A Gentleman-at-Arms: Being Passages in the Life of Sir Christopher Rudd, Knight

  *III*

  'Twas a fair bright day when we put into the harbour of Cadiz, and I setfoot in that comely town. We took up our lodging in an inn (called_venta_ in the Castilian tongue) built all of stone, as indeed are allthe buildings, whether large or small. I spent a day in learning my wayabout the town, or, as Stubbs worded it, taking my bearings, and couldnot but admire its goodly cathedral and abbey, and its exceeding finecollege of the Jesuits. The streets were for the most part so narrow,none being commonly broader than Watling Street in London, as but twomen or three at the most together could in any reasonable sort marchthrough them, and I was somewhat astonied to see that the town wasaltogether without glass, save only the churches. Yet the windows werefair and comely, having grates of iron to them, and large folding leavesof wainscot or the like.

  Having attained a reasonable knowledge of the place, I made my way onthe second day to the large flat-topped house (as are they all) which Ihad learnt to be the mansion of Don Ygnacio de Acosta. Before I leftAntwerp I had taken pains to seal up the Count de Sarney's epistle (Godpardon my duplicity!), and this I presented to a servant of exceedingmagnificence at the door; the Spaniards call such majordomo: by whom Iwas after a tedious waiting conducted to the presence of the Captain ofthe Galleys. The Spaniards, as all the world knows, have the name forthe nicest punctilio and courtliness, but I own that the Captainreceived me none too graciously. Indeed, his first words, after abriefer greeting than was seemly, were a complaint of the Count's delayin dispatching the draft, the which had occasioned Don Ygnacio to take aloan from a Jew of his town at a usurious rate of interest. I madehumble excuses on my father's behalf: you are to remember that Ipersonated Armand de Sarney: and it needed no wondrous shrewdness todiscern, by the manner of the Spaniard's putting up the papers in hiscabinet, that he was of a right avaricious nature. When he read thepostscriptum wherein the Count de Sarney warned him against a meddlesomeEnglishman, he seemed to me to resemble a cock ruffling his feathers.He poured scorn upon the Count's fears and alarms, asking me whetherCadiz was Calais or even Cartagena that it lay open to any Englishadventurer. I might have reminded him how Sir Francis Drake burnt theKing's galleys in this very harbour, but I forbore; nor would he havetaken any profit of it, for the unquenchable pride and self-sufficiencyof the Spaniards after so many buffets and calamities is one of thewonders of the age.

  With great condescension Don Ygnacio offered me a lodging in his houseuntil such time as I should pursue my way to Seville, and I guessed thathis manner was nicely proportioned to the remote degree of hisrelationship to my supposed father. Moreover it bespoke no great relishfor the company of a mere student. None the less I thanked him in termswhose warmth would have befitted one that had done me unimaginablehonour, but declined his proffered hospitality, saying that even on mytravels I diligently pursued my studies, so that I was in no wise suitedto the thronging life of the world wherein so high a magnifico moved.His countenance confirmed the justness of my surmise. Then, summoningmy gravest look, I said--

  "I devote the greater part of my time, senor, to the investigation ofthe ills that affect the _Ramus stomachichus_, wherewith I haveperceived, even in the so little time I have sojourned in your town,that many of its inhabitants are afflicted. My father bade me inquirevery particularly after your health, the which by your last advice wasnot all that could be wished. I fear that the _Ramus stomachichus_ isthe seat of your disorder, and I trust that the treatment of yourphysician is meeting with the desired success."

  I threw this out as a bait, and to my exceeding joy I saw that it wasswallowed as greedily as a gudgeon snaps up a worm. Don Ygnacio was amountainous man, as Stubbs had told me on the voyage, with the girth butnot the hardness of an oak, his face like dough with two raisins foreyes, his whole frame betokening a consuming love of the flesh-pots andstrong liquors. During my speech, delivered with a measured gravity,his face put on a look of great dolefulness, and broke out into a sweat.

  "I cannot sleep," said he, in most dolorous accents.

  "A certain sign," said I, nodding my head gravely.

  "I dream of horrors," said he.

  "Devils, and serpents, dark dens and caves, sepulchres, and deadcorpses," said I, quoting the words of Ambrose Parey, which I haddiligently conned on board ship, "all arising from the putrefaction andinflammation of the _Ramus stomachichus_, together with the afflux ofnoisome humours to the brain. The diaphragm hath a close community withthat organ, by the nerves of the sixth conjugation which are carried inthe stomach."

  "I reel in the street," said he, with lamentable groans, "and when I laymy head on the pillow, I hear noises like the sound of many waters."

  I shook my head solemnly, having at the moment no more of AmbroseParey's sentences at my command. Taking him delicately by the wrist, Iput my finger on his pulse, which in truth fluttered unsteadily.

  "Show me your tongue," I said, and could barely avoid laughing at thegrimace he made when he displayed that monstrous organ.

  Then, presuming on his manifest discomposure, I dealt him a lusty buffetabove the fifth rib, so that he catched at his breath, and at his outcryI inquired solicitously whether he felt any pain.

  "The pains of Gehenna," he said, groaning.

  I was mute, bending on him a mournful look, whereat his excitation ofmind did but increase.

  "I pray you, cousin, be open with me," he said. "I will steel my heartto bear it."

  "Your case is not utterly hopeless," I replied with deliberation, havingfirst hemmed and hawed in the style approved of the faculty, "but itdemands careful treatment. Methinks from the symptoms that it hashitherto been treated somewhat negligently. I will return to my lodgingand ponder upon it, consulting Fernelius, his _Pathologia_" (a work Ihad seen named in the pages of Ambrose Parey). "To-morrow, by your goodleave, I will see you again. The true course is not to be lightlydetermined, but I trust that my art has resources wherewith to counterthe worst symptoms of your distemper and perchance to work a cure."

  "Do so, good cousin," he said. "Come early, I pray you, and by St.Iago, I shall know how to recompense you becomingly."

  I took my leave, and when the door was between us, gave a loose to mymerriment, hastily composing my features when the majordomo approachedto conduct me to the street.

  I returned to my inn, and buried my nose for some while in the folio;then betook myself to an apothecary's, where I purchased a quantity ofbarley creams, poppy seeds, and seeds of lettuce, purslain, and sorrel,commanding him to make a decoction of them and have it ready against Icame on the morrow. This was a prescription of Ambrose Parey. I badehim also compound an admixture of the infusion of sundry simples,exceeding nauseous, yet like to do no great hurt, to wit, valerian,quassia, a trifling quantity of colocynthis (which grows veryplentifully in Spain), and _pix atra_, by the which you shall understandcommon tar. This also, a bolus of my own devising, I commanded the manto have in readiness, and then found that I had a good relish for mydinner.

  I BETOOK MYSELF TO AN APOTHECARY'S]

  Stubbs had already shown me where the king's galleys lay; 'twas off theeast side of the town, betwixt the island and the mainland. They werefour in number: these were the principal galleys, there being sixteen ofan inferior sort that rode nigh to the bulwark of _St. Philip_, at thenorth-east extremity of the town. A strong fortification of stone-workran from this bulwark towards the water-side, having its southern endbeside the king's storehouse of provision and munition for his ships ofwar. Here, moreover, was the barrack in which certain of thegalley-slaves were cabined at night, for when the galleys lay idle thegreater number of the oarsmen was employed on shore in sundry laboriousexercises--repairing the fortifications and the like. A little waysouthward of this barrack was a rampire of earth built close against thesea-wall, and furnished with three great pieces of ordnance. This kindof bulwark is called in military parlance a _terrapleno_. There was inthe inner harbour also a fleet of near forty merchant vess
els, makingready for the American voyage, and a goodly number of galleons andgalliasses for the intended invasion of Ireland.

  I marvelled greatly at the bravado of my companion as we passed throughthe marketplace, thronged with folk of all conditions--orange-sellers,horse-dealers, chapmen and hucksters innumerable--and came near to thebarrack wherein he had spent many hours in anguish both of body andmind. He showed me the two portions of the building, and the window ofthe very room where he had lain. He showed me also a mighty fine galleylying in a manner of dock near to the king's storehouse, and on myasking a wayfarer what the vessel did there, he told me 'twas the galleyof Don Ygnacio de Acosta being new furbished and fitted for sea. A greatway off I saw some of the slaves, with shaven polls, and naked save fora strip of cloth about their loins, moving hither and thither abouttheir labour, under guard of soldiers armed with halberds andarquebuses. A hot fire of wrath raged within me when I thought that mybosom friend perchance toiled among them, but I gave great heed so asthat I should not approach them too nearly, lest he might spy me and bysome gesture ruin the plan I had conceived for his salvation.

  As we were returning to our inn from this inquisition, by way of themarket-place, I observed that many curious glances were cast upon us,and being in some dubience how to account for this, I was at first readyto fear that some suspicion was entertained of me and my purposes, orelse that some person had recognized my companion despite his shaggylocks and beard. But on a sudden the true explication smote upon myslumbering wits, and I took myself to task for my heedlessness. Stubbswas attired in the common garb of sailor men, and I perceived that itmust indeed seem passing strange to the Spaniards, of all people thestiffest on decorum and punctilio, to see a grave student of medicine infamiliar converse with a man so meanly habited. No sooner did thisillumination flash upon my mind than I bid Stubbs leave me, giving himat the same time money wherewith to buy him a Spanish gaberdine, whichwould in some sort cloak his quality. I went on to my inn alone,pondering upon how prone men are, when devising machinations of greatpoise and moment, to omit some small trifling matter, which lacking, alltheir cunning is like to turn to futility.

  Sallying forth of the inn about three of the clock, I went to myapothecary's, and took from him the vials containing the preparations hehad compounded for me, together with a small Turkey sponge and a newmedicine glass nicely graduated. These I gave into the hands of Stubbs,now clad in a capacious gaberdine that suited with his quality as myhenchman, and bade him follow me at a reasonable interval. At the doorof Don Ygnacio's house I received them from him again, and beingadmitted as before by the don's gentleman-usher, I found my grandeeawaiting me in a quivering expectancy. His heavy countenance lightenedat sight of me, and he told me with plentiful groaning that he had notshut an eye all the night through, but tossed wakeful and tormented uponhis bed. I felt of his pulse and scanned his furred and sickly tongue,and then, mustering all my new-gotten lore, I discoursed very learnedlyfor the space of five minutes upon the distempers of the _Ramusstomachichus_, ending my allocution somewhat as follows--

  "Having now full assurance, senor, as well by the observation of mysenses as also by your own description, that this is in good sooth thedistemper whereof you suffer, I must tell you in all sobriety that 'tishigh time 'twere taken in hand ere it grow beyond remedy. My counsel isthat you instantly command the attendance of a skilful surgeon."

  "Ods my soul!" he cried (for so I render his words in our homelyEnglish), "I have employed surgeons without number, and they bleed me,both of blood and money. Do you undertake me, good cousin; but do notlet my blood, I pray you, for I am not a whit better for all the gallonsthey have drawn from my exhausted veins."

  I affected to shrink from the conduct of so serious a case, on the scoreof my youth and pupillary condition, and of the high nobility of hiscaptainship; but the more backward I showed myself, so much the moreinstancy did he employ; in brief, he would take no denial. Whereupon Iinsisted that he must follow my directions without reck or hesitation,the which he avowed himself ready to do in all points. Accordingly Istripped the wrappings from my vials, and poured from the larger of theminto the medicine glass, with the nicest measurement, a good dram of thevillainous admixture, and called for water to allay it, and this I addedwith deliberate care, he keeping a wary watch on all my movements. Ithen bade him drink it at a draught, the which he did, afterwardsspluttering and wrying his countenance to such a picture of abhorrenceas came nigh to overset my studied gravity.

  "Ay de mi! ay de mi!" he groaned; "'tis a very vile draught, cousin, avery villainous concoction. Must I discomfit my inwards with the wholebottle?"

  "Thrice a day, senor, you must take your dose," I said.

  "Permit me at least to qualify the savour of it: it is so exceedingnasty and rough upon the tongue," he said pleadingly.

  "One sole glass of sherris," said I, with a great show of reluctancy;"no more, or the merits of this most potent medicine will be utterlyquelled."

  He drank the wine with great relish, eyeing the decanter very wistfullyas I set it out of his reach. Then calling for a basin, I poured intoit a little of the contents of my second vial, and dipping the spongeinto the liquid, I delicately anointed his sweating brows, telling him'twas a sure begetter of sleep tranquil as a child's.

  "Your hand is rather that of a swordsman than of a physician, cousin,"he said, thereby giving me a wrench in my soul, lest he began to suspectme. But he proceeded: "Yet it is delicate in its touch as a woman's;you give me great comfort, cousin."

  I continued to bathe his temples until I had wrought him to a fairplacidity; then admonishing him to be punctual in taking his doses ofthe former admixture, I left him, promising to visit him again on themorrow.

  My next concern was to certify myself that Raoul was still among thegalley-slaves, and whether he was of those that remained aboard or ofthose that were employed ashore. To this end I dispatched Stubbs to thesea-wall in the afternoon, a little before the time when, as he had toldme, the day's work was wont to end, there to keep a watch. He returnedsoon after sunset, and told me that he had seen his whilom comrade amongthose that were marched into the barracks. I inquired eagerly how helooked, and my heart was very bitter when he replied that my friend wasworn to a shadow, with lamentable sunken cheeks and haggard eyes.Nevertheless I rejoiced that he was yet alive, and comforted with thisassurance I bent my mind to the working out of the plan I had devisedfor his deliverance.

  On the morrow I went somewhat earlier to see my patient, whom I foundwondrously gracious, for that he had slept a good four hours withoutwaking. Indeed, he believed himself to be already cured, and I had muchado to persuade him to take his dose. I showed him that his distemperbeing of long standing, it was sheer madness to suppose that it could bewholly banished in so short a space of time, and proceeded to expoundthe necessity of continuing not only in the course he had begun, butalso in a subsidiary treatment which I would forthwith explain.

  Don Ygnacio, as I have said, was of enormous bulk, and the ills fromwhich he suffered, when they were not merely figments of a disorderedimagination, proceeded from too instant a devotion to meat and drink andan over-softness of living. In a word, his greatest need was temperancein these things, together with a more frequent use of his muscles.Accordingly I made him strip to his shirt and stand in his stocking feetin the middle of the room, and then put him through such simpleexercises as the Dutch captains use with the common soldiers--extensionsof the arms, bending of the trunk, and so forth. It was matter formerriment to see the great hulks, at my urging, make desperate endeavourto touch his toes, and come not within half a yard of accomplishing it.I kept him at these motions, paying no heed to his protestations, for agood half-hour, by the which time I had wrought him to a fine heat andperspiration, so that when finally I permitted him to sink back upon thecushions of his divan he was more wholesomely tired, I warrant, then hehad been ever in his life before. While he sat and fanned himself, andquaffed slowly the cup of sh
erris I allowed for his refreshment, I madehim a neat discourse for which I was beholden not to Master AmbroseParey, but to my own wit. 'Twas sound sense as well as a furtherance ofmy device.

  "You must know, senor," I said, "that this distemper of yours neverassails men of spare frames and active bodies. The husbandman, themariner, the poor scavenger of the street never suffer in this wise, noris their _Ramus stomachichus_ ever in peril of dissolution. In truth,their bodily exercise does but strengthen the nerves in all theirconjugations, so that their inward parts perform their offices toperfection, and furthermore furnish to them in some sort an armouragainst the assaults of disease. For a speaking ensample you have theslaves of your galleys, those reprobates whom you have in your augustcharge. Did ever you know one of them to suffer from any derangement ofthe _Ramus stomachichus_?"

  Since I conjectured Don Ygnacio's knowledge of the anatomy of man to beless than my own, and that was infinitely little, I got the answer thatI expected, with the addition that if any galley-slave should have theimpudency to suffer from a gentleman's complaint, he would certainly becured by the bastinado.

  "Now therefore," I continued, here drawing largely upon my invention,for a purpose, as you are to see--"now therefore, it is one of themiracles of our nature that a man beset by this dreadful distemper,being set in juxtaposition with a man of exceeding spareness, butotherwise sound in his members and organs, the infirmity of the one isin a manner fortified by the wholeness of the other, or as Spegeliushath it in his renowned tractate, the debility of the one is engraffedand mingled with the virtue of the other. The trial of this remedy isattended with sundry notable perils and incommodities, wherefore it isnot to be lightly undertaken, and I leave it for this present until wehave made a proper experimentum of the more vulgar means."

  The captain heard this with great attention, and made me manycompliments on the profundity of my learning, though he might have readSpegelius his tractate from cover to cover without finding the passagethat I gave forth with so great unction. Leaving the precious seed togerminate, I betook myself away in high contentment, though not withouta qualm and tremor at the lengths whereto my audacity was carrying me.

  Having sought my faithful attendant, I dispatched him to make sundrypurchases at the armourers of the town, a knife at one, a dagger atanother, small weapons in goodly number, but not more than one weapon atany one shop, lest suspicion or curiosity should be excited. Theseweapons, when he brought them to the inn, I bade him enfold them instrips of cloth I held in readiness, and wrap them in two severalparcels. While this was adoing, I took my way to the sea-wall, notingvery particularly the positions of the four galleys, the extent of waterbetwixt them and the shore, the manner in which the shore curved to apoint, and all other information that was necessary to the execution ofmy plan. As I walked hither and thither, I was observed by a captain ofsoldiers that chanced, as it seemed, to be taking the air by thesea-wall, and who accosted me, asking me with a kind of truculency whatI did there.

  "Noble excellency," I replied, "I am but a poor student of medicine ofthe French nation, making a brief sojourn in this your town."

  "A Frenchman, and I warrant me a spy!" he cried, and hailing a soldierfrom the guard-house near by, he assured me that I should soon companywith rats and beetles in the castle dungeon.

  "Beseech you, senor," I said, "my illustrious cousin Don Ygnacio deAcosta, captain of the royal galleys, will have somewhat to say to that.Come with me straightway to his house, and we shall learn if suchimmodesty of language pleasures him."

  My bold and assured mien daunted this strutting fellow, and he beganincontinently to make excuse how that he wot not of my condition, andcraved my pardon for the unmannerliness whereinto he had been betrayed.I took him very coldly, and set forth to return to my inn. This is aslight matter, unworthy of mention but for that which ensued.

  That same evening, a little before the hour when the slaves were wont tobe immured in their barrack, I came to the door of Don Ygnacio's houseand inquired of the majordomo how the worshipful captain did.

  "Desperately sick, senor," he replied. "He has but now commanded me tosummon hither Don Diaz de Rotta, physician to the constable of thecastle."

  "Is the messenger gone forth?" I demanded, in no little perturbation,for the presence of a true physician was like not only to undo all mystratagems, but also to stand me in a pretty hobble. Hearing that thelackey was even then donning his outdoor livery (for among the Spaniardspunctilio rules over high and low alike), I bade him stay the man untilI should have seen his excellency.

  When I entered to him I was amazed beyond measure to see his pitifulcondition. He lay back on his divan, uttering most dismal groans, hiscountenance of a deathly pallor, and his eyes astare as with the veryfear of death. He thrust out a feeble arm when he saw me, and cried ina faint voice--

  "Out of my sight, rapscallion! You have killed me with your vilenostrums."

  "OUT OF MY SIGHT, RAPSCALLION!"]

  My terror and amazement were little less than his own, for I knew mydrugs to be harmless, albeit nauseous, and I could not come at anyreasonable explanation of his distemperature.

  I inquired of the majordomo, who had followed me into the room, the timewhen this alteration had manifested itself, and his answer removed allmy apprehensions that Don Ygnacio was in imminent peril of dissolution.He had eaten a very hearty dinner soon after I left him, and fallenasleep, but was awakened by a violent commotion in his inward parts, andhad been, to put it in plain English, as sick as a dog. It was told meafterwards by my good friend and physician Sir Miles Ruddall that mydrugs themselves would not have wrought so mightily upon him but for theunwonted exercise whereto he had been enforced, and his monstrousgluttony thereafter. Having a shrewd suspicion that this was all thatailed him, I made him drink a cup of sherris mingled with cognac, andspoke soothingly to him, resolving with a stubborn hardness of heart toturn his incapacity to my own purposes. I upbraided him, mildly, yetwith earnestness, for that his imprudence had well-nigh undone all mycure, and avouched that it was high time to attempt the experimentum Ihad formerly suggested.

  "I am very sure," said I, "that there will be found among yourgalley-slaves a man of the right degree of leanness to accommodate yourexcellency, and I will instantly command your coach to attend you, sothat we may go down to their place and make trial of this sovereignremedy without delay."

  The strong liquors had already revived him, and his face was recoveringits proper ruddiness. Likewise his spirit took on its natural hue, theproof whereof was his exceeding fierce outcry.

  "Ods my valiancy!" he cried, "shall I join skins with a rascal, I,hidalgo of Spain? Never will I permit such scum to approach my person."

  "Truly, senor," said I, "it is impossible to conceive a gentleman ofyour exalted rank coming within a span's-length of a mean rascal, but Iopine that there are among the slaves some of reputable condition,perchance some English prisoners, or Flemings, only they are in generalof a brawny lustiness that suiteth not with the experimentum."

  "Why, so there is, now you put me in mind of it," he said with abrightened eye. "There is a Frenchman, a notorious reprobate, but thatis nothing against his rank, which is but little less than my own. Andfor leanness a rake could hardly match him; his leanness is not farshort of transparency."

  "That is right good hap," said I, raging inwardly that he should speakthus of my friend, for I made no doubt it was he. After fortifying himwith more wine, I linked my arm with his, and took him slowly to hiscoach, and when we had mounted into it, gave the word to the driver toconvey us to the barrack. We halted for a brief space at the inn, and Ibrought out my henchman, carrying the two parcels which, as I told DonYgnacio, held things needful for our trial. I bade Stubbs perch himselfbeside the driver, and we went on.

  We had to pass on our way the small dock wherein the captain's galleylay, and here I let fall a word of admiration of the fine lines of thevessel, asking very innocently whether it were one of the roy
al galleysof his charge.

  "It is my own vessel," he said with much complacency, and then nothingwould content him but I must instantly go with him and see the vesselmore closely. It was plain he held it in high esteem, and since I had areason of my own for desiring a nearer acquaintance with it, I yieldedto his wish in the manner of one humouring a sick person. He was bythis time, in truth, so nearly returned to his wonted state that I beganto fear lest he should declare the experiment of transfusionunnecessary. I accompanied him aboard the vessel, where he showed methe place for the crew, and those for the rowers and the soldiers, andhis own place, very richly caparisoned; also the piles of arms and somebarrels of gunpowder. Having admired the galley and all itsappurtenances with great fluency of utterance, I entreated him toproceed to the barrack, advising him that the day was already far spent,and it were best to accomplish our purpose before the chill of nightdescended on us. And so we came to the barrack.