Finding Faith

  But it was too late. He’d followed her gaze and was staring at the photo. The space between his brows puckered.

  He looked at Linn, and she felt pinned to the chair. There was no mistaking that it was Linn in the photo, even without makeup and wearing a dorky hospital gown. And holding a newborn.

  He reached toward the photo and picked it up.

  She froze, watching him take in all the details of the photo. The baby cradled in her arms. The railing of the hospital bed. The thermal jug of water on the bedside table.

  “Is this—is the baby yours?”

  He knew.

  Her lip quivered. She couldn’t lie, and she wouldn’t deny Grace. “Yes.”

  Oh, God. Oh, God, don’t make me tell him everything.

  “When?” He examined the photo, as if trying to determine her age. “It’s recent.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and clutched the material covering her ribs.

  “You have a baby.” He said it out loud, as if that would help him believe it.

  Don’t say a thing, Linn. Just because he knows about Grace doesn’t mean he has to know everything.

  “Where is she? He?”

  “She.” Linn clamped her lips down. So much for not saying anything.

  “Where is she? What happened to her?” He searched her eyes with compassion.

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  He frowned. “I already know your secret, Linn, right? What’s the point in not talking?”

  She gave a wry laugh. “You don’t know the half of it, Adam.”

  He set the photo down and placed his hands on her knees. “Then tell me.”

  He just wouldn’t give up, would he? No matter how many times she pushed him away, he kept at it. Would the truth finally drive him away? Would he see that she was no good for him? Would she survive the hurt it would cause when he turned away from her?

  “Tell me, Linn. It won’t matter to me. Nothing is going to change the way I feel.”

  He was so naive! Anger expanded her chest until she thought she’d burst with it. “Nothing, Adam? So it wouldn’t matter if I told you I had an affair with a married man? That I stole him away from his wife and kids? And it wouldn’t matter if I told you that I found out I was pregnant with his baby after he dumped me? Or that I almost aborted the baby? And then there’s the part about how I connived my way into his ex-wife’s life and tried to trick her into adopting my baby. Yes, that’s right. The baby was mine and her ex-husband’s. I was the ‘other woman’—only she didn’t know it at the time. But I’m sure all this won’t bother you at all.”

  Somehow she’d gotten up from her chair and pushed her way past Adam as her words had rushed out. Now she found herself across the room, looking out the window but not seeing anything. And whatever she did, she was not going to look at Adam. The silence was enough to tell her all she needed to know. Maybe Adam had read a story or two about people like her, but he’d never dated one. And he’d sure never marry one. She needed to get him out of there before she crumbled into a pathetic pile of emotion.

  “Get out, Adam.” Her voice was choked, squeezed through a throat that seemed to have shrunk nine sizes.

  “Linn—”

  “Just get out!” She dug her fingers into her hair at her temples, wishing she could bury herself in the folds of the drapes.

  When she felt his hand on her shoulder, she shrugged away from him. It was so like him to act compassionately, but she knew what his next words would be. It’s OK, Linn. You’ve been forgiven for all that. And then he would start to say it was all a long time ago, then remember that the photo had been taken recently. He would slowly ease out of her life because he would soon realize she wasn’t fit for him. If he didn’t realize it himself, his family would be sure to inform him of it.

  She swallowed back the sob that was working its way up over the lump in her throat. She couldn’t hold it back much longer. “Get out, Adam!” She crossed her arms, hugging herself around the waist. “Please.”

  He paused so long, she was afraid he’d touch her again and that she’d fall into his arms and sob like a baby.

  But then the floor creaked, and he was moving away toward the door. She heard him taking his coat off the closet doorknob. Heard him opening the door.

  She could feel him pausing on the threshold, as if the air in the room stood fixed, immobilized.

  “Don’t forget to lock up.” His tone was soft and heavy at the same time.

  She wanted to run to him and tell him she loved him. She wanted to beg him to stay. But before she could act on the notion, she heard the door click shut.

  CHAPTER

  THIRTY-FOUR

  Paula stood on the boat deck, her mittened hands clutching the railing as Miles and Eleanor got the boat ready to sail. As the wind whipped her hair around her face, she was glad she’d dressed warmly. Eleanor had dinner cooking in their onboard oven, and when David arrived, they’d push out into Lake Michigan’s cold waters and have a quiet dinner together.

  She wondered when Miles was going to spring the news. Would he tell her tonight, or would he wait until tomorrow? She didn’t know if she would sleep at all if he postponed it. She consulted her watch, the lights from inside the boat casting a glow on its face.

  David should arrive any minute if his flight wasn’t delayed. There had been no bad weather in Chicago or Jackson that day, so at least the airports were operating normally.

  “Here’s your coffee,” Eleanor said from the cabin door. She held out the mug.

  “Thank you. You have a beautiful boat. Or should I call it a yacht? I’m not much of a sailor.”

  “Technically it’s a yacht, but you can call her Daddy’s Girl. My father gave it to us as a wedding gift.”

  That was some wedding present. “Well, I’m thrilled you invited us to join you. I can’t remember the last time I was on any body of water.”

  A strand of hair came loose from Eleanor’s chignon, and she brushed it behind her ear. “Well, Miles is a sailor at heart. It’s a lot more fun in the summer, but even in the winter he just can’t stand being off the water for too long.”

  “I heard it was supposed to be mostly sunny tomorrow and unseasonably warm. We can put on our sunglasses and pretend it’s summer.”

  “I vote we stay in the cabin and play rummy.”

  Paula laughed. “Oh, good, you have cards. But don’t let David convince Miles to do a round of poker. He’s a card shark.” She glanced up the pier, expecting to see her husband any minute.

  “It must be hard seeing him only on weekends.” Eleanor’s fingers toyed with the gold pendant that dangled from her earlobe.

  “Sometimes every other weekend. And yes, it’s been hard. I think it’s made us even closer, though.”

  “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

  “Well, it didn’t become a cliché for nothing.” When she glanced back up the pier, she saw David still on shore, pulling a roller suitcase and looking around as if he were lost. “There he is.” She waved her arms. “David!”

  He stopped, his head following the sound of her voice. He stood still so long she thought he didn’t see her. She waved her arms again. “Over here.”

  He began walking slowly toward them. Dusk had settled around them like a darkened fog, but the lights on the pier lit the way for him.

  Eleanor poked her head through the cabin door. “Miles, David’s here.” She closed the door to the cabin and stood by Paula, watching David approach.

  As David neared, Paula offered him a big smile. Even though they couldn’t be alone together, she was so glad to see him. David was looking at Eleanor, though, a business smile curving his lips.

  “Hi, hon.” Paula stepped forward to embrace him, but his body was as stiff as a lamppost, and she didn’t feel his arms around her. She stepped back and saw one hand was on his rollaway, the other tucked in his coat pocket.

  “Mrs. Harding, nice to see you again.” David shook her hand.
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  “Eleanor, please. We’re so glad you could come. Are you much of a sailor?”

  Miles exited the cabin before David could answer the question.

  Paula studied David while he greeted Miles. He was cordial enough to the Hardings, but he’d hardly looked at Paula, and his jaw appeared to be chiseled from the Grand Tetons. Something wasn’t right, but she’d have to wait until they were alone to pry it from him.

  Eleanor, Paula, and David went inside the cabin to warm up while Miles untied Daddy’s Girl. Eleanor showed David to the room they’d bunk in so he could stow his bag, then he excused himself to the rest room, a small compartment in the lower level of the boat.

  After being shooed away from the galley, Paula took a seat at the table, where Eleanor had a lovely setting of china and silver, minus the dinner plates. The candles in the center of the table were fastened down to avoid being toppled over, and the flames danced on the wicks, pushed by the heat that flowed through the cabin.

  Paula wished she could follow David below and ask what was wrong. But it would be rude to abandon Eleanor while she was cooking for them. After several minutes Eleanor declared everything was ready and that they’d eat as soon as Miles had pulled away from shore and found a spot to anchor down for the night.

  Just when Paula began wondering what was taking David so long, he came up the stairway.

  “Something smells wonderful,” he said.

  “Oh, David, have a seat. Thank you, but I’m afraid it’s only Cornish hens and rice. I’ve heard Paula is a culinary queen, and I’m afraid I can’t compete with that.”

  Paula thought David would jump in and say something about her cooking, but when he didn’t, she spoke. “I’m afraid I haven’t had much time lately for the culinary arts, and anything home cooked is a treat.”

  Eleanor settled into a chair next to her. Across from her, David still wasn’t acknowledging Paula. It was like he’d turned back into that man he’d been before she’d come to Chicago. Was he regretting that he’d agreed to move from Jackson? Was he angry with her that she was pulling him away from his home and his business? Was he hoping she’d been wrong and that Miles wasn’t going to offer her the job? She would have to wait until they were alone to find out. She only hoped it wasn’t painfully apparent to Miles and Eleanor that something was amiss between them.

  A strange broken triangle of conversation ensued. Eleanor spoke with both David and Paula, Paula spoke with both Eleanor and David, but David spoke only with Eleanor. It seemed awkward and stilted that David never responded to anything Paula said. It was as if she were visible only to Eleanor.

  When Miles finally came in, Paula felt only relief. Maybe the broken verbal chain would be less obvious with a fourth participant.

  Paula insisted on helping Eleanor by carrying the dinner plates with golden Cornish hens to the table, and they settled into their seats.

  “You have quite a boat here,” David said to Miles.

  “Thank you. She was given to us by Eleanor’s parents as a wedding gift with the name Daddy’s Girl already painted on. I think it was his way of warning me to treat her right.” He laughed.

  “Miles.” Eleanor delicately dabbed her lips with the linen napkin and addressed Paula. “He always jokes that he’ll never be able to sell the boat just because of her name.”

  “Well, how would that look?” Miles said. “My trading in Daddy’s Girl for a newer model?”

  “I see your point.” Paula took a sip of wine. “I’m sure you’d never want to trade either of them in since they’re both top of the line.”

  “Well said, Paula.” Miles sliced the meat off the hen, his knife scraping against the plate. “David, how’s that business of yours going?”

  “Very well. We’ve had a busier than usual winter and are gearing up for the spring rush.”

  “Everyone always wants to house hunt in the spring, don’t they? I’ll bet you work a lot of hours through the warm months.”

  David responded that he did work a lot of overtime, and the subject changed from real estate to station talk, where Miles and Paula dominated the conversation. He raved about the job she’d done and how much potential he felt she had.

  Finally Miles raised his glass of Pepsi in a toast. “To Paula, an ambitious woman, a thorough reporter, and WMAQ’s newest evening anchor.”

  Paula froze, his words starting to sink in. Did he say “evening anchor”?

  “Congratulations, Paula.” Eleanor patted her hand.

  She should say something, but she didn’t seem to have any breath.

  “Look, she’s actually speechless,” Miles said.

  Paula looked at David, but his eyes were downcast.

  She’d gotten it. She was the new evening anchor! “Miles, I don’t know what to say. I’m just—just ecstatic.”

  “You deserve it. I knew from the minute I viewed your tape from Jackson Hole that you had something special. You’ve more than lived up to my expectations.”

  Eleanor held her glass up. “To Paula.”

  Paula raised hers and looked at David, who finally raised his glass.

  “To Paula,” David said. “It looks like all your sacrifices have paid off.” He stared at her with cold, hollow eyes.

  The slightest of pauses seemed to fill the cabin with a wave of frigid air.

  “To Paula.” Miles began clinking glasses, regarding Paula with the proud eyes of a father.

  Paula kept her smile carefully in place and hoped it was convincing. Though she was thrilled she got the job, fingers of fear had wrapped around her joy, all but strangling the much-awaited elation.

  She looked at David, whose eyes were blinking rapidly. She had to get him alone and find out what was going on, but first they had to get through the meal. She took a sip from her glass, trying to focus on what she needed to say to Miles.

  “I just can’t tell you how much this means to me, Miles. A year ago I was wondering if my career would ever lead anywhere and now—evening news anchor for WMAQ in Chicago.” She shook her head. “I can hardly believe it.”

  “Well, believe it, because it’s happening. I know we’ve made the right choice.”

  Paula took a bite of the seasoned rice and cast a sideways glance at David. If he didn’t say something soon, the Hardings would know something was wrong even if they’d missed the sarcasm in his voice at his toast.

  “So,” Eleanor said, “have the two of you discussed what you would do about living arrangements if you got the job?” She looked between Paula and David.

  “Yes, we have.”

  “Not really.”

  Paula and David spoke at the same time. The contradiction of their answers introduced another layer of awkwardness. What was going on? David had told her just this week he’d be happy to move to Chicago.

  “Well,” Paula said, trying to recover, “what we mean is that we have discussed it but haven’t completely reached a solution.”

  “I have some good contacts in real estate,” Miles said. “I’m sure you could have a very successful career here in the Windy City.”

  David swallowed a bite of bread. “Thank you. I’m sure Chicago is burgeoning with real-estate opportunities.”

  “Oh, it is.” Eleanor added. “And my family has a lot of contacts with potential buyers.”

  David wiped his mouth. “Well. I appreciate your both wanting to help.”

  David always had such control, even when he was steaming inside. He rarely raised his voice even when he was angry. But Paula had been with him long enough to see the signs of hidden anger. His blinking eyes, his working jaw. Even the way he spoke to the Hardings in careful, measured tones, dropping each word in place like a Scrabble player setting down tiles.

  Perhaps sensing the tension at the table, Eleanor changed the topic. The rest of the meal was stilted and uncomfortable for Paula, who tried to follow the conversation while attempting to identify the source of David’s anger. She was thrilled when the meal was done and Miles suggested
they go out on deck to view the stars.

  Eleanor insisted on leaving the dishes for later, so they bundled up in coats and went out on deck to sit in lounge chairs.

  Above them, tiny white dots twinkled in the crisp air. Miles pointed out some of the constellations. David remained silent, even though Paula knew he could identify nearly every visible constellation.

  Miles engaged David in a discussion about stocks while Eleanor gave Paula tips on the best places for a good haircut and manicure. But Paula couldn’t fully focus on the conversation when David was sitting twelve inches away and hadn’t touched her all night.

  Finally, when Paula’s skin felt stiff and cold, David stood and said it was time for him to turn in.

  Paula took the opportunity to get David alone. “I hope you don’t mind, but I think I’ll turn in too.”

  “By all means,” Eleanor said. “If you need anything, just holler—and please, make yourselves at home.”

  “Thank you for the wonderful meal, Eleanor. And Miles, I’m truly thrilled about the anchor chair.”

  “You deserve it,” Miles said.

  They said good night, then Paula made her way after David into their cabin. Silence followed them through the narrow doorway like a stalker. After unzipping her coat, Paula shut the door behind them.

  The only sounds in the room were the swooshes of coats being removed. Paula laid hers across the dresser and watched David as he hung his in the tiny closet. Had he said a single word to her all night? What was his problem? The Hardings had to have noticed. She’d just gotten the biggest boost of her career, and her husband hadn’t even congratulated her. Didn’t he know what this meant to her? Couldn’t he at least be happy for her, even if he was angry with her for some unknown offense?

  She began changing her clothing. Even if he wasn’t thrilled about moving to Chicago, couldn’t he have shown a little joy? Maybe even been proud of how hard she’d worked?

  She slipped her silky nightgown over her head, wishing she’d brought an old ratty pair of sweats instead. But David didn’t notice anyway, as he was rooting through his travel case.