Merlinsky: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

the book to Harry.

  JAKE #1: I don't think this is going to work.

  HARRY (smirking): Try it.

  Jake #1 looks for a particular passage in the book, moving his finger down the page, then looks up at Harry and MUMBLES a spell. He winks out of existence. Jake #2, now the only Jake in the scene, is amazed.

  JAKE: How come I could see him... I mean "me", and he... I mean "I"... couldn't see me... or was it the other way around?

  HARRY (chortles): Ya just ran smack up against one of the loco side effects of time hoppin'!

  JAKE: You mean the contradiction part of it?

  HARRY: Yeah, an M.D. was the first guy to tumble to it. When he did what you did, I hear they named it after him.

  JAKE: Oh?

  HARRY: Yeah, with two doctors runnin' around, they called it a "paradox"!

  Jake MOANS; he walked right into it. Harry pulls a newspaper from under his arm and shows Jake an article.

  JAKE: Ostrich races?!

  HARRY (half-joking): It's somethin' I wanted to see before I die... but I keep missin' it.

  Jake looks at the newspaper closely.

  JAKE: Harry... I hate to break this to you, but you missed it again. This Ostrich Derby was two weeks ago.

  HARRY: But now, you can get us there!

  Harry lets this sink in; the idea slowly dawns on Jake.

  JAKE: Hey, that's right, I can... (pause) What's going on behind that rock?

  Jake points to a small cloud of dust... a fedora drops out of sight.

  HARRY: It's probably just us, comin' back. C'mon, let's go!

  Harry grabs Jake's arm, CHANTS a spell and they POP out of sight.

  EXT. VACANT LOT, INDIO - CONTINUOUS

  As Harry and Jake POP into a clump of milkweed, a huge cloud of butterflies scatter.

  JAKE: What now?

  HARRY: I moved us to a deserted spot near the Derby... you take us back thirteen days.

  JAKE: I'll give it a shot.

  Jake UTTERS a spell from the "Time Travel" book he carries. Harry and Jake shimmer, then disappear.

  EXT. DESERT, INDIO - CONTINUOUS

  Huge mountains appear in the background, where houses used to block them. Harry and Jake fade into the scene, look around and scratch their heads.

  HARRY: Those hills look familiar... (pause) ...we're still in the same spot, we just went back too far! Lemme see that book.

  Jake hands Harry the book, and points to a line as Harry reads.

  JAKE: I said that spell.

  HARRY: Ohhhh! This is the one for thirteen centuries, not days. Say this one, and throw in that correction.

  Harry points out two places in the book, as he hands it back to Jake. Jake CHANTS again, and the two shimmer out of sight.

  EXT. VACANT LOT, INDIO - CONTINUOUS

  The shadows are different, but the butterflies are the same; a cloud of them disperse as Jake and Harry appear.

  JAKE: We got back to the future!

  HARRY: Let's see if we got anywhere... or anywhen... close to the Derby.

  Harry checks the paper under his arm, then leads Jake out to the street, and down the block to a grocery store, which has a newspaper rack out front. Harry checks the date above the headlines.

  HARRY (continuing): Looks like we're a week early.

  The GROCER walks out of his store, carrying a stack of fresh papers.

  GROCER: That's last week's edition... the new ones came out this morning!

  Rejoicing, Harry buys one... he and Jake rush down the street.

  EXT. FAIRGROUNDS - A HALF-HOUR LATER

  Huge signs proclaim "INDIO DATE FESTIVAL" and "OSTRICH DERBY THIS AFTERNOON". CROWDS of people stream under the archway entrance to the grounds. A carnival atmosphere prevails: cotton candy, stuffed animals, etc.

  EXT. OSTRICH CORRAL - CONTINUOUS

  A CLOSE UP of a veritable forest of long necks, bobbing around nervously, slowly PULLS BACK to reveal the competitors in the upcoming spectacle. "Chariots of Fire" or "Ben-Hur"-type MUSIC swells in the background, as the jittery ostriches strut around the corral.

  EXT. FAIRGROUNDS BLEACHERS - CONTINUOUS

  It's a small set of bleachers, but it's filling up fast... MIGRANT WORKERS, FARMERS and LOCAL TOWNSPEOPLE crowd in to root for their favorite bird. VENDORS walk through the crowd, selling popcorn, sodas and fake ostrich feathers. Jake and Harry sit up in a corner; Harry's as excited as a kid.

  ANNOUNCER (O.S.): Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you to the Indio Date Festival Ostrich Derby!

  The crowd CHEERS.

  ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (continuing): Just to briefly acquaint you with the ancient sport of ostrich racing, these birds are hitched to a chariot, much like you would a horse, but that's where the similarity ends.

  ANGLE ON FAIRGROUNDS TRACK

  On the quarter-mile oval dirt course, three sets of ostrich-chariot conveyances are being led to the starting line, at the beginning of the near straightaway. The ostriches are skittish, and their HANDLERS have a hard time keeping them on the ground.

  ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (continuing): Ostriches do have wings, but they cannot fly more than a few feet. Although it looks like they're trying to prove me wrong today...

  The crowd LAUGHS and a few people point at a particularly obstreperous bird.

  ANNOUNCER (O.S.) (continuing): Through trial and error, its been found that ostriches will not respond to a bit, like a horse. So, in order to steer an ostrich chariot, you have to understand that an ostrich will shy away from an area he can't see. (pause) Our chariot drivers have brought the highly specialized equipment they need in order to block the vision of their steeds on either side of their heads.

  Three COWBOY-types walk on the track, carrying ordinary household brooms. As the crowd reacts with LAUGHTER, the cowboys smile and brandish the brooms in the air, like conquering heroes. They mount their chariots, and the handlers let go... the race is on!

  It soon becomes apparent that steering an ostrich is an inexact science at best... one chariot gets turned around, and starts heading off the track, despite the best efforts of the driver, with his broom, and the handler, who simultaneously tries to grab the bird's neck, and stay out of the way of his powerful feet.

  The other two birds head for the end of the straightaway, with minor detours... one wants to fly into the crowd, only being restrained by the weight of the chariot he drags. The people in his intended path, despite two protective railings, decide that a seat further back in the bleachers might be a wise idea.

  The third bird runs, more or less in a straight line, directly toward a ten-foot wall at the end of the straightaway... he pays no attention to the broom blocking his vision on the right side of his head. Rather than starting a left turn to stay on the oval track, the hapless ostrich runs smack into the wall, and unsuccessfully attempts to scale it. A crowd of handlers converge on the would be escapee; it's all in a day's work for them.

  The crowd, after a stunned silence at the apparent randomness of it all, TITTERS nervously, then gets into the spirit of the event.

  The next round of competition involves clowns and funny hats on the ostriches, with pretty much the same inconclusive race results.

  Over "Keystone Kops"-type MUSIC in the background, a MONTAGE of CAMERA SHOTS captures the zany bedlam of ostriches, chariots, brooms, thrills, spills, and a cowboy riding bareback on an ostrich headed straight for a wall.

  ANGLE ON HARRY AND JAKE

  Jake is laughing, and Harry's having the time of his life... until he spots a face in the crowd.

  HARRY'S P.O.V.

  The MAN Harry sees is in profile; he does not look toward Harry. We get a fleeting impression of a swarthy face, with bushy black eyebrows and a black handlebar mustache, wearing a dark homburg.

  ANGLE ON HARRY AND JAKE

  Harry climbs over the back railing of the bleachers, and motions for Jake to follow him, never taking his eyes off the man. The two clamber down through the girders to the fairgrounds below, and hustle off through the
crowd.

  EXT. VACANT LOT, INDIO - TEN MINUTES LATER

  Harry and Jake, out of breath, run into the milkweed, again scattering butterflies. Harry CHANTS, and they POP out of existence.

  EXT. DESERT CACTUS PATCH - CONTINUOUS

  Harry and Jake POP into the patch, and Harry promptly backs away to avoid one cactus, only to back into another. He YELLS, and jumps up and down. Jake pulls a few of the egg-shaped cholla sections off the back of his pants.

  JAKE: Stop yelling, and "watch where yer goin'"!!

  HARRY: Ouch! I deserve that...

  Both Harry and Jake are still out of breath, and slowly recover, as they walk to a nearby set of rocks.

  JAKE: So who was that guy?

  HARRY: I didn't stop to get a crystal clear view, but it looked like Laszlo.

  JAKE: Do you think he's on our trail?

  HARRY: I doubt it, but I didn't wanna take any chances. Laszlo thinks he finished us off, back in Hollywood.

  Harry and Jake reach the set of rocks, and Jake pulls the time travel book from under his arm.

  JAKE: Let's see... a little less than thirteen days...

  HARRY: Make sure ya get the right one... I don't wanna end up on a Buck Rogers spaceship...

  Jake CHANTS, and they fade out of the lengthening afternoon shadows.

  EXT. SAME DESERT SCENE, MORNING SHADOWS - CONTINUOUS

  Harry and Jake fade into the same piece of desert, behind a rock, except the time of day is obviously morning, instead of afternoon. They duck down in back of the rock, and peer out.

  HARRY (continuing): Looks like you hit it right on the nose, pardner... there's two of you and one of me, over there.

  JAKE: This time travel is really confusing.

  HARRY: I don't know if we'll have much room in Uncle Ralph's shack tonight...

  JAKE: What do you mean?

  Harry leans back against the rock and starts counting on his fingers.

  HARRY: Well, with a grand total of three of you, and two of me... lessee, in a poker hand, they'd call that a full house!!

  Jake pushes Harry over, as he laughs, and they scuffle on the ground, raising a huge cloud of dust. As they see what they're doing, they both stop, in a panic.

  JAKE: They'll see us... we'll see us...

  HARRY: Wait a minute, let's think this through...

  Harry brushes himself off and puts his fedora back on. He peeks up over the rock toward the cactus patch, then drops back down to the ground.

  HARRY (continuing): I think this is our cue...

  Harry and Jake, behind the rock, listen to the other Harry and Jake, speaking in the cactus patch:

  JAKE'S VOICE (O.S.): What's going on behind that rock?

  HARRY'S VOICE (O.S.): It's probably just us, comin' back. C'mon, let's go!

  Behind the rock, Harry beckons to Jake.

  HARRY: Okay, they're outta here... we're outta here... everybody's outta here. I'm beat... let's go back to the shack and get a nap.

  INT. HOLLYWOOD WAX MUSEUM - DAYS LATER

  Pools of light illuminate typical scenes of famous Hollywood characters, in this unworldly, dark and quiet museum. Velvet ropes and stanchions separate the wax figures, in their lighted settings, from the visitors, who wander in dark walkways. There are very few real people in the museum today.

  A young GIRL, in silhouette, pauses by the Charlie Chaplin display. As the "Little Tramp" character, the wax figure wears a bowler hat, carries a cane, and stands impishly in the middle of a train-yard set.

  The girl moves on, and we DOLLY to follow her... she moves to the Mae West display. Mae's wax replica wears a provocatively gaudy gown, and stands in an old-time saloon.

  The girl walks away, after a minute, and a mustachioed MAN, wearing a homburg, follows her.

  The next display shows Harry Houdini, standing inside an open trunk, and victoriously holding aloft an assortment of manacles and chains. The girl pauses to read the descriptive plaque in front of the diorama, and the man moves close to her.

  MAN: He was a magician like no other...

  ANGLE ON GIRL AND MAN

  The girl is... Connie! And the man appears to be... the same gentleman who scared Harry at the Ostrich Derby! Connie looks up warily at the man, then decides he seems harmless enough.

  CONNIE: I once worked with a magician who might have challenged him.

  MAN: Once?

  CONNIE (suddenly evasive): Once.

  The man produces a business card from thin air and hands it to Connie. It throws off sparkles, as she takes it.

  MAN: Please be my guest at the Magic Castle next week... and see my performance.

  CONNIE (reading the card): I've heard of you... and I'll be the stage manager at your show.

  MAN: We'll be working together, eh? An even greater incentive for me to endeavor to impress you.

  Connie warms slightly, now that she knows the man's a magician.

  CONNIE: Why try to impress me? I've seen all the tricks of the trade.

  MAN (cryptically): Have you ever seen magic without tricks?

  CONNIE (noncommittal): Once.

  MAN: How about this?

  He SNAPS his fingers and points at Connie; her feet rise two inches off the ground. She looks around, afraid someone will see, and she appeals to the man with her eyes... she finally returns to the floor.

  CONNIE: Once. (pause, deep breath) I had a boyfriend who studied with Merlinsky.

  MAN: Whatever happened to my friend Harry?

  CONNIE: You didn't hear? He died in an explosion... (under her breath) ...along with Jake.

  Unseen by the man, Connie's lip starts trembling, and her eyes fill with tears.

  MAN (pensive): Harry wouldn't have been foolish enough to get caught in an explosion... are you sure about this?

  Connie gets a grip on her emotions, with a visible effort.

  CONNIE: The police never found any bodies, but they're both gone.

  The man scowls for a moment, then his eyes light up. He strides toward the exit, calling over his shoulder:

  MAN: Thank you, young lady. I'll see you next week.

  Connie looks puzzled, then walks away, throwing his business card in a trash can.

  ANGLE ON BUSINESS CARD

  Six letters glow in the darkness of the museum... L A S Z L O.

  EXT. DESERT - NEXT DAY

  Harry leads Jake, as they walk through the Joshua trees toward a small mountain of granite monoliths. Jake carries climbing rope, looped over his shoulder, and both men wear gloves, on this bright sunshine y day. Harry wears the inevitable fedora.

  JAKE: Where are we going today?

  HARRY: To brush up on our climbin' skills... Hidden Canyon is over yonder, and we're gonna get a bird's-eye view!

  JAKE: It looks more like a mountain than a canyon.

  HARRY: Wait'll we get up on top.

  The "foothills" of this mini-mountain are easily scaled... Harry hops from one huge boulder to another, like a mountain goat. Jake follows, hesitantly at first, but with mounting enthusiasm and recklessness. After several leaps, he slips on some loose rocks and falls a short distance. Harry is at his side in a flash.

  JAKE: Guess I'm not much good at this.

  HARRY: Get up... yer not hurt. There's a trick to it. Ya have to use your head... but not too much.

  JAKE: That sounds like a quote.

  HARRY (thoughtful): Yeah, I thought a lot of the guy who first got me up on the rock face.

  Harry helps Jake to his feet, and they start to do some serious climbing... clawing for nearly-invisible handholds, edging along sheer fifty and one-hundred-foot drops, wedging into tiny crawl spaces between huge rocks.

  JAKE (gasping): So who was this guy?

  HARRY: My mentor. If I was you, he was me.

  JAKE: And he taught you about climbing?

  HARRY: He taught me everything I know.

  JAKE: Magic?

  HARRY: And how to live a good life.

  JAKE: Sounds like quite a guy.


  HARRY: He's the one that's trying to kill us.

  Jake is shocked... he loses his balance and nearly slips off the rock surface. Harry grabs his shirt, just in time. They hang precariously for a few seconds, then Jake regains his footing.

  HARRY (continuing): I could let ya fall two feet, but two hundred is "too" much.

  JAKE: Thanks... you saved my life.

  HARRY (wry): Just like Laszlo used to save mine.

  Harry ties the climbing rope around both Jake and himself, and moves upward again.

  JAKE: How come he changed?

  HARRY: Search me. (remembering, ironically) He used to get this guy, Herbie Wells, to take us on jaunts back into history. Ah, the good ole' days...!

  Harry continues to climb upward, into a "chimney" formation, between two rocks.

  JAKE: So...?

  HARRY: Jake, I dunno. We got stuck once... Herbie's machine was in the shop for awhile. So we started living in the past. I met Socrates; and King Arthur, when he was a boy.

  JAKE: King Arthur?

  HARRY: Yeah, by that time, I knew enough tricks to get a gig as his tutor. (smiles) He thought I was a hot-shot wizard... it doesn't take much to fool a little kid.

  JAKE (marveling): You tutored King Arthur!

  Jake and Harry climb a bit more.

  HARRY: Laszlo wandered off, but every so often he'd come back with a new trick. (pause) When he learned how, we started hopping forward in history, a few years at a time. We couldn't get all the way back to the twentieth century, 'cause Laszlo got tuckered out, after each jump. (pause) He had to rest up for a few months, every time.

  JAKE: What about Herbie?

  HARRY: Herbie kept looking for us, in his machine, but we weren't where he left us off, and he lost track of us.

  Harry and Jake stop to rest.

  JAKE: Did you keep in touch with Arthur?

  HARRY: Yeah, funny thing... Arthur was living in real time, while I kept hopping forward. So he kept getting older, and I stayed the same age. (grinning) He never could understand that. (pause) He did a heckuva job pulling that country together, but then, things started going to hell in a handbasket.

  JAKE: I've heard this story... it was his illegitimate son, wasn't it?

  HARRY (sarcastically): Yeah, and guess who was putting little Mordred up to it? I lost touch with Laszlo for a coupla years, but I kept hitching short rides forward with other wizards who had the power. By the time I ran into Laszlo again, he had really become a nasty dude.

  JAKE: So he was behind Mordred?

  HARRY: Yeah. One day Herbie showed up. I could see the handwriting on the wall for Camelot; so I gave Arthur some cock-and-bull story about being enchanted by a wood nymph, and had Herbie drop me off here.

  JAKE: But you never found out why Laszlo is after you?

  HARRY: All I know is, he's attacked me twice in this era, and once back in Camelot.

  They continue climbing up the rock chimney... when Harry emerges, there's a quick tug on Jake's end of the rope, and Harry disappears. The rope is slack for a few seconds, then Jake is forcibly hauled up to the top of the chimney, scratching for a handhold to stop the pull of the rope. As Jake emerges into the sunlight, he realizes that Harry has fallen off the side of the rock, and Jake will follow him unless he thinks quickly.

  JAKE: Harry... hang on!

  Jake wedges the rope in a crack, gingerly unties himself, and ties a large knot to keep the rope from slipping out of its mooring. Hoisting himself up to the top of the rock, he finds a place to dig in, and starts dragging Harry slowly up. The fedora appears over the edge of the rock, followed by a scraped up Harry... he flashes a big grin at Jake.

  HARRY: Ain't this fun!?

  INT. MAGIC CASTLE "PALACE OF MYSTERY" - CONTINUOUS

  The showroom is empty, except for Laszlo and Connie, who are running through his performance on the stage. They are working out lighting cues and blocking for his upcoming act.

  LASZLO: You said Harry Merlinsky died in an explosion?

  CONNIE: Yes. By all rights, I should've died, too.

  LASZLO: How's that?

  CONNIE: Harry took his apprentice, Jake, out in the back yard to teach him a new trick, just when I realized I was very late for work. I rushed off, without even saying goodbye. When I was halfway down the street, the house blew up.

  LASZLO: Did they ever figure out the cause?

  CONNIE: Not that I know of.

  Laszlo turns away from Connie and smiles.

  LASZLO: Harry and I were the best of friends. I'm sorry to see him go.

  Connie checks some lights, while Laszlo drags a large trick box to the middle of the stage.

  CONNIE: How did you meet him?

  LASZLO: I was his teacher... he learned all he knew about magic from me.

  CONNIE: You must have been a good instructor... he was passing on some of his knowledge to Jake.

  Still with his back to Connie, Laszlo looks alarmed, but regains his composure quickly.

  LASZLO: Was he studying real magic?

  CONNIE: Yes. Jake was a fast learner.

  LASZLO: You know, Connie, something tells me that Harry and Jake may have escaped that explosion.

  CONNIE (suspicious): What do you mean?

  LASZLO: When I was out at the Date Festival a couple of weeks ago, I caught a glimpse of someone who looked like Harry. That fedora of his is hard to miss. There was a young boy, freckles and dark hair, with him... a boy about your age.

  CONNIE (excited): That sounds like Jake!

  LASZLO: They left before I could talk to them... do you think Harry might have a place out in the desert?

  CONNIE: Not that I know of.

  Laszlo sets up a small stuffed animal in the middle of the stage and turns to Connie.

  LASZLO: I've got a stunt that's quite an eye-catcher... it's sort of my signature trick. Tell me what you think of this.

  Laszlo SNAPS his fingers, and points at the animal. After a bright flash of light, the whole scene turns negative. The stuffed animal disappears, leaving only a small, faintly-smoking pile of ash. Connie's eyes widen, and her mouth forms a small "o".

  CONNIE: I think I've seen that trick before.

  LASZLO (menacing): Would you help me check the hinges on this box, Connie?

  Connie backs away from him, frightened.

  CONNIE: I've got to get some props... out back...

  Laszlo steps toward her and follows her, step for step.

  LASZLO: You don't think I need your cooperation to get you into a box, do you?

  He SNAPS his fingers and points at Connie; she disappears.

  ANGLE ON THE BOX

  Connie reappears, in the box, and the door SLAMS shut. Laszlo padlocks it.

  CONNIE (O.S.): Let me out of here!

  LASZLO: In due time, Connie. You've just become my bait for some much bigger fish!

  Laszlo strides into the wings, backstage, picks up the house telephone, and dials.

  LASZLO (continuing): Hello, Uri? You haven't by any chance seen Harry Merlinsky up around the desert, have you?

  Laszlo listens for awhile, punctuating the other's conversation with sporadic "Hmmm"'s and "Uh huh"'s.

  LASZLO (continuing): Three common thieves? Floating in mid-air? Uri, that sounds like Harry's handiwork. I'll send some men up there right away.

  Laszlo hangs up and walks back over to the trick box. He SNAPS his fingers and points at it, making it rise a few inches off the ground. He maneuvers it backstage, placing it in a corner, against the wall.

  LASZLO (continuing, chuckling): Connie, you just sit tight. The cavalry will be here in no time.

  Laszlo walks away LAUGHING, while THUMPS shake the box.

  EXT. HIDDEN CANYON - CONTINUOUS

  Harry and Jake stand on top of the enormous pile of monoliths they've just climbed, and survey the view; it's a two-square mile area, completely surrounded by piles of huge stones.

  HARRY: Now you can see why they call it Hidden Canyon.

 
JAKE: It's almost like some giant decided to barricade his front yard with these huge rocks!

  HARRY: Over there's a secret entrance. Cattle rustlers used to drive a herd in here, one steer at a time, and wait for the heat to die down.

  JAKE: This is a great place!

  HARRY: Yep. (looking down) I don't wanna go down the same way we came up. Lemme show ya the quick way.

  Harry throws a loop of rope around a tall rock outcropping, wraps the rope around his waist, and rappels briskly down, inside the canyon. Jake looks doubtful, but gamely wraps the rope around himself, and starts down the cliff. By the time he's half-way down, he's having the time of his life. When he arrives beside Harry, he hands over the rope, and Harry quickly flips it, so that it slides off the outcropping at the top of the cliff.

  JAKE: Yikes! If I'd know it came off that easily, I'd never have tried this.

  HARRY: That's why I didn't show ya beforehand. (pause) C'mon, let's go see Skull Rock.

  Jake coils the rope around his shoulder, as the two traipse off across the badlands.

  EXT. SKULL ROCK - THIRTY MINUTES LATER

  A twenty-five foot tall monolith has been sculpted by sand, wind and heat, until it vaguely resembles a death's-head. Jake and Harry stare back at the unseeing eye sockets in silence. Jake is getting more and more uncomfortable.

  JAKE: It reminds me of my mother.

  Harry is surprised, but he doesn't push it.

  HARRY: Oh?

  JAKE (flat): My father was drinking, when he picked her up at work. (pause) She scrubbed floors at night. (pause) My father escaped the car wreck without a scratch. (pause) He never went to see her in the hospital. (pause) I watched her waste away from internal injuries. (pause) Her face was like that, when she died.

  Harry puts his arm around Jake's shoulders. They stand in silence, staring up at the rock. Unseen by them, THREE MEN step out from behind another rock. TEX, JOE BOB and BILLY are unsavory-looking ranch hands.

  TEX: Howdy, Harry. Long time, no see!

  JAKE (to Harry): Who are they?

  HARRY: Just some cowboys I met at the Arcana conference. This shit-kicker here earned the nickname "Tex" Arcana. He seemed to enjoy hog-tyin' people and stringin' them up.

  TEX: Aw, shucks, Harry... it was just a little innocent fun...

  HARRY (cold): How many survived, Tex?

  TEX: A few got lucky... your pansy magician friends cut 'em down.

  While Tex is talking, Joe Bob and Billy throw lassos around Jake and Harry. Jake tries to fight his way out, but is yanked roughly against a rock and knocked cold. Harry is beside himself; he struggles to get over to his protege.

  HARRY: Jake!

  Despite his efforts, Harry's rope is pulled ever-tighter, and Tex steps down to slip a noose around Harry's neck.

  HARRY (continuing): Up to the same old tricks, I see.

  TEX (murderously): Harry, after the way you degraded me, I'd love to string you up right now. But... the boss wants to see you first.

  HARRY: The boss?

  TEX: Laszlo sent me... seems he's got a little filly by the name of Connie back at the Castle. That name ring any bells?

  HARRY: Connie? She died when Laszlo blew up my house.

  TEX: Wrong again, pardner... she left the front way, while you two snuck out the back.

  From high in the sky, a large pair of wings beats down on Joe Bob, who holds the lasso securing Harry. Socrates scratches at the man's eyes.

  JOE BOB: Tex, shoot this damn bird!

  TEX: Joe Bob, I can't get a clear shot... (frantic) Harry's dangerous if he gets loose... don't let got of that rope!

  Joe Bob releases the rope to deal with the owl. In the confusion, Harry works himself loose, CHANTS a phrase, and the three cowpokes float in the air.

  TEX (continuing): Harry, you can't get away with it. I got a gun, this time.

  Tex FIRES at Harry, who ducks behind a rock. Tex takes aim at the unconscious Jake.

  TEX (continuing): Put us down, or the kid gets it.

  HARRY: If it's down you want, it's down you get.

  Harry CHANTS a phrase, and all three cowpokes drop painfully to the rocks. Their weapons are jolted from their hands, and Harry CHANTS again. Now, the weapons float far above their heads.

  HARRY (continuing): Laszlo was nice enough to send you boys out here... I feel like I should send you back gift-wrapped!

  Harry CHANTS again, and one of the ropes, of its own volition, ties Joe Bob and Billy together, ending with a bow knot. They POP out of existence. Meanwhile, Tex's rope ties him in a complex pattern.

  TEX: What the hell is this?

  HARRY: You're a special guy, Tex... I thought you deserved macrame.

  Tex POPS out, too. Socrates flies over to Harry's shoulder.

  HARRY (continuing, to Socrates): Nice work, old man.

  SOCRATES: Knock off the age jokes, and see what's wrong with Jake.

  Harry kneels to examine the wound, just as Jake comes to.

  JAKE: What happened? Who's the other owl with you, Socrates? And how come there are two of you, Harry? You been time traveling without me?

  HARRY: I think you got a mild concussion, Jake. Let's head back to the shack.

  INT. UNCLE RALPH'S CABIN - HALF-HOUR LATER

  Jake's head is bandaged, and both he and Harry look spiffy in tuxedos.

  JAKE: Okay, we're all dressed up. Where do we go?

  HARRY: To the Magic Castle... but we have one stop in the past, if you feel up to gettin' us there.

  JAKE: Where to... I mean when to?

  Harry checks a calendar on the wall, counting up days.

  HARRY: Lessee, we've been out here in the desert just under six weeks... (pause) Ya hafta promise me you won't say anything when we get there... I don't wanna interfere with the past this time... it's too tricky.

  JAKE: Alright.

  HARRY (insisting): ...no matter what ya see...

  JAKE: Okay! Okay!

  HARRY: Let's try the time and distance hops together... you take us back exactly forty days, and