Rock Chick Renegade

  I decided not to say anything. It was bad enough and saying something would likely just dig my hole deeper. I knew I was already skating on thin ice; I sure as hell wasn’t going to go under, not again.

  It was cold down there, freezing.

  “You got your head straight?” he asked, breaking into my icy reverie.

  I nodded again though I was a little confused at his question.

  He kept talking. “We’re not playin’ this fuckin’ game. You try and push me away, I’m takin’ you to the cabin and chainin’ you to the bed until you got your head sorted once and for all. What we have genuinely doesn’t seem like it’s gonna work, we’ll talk it through and come to an understanding. But when it’s good and you get freaked, you aren’t makin’ the decision for both of us because you’re scared out of your mind and don’t have the guts to talk about it.”

  Wow.

  I knew Vance was a straight-talker but, um… yikes.

  I thought it was time to cut in. “Vance –”

  “I’m talkin’ now.”

  At his tone I shut up. Definitely not the time to cut in.

  “You lie in bed in the moonlight when you think it doesn’t count and you let me in. I’m tellin’ you now, it counts, Jules.”

  I kept silent.

  Vance kept talking. “I don’t want you sweet after I’ve made you come and you don’t have your guard up. I want you sweet all the time. You don’t start trusting me in the daylight this isn’t gonna work.”

  I stayed silent.

  “You go out into the night makin’ trouble, fearless. With everything else that means something in your life, you’re shit scared. You’re gonna have to find a way to get the fuck over it.”

  I pulled my lips in and bit them to stay quiet. He was right and that was so annoying.

  “You’re mine,” he repeated like I didn’t get it the first time.

  I let my lips go and said, “Okay.”

  He stared at me.

  “Can I say something now?” I asked when he seemed to be finished.

  “Just don’t piss me off,” he warned.

  Like I’d do that especially at this juncture.

  I waited a beat then took in a breath and then did something that made my Rottweiler go berserk. I ignored my Rottie, it took all I had but I did it.

  “I know it counts,” I whispered.

  Vance didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything.

  Then drool flying everywhere in white globs, jumping up and down, tearing free from his chains, my Rottweiler came at me and I ran like a mad woman, taking my life in my hands. I passed him, threw open the door to the chain-link-fenced box and ran inside. I slammed the door closed behind me and locked it, keeping my Rottweiler at bay.

  Then I ran my hands up Vance’s back, stopping when I felt his scar and to make my point, I left my fingers there.

  “You’re right, you scare the hell out of me,” I said it so low I wasn’t sure if he heard it.

  I didn’t have to wonder long. He heard it and he understood it.

  He rolled to his side and took me with him, arms going around me tight. He didn’t need to say anything because that was enough.

  I put my face in his throat again. “I need a boyfriend with a safe job. Like checkout guy at King Sooper’s,” I told Vance’s throat.

  He stayed silent.

  “The worst thing that could happen is he’d fall off his rolling stool behind the cash register. Maybe hit his head or something. Sprain a wrist.”

  Vance still didn’t speak.

  “They have good benefits there, I heard. Great insurance.”

  More silence.

  “That could be a rumor though,” I muttered to myself since Vance was obviously not listening.

  “Jules.”

  “What?”

  He pulled my hair with a gentle tug and I looked up at him. His eyes were soft and sexy when I looked into them and when he spoke his deep voice was silk. “Shut up.”

  Looking at him, the fear moved out of me and I melted into him because, one look at him, I just knew and the clouds over my life parted and I felt the warmth of sunshine.

  “Don’t tell me to shut up,” I whispered.

  That’s when he gave me one of his grins and I knew I was right. Everything was going to be fine. Then he kissed me, slow, sweet, long, like we had all day and I knew everything was really fine.

  When he was done, there were no clouds in the sky. None at all. Just sunshine.

  “I’m sorry about last night,” I said quietly, because I had to.

  “You need to talk to Luke,” he told me.

  I nodded. He was right, I needed to talk to Luke. I didn’t want to but I sure as hell needed to.

  “Are you two gonna be okay?” I asked.

  “He keeps his distance, yeah. He keeps at this game, no.”

  Hmm.

  That didn’t sound good. That sounded like I was Yoko Ono to the Nightingale Investigation Team’s Beatles. I didn’t want to be the woman who fucked up the band.

  “I’ll talk to him,” I said then went for another, much safer topic (at least I thought it was safer, but I was very, very wrong). “How long have you been here?”

  “About an hour. The minute Bobby walked in, I took off.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me when you got here?” I asked.

  “I was pissed. I needed to calm down before I talked to you.”

  “You could calm down lying naked in bed with me?” I queried in disbelief.

  “Lots of ways to work through anger, Jules, and I’m learnin’ that I like the way you work through it a lot.”

  I blinked at him. Then I remembered the grin I thought I saw before he slid inside me.

  “You knew we were going to have sex,” I breathed as the realization hit me

  I caught the grin this time, full-on.

  My body tensed and my blood started pumping through my veins. “How could you know we were going to have sex? We were broken up!” I shouted, trying to pull away but his arms got tight and his brows drew together.

  “We weren’t broken up. I was givin’ you time to get your head sorted,” he said.

  Um.

  What?

  “We were broken up,” I repeated.

  “We weren’t,” he repeated right back at me.

  “We most certainly were,” I snapped.

  “Jules, for fuck’s sake, you don’t kiss a woman that you’ve broken up with good-bye.”

  This gave me pause for reflection because it made sense.

  Still.

  Before I could say anything, he went on. “At the cabin, we made up.”

  “At the cabin, we were saying good-bye.”

  He stared at me for a beat then his brows unknitted and he started laughing.

  Laughing!

  I yanked back and gained some space. He yanked me forward and took it away.

  “This isn’t funny, Crowe,” I snapped.

  “You think you fuck four times to say good-bye?” he asked through laughter.

  This gave me pause for reflection too because I had to admit, it sounded pretty ridiculous.

  I didn’t tell him that.

  I tried a different tactic. “Why didn’t you call me if we were still together?”

  “Hard to give you space and call you.”

  Then something else hit me and my eyes narrowed. “You thought I’d let Luke kiss me when you and I were together?”

  “You let Luke kiss you and put his hands up your shirt,” Vance corrected me.

  “Whatever,” I said.

  His eyes flashed. “Not whatever.”

  “I thought we were broken up.” Now my voice was louder.

  “I know that now. I thought you were workin’ through shit, experimenting.”

  Oh my God.

  He did not just say that.

  “Experimenting?” My voice was no longer loud, it was quiet, soft and seriously pissed off.

  I’d just gone throu
gh all sorts of hell, nearly got emotionally chewed to shit by my Rottweiler and through all that, he thought we were still together and he was just giving me space. Not only that, he thought I was the kind of woman who’d “experiment” with another guy.

  I took a deep breath to calm myself.

  Then…

  I lost my mind.

  I pulled out of his arms and sat up, wrapping the sheet around me and twisting toward him. “I’m not fifteen years old, Vance, experimenting with every hot guy who comes along! Why didn’t you tell me you were giving me space?”

  He came up after me and twisted to face me. “Calm down, Jules,” he said.

  “Fuck calm and answer me.”

  “Jules –”

  I forgot I demanded an answer and kept ranting, so in a snit that I forgot to think about what I said. “I’ve been freaking out for three days. I thought I’d broken up with you and you’d let me. I thought we were over and you weren’t going to try and get me back. Everyone thinks it!” I yelled.

  His arms came around me, pulled me to him and I pulled back. We tussled. This of course ended with me flat on my back, head on the pillows and Vance’s body pinning mine to the bed.

  “Get off me,” I shouted in his face.

  “Quiet, Jules, and listen to me.”

  “I don’t want to listen to you,” I snapped.

  His eyes flashed, his face changed and his hands went to either side of my head and he held my face to look at him.

  “Quiet,” he ordered low and my whole body stilled at his tone and the look on his face.

  When he had my attention, he started talking. “You freaked when you got the flowers and the way you told me it was over, I knew you needed that and was willin’ to give it to you but I was takin’ one last night. You agreed. I used that night to get you to stop thinkin’ crazy and pushin’ me away and it worked.”

  “It didn’t.”

  “You started redecorating my cabin, you thanked me for the flowers, you let me make love to you in the moonlight and again in the morning. You showered with me, you held on tight on the bike when I brought you home. Is that the behavior of a woman who’s just broken up with you?”

  Hmm.

  He had a point.

  “You didn’t call me for three days,” I kept at it.

  “I was workin’ and it’s been intense between us. You freak out any time I get close. You needed space to get your head together. I backed off for a few days and gave it to you.”

  Okay, that made sense. It was even nice.

  Still.

  “I do not freak out,” I snapped.

  He raised his brows.

  Fuck!

  I was freaking out as we talked.

  I glared at him because I didn’t have a leg to stand on and I knew it but my pride wouldn’t let me admit it out loud. He watched me then his face started to go soft and sexy and I knew that he knew my thoughts.

  Vance Crowe totally had my number.

  Damn.

  Time to move on.

  “All right, well… whatever.” It was weak but I didn’t know what else to say.

  I caught his grin definitely this time before his face disappeared into my neck. He knew he’d won in more ways than one.

  “Next time I give you space, I’ll tell you,” he said into my neck.

  I didn’t want there to be a next time. This last time was bad enough. I didn’t share that with him however.

  His mouth moved on my neck and then came to mine and he kissed me, soft and quick and my freak out started to melt away. Then he lifted his head.

  “Go to work. I’m tired and need sleep,” he said softly, his face an inch from mine.

  “That didn’t take long,” I said, kind of snotty but not really meaning it, “we’re back to macho-speak.”

  “Go to work,” he replied, knowing I didn’t mean it.

  I stared at him.

  I started to move away but his arms got tight. I looked at him and he kissed me again, this time slow and sweet but with lots of tongue.

  That was more like it.

  When he was done, my freak out had disintegrated.

  Gone.

  I looked him in the eyes for a beat then said against his mouth, “Sleep well.”

  He kissed my forehead and I grabbed my nightie, pulled it over my head, turned off the alarm so it wouldn’t wake Vance, swung off the bed and went to feed Boo.

  I showered, got ready as quietly as I could and chanced a glance up at the bed before I left.

  Vance was lying on his stomach, sheet down to his waist and I could see his brown-skinned, muscled back which looked even browner against my cream sheets. Boo was curled into the side of his waist and didn’t even look at me when I peeked.

  I had to hold on to the bed platform not because of a belly flutter but because my knees went weak. There were all sorts of reasons for this, none of which I had the time or inclination to explore at that moment.

  I pulled myself together and walked outside.

  Nick was standing in the yard staring at Vance’s Harley which was parked close to the backdoor.

  Nick’s eyes swung to me but he didn’t say a word.

  “Um… seems Vance and I are back together,” I informed Nick, explaining the bike.

  Nick watched me a beat then dropped his head, stared at his shoes and muttered something under his breath I didn’t catch.

  I walked closer to him. “Sorry?” I asked. “I didn’t hear that.”

  He looked at me. “These are the times I hate,” he said louder.

  I just stared at him.

  Then I asked, “What times?”

  “The times when I don’t know what Reba explained to you and what she didn’t.”

  Oh crap.

  Not one of those times. Those times were always embarrassing for both of us. Always.

  “Nick –” I started but Nick interrupted me and I could tell it was in an effort to get what he had to say over with and quick.

  “Don’t fuck with this guy, Jules. This is not the type of guy you fuck with. I figure he’s got a lot of patience and to be honest, no offense sweetheart, he’s gonna need it with you. But don’t use up his patience. Does that make sense?”

  I was still caught at Nick dropping the f-bomb. Nick didn’t tend to use the f-word very often.

  Nick took my silence as confusion, came closer to me and explained, “What I’m sayin’ is, don’t jack him around.”

  “Nick!”

  “I’m just sayin’.”

  “I’m not jacking Vance around!” Okay, maybe I was, but I didn’t realize it at the time. “I’m just…” I went on, “working through some issues.”

  “Well, don’t tease him while you’re doin’ it, that’s all I’m sayin’.”

  “Tease him?” I whispered.

  Oh my God.

  Was I teasing Vance? Was I teasing Luke? Was I teasing both Vance and Luke?

  Oh… my… God.

  How did I go from virgin to slut to tease in a week?

  “Do you think I’m teasing him?” I breathed, beginning to freak out.

  “Uh…” Nick mumbled, watching me freak out and then lifted a hand to scratch the back of his head, “maybe you should talk to one of the girls at the bookstore about it.”

  “I think I’ll do that,” I agreed quietly and I was damned certain I would. If there was ever a time for a girlfriend, this was the time.

  Nick came forward and kissed my cheek then he was gone.

  I got into Hazel and freaked out.

  Then I thought of Vance sleeping in my bed and I freaked out more (but in a good way).

  Then I felt something funny, sweet and wet, nudging around in my memory filing cabinets. I looked through my chain link fence and saw a cute, fawn-colored pug puppy with a black face pushing his nose through the fence and giving me sloppy, puppy kisses.

  I looked through the fence.

  My Rottie was nowhere to be seen.

  I wondered if
I’d miss him.

  Chapter Twenty

  Yoko Ono

  I sat in the parking lot at King’s and pulled out my cell phone, scrolled down to Luke’s number, took a deep breath and hit the green button.

  “Yeah?” he answered after the first ring.

  “Hey, it’s Jules.”

  “I know who it is and I know why you’re callin’. I’m lookin’ at the monitors and I see Vance’s Harley sittin’ outside your house.”

  Whoops.

  “Um, seems there was a misunderstanding,” I told him.

  “Bet there was, especially with him doin’ surveillance room last night.”

  “He kinda saw us,” I explained unnecessarily.

  “I know where the cameras are positioned, babe. He more than kinda saw us.”

  He’d said “cameras”, plural. It was a big room but still.

  I decided it was best not to think about it. “He wasn’t happy,” I went on.

  Silence but I heard a door close.

  “Seems that we weren’t broken up after all,” I went on, “he was just giving me space.”

  More silence for a beat then quietly, “I hope that’s it. I find out he threw away his nice shiny toy then got pissed when he saw someone else playin’ with it, I’m the one who’s not gonna be happy.”

  Um.

  Yikes.

  “I’m not sure I like being described as a toy,” I said, feeling the head crackin’ vibe coming over me.

  “I’m not the one treatin’ you like a toy,” Luke shot back.

  I decided this wasn’t going very well. “There are things you don’t understand.”

  “Right.”

  Time to play peacemaker. “Luke, seriously, I don’t want to be Yoko Ono.”

  “Come again?”

  “I don’t want to be the one who breaks up the band.”

  More silence then, “Babe.”

  I felt relief sweep through me. His “babe” was amused. He understood.

  Then he continued talking. “Mace heard how you took down Warren and his girls and saw you floor Jermaine. He and I agree you’re ready to be full-time in the field. No more training. It’s showtime. You’re ride-along with me tonight.”

  He wasn’t asking. I didn’t know how Vance would feel about this but I hoped I could talk him into it because I really, really wanted to do ride-along.

  “What time?” I asked.