the guys playing football. The girls didn’t recognize him, but he had a pretty serious t-shirt tan.

  “Oh,” was all Lexi managed to say. Julia could see the wheels clicking in her head, trying to figure out what to say or do next. “Well, um, do you want to go join them in playing football? I’m sure they could use another guy.”

  “Nah, I just got contacts. I don’t want to get sand in them.”

  He did blink rather a lot. Julia knew that had been Lexi’s way of trying to eradicate them from this conversation. Stan wasn’t a lonely guy needing company. He clearly felt like he was tricked and was protesting by secluding himself from the group.

  Julia tried to think of a way to help Lexi out of this situation, but before she came up with anything Lexi blurted out, “Do you want me to tell you about God?”

  Julia gaped at her in shock. What was she doing? By the way Lexi’s face paled, she could tell she hadn’t thought this through.

  Stan stared at her a little then shrugged. “What’s there to tell?”

  “Well, um,” she threw Julia a panicked looked, but jumped in before she could be rescued. “In the beginning God created earth, and everything was good. But then the first man Adam sinned. So then things got really bad. Then, um, there was a flood…”

  Oh, my goodness! Was Lexi seriously going to give the poor guy a Cliff Notes version of the Bible? By the horrified look on Lexi’s face, Julia knew she was regretting her hasty decision. To Stan’s credit, he actually seemed embarrassed for Lexi’s blunder. He tried not to look confused and nodded along, letting her ramble.

  They had been taught how to share the Gospel message back in Sunday school. But at the moment all those Bible verses they’d memorized escaped them… something about the book of Romans.

  “Wait, let me find a Bible,” Julia offered and quickly jumped up. Scanning the beach towels to see if anyone had brought theirs along, Julia caught a familiar face. “Wynn!” she called out to him.

  Wynn was making his way from the football game to grab his water bottle. He turned around and waited.

  “Do you have a Bible with you? It’s kind of an emergency!”

  “Yeah, I have one in my car.” He gave her a curious look, obviously wondering about her panicked tone. Julia trotted behind him as he went to retrieve it. “Is everything ok?”

  “No, not really, Lexi’s trying to witness to someone, and it’s not going very well.”

  Julia was surprised when Wynn’s expression turned dark. “Need help?” he asked curtly. Despite his annoyed attitude, she was relieved to hear his offer.

  “Yes, please,” Julia said and broke out into a sprint. She didn’t want to leave Lexi alone for too long. Who knew what Bible story she was on now, hopefully not Samson and Delilah or anything too random.

  Wynn kept pace, and Lexi looked up completely flustered when they finally rejoined them. Wynn took one look at Stan’s bewildered expression and handed Julia his Bible, clearly irritated.

  “Hey, I’m Wynn. I hear the girls were talking to you about God?”

  “Uh, hey, man. Look, I don’t know what kind of event this is, but I’m really not comfortable with any of this. I just came for the free food and to meet some girls,” Stan mumbled, looking ready to run.

  “No, I totally understand. That’s not how it works here. We don’t force anything on anyone. If you’re interested in knowing about God, feel free to talk to any of us. But if you’re not interested, that’s totally cool.”

  “Yeah, I’m really not.”

  “Not a problem. There’s still plenty of food left if you want any. Or if you want to get back to campus, I can find whoever it was you came with. Whatever, man, it’s up to you.”

  “Uh, you know what. I think I’m good. I know my way back to campus.” With one last look like he was running for his life, Stan took off, kicking up sand as he fled.

  Julia stood there clutching Wynn’s Bible, and a very bad feeling drained through her. Slowly, Wynn stood back up and gave the girls a disapproving look.

  “What was that about?” he said in a low voice.

  Julia felt as mortified as Lexi looked.

  “Look, I understand that we want to share about God to other people, but ambushing them is not the way to do it,” he continued. “That’s just not how it works. This is why people have such a bad view on Christians. Did you see the look on his face? That is not a guy who’s ever going to want to set foot at another church event again.”

  “I’m sorry,” Lexi began.

  But Wynn just gave her a frustrated look then turned to Julia.

  “Don’t ever do that again,” he said, taking his Bible out of her hands. “Do you know how that must have looked from his point of view? He comes for the free food and hot girls. He eats then you two show up. Once you get him in a conversation, you go running for back up, a guy toting along his Bible.” He let out an angry sigh. “If I were him, I would be freaked out too.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” Julia protested, finally finding her voice. Lexi was close to tears and starting to shake. “We actually cared about that guy, we just thought he was lonely, and when we found out he didn’t know God, we just wanted to share about Him.” When Wynn started shaking his head in disagreement, she rushed on. “I know it looked bad, we could’ve done it differently. But you don’t have to come down so hard on us. You don’t even know us.”

  Wynn stopped then and looked her straight in the eye. “You’re right. I don’t know you. But if you love God as much as you claim, then it’s your responsibility to first of all know what it is you believe in so you can clearly share the message with someone else without having to run for reinforcement. And second, figure out a better way to go about it. The only way a person is truly saved is when they accept Christ by their own will, not because they feel cornered into it.”

  Julia knew he was right, but she was too upset to back down. She felt herself still glaring at him, even after he shook his head and threw them one final frustrated look before stalking off. The moment after he left, tears spilled down Lexi’s face. Julia wrapped her arm around Lexi’s shoulder and pulled her towards one of the life guard stations. Straggling behind the small paint-peeling building and out of sight from the rest of the A.A.C.F. crowd, Julia turned to huddle Lexi in a loose hug.

  “It’s ok, Lexi. The jerk had no right to yell at us like that. And I know you meant well going to go talk to Stan. I totally blanked too. But everything will be ok. We can just walk away from here and never see any of these people again. Please don’t cry.”

  “Lexi? Julia?”

  A moment later, Elliott appeared around the corner of the lifeguard station. One look at Lexi’s tear-streaked face, and he went into protector mode, his face going hard.

  “What happened? Why is Lexi crying?” Elliott was drenched with sweat, his legs and swim trunks covered with wet sand. He must’ve missed the whole episode. Julia wondered if other people had overheard Wynn rebuking them.

  “Wynn yelled at us.”

  Julia watched with satisfaction as Elliott’s face turned dark red with anger. More than once growing up, Elliott had thrown some punches defending them. The last time he did was during their junior year in high school. He was usually such a laid-back, easy-going guy that it was quite a thrill to see him roar to life when he felt his friends needed his help. Or maybe it was his rarely seen fierce expression whenever something really ticked him off, and willingness to get hurt if it meant standing up for his friends, that made Julia feel a kind of safety
and devotion she didn’t feel even with her own parents.

  “No, it was my fault,” Lexi piped up quickly. She grabbed Elliott’s arm as he turned to no doubt seek out Wynn. “I messed up. I’m not crying because I’m mad at Wynn. He was right. I’m just mad at myself. The worst is to think I might have turned Stan off from ever wanting to know God.”

  Elliott gave Julia a confused look, and she filled him in on what took place during his football game. He stood expressionless, listening, his eyes betraying a bit of his shared mortification before he hid it away.

  When Julia finished, he took a deep breath then looked up at Lexi. A grin broke his face and he said, “Three words, Lex. Resist. The. Impulse.”

  That made Lexi smile. It wasn’t the first time Elliott had said that to her before.

  He pulled her into a tight hug then let her go. “Don’t worry about it. So you made a mistake. You learn from it. You move on. Who knows, maybe this is God’s way of kicking us in the butt and getting our attention. I mean, we grew up in church. We have no excuse for not knowing how to share with another person what it is we believe in.”

  “Please stop saying ‘we.’ You weren’t even there, Ellie. And Lia, I appreciate how you stood up for me in front of Wynn, but you know it wasn’t true. It wasn’t ‘us’ who acted like a stupid fool, it was me. But I get it. I will never do that again.”

  “I don’t want you to be afraid to share about God because of this.”

  “No, I know. That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying, the next time someone wants to know about God, I’m going to be ready.”

  By the time they headed back to join the group, the sun was starting to set. The sand suddenly felt very cold. Pulling on her thin yellow hooded jacket, Julia shivered and wished she had brought something warmer to wear. Julia turned to watch some guys toss chunks of wood into the pit and lit it with fuel and a match. As the smoke flew up into the night sky, everyone started moving in towards the fire.

  The three friends went to go sit down near the edge of the bonfire pit. Turning slightly, Julia recognized the guy sitting closest to them, the one with the football.

  “Hi, Geoff,” Julia forced herself to say, not wanting to come across as rude.

  “Oh, hey, there, Julia,” he said, seeming very pleased about himself. Randall began gathering some people, who Julia assumed were on the leadership team. Geoff handed Julia his guitar and stood up.

  “Can you take care of my guitar for me? I’ll be back in a second.”

  Julia reluctantly held his guitar. Lexi and Elliott looked like they were about to bust up laughing at her incredulous expression.

  In high school, they had a memorable long talk about relationships about what they looked for in their significant other. Lexi was attracted to guys who were confident and out-going. Elliott, who insisted that all he wanted was a super hot girl, finally admitted that as long as she believed in him, she was a keeper. For Julia, well, this conversation took place after The Big Heartbreak Incident that pretty much turned her off from all guys. All she wanted was someone who was trustworthy.

  It hadn’t always been this way. Before, Julia had kept a rather long list of requirements, most of the attributes being superficial like height requirements and athletic abilities. But then the day arrived when she realized what complete idiots guys can be, and it narrowed down the mandatory list pretty fast. In her limited experience, pretty-boys like Geoff were the worst offenders: their sugary words just a mask to their acrid lies.

  Oblivious to her distress, Geoff loped off with his cocky grin to join the huddle. Julia tried her best not to project her bitter past on to him.

  “Here,” Elliott said and reached out to rescue the guitar from her tentative hold. He strummed out some chords, and Lexi hummed along. Elliott had a knack for bending melodies to make them sound more soulful. But whenever Lexi would tell him how talented he was, he would shrug saying “it’s just a minor chord.”

  A few minutes later, Geoff and the rest of the leadership came back to join them. Geoff looked slightly peeved to see Elliott strumming away on his guitar, drawing an attentive and mostly female audience.

  Randall called everyone together, and officially welcomed them to the first A.A.C.F. event of the school year. Soon the first song began, and someone passed around a box of graham crackers and chocolate. Julia lost track of time, feeling warm and content like one of the gooey marshmallows toasting on the fire as the familiar worship songs washed over the group. Then Randall got back up to announce that there was going to be a short prayer time for this upcoming school year.

  Julia was huddled against Lexi, when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around to see Wynn. During the singing, Julia had noticed him on the other side of the fire pit, sitting on a blanket with his friends. After the first glance, she made it a point not to look in his direction. But now there was no avoiding eye contact.

  “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” He had on a thick black hooded sweatshirt. Beside her, Lexi and Elliott both looked up to see who was talking to her. Not wanting to cause a scene, Julia hastily stood up and walked away from the warm fire. The air was much colder by the crashing ocean waves, and dark. The moon glowed faintly above, its glimmering uneven reflection on the water. From the yellow heat dimly emanating from the distant bonfire, Julia was barely able to make out Wynn’s features.

  Fists jammed deep inside his pockets, Wynn cleared his throat and said, “I just wanted to apologize for losing it on you and your friend this afternoon. I’d feel bad if my actions today end up scaring you and your friends from joining A.A.C.F.”

  Julia wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t want to make up Lexi and Elliott’s minds for them, but she knew she wanted to avoid seeing Wynn. A frustrated sigh escaped from him when Julia didn’t respond. Why did he always have to be so impatient? It wasn’t a very good trait.

  There was annoyance in her voice when she said, “Look, if you’re worried about ruining your fellowship’s incoming membership number…”

  “What?” Wynn cut her off. “I could care less about attendance numbers. If anything, I wish some people would decide to not join if they’re not in it for the right reasons. The last thing we need are more uncommitted so-called Christians making the rest of us who actually take it seriously look bad.”

  Julia stood there bewildered. “That was blunt,” she managed to choke out.

  Her retort caught him off-guard as it did her. She usually had her feelings locked up so tightly inside that the words remain jumbled up in her thoughts until she was able to release them on to paper. Maybe the blanket of darkness was to blame. It gave her a false sense of security to say the raw honest thoughts burning in her mind.

  Wynn shook his head. “Look, sorry. I’ve been a bit stressed out with certain obligations.”

  “You mean the youth group you agreed to help out with?”

  “That’s one of them.”

  “Why don’t you just say no?”

  “I can’t. No one else will do it.”

  “What other obligations do you have?”

  “School.”

  “Well, you can’t get rid of that. What else?”

  He gave her a strange look, as if he were thinking ‘when did you turn into my shrink?’ Julia was wondering the same thing, but she was too curious to stop herself. He answered her anyways. “My internship and that is one thing I will not give up. This is everything I’ve been working towards.”

  “What are you interning for?”

  “Brooks Production Company. For now it’s just grunt work, but it’s a foot in the door. The first-hand experiences with the inside workings of a production company, from preproduction to its final editing, the press junkets and premiere, it’s priceless.” The enthusiasm in his voice was hard to resist.

  “You want to become an actor?”

  Wynn snorted. “No.”

  She gave him an exasperated look. “Then explain please.”

  He loo
ked at her again like he was trying to figure her out, debating how much he was willing to tell. He sighed again, that same irritated sound like he was struggling with something going on inside his own head. “I’m not a big dreamer,” he began, sounding a bit defensive as if he’d had this argument with someone else before. “I swear I’m usually a really practical, level-headed guy. But all I want to do is make good films. This internship is huge. I can’t give that up.”

  Then you should go for it, Julia wanted to say.

  Before she could, Lexi and Elliott appeared. Julia knew they thought they were coming to rescue her. But to be honest, she was disappointed by the interruption.

  “Hi, guys,” Lexi said, linking her arm protectively through hers. “Everyone is wrapping up back at the bonfire. We should get going. It’s still going to be a ride before we reach our dorms.”

  “Who drove you here?”

  “No one, we biked here. And, um, skateboarded, well, Elliott did.”

  Wynn looked impressed. “Do you need a ride back to campus?” he asked.

  But the moment had passed for Julia. Having Lexi and Elliott next to her somehow made her slip back into her usual self-conscious shell. She stayed quiet and let Lexi take over the conversation.

  “No, that’s alright. Thanks,” Lexi said, and began pulling Julia away.

  Elliott stood on the other side of Julia, acting as her body guard. Reality settled in, and Julia shook herself out of the lingering pull of wanting to stay on this cold beach hidden in the darkness talking to Wynn.

  After all, he was basically a stranger.

  * * *

  Sleep refused to settle in. Julia jerked out of bed, nearly tripping over the two large boxes in the middle of the room. She and Lexi had given up pushing it across the floor and had just left it there.

  Julia warily eyed the dark square shadows of the boxes. She couldn’t leave her painfully personal diaries out in the middle of the room where they were vulnerable to innocent but curious eyes.

  At the same time, she couldn’t just throw them away. Without them, a part of her childhood and mere existence would disappear with them. No, they were too much a part of her identity for her to do something so irreversible.

  But she could make them less conspicuous by hiding them in a memory card. Glad of the idea, Julia silently crept over to the box, careful not to wake up Lexi. She pulled out the first couple of journals lying on top of the box.