Finding Faith

  Despite their mother’s chiding, Paula and Nat stayed to help clean up while the men watched football in the other room. Hanna and Micah had been firmly sent home since Hanna looked like she was about to fall asleep standing up.

  Grace had fallen asleep in her grandpa’s arms, and Alex and Taylor were playing with their new Game Boy on the living-room floor.

  Paula washed a glass and handed it to Natalie to dry. “Mom said you and Kyle have decided on a house.”

  “I’m surprised David didn’t tell you.”

  Paula picked up a coffee mug. “So, after the wedding, you two will live in your old place?”

  “Nice change of subject.” Natalie grinned. “It’ll only be for three weeks, then we get possession of the new house.”

  They talked about the details of the house, then the subject changed to the wedding.

  “Are you nervous?” Paula asked.

  “Not one iota. I’m just eager, you know? I want to be married to him already.”

  “It’s not like you’ve dated that long.”

  Natalie slid the mug into the cupboard and closed the door. “I know. But sometimes you just know when it’s right. And when it is, what’s the point of waiting?”

  At Nat’s dreamy expression, Paula had the stirrings of envy. She had felt the same way about David. Their wedding had been perfect in every way. “It’s too bad you can’t take a honeymoon.”

  Nat sighed. “Yeah, but I just can’t see leaving the kids, you know?” Nat bit the corner of her lip, as if realizing, after she’d said it, that Paula didn’t know. How could she when she had no children?

  Sadness welled up in Paula, but she pushed it firmly down. “Mom’s keeping them for a couple of nights?”

  “Just one night.” Nat leaned over close to Paula. “And don’t tell Kyle, but I’m almost looking forward to a whole night’s sleep as much as I’m looking forward to spending it with him.”

  “Did I hear my name?” Kyle appeared in the doorway and approached Nat, slipping his arms around her.

  She leaned back into his chest. “I was telling Paula how much I was looking forward to our first night together.” Nat winked at Paula.

  Kyle stepped back. “Whoa. This sounds like a sister thing to me.” He pecked Nat on the cheek. “I’ll just be in there watching the game with your dad.”

  Natalie chuckled. “Chicken.”

  “Bak-bak.” Kyle ducked into the living room.

  Nat smiled and shook her head.

  After he left, Natalie picked up their conversation from earlier. “Wasn’t that a sweet bracelet Linn sent Grace?”

  “I’ll bet she made it herself.” Paula felt the stirrings of envy again. As badly as she and David had wanted a child, it seemed unfair the way Linn’s baby had just fallen into Nat’s lap. Paula sighed quietly and chided herself. She should be happy for Nat, not envious. It wasn’t her sister’s fault that Linn offered her the baby. In fact, it took a great deal of courage to do what her sister did. Not very many pregnancy center directors would have agreed to adopt a client’s baby. And, in fact, Paula was proud of her sister for doing so. Still . . .

  “And I was wondering if that would be a possibility.” Nat set the dried fork on the counter and eyed Paula with expectation.

  Paula realized her sister had been telling her something about Linn, but she hadn’t heard a word of it.

  “You weren’t paying attention, were you?” Nat said.

  Paula cringed. “Sorry. Try again. I’ll pay better attention this time.”

  “I was telling you about Linn’s letter. Her roommate got a dorm, and now Linn can’t afford the apartment.”

  Paula really cringed now. She knew Linn lived in Chicago, too, and wasn’t sure she liked the direction of the conversation.

  “She’s looking for a roommate, but if she can’t find one and things get desperate, do you think . . .?”

  When Nat’s nose wrinkled up, Paula could tell she hated asking the favor of her sister.

  The feeling was mutual. Paula picked up another fork and scrubbed, noticing a flake of red polish had come off the tip of her pinky nail. So much for her manicure.

  “I know it’s asking a lot, but it would only be temporary until she found another situation. She has a part-time job in a coffee shop, so she’d be able to pitch in.”

  Paula hated the situation Nat was putting her in. She liked her space, and the studio apartment wasn’t that big. She worked at home, and she liked it quiet when she did so. She didn’t want to have to entertain someone when she walked through the door. A dozen other reasons marched through her mind.

  “I know you’re thinking it would be inconvenient, and I hate even asking. But I can tell you when Linn lived with us, she was very helpful. She often had dinner on the table when I got home, and she picked up after herself.”

  “That’s the last thing I’m worried about.”

  “Well, maybe she’ll pick up after you, and you’ll be able to see the floor again.” Nat’s mouth curved.

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “Without David there, I’ll bet it is.” The joke fell flat.

  The truth was, her apartment was a mess. She didn’t have time to clean it, and David wasn’t there to complain about it.

  “I won’t mention it to Linn, but will you at least think about it? She has another couple of weeks before things get desperate.”

  Desperate. Now there was a word Paula understood. “I’ll think about it.”

  CHAPTER

  ELEVEN

  David sat at one of the round tables in the small reception room of their church and set his Coke down in front of him. Across the room Paula stood talking with one of her distant relatives, looking beautiful in a hunter green silky dress.

  The Christmas Eve wedding was simple and small, with only family and the closest of friends. Paula and Hanna stood up for Natalie, while Kyle’s best friend stood up for him. He watched his wife through the ceremony, remembering their own wedding and the strong feelings he’d had for Paula. When Kyle said his vows, Paula turned and looked at him. Their eyes met and clung for a poignant moment. Was she thinking about their wedding too? About the love they’d felt for each other and the passion they’d stirred in each other? Ever since he’d opened her gift of the leather jacket, he couldn’t stop thinking about when they’d dated.

  Now Paula tossed her head back in laughter, her long, elegant neck drawing his attention. There was a ticklish spot in the crook between her neck and shoulder that made her laugh and scrunch up her shoulders whenever he kissed it. When was the last time he’d done that?

  Christmas music played lightly from the sound system, and Natalie and Kyle took a spin around the open space. They were so focused on each other, he thought a bomb could go off and it wouldn’t disrupt them. He was glad Natalie had found happiness again after the mess her ex-husband had put her through with the affair and the way he’d tried to sabotage Gram’s lodge.

  Paula’s mom was trying to get her husband to the dance floor, but he was fighting her every inch of the way. From the nearest table, Gram called out encouragement. The Alzheimer’s was taking its toll, but it was good to see her having such a clearheaded day for Natalie’s wedding.

  “They look pretty good out there, don’t they?” Micah sank into a chair opposite David, his gaze following Natalie and Kyle across the floor.

  “Why aren’t you and Hanna dancing?”

  Micah tugged his necktie loose. “Between my two left feet and her . . . uh . . . pregnant condition, we figured we were safer on the sidelines.” He took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the chair next to him. “I feel sorry for people who have to wear these things every day.”

  “It’s not so bad.”

  “Sorry. Forgot you were a suit.”

  David shrugged. To each his own. He would die if he had to spend days climbing mountains and nights sleeping on canyon floors, like Micah did.

  “Where’s Hanna?” David glanced aro
und the room, where about thirty people mingled in clusters.

  “Want to dance?”

  Paula had approached the table. She towered over him in her high heels. His gaze swept down her figure and back up before he realized what he was doing. She was tall and lean but just curvy enough to stir his blood. After all the tension between them, it was a passion he didn’t want to encourage. But with Micah as their audience, he could hardly turn his wife down.

  He stood and walked with her toward the other couples who swayed to a jazzy rendition of “Silent Night.” Turning, he put his hands at Paula’s waist while she wrapped her hands around his neck.

  He looked over her head toward her parents, feeling his heart kick into gear. They moved as if one. Always had. David thought it strange, because he’d danced with many women over the years and it never felt the way it did with Paula. Many nights after they married, they put on a jazz CD and turned their living-room into a private dance floor.

  Even now, with so much between them, they moved so well together. As Paula’s fingers toyed with the hair at his neckline, his throat constricted.

  His eyes found hers and locked. Hers held a look he’d never seen before. There was such a depth of emotion it made him catch his breath. Was it sorrow or regret? Desperation or hunger? He couldn’t pinpoint any one emotion, or maybe it was an intricate cocktail of them all. Whatever it was, it pulled him in like a black hole, sucking up everything in him. And he wanted to give in to it more than anything.

  Before he could reason away the feeling, he drew her closer, his hand winding up her back and into her hair. Her eyes questioned, and he saw vulnerability there. A rarity with Paula. The last traces of inhibition drained away, and he leaned toward her. His lips found hers, soft and pliable, and his legs went weak at her response. She still wanted him. It was something, wasn’t it?

  The spark she lit fanned into a raging fire as she responded to him as she hadn’t in years. It reminded him of when they dated. But this was more than physical. It was the desperate wanting of time turned back. The regret of words spoken in anger. The longing for the wall to come down.

  He deepened the kiss. Regardless of the dim lighting, he struggled to keep it PG in a room full of friends and family. One of Paula’s hands trailed down to his chest before she pulled away.

  For an instant he feared he’d lost the moment and that she was regretting the slip in her carefully framed facade. But when he opened his eyes, he saw that she hadn’t distanced herself. A film of tears covered her eyes, and she was drinking him in like a woman who hadn’t seen water in days.

  “I love you, David.” She whispered the words so quietly, the music swallowed them. But he saw them on her lips.

  His heart squeezed so tightly he felt pain. He wanted this woman back more than anything. More than his career. More than air. His mind fought for him to be reasonable. To think about the issue between them. But he shut it all off. He didn’t want to think about any of that. He only wanted the woman who was in his arms to stay there. For the look on her face to last forever.

  He gathered her close until her head rested on his shoulder. Then he whispered the words she needed to hear.

  * * *

  As Linn buttoned her coat and slipped on her gloves, Adam locked up the coffee shop. It was Christmas Eve, and Joe had said they should close early to allow employees time to be with their families.

  Presuming we had families, Linn thought.

  Linn hitched her purse on her shoulder and turned just as Adam did. The cold wind slammed into her face, and she figured her nose was already turning red.

  “Where you headed?” he asked. “You have plans, don’t you?”

  “Sure. I’ll need to take the bus, though.” She didn’t add that she was taking it straight home and that her plans consisted of a can of SpaghettiOs and a book.

  “Need a lift?” He pulled the collar of his leather jacket up around his neck.

  “Nope, it’ll be here soon.”

  He seemed to scan the darkness that had already gathered around them in the short days of winter. “I’ll walk you there.”

  She started to argue but knew it was futile. He probably wouldn’t leave her until the bus picked her up. He was a real gentleman, an enigma to her way of thinking.

  They began walking.

  “Won’t you be late somewhere?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “It’s Elizabeth’s family dinner.”

  At the mention of his fiancée, Linn’s stomach went all hollow. Which was just silly since she and Adam were only friends. And everything she heard about Elizabeth made her think she and Adam were a match made in heaven. Literally. Adam was working his way through college with his sights set on being a pastor. He already had a bachelor’s and was now in his second year at a seminary. Elizabeth was also attending the seminary to be some kind of missionary.

  “You know the drill,” he went on. “Ham and turkey, sibling rivalry, and polite jabs, followed by a chaotic round of what’d-I-get-for-Christmas.”

  “Sure.” She wished she had something clever to say, but it had been a long time since she experienced any semblance of the holiday he just described. Christmas had been something close to that before her mother died of cancer and before Jillian, her sister, died in the car accident. But even then, they never had the money for the big dinner, and her father always drank a little too much. In recent years her dad hadn’t celebrated Christmas at all. Unless you count perching on the barstool at Sidewinders as celebrating.

  What would Adam think if he knew more about her life? He’d probably feel sorry for her. She didn’t need or want his pity. She blew out a frosty breath, feeling almost relieved when they neared the bus hut.

  He followed her inside the Plexiglas shelter and sat beside her on the cold bench. Even though he sat a few inches away, she could feel the heat radiating off him.

  “You don’t have to stay. The bus will be here any minute.”

  He buried his hands in the pockets of his coat. “I don’t mind.” He gazed at her, then looked away, almost sheepishly.

  She wondered what was on his mind. Normally he was self-assured. But tonight he was acting a little odd.

  “Look, I . . . uh . . . got you something.” He extracted a little package from his pocket. “I hope you don’t think it’s weird or anything, but I just saw it and thought of you. Merry Christmas.” As he held it out, she could swear a flush climbed from under his thin scarf that had nothing to do with the cold.

  Linn took the small, lumpy package in hand and smiled. Adam had rolled up the odd-shaped gift in wrapping paper and folded up the edges.

  “Sorry it’s so sloppy. Believe it or not, that’s the best I can do.”

  She chuckled, meeting his gaze, loving the way his brown eyes softened like a melting fudge pop.

  She looked down at the gift. “I didn’t get you anything.”

  He nudged her shoulder. “I didn’t expect you to. Go on; open it.”

  Her fingers worked the tape and paper until she pulled out a Christmas-tree ornament. It was a figurine of a little girl with dark hair, like hers. The girl held a stack of textbooks that was nearly as big as she. The one on top said Biology.

  Linn remembered when Adam had caught her sitting right here in the bus hut, reading her biology textbook. She had been embarrassed since school hadn’t even started, but she’d wanted to get a jump on her classes by reading the first couple of chapters in all her books. Instead of poking fun at her eagerness, he’d cocked his head and given her that smile that made her feel all warm inside. “You are something else, Linn Caldwell.”

  She ran her fingers over the painted figurine. “Thanks, Adam. It was really sweet of you.”

  The sound of the approaching bus smothered her words. She stood and Adam stood with her.

  “You have a Merry Christmas,” he said.

  She gathered her purse and tucked the ornament in her pocket. “You too.”

  The bus doors opened, and she stepped
up into the vehicle. On the first step she turned. The wind tousled his hair, and she had the urge to flip his scarf up and tuck it around his bare neck. “Thanks again. For the gift.”

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t much.”

  The doors closed behind her as Linn made her way to the third seat and sank down.

  Adam may not think the gift was much, but when it was the only one you got, it felt like everything.

  CHAPTER

  TWELVE

  Paula signaled a left turn and slipped into the right lane. After spending Christmas Day flying home from Jackson Hole and unpacking, she was eager to get back to work today and see what was transpiring regarding the switched-at-birth story. The night before, she’d gotten out her notes on the interview and made a game plan for the week, figuring which people she wanted to get another interview with.

  But her mind kept returning to the night of Natalie and Kyle’s wedding. The night that David was once again the man she’d married. When he’d kissed her, it was like a slice of heaven. Did he know she yearned for him through the entire wedding ceremony? And after the wedding they’d had a honeymoon of their own. Then they stayed up until two thirty in the morning, catching up on things that were going on in their lives. She told him about the Morgans’ story she aired the previous week.

  Their time together was so heartfelt and intimate that she hadn’t wanted to leave David to come back to Chicago.

  When she arrived at work on Tuesday, she immediately scheduled interviews with three of the key nurses and the doctor who had taken care of Faith in the NICU. After the last phone call, she turned her attention to the stack of mail on the corner of her desk.

  One letter was from a viewer who saw her story on the news and wanted to tell a story about a friend of hers who’d been switched at birth thirty-four years ago. Then she rambled about her own life for a page and a half. Another letter was from a viewer who complimented her on her work. The last envelope had no return address. She tore it open and pulled out the single sheet of spiral-bound notebook paper. In heavy, black script it read: