Don't Rhine on My Parade

  Chapter Thirteen

  I hate throwing up. Your throat burns, your nose hurts, your eyes water, and the smell is enough to make you throw up all over again. I couldn’t stop though. I kept emptying my stomach until all that was left was dry heaving. I’ve never been one for violent movies and the sight of decapitation and eyeball skewering was going to make me queasy for quite some time. I refused to check Cecily’s shoes to see if the eyeball was still stuck on the heel. I pictured it there like an olive on a toothpick and started to retch again.

  Cecily was checking out our downed attackers. She bent over the decapitated head and poked it with her toe. “You didn’t do this,” she said.

  I was trying to scrub my tongue off with the hem of my shirt. “thlo, blah, bleh, yuck.” I gave up. “No, that was a wolf.”

  “A werewolf?”

  “Unless your typical Orlando suburban wolf grows over 200 pounds.”

  “Hmm.” Cecily toed the head a little harder and it rolled a few feet.

  “Could you stop that?” I asked, hand over mouth.

  “Why would a werewolf help us?” she mused.

  “In hopes of a return favor,” came a deep voice behind me. I spun and saw the dark haired man who had briefly joined us at our restaurant table. He was panting heavily and still buttoning up his shirt. I tried not to admire his chest and failed.

  From the other side of the row came the blond Fae. He had a shining sword in hand and would have looked at home on the cover of a medieval romance novel. He wiped something dark off the blade with a cloth and slid it smoothly into a sheath on his back.

  “More?” asked the werewolf.

  “Two. At the lot exit.”

  “And now?”

  “None.” The Fae smiled and I shivered. He looked down at the head near his feet. “I see you were busy as well.”

  Cecily was standing rigidly in the center of the aisle. Hands clawed at her sides. She watched warily as the Fae walked over to one of the plants and bent to touch it. His head snapped up.

  “Triffids!” he said in surprise. “Who killed them?” He looked at the were in puzzlement.

  I was getting a little fed up with being ignored and underestimated.

  “I did,” I said and picked up my fallen bottle of soy water. It was better than nothing so I squirted some in my mouth, swished it around and spat. “What do you want?”

  The Fae smiled warmly at me and suddenly I wanted to trust him. I wanted to tell him everything and let him fix all my problems. I took a step towards him and then stopped myself.

  “Stop that,” I commanded with the Voice and the impulsion fell away. “Tell me what you want, now, or go away,” I commanded again. I was done playing the nice guy. Clearly my ability was the only thing that put me even remotely near an even footing with these people. I could feel guilty about it later, right now I just wanted to stay alive.

  “We need your help,” the were answered. He broke off and stared at me. “You are a Rhine Maiden!” he said in awe.

  “I’m human,” I said shortly. “And I’m tired and I want to go home. So if you have something to say, say it. Otherwise, get out of my way.”

  Cecily moved silently over to stand behind me and off to the side. She had relaxed a bit, but still looked ready to spring in any direction. I felt better knowing she had my back.

  The blond man made a low, sweeping bow in my direction, “We apologize for our rudeness. We have need of your help, and can offer you help in return.”

  “What kind of help?” I wanted to know.

  “Two votes from the Synod,” the were rumbled.

  “Two?”

  “The Seelie Fae and the weres will vote to accept your membership,” he growled, “for a price.”

  “What price?” Cecily spoke for the first time.

  “There is a simple task to complete,” the Fae said smoothly. “When it is done we will vote for you.”

  I frowned. I was tired, still pretty freaked out, and really didn’t want to stand here smelling the coppery smell of blood and the stench of vomit. I started walking towards the car.

  “Wait!” the Fae looked shocked. “Why are you leaving? Don’t you want to hear our offer?”

  I spun on my heel, “I don’t know you. I don’t know your name, or what you want. I’m grateful for your help tonight and if you wish to meet tomorrow to discuss a deal,” I put up a hand to silence him as he opened his mouth to interrupt. “Tomorrow,” I said firmly, “after I’ve had a bath, brushed my teeth, and gotten a good night’s sleep. Then I will talk with you.”

  Now it was Cecily’s turn to trot to catch up. We got in the car and drove off without another word, the were and the Fae still standing in the middle of the aisle with surprised looks on their faces. Just as we turned the corner at the end I heard the were start to laugh.

  Cecily turned to me, “That was stu—”

  My phone rang. I glanced down at the screen. It was Sarah!

  “Hang on, I need to get this,” I told Cecily. “Hello?”

  “—otta call someone. Oh! Hi! Hey!” a strange voice said.

  “Hello?” I said again, “Who is this?”

  “Oh, umm, yeah. This is Rachel. I’m like, uh, friends with Sarah.”

  “I remember you,” I said dryly. She was a little hard to forget with her pink hair and multiple facial piercings. I had hoped that she and Sarah were drifting apart. My mom was positive that Rachel was just insecure and needed a good friend like Sarah to balance her out. I wasn’t so sure about that.

  “Why are you calling on Sarah’s phone?” My heart leaped into mom panic mode, “Where’s Sarah? Is she okay? What’s happened?”

  “Chill out, Piper! Everything’s cool. Sarah’s like, fine, but …” she trailed off and I heard fierce whispering going on.

  “Rachel!” I yelled, “Tell me what’s going on, now! Is Sarah there?”

  “Yeah, she’s here. She just doesn’t want to, like, talk to you. But I said, man, we’ve got to call someone and you’re, like, better than calling her mom.”

  I gripped the phone hard, “Put Sarah on now,” I ordered.

  There was a shuffling sound and then I heard my sister’s belligerent voice, “Piper.”

  “What is going on?” I almost screamed. Cecily was looking inscrutable but something told me she could probably hear both sides of the conversation just fine. I know she could hear my side. The people in the next car could probably hear my side.

  “You are so prone to overreact,” Sarah said infuriatingly. “This is why I didn’t want to call you. I do not need your help.”

  My teeth gritted together, “And what is going on that you do not need my help for?”

  “Nothing.”

  I heard a whisper from the background, “We do need help, Sarah! Tell her!”

  “Fine. We need a ride home.”

  “Okay,” I tried to remain calm, “Where are you?”

  “We’re down in Malabar.” Malabar was the town to the south of Melbourne. It was small, spread out, and very rural.

  “Where in Malabar?”

  “We’re down off Corey and Valkaria.” That was way south.

  “What are you doing down there?” The million dollar question.

  “Why is that any of your business?” she snipped.

  “It is my business if I’m going to drive all the way down there in the middle of the night to pick you up. How did you get down there? Where’s your car?”

  She sighed the martyred sigh of the misunderstood, “We left my car at the movie theater.”

  “And what, flew down there?” I wasn’t feeling very understanding.

  “No,” the word had several extra annoyed syllables.

  “Then what?”

  “We got a ride.” This was like pulling teeth.

  There was another scuffle on the other end.

  “Hey, Piper, it’s me, Rachel.”

  “Rachel, what is going on?” I was getting seriously fed up.


  “Okay, like, don’t freak or anything. Promise?”

  “I promise,” I lied.

  “Okay, we were at the movies when we met these college guys.” I managed to keep the groan from escaping my lips. “They were throwing this awesome party and we got invited. So, we, like, caught a ride with them, only we didn’t know it would be way down here.”

  “Are you girls safe right now?” I had visions of all sorts of horrors that were completely human in nature.

  “Yeah, we’re, like, hiding in the bushes down the road.”

  Oh, fantastic. Just what I wanted to hear. I felt so reassured now.

  “So yeah, like, the party was great and all, but then the police showed up.” Better and better. I could feel my blood pressure rising rapidly.

  “The police.”

  “Yeah, there was some … uh, yeah, anyways, the police came and we, like, got out the back door before they could talk to us. Sarah says we’re fine, but I know they saw us. They’re probably looking for us right now! My dad’ll kill me if I get arrested!”

  I closed my eyes and had a quiet moment of Why, God? Why me?

  “Okay,” I said when I could trust myself not to yell. “Stay where you are. Don’t talk to anyone, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I looked over at Cecily, who looked suspiciously like she was trying not to laugh. She nodded.

  “Okay,” Rachel sounded very young and afraid.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything. You girls just stay safe for a few more minutes. I’ll call you when I get to Valkaria Road.” I hung up and bashed my fist on the dashboard a few times.

  “Feel better?” Cecily asked.

  I glared at her. “No, I do not feel better. I’m calling my mom right now.” I dialed the number and it rang a few times before she picked up.

  “Hello?”

  “Mom, this is Piper.”

  “Oh, Piper! I’m so glad you called. We’re almost out the door to catch the red eye, but I forgot to ask Sarah to make sure to feed and walk the dog every day and I can’t get her on her cell. She must still be in the movies. Can you remind her? And don’t forget to check up on her. Maybe you could have some special sister time! Oh! Your father’s calling me. Got to run! I’ll call you from California!” and she hung up.

  I was left holding the phone and feeling shell shocked. “Mom?” I asked into the silence, unable to believe that she was already gone. Nothing. I flipped the phone shut. Cecily snickered.

  “I really don’t need this right now,” I groaned.

  “Maybe we should have stayed and talked to Kethudrim and the werewolf.”

  I rolled my eyes, “I’m sure I will be talking with them, sooner than I want to. This whole thing is crazy. I don’t want to join some sort of magic group! I just want to be normal! And aliens? Give me a break. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”

  “To whom much is given, much is required.” Cecily sounded like she was quoting something.

  “What’s that, Shakespeare?”

  “No. The Bible.”

  “The Bible?” I was surprised. I thought vampires burst into flames if they came near something Christian.

  “Yes.” Cecily raised that eyebrow at me again, “And now would be the time to start praying we make it through this Zipline without being attacked again.” We were pulling up into the same gas station we had arrived through.

  For a wonder, we were waved through without incident. “They probably don’t want to make an open attack on you,” was Cecily’s reasoning. “That would be a little hard to explain to the Synod.”

  “But triffid-ing us to death in a parking lot is just peachy.”

  “Well,” she shrugged, “Anyone could have done that. It’s deniable.”

  I had no response for that. What do you say to someone who believes that being attacked by sentient plants out of an old sci-fi movie is so normal that anyone could have done it?

  We exited back in Melbourne, safe and sound. “Do you need to get home?” I asked, “I can get my own car to go get Sarah.”

  “And not get to meet her?” Cecily said in mock horror. “I wouldn’t dream of missing this.” Her lips pulled up in a huge crocodile grin.

  I slumped in my chair. Oh well, maybe having strangers around would keep Sarah and me on our company behavior. She had better hope so, because I was ready to lock her in a closet and throw away the key. At least until mom got home. Two weeks. Just fantastic.

  After a mile or so of silence Cecily spoke, “So, your little sister, she’s a lot younger than you?”

  “Yeah. Ten years.”

  “Must be hard.”

  “Tell me about it, she can be a pain in the neck, but I love her.”’

  “I meant for her.”

  “What! Why?”

  “How many mothers does she have to deal with?”

  I opened my mouth to retort and then closed it. Karen and I both treated Sarah more like a daughter than a sister. It probably drove her crazy. Maybe I should cut her some slack and let my parents do the parenting. They just seemed to be letting her get away with everything these days.

  When we got far enough south, I called Sarah’s cell.

  “Hey,” she said dully.

  “We’re almost there. Where are you?”

  “We?”

  “Yeah, I’m with a friend.”

  “Great,” meaning the exact opposite. “We’ll meet you at the corner.” She hung up. I stuck my tongue out at the phone.

  “Corner it is,” Cecily chirped happily. She was enjoying this way too much.

  We pulled up at the stop sign and I looked down the crossroad. There were tons of flashing lights about a quarter of a mile down. A knock on the window made me jump. Cecily popped the locks and two girls tumbled into the backseat.

  “Go, go, go!” one squeaked.

  Cecily did a three point turn and headed back the way we came. All of us kept looking out the back window to see if anyone was following. Finally we relaxed and there was a couple seconds of peace. I had to break it.

  “So,” was all I said.

  “You’re so judgmental! Like you never got in trouble before!” Sarah practically screamed at me.

  “Not with the police,” I muttered.

  “Just take us back to my car,” Sarah snarled, then folded her arms over her chest and slouched in the seat.

  “You’re very welcome,” I said sarcastically.

  “I didn’t ask for your help.”

  “Yes, you did. And if you think Mom is not going to hear about this you are wrong.”

  “Oh, how mature, Piper.” Her voice took on a high pitched whining quality, “’I’m going to tell Mom on you, nah, nah, nah.’”

  “Oh grow up, Sarah!”

  “You’re not my mother. You’re nothing to me!” She started to cry.

  Cecily took a deep breath, “Wow, and I always wanted a sister.”

  Rachel had the gall to laugh. Sarah and I sat in stony silence for the rest of the trip. I was feeling pretty low by the time we reached the movie theater so I tried to offer an olive branch.

  “You want to go to lunch tomorrow?” I asked tentatively.

  “No.” She slammed the car door behind her and marched off.

  “Uh, thanks for the ride, Piper,” Rachel said quietly and ran off after Sarah.

  Cecily looked at me, “That went well,” she grinned. I glowered. “You handle werewolves, vampires, and triffids, no problem, but your own baby sister …”

  “I know,” I groaned. “Something about her turns me into a nagging monster.”

  “You were pretty harsh,” Cecily agreed.

  “Harsh! She was running from the police after doing God knows what at a party she was too young to be at!” I was getting worked up again.

  “Yeah, but she called you. That says something.”

  “Maybe,” I muttered.

  We drove home and Cecily pulled into my driveway first. “I’ll walk you to the door. Don
’t forget your diapers.”

  None of the bushes attacked on the way up the walk and I turned at the door. “I’m going to have to talk to the were and what’s-his-face tomorrow.”

  “Kethudrim, and yes, probably.”

  “I need their vote.”

  “You do.”

  “I’m not going to want to do whatever it is that they want me to do.”

  “Probably not.”

  I sighed. “Life used to be so easy. Comparatively.”

  Cecily patted me on the shoulder. “You’re doing great. Things could be worse.”

  “Yeah, like humans being hunted into extinction by figments of our imagination.”

  “Yeah, that would be worse.” Cecily grinned, “Don’t worry, it still could happen,” and on that cheery note she left.