The Light and Fallen

  She sat through her next two classes impatiently, longing for the bell to ring so she could search for him. She barely heard any of the words her teachers said, and she stuck the test Mr. Higgs handed her into her backpack without even looking at it. Her palms grew sweaty as lunchtime neared, and she perched on the edge of her seat and willed the bell to ring.

  She shot out of her classroom at the sound of the bell and wandered the halls for most of the lunch period, but Lucian was nowhere to be found. After lunch she rushed into the gym and searched the bleachers for a glimpse of his face, but he was noticeably absent. As a final, desperate measure she decided to skip her seventh hour class, something she had never done before, and wait for him in the parking lot.

  She hid in the bathroom until the seventh hour classes began, then darted out the front doors and down the steps of the school. She hoped that no teachers were watching her from one of the school's many windows. She raced up and down the rows of the parking lot until she spotted his truck parked closed to the road. She was panting by the time she reached it. She leaned against the driver's side door and tried to catch her breath before she slid to the ground.

  She crossed her legs while she waited and tried to ignore the cold, hard asphalt beneath her. She knew she was sacrificing her pride and any shreds of dignity that she had left, but she couldn't make herself care. All that mattered was seeing Lucian again.

  Finally, he appeared. He was walking quickly and his eyes were downcast. He didn't see her sitting on the ground until he was only a few steps away. His eyes widened when he saw her, and he recoiled in shock as she struggled awkwardly to her feet. She had been practicing what to say for the last hour, trying to find the words that would convey the agony that she had been feeling without sounding too desperate, but now, when they were standing only a few feet apart, words failed her.

  Lucian knew he had to say something. He felt a pang of guilt as he looked at her. Her eyes were brimming with warmth and hope, and he desperately wanted to hold her and reassure her. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but instead he stood stiffly, just beyond arm's reach. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

  Samara ducked her head. "I've been worried about you."

  He could hear a quiver in her voice that pierced his heart, but he steeled his resolve. "I'm fine," he said brusquely. He stepped closer to the truck and opened the door between them, then threw his bag across the seat and climbed in.

  "Wait," Samara pleaded.

  He glanced over at her beautiful face, filled with confusion and pain, and averted his eyes. He gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands and focused on his knuckles. "Why?"

  "Are you serious?" Her voice rose higher, and she walked around the car door and stood beside him. "Why won't you look at me?"

  Lucian could feel the turmoil raging inside of him. He knew if he stayed much longer he wouldn't be able to do this. It had taken him a week to work up the courage to come back to school knowing he would have to face her. He had imagined the moment when he would see her again, but this was a hundred times worse. "I have to go," he said.

  He reached for the door of the truck but Samara didn't move. "Are you mad at me?" she asked. "Did I do something wrong?"

  "I have to go." He repeated the words more forcefully and tugged at the car door, but Samara wouldn't let go.

  "Why!" she shouted. "What is wrong with you?"

  She noticed they were attracting curious stares from nearby students and lowered her voice. "You tell me I'm beautiful and you want to be with me. Then you take me to the overlook, which is practically Lover's Lane, and dance with me, and kiss me, and make me completely fall for you-," she paused as her voice cracked. "You make me fall for you, and then you won't even talk to me?"

  "I don't think we should see each other anymore," Lucian said. He forced the hateful words out in a monotone. He heard a sharp intake of breath from Samara, but made himself continue to look straight ahead. He clung to the steering wheel with all of his strength.

  "You were right," Samara raged, "I don't know you!"

  She stepped back and slammed his door so hard the truck rocked. "You think Jack is a bad person? You're worse! At least he's honest about who he is."

  Lucian cranked the engine and kept his eyes straight ahead as he reached down and shifted the car into reverse. He tried not to look, but he couldn't help seeing her pale face as he pulled out of the parking lot. As he drove away she was fighting back tears of fury and despair.

  Chapter 45

  Jack watched the scene play out over his steering wheel with barely suppressed glee.

  "Let's go," a voice urged him.

  He glanced over in annoyance. He had almost forgotten that Danica was in the car. He ran a hand up her thigh and let the tips of his fingers graze beneath the pleated edges of her skirt. "Shhh."

  Samara stood in clear view. She appeared to be paralyzed with anger. After several long seconds she seemed to realize that groups of students were stopping to stare at her, and she turned on her heel and disappeared across the parking lot. He hadn't been able to hear what Samara and Lucian were saying, but their body language revealed all the information he needed.

  He wanted to gag when he remembered the whole Homecoming debacle. The sting of being turned down was bad enough, but running into Samara at the dance, on Lucian's arm, had been almost unendurable. Whatever Lucian was up to, he had to be stopped. That assignment was proving difficult, but was nonetheless straightforward. It was Samara who tormented his ego.

  He had become obsessed with seducing her. Not because he wanted her, but because she'd made it abundantly clear that she didn't want him. No wasn't an answer he was used to being given, nor was it one he was willing to accept.

  In all the elaborate plots he'd schemed up, the one barrier that prevented him from getting to Samara was Lucian. It was obvious that the Dominion had allowed himself to fall in love. It was a rookie mistake. So foolish. He'd given in to the girl's human influence so easily. Still, he protected her, and had significant powers of his own.

  Jack had no doubt that he could manipulate Samara, make her fall for him, but she'd been completely blinded by Lucian. He'd been unable to find an opportunity that would give him enough time to charm his way in. Now things were perfect. Lucian was out of the picture and Samara was alone and vulnerable. Like a little lost lamb, he thought.

  He turned up the radio until the windows vibrated and ignored Danica's whining protests. She was an annoying one; he'd be glad to be rid of her. She had just been another diversion to keep boredom from driving him out of his mind. He slid to a stop at the bottom of her driveway, leaned across her lap, and pushed open the passenger door.

  "I thought we were going to the Burger Hut," Danica pouted. She batted her ebony eyes at Jack and tried to look alluring.

  "Change of plans." He reached behind her seat and pulled her backpack off the floorboard. "Maybe another day. I remembered somewhere I have to be."

  He handed her the backpack and fiddled with the radio while she reluctantly climbed out of the car. She leaned down to look at him through the car window and her v-neck shirt sagged open. "Do you want to come in?" she asked. He could see the tops of her breasts bouncing as she said, "My parents won't be home for hours."

  For a moment he was tempted. After all, what would it hurt? He could have her today, and then make his plan to win over Samara tomorrow.

  Instead he decided to take Desiree's advice and exercise restraint. Samara was different from Danica, and Amber, and all the other girls that were so eager to go out with him. She had made it clear that she didn't approve of the amount of extracurricular activites he had enjoyed since he came to Wimberley, and he knew he would need to be on his best behavior to win her over.

  "No thanks," he said. He reached over and pulled the car door shut beneath Danica's nose. If Samara wanted love and fidelity, then that was what he was going to give her. And if she wanted something else, he would find a way
to give her that too. He felt an irrepressible grin on his face and hummed a few lines of the rock ballad playing on the radio. It was the beginning of a new game, and he was turning over a brand new leaf.

  Chapter 46

  "I hope you know what you're doing," Duncan drawled. "Cause from here, it looks like things are pretty much going bad to worse."

  Lucian crossed his arms and glared across the room at Duncan and Sofia. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the white couch with faces that were annoyingly placid. "Really?" he shouted. "Well you've been filled with such helpful, specific information to this point, so why don't you tell me what I should do!"

  "We've already told you," Sofia said quietly.

  "No," Lucian exclaimed. "You really haven't. You've said things that I could've pulled out of a fortune cookie at a cheap Chinese restaurant, but nothing that actually means anything."

  They both sat calmly while he raged, and their silence infuriated him even more. He wanted to get some sort of a reaction from them, some anger or disappointment that would match the feelings he had toward himself. "Say something! Do something!"

  "We don't know what you want from us," Duncan said. "Do you want us to talk or listen?"

  "I want you to tell me what to do!"

  "You know we can't do that, because we don't know. Somehow you're gonna have to find your own way."

  Lucian leaned against the back of a chair and rested his head on his arms. "Are you sure there's a way to find?" He raised his head and his eyes pleaded with his guardians. "Are you sure there's more Light than Darkness here?"

  Sofia stood up and her eyes snapped. "I am sure," she said emphatically. "This world is worth fighting for."

  Lucian shook his head and turned away.

  "You're doing this to yourself," Sofia said. "You refuse to follow your heart, you refuse to surrender control, you refuse to embrace the expectation that you will be led. We told you things take time here, sometimes a very long time, and unlike in the Heavenlies you can only live in one sequential minute at a time. We can't help you or guide you if you won't accept the rules of this world."

  She stepped closer to Lucian and lowered her voice. "So much depends on you."

  "Don't you think I know that?" he said. "I can feel the weight of the Earth, and every person on it, pressing down on me, every day."

  "Why'd you leave Samara?" Duncan's question flew across the room and caught him off guard.

  Lucian looked back and forth between the two of them. "You know I had to. I didn't have a choice."

  "I don't know that," Duncan responded, "because it's your heart on the line and not mine, but to my way of thinking there's always a choice. I said it before, and I'm gonna say it again. You're better off following what you're drawn to."

  "What are you saying? That I should just keep dating her, and taking her out on picnics, and falling in love while the world falls apart?"

  "I didn't realize the world was at an end yet," Duncan said. His voice remained light, but Lucian felt like his eyes were pinning him against the wall.

  "You know what I mean. I don't know what will happen, but something is wrong with the Timeline, and I'm sure spending my time in some misguided romance isn't the way to fix it."

  Lucian glowered across the room at Duncan and silently dared him to respond. He felt like his human urges were barely under control and he gripped the sides of the chair. If Duncan said anything else, he wasn't sure he could restrain himself from throwing the chair at his head.

  Sofia seemed to read his thoughts and stepped to the side, partially blocking Duncan with her slender frame. "Just ask yourself," she said, "if you're following the way of love. There are many paths that you can take, many things to guide you, but we were born of love and we will end in it. If you stay on that path the journey may be hard, but it will not lead you astray."

  Lucian turned on her angrily. "Your judgment is impaired. You've lived here too long. You've forgotten your true natures. Both of you!"

  "Maybe you're right," Sofia said. "I like to think that I lost a part of myself here, but I found it again, better and stronger than before. You might too, if you would give up all the things you think you know."

  Lucian shook his head. "I can't. It would be wrong to stay with Samara, to love her like I want, even if I didn't have a mission to accomplish. We're too different."

  "You wouldn't be the first, you know," Duncan said. "To fall in love with a human girl."

  "It doesn't matter. Even if there is theoretically a way that we could be together, even for a little while, it wouldn't last. It couldn't." He gestured across the room to Sofia and Duncan. "Unlike the two of you," he said, "she can only die once. She wouldn't be safe with me. Knowing that I'm hurting her, that I'm causing her pain, is breaking my heart, but it's the only way. To save her, I have to let her go."

  Chapter 47

  Lucian returned to school every day, but he didn't speak to Samara again. In fact, she rarely saw him. She was still reeling, unable to explain to herself how things between them had changed so swiftly. She wanted to hate him, at least that would give her a place to channel the pain and anger caused by his public rejection, but she couldn't find it in herself.

  Whenever she did catch a glimpse of Lucian in the hallway or passed him driving around town, he looked as tormented as she felt. After her conversation with Sofia, she was sure that there were things in Lucian's life she didn't understand. What were his secrets? she wondered. Where was his family? What was the decision that he had to make?

  Dina had chosen to avoid the subject of Lucian altogether. When Samara came home from school after their confrontation and locked herself in her bedroom, her mom hadn't asked any questions or tried to force her to get out of bed. Instead, she'd provided comfort in the form of lemon cupcakes and steamed milk. Samara knew her mom would listen if she wanted to talk, but she also knew there was nothing Dina could say that would ease the ache in her heart. It was better, she decided, to talk about him as little as possible. If she did that, then maybe he would eventually take up less space in her heart and in her thoughts.

  Carin was not so delicate. "What are you going to do?" she demanded one morning close to the beginning of the Christmas holidays.

  "There's nothing to do," Samara shrugged. "I can't make him want to be with me."

  "I can tell he's not over you," Carin argued. "I sit behind him in study hall, and he looks terrible!"

  "That does make me feel a little better," Samara said, "but he was clear when he said he didn't want to see me anymore."

  "You can change his mind. Appeal to him!"

  "I don't want to!"

  She immediately felt guilty for snapping at Carin. As she watched, her friend's face fell and she dropped her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry," she said. "You might be right. Maybe I could appeal to him, or make some romantic gesture like stand outside his window in the rain. And maybe I could get him to change his mind, but I don't want to."

  "But-" Carin sputtered, "you could be together again. Isn't that what you want?"

  "I want to be with someone that wants to be with me, without having to crawl, or beg, or plead, or plan." Samara sighed. "He made his choice, and I'm going to accept it."

  She put her hand up as Carin opened her mouth to protest. "Are you my friend?"

  "Yes! That's why I'm trying to help you-"

  "Stop!" Samara said. She raised her voice above Carin's and cut her off. "I'm telling you that I don't want to talk about Lucian any more, or hear how he looks, or wonder what he's doing. If I change my mind and I do want to talk about him, then I'll let you know, but until then, no more."

  "But-"

  "No more!" Samara said firmly. "There are plenty of other people to talk about."

  Carin sighed deeply. "Fine."

  She glanced around trying to find another subject of conversation. "So Jack quit dating Danica."

  "Oh, really?" Samara picked up a stack of letters and carried them over to a fi
le cabinet. "Who's the new flavor?"

  "No one."

  Samara shot a look at Carin. "What do you mean, 'No one?'"

  "Apparently he's had a change of heart. He's not dating any more."

  "A change of heart? Like he found Jesus or something?" Samara snorted. "That just seems so unlikely."

  "I don't know," Carin said, "but he broke up with Danica three weeks ago, and he hasn't gone out with anyone else since then."

  "Hmm…." Samara filed the last letter and slammed the cabinet drawer shut. "Come to think of it, he has been acting a little less intense lately."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well," Samara blushed. "I tripped on the stairs the other day, and he sort of appeared out of nowhere and helped me up."

  "Ooh, did he ask you out again?"

  "No, he just acted friendly. Like a normal sort of friendly."

  "That's weird," Carin said, "because every time I've seen him talk to you, he looked like he was trying to consume you with his eyes."

  She giggled as Samara made a face. "It's true!" she said. "I've never seen anybody look at someone the way he looks at you."

  "I know," Samara admitted. She could feel a blush color her cheeks. "But he didn't do that the other day."

  "Do you think he likes you?" Carin asked.

  "I doubt it," Samara said. She snorted as she thought about all the different girls Jack had gone out with. "I don't seem like his type. I'm much too average."

  "Lucian didn't think so." Carin raised her hands in surrender when Samara shot her a look and spun her chair around. "I'm just saying," she said, "it's something to think about."