Dear Bridget, I Want You

  Dan Fogel was a bastard. In exchange for covering my shift, I had to cover two Saturday nights and pick him up a pile of Chinese food on an evening of his choosing. He’d initially said no, and my begging told him to up the cost. But it was all worth it when I walked into Miss Santoro’s classroom. I scanned the room for Brendan. There were a few dads milling around the room already. Little B was in the back of the class with a group of boys when he spotted me. Pointing, he said, “See, I told you my uncle was huge. Look at his muscles. We’re gonna cream you in tug of war.”

  I would’ve covered twenty shifts for the way he beamed and ran over. Brendan gave me a fist bump and introduced me to all his buddies. They formed a circle around me, which made me feel a bit like Gulliver next to all the little peanut-sized boys.

  “Are you really a doctor?” A suspect little redheaded freckle face squinted at me under his glasses.

  I kneeled down. “I am. Do you have an ailment?”

  “A what?”

  “An ailment. You know…does your tummy or something hurt?”

  “No. But sometimes Brendan lies.”

  My eyes flickered to Brendan and back to the little boy. “I highly doubt that. Brendan is a stand-up mate.”

  Little redhead put his hands on his hips. “Do you also fly planes?”

  From my peripheral view, I caught Brendan’s eyes widen at the prospect of my exposing him. “Just small ones. You should come along for a ride some time. As long as you don’t mind Brendan taking the helm once in a while.”

  The kid’s glasses nearly knocked square from his face when his eyes bulged. “You let Brendan fly the plane!”

  I looked around and winked. “Shh…let’s keep that between us boys. I wouldn’t want Brendan to get in trouble—underage piloting and all.”

  The crew of kids ran off to play after that, and I was greeted by a very pretty lady. She extended her hand. “You must be Dr. Hogue, Brendan’s uncle.”

  “That’s me.”

  “I’m Miss Santoro, Brendan’s teacher. He talked about you all morning. He’s super excited to have you here. I’m glad you could make it.”

  “Thank you. I’m happy it worked out.”

  “Do you live here in town? I work the drop off circle in the mornings, and I’ve noticed you dropping him off a few times.”

  “Yes. I live with Bridget and Brendan. I’m finishing up my residency at Memorial and staying with them until I’m done.”

  “Oh. You must be Mrs. Valentine’s brother, then?”

  “Ummm. Yes. Bridget’s my big sis.”

  “Were you both raised in England? I’ve never noticed an accent before from her…but yours is very strong. It is British, isn’t it?”

  Shit. And one lie snowballs into two. What the heck? In for a penny, in for a pound. I might as well have fun with it. “I went to college and med school across the pond. I guess I picked it up over the years. Harry, my flat mate, had a pretty royal sounding accent. His brother William was even worse.”

  She smiled. “Well, I like it.”

  My flirting came out on autopilot. “Then I think I’ll keep it.”

  Little B and I won the two-on-two basketball tournament. We romped in the egg on a spoon game, and the three-legged race wasn’t even a challenge—we pretty much walked to victory. Brendan was having the time of his life when we broke for lunch. The teachers had set up a table full of blankets and sack lunches. I grabbed our loot, and we went to sit under a tall oak.

  Brendan sat Indian-style while I stretched out on the blanket, leaning up on my elbows. “Ah. It’s good to be the king, isn’t it, buddy?”

  He smiled. “It’s awesome. Mark Connolly usually wins everything. He thinks his dad is the coolest because he works on airplanes. But he’s a mechanic, not even a pilot.”

  I took a bite of my sandwich and eyed my little buddy. “He’s not a pilot like me, huh?”

  Brendan’s face dropped. I hadn’t meant to make him feel bad. I was just teasing—all boys tell tall tales when they’re his age. “You’re not going to tell my mom, are you?”

  “Of course not. Bro code. We stick together.” I offered my fist for a bump.

  He looked relieved. “I didn’t mean to lie…I just couldn’t take it anymore. They’re always talking about how great their dads are. This morning, Mark made fun of me because I don’t know how to throw a spiral, and it just sort of came out.”

  I mussed his hair trying to make light of it, even though I felt a crushing sensation inside my chest. “They’re all just jealous because you have this cool, long hair going on.”

  After lunch, we did a few more activities and then the kids all went to do some water balloon squashing thing, and the parents stood around talking. Miss Santoro found me fiddling with my phone.

  “If you win anymore events, I might have to tie one arm behind your back to make it fair for the other kids.”

  It was a hot one today, and Miss Santoro had changed out of her dress and heels into cute little shorts and a t-shirt to spend the afternoon outside. None of my teachers looked like her growing up. I wondered if Little B had a crush on his teacher. “Oh yeah? You’re going to tie me up?”

  She blushed. “When it comes out of your mouth, it sounds dirty.”

  That was because my mouth was dirty. And sometimes, I acted like an ass. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  “You didn’t.” She looked up from under her thick lashes. “It sounded kind of sexy, actually.”

  Oh shit. I was just screwing around. The last thing I needed was for Brendan to think I was hitting on his teacher. Or Bridget. Luckily, Little B was heading my way with two balloons.

  “Can you throw these at the dunk tank, Uncle Simon?”

  “Sure, buddy.” I nodded at Miss Santoro. “Don’t worry, I’m only going to use one hand.”

  Field day ended at three o’clock, and all of the dads were taking their kids home with them. Brendan usually went to an afterschool program because Bridget worked, but I didn’t want him to be the only kid there today. So, instead, I took him for ice cream and then headed to the hospital. There was less than an hour left to Bridget’s shift, so I figured he could hang around in the staff lounge and raid the snack machines while he did his homework. We were both excited to surprise his mom.

  Bridget was behind the nurse’s station when we walked in, typing away on the computer, so she didn’t see us come into the ER.

  I leaned down and whispered to Brendan. “You wanna sneak up and scare her or should I?”

  He grinned. “Me.”

  Bridget nearly jumped out of her skivvies when he snuck up on her and growled. “Oh my God. What are you doing here, Brendan?”

  “I came with Simon.”

  “Simon? Why were you with Simon?” She turned to me. “I was wondering why you weren’t here yet.”

  “Simon was my uncle today. He came to field day and beat all the other dads.”

  “He did?”

  “Yep. And that’s not all. You wanna know what else happened?”

  I’d assumed he was going to spill about our getting ice cream.

  Bridget said, “Of course. What else happened that I don’t know about? It sounds like I’m in the dark on a lot of amazing stuff that happened today.”

  Brendan scrunched up his nose. “Miss Santoro was making googly eyes at Simon. I think she wants to marry him.”

  Great. What happened to bro code, Little B?

  The entire ride home from the hospital, I couldn’t stop thinking about Simon attending the field day event and what that meant to Brendan.

  On one hand, I thought it was the sweetest, most heartfelt thing anyone had ever done for us. On the other hand, it was a bit irresponsible. I didn’t want Brendan becoming attached to Simon only to be devastated when he ultimately moved away. Simon being there for Brendan was like a temporary Band-Aid for a wound that wasn’t going to go away, and there was a very good chance that my son could end up hurt even more. Simon
leaves and then what?

  But through my rearview mirror, the smile on Brendan’s face couldn’t be ignored. He seemed to be mentally reviewing the day’s events. He deserved these moments of joy, which were few and far between. Thus, my conflicted state.

  Simon had apparently switched shifts with another doctor in order to attend the field day, so he wasn’t working tonight. He was already home when Brendan and I arrived back to the house.

  Simon didn’t join us for dinner that night, though, like he sometimes would. I assumed he must have been exhausted from his role as a human punching bag for a bunch of grade schoolers. So, I didn’t bother him, even though I was itching to talk to him.

  Around nine-thirty, after Brendan had gone to sleep, I heard Simon in the kitchen.

  After lowering the volume on the TV, I got up from the couch and tied my cardigan around my waist before venturing into the kitchen. “Hey.”

  “Hi,” he said. “I was just going to make some tea. You want some?”

  “Sure.”

  The tone between us tonight seemed different, less playful. There was definitely an awkward tension in the air.

  “Thank you for being there for him today.”

  Placing the teabags into the cups, he shrugged. “It was nothing. It was his idea. I couldn’t disappoint him.”

  “I know. He told me he asked you to go.”

  Simon looked at me. “I didn’t want you to think I overstepped any boundaries because I happened to see that flyer. If he hadn’t come up with the uncle idea…I would never have—”

  “No, I understand what happened. He’s very hard to say no to when he gets excited about something. I get it.”

  He could apparently sense that there was something more on my mind.

  “What’s wrong, Bridget?”

  “I’m just a little concerned he’s going to get attached to you.”

  “You think it’s bad that he’s getting close to me…”

  “I don’t know.” I just kept shaking my head. “I don’t know what the right answer is.”

  “If he looks to me like a favorite uncle, I suppose there’s no harm in that. As long as it’s not like…” he paused.

  I finished his sentence. “As long as he doesn’t look at you like a father.”

  “Yeah. I suppose that’s what I was getting at.”

  “The only problem is, I know my son, and there’s really no limit to how he loves or gets attached. I don’t know that he’s truly able to compartmentalize. I think the longer you’re around, the more attached he’s just going to get regardless of what label he places on you.”

  “What are you suggesting, then?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I’m struggling with this myself.”

  “If you think it’s best that I keep my distance from him, I—”

  “I didn’t say that, Simon. I’m just confused.”

  He held out his hand. “I get it.”

  Simon seemed a little upset, so I attempted to change the subject.

  “So, Miss Santoro was smitten with Uncle Simon, I take it? She’s attractive, too.”

  “Yes, she is. And she wants to tie me up.”

  “What?”

  “Just kidding. Sort of.”

  I felt like my jealousy was smoking out of my ears. “So, are you gonna go for it?”

  “No.”

  Swallowing, I asked, “Why?”

  “Not gonna cross the line with Brendan’s teacher. But moreover, I don’t want to piss my sister off.”

  “Your sister?”

  “You. I told her you were my sister.”

  “Oh God. Are you kidding? How did you explain the accent?”

  “I spent some time in England while you stayed back here?” He flashed a crooked smile.

  “Goodness. You’re teaching my son lying?”

  “He’s a pretty good fibber all on his own. Trust me on that one.”

  Rolling my eyes, I said, “I don’t even want to know.” I watched him steep the tea then continued harping on the Miss Santoro issue because I just didn’t know when to stop. “So, you really wouldn’t ask his teacher out?”

  “Even if she weren’t his teacher, she strikes me as the type who wants to nail down a man, settle down.”

  I used the opportunity to ask, “Have you ever had a serious girlfriend?”

  “Once.”

  “What happened?”

  “We realized we were much better off as friends. Then we went off on our separate ways to different colleges.”

  “Do you ever think about her?”

  “Only when I’m interrupting her yoga class to stare at the variety of apple bottoms.”

  It took a few seconds before it hit me like a ton of bricks.

  Wait.

  Simon dated Calliope?

  “Oh my God. Calliope? You…and Calliope?”

  He laughed at my reaction. “She’s my best friend, but she was my girlfriend for a brief time. I like to think of it as a small lapse in sanity.”

  “Wow. She never told me.”

  “It was a long time ago, long before she ever met Nigel.”

  “Does Nigel know?”

  “Yeah. We make jokes about it. He’s cool with it.”

  My mouth was agape. “Wow. I don’t even know what to say.”

  “There is nothing to say. It was eons ago.”

  My face was hot with jealousy. “No other steady girlfriends?”

  “No.”

  We moved to the table to sip our tea and carried on a casual conversation about happenings at the hospital until I decided I wanted to delve a little deeper.

  “What made you decide to become a doctor?”

  He kept steeping his tea and staring into his cup until he looked up at me and said, “I have an unhealthy and incessant need to save people, I guess.”

  That was sort of an odd answer.

  “You wanted to be like a real-life superhero?”

  “It’s a bit more complicated than that,” he said, almost under his breath.

  “Did something happen?”

  Simon didn’t answer and simply looked down at his watch. “Actually, I forgot I have an early meeting tomorrow with hospital management before my shift. I’ve got to be up at five. So, I’m gonna turn in, alright?”

  “Okay,” I whispered, hoping I hadn’t upset him.

  He left me alone in the kitchen. I looked at the clock. It was late, but I decided to text Calliope, knowing she’d told me once that she stays up pretty late.

  Bridget: Are you awake?

  Calliope: Yup. Just watching the telly. What’s up?

  Bridget: Can I call you?

  Calliope: Sure.

  She answered, “What’s up, Bridge?”

  I came right out with it. “You never told me that you and Simon dated.”

  Calliope sighed. “It was so long ago. I didn’t think it was significant. Are you mad?”

  “No…no. I just…I’m surprised. That’s all.”

  “Honestly, we started out as friends and have remained friends. The romantic relationship was sort of like a strange detour in the middle that didn’t work out. We were always meant to be just what we are—friends. He’s very special to me, not someone I could ever see disappearing from my life.”

  I could kind of relate to feeling that way about him.

  “I can understand that.”

  “Nigel is the love of my life. Everything turned out the way it should have in that respect.” She paused then said, “Bridget…”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you falling for Simon?”

  I hesitated. “No.”

  “Be honest.”

  I sighed. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m very attracted to him, though.”

  It was the first time I’d ever admitted that out loud to anyone.

  “Enough time has passed since Ben died. It’s okay to have feelings for someone, you know. Especially someone who’s truly a great guy.”

  “I tho
ught you agreed he was a manwhore.”

  “Well, he is.” She laughed. “Or at least, he was. But that’s not necessarily because he’s a bad person. Simon thinks he doesn’t want kids, doesn’t want to settle down. He’s always said that. But I don’t truly believe him, because a lot of his actions contradict that. I think he’s just scared of hurting people or getting hurt—one or the other, maybe both.”

  “Why?”

  “He has his reasons. Not my place to talk about it, though.”

  What does that mean?

  I chose not to pry. “Okay.”

  “But I can assure you of one thing,” she said. “Deep down, underneath all that brawn and wild personality…is a really decent human being. I don’t know exactly whether that makes him good boyfriend material or not, but Simon is certainly someone I would trust with my life.”

  I just kept fucking up.

  First…it was the Adventures of Uncle Simon. Bridget was right. There was no way I wanted Brendan to become attached to me, only to be devastated when I moved.

  Second was the issue of my attraction to Bridget. I hadn’t wanked off to anyone but her in weeks, and it was pissing me off. Every time I would try, the woman in my head would morph into her. What the fuck was wrong with me?

  Third, I almost messed up and told her about Blake. We were having tea, and she’d asked me about my reasons for entering the medical field. I found myself really wanting to tell her, which was strange, because I normally avoided talking about it at all costs. But Bridget had a way about her that made you want to bare your soul. She emitted an air of motherly comfort or something that made me want to just place my head on her lap and tell her all of my secrets and woes. (And yes, my dirty mind did wander to some of the other things I could do with my head in her lap.) Anyway, I suspected she wouldn’t judge me. Especially since she knew a thing or two about devastating life circumstances. But I stopped myself, mainly because I really couldn’t risk opening up to her, getting closer to her. I needed to consider what would happen when my residency was over and I moved back to the UK, which was the plan all along.

  So, lately, I’d been distancing myself a bit, just spending more time out of the house or at least when I was home, keeping to my own space. The problem was: I was physically distancing myself, but mentally still focusing on her. I missed her and if I was being honest…Brendan, too.