Baby Alicia Is Dying

  “Desila, I’ve just gotten an official notice from the front office that Shaundra and her parents have requested a change of lab partners immediately. Can you think of any reason why she’d suddenly want to trade in one of the best biology students in my class?”

  Chapter Six

  “No, sir,” Desi told him, absolutely shocked by Mr. Redding’s question.

  “You two didn’t have a falling out, did you?”

  “Not that I know about.”

  Mr. Redding tapped his pencil against the top of his desk. “Well, all I know is that her parents went to the administration and asked for her to be moved, and I have to honor that request. So I guess it’s just you and Mr. Connley.

  “You know, I structure this course so you kids can learn how to work interactively. Your group was short a member from the first, and now you’ve lost another member. Let’s hope Mr. Connley sticks it out, or I’ll have to insert you into another group, which I don’t want to do, because it will disturb its balance.”

  Desi was hardly listening. She kept trying to figure out why Shaundra would have asked to dump her as a lab partner. When the bell rang, she blended into the flow of the hall traffic, slipped into the bathroom, and checked her face in the mirror. “Same old me,” she mumbled.

  She was standing at her bus stop, waiting for her school bus, when Brian pulled up in a rattling old car, flung open the door, and said, “Come on, I’ll give you a lift.”

  No boy had ever offered her a ride home before. Desi got in, and Brian threw the car into gear and squealed out of the parking lot. She gripped the armrest.

  “Did Redding miss me?” Brian asked.

  “If he did, he didn’t say anything in class.”

  A block later, Brian drove into a McDonald’s parking lot, parked, and jumped out of the car. “Come on, I’m starved. I’ll buy you a snack.”

  She hurried in after him and was sitting in a booth scowling out the window when he deposited the food on the table and sat down across from her. “So, what’s with the long face?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Did you get into trouble with Redding?”

  “No.”

  “Well, something must have happened. Tell me.”

  She hesitated, but finally asked, “Did you know Shaundra asked to get out of being my lab partner?”

  “Yeah, I heard.”

  She sat up straighter. “Does the whole school know? And why? What did I do to her?”

  “The word’s going around about you working with kids who have AIDS. I guess the idea sort of freaked her out.”

  Her jaw dropped. “But how—?” Corrine. Of course. “A person can’t catch AIDS just by being around people who have it.”

  “You and I know that,” Brian said, “but that doesn’t stop people from being scared.”

  “Well that’s the stupidest, most juvenile thing I’ve ever heard. If people could just see these babies … Prejudice toward them is dumb! Stupid!”

  “Hey, don’t take it out on me.”

  “If I’m such a health risk, then why are you sitting across from me?”

  He took a swig from his cup. “I guess because I’m not stupid and juvenile.”

  The clever way he turned her angry words made her smile. “Okay, so you’re a good guy. But you can’t go running out on me again like you did today. If you don’t stick it out, who knows where Mr. Redding will put me?”

  “I’ll stick it out.” Brian’s intense blue eyes bore into hers, and for a moment her breath stuck in her throat.

  “So tell me, why did you leave the room today?”

  “It was the smell of that blasted dead frog and the junk it was soaking in.”

  “Formaldehyde.” She studied him more closely. “What’s the matter? You have a weak stomach or something?” He didn’t answer, but leaned back against the booth and took a couple of deep breaths. “That’s it,” Desi pressed. “You’re sick to your stomach even thinking about it.”

  “All right,” Brian growled. “So I have a weak stomach. What’s the big deal?”

  “Well that’s just terrific. I have one lab partner who dumps me because of where I spend my free time and another who tosses his cookies at the sight of frog guts.”

  Brian groaned. “Don’t say that word. I might pass out.” The idea of a macho guy like Brian fainting—coupled with the pasty color of his face—made her giggle. He gave her an imploring look. “Aw, have some mercy. Man, you don’t know what it’s like to be saddled with a weak stomach. I can’t even go on roller coasters or Ferris wheels. It’s grim.”

  “So that’s why you never made it through biology last year?”

  “I skipped every lab.”

  “We’re going to have to work doubly hard in there now. There’s just the two of us now.”

  “What if things get worse?”

  “What do you mean? What things?”

  “There are some kids at school who can make life pretty rough on you.”

  For a moment she felt baffled. “Are you saying some kids might be mean to me because I help out at ChildCare? Good grief! These are defenseless babies. Everybody knows about AIDS.”

  “Maybe some kids aren’t as open-minded as you are,” Brian said. “Maybe they can make you wish you never cared about AIDS babies either.” A chill ran up her spine. Suddenly he offered a smile. “Let’s drop it. Besides, who’d be dumb enough to tangle with a girl who slashes frogs the way you do?”

  She agreed with him and felt her mood improve. Outside, the long shadows of afternoon stretched across the parking lot. “I’ve got to get to work,” he told her, stuffing the last of his fries in his mouth.

  “Where do you work?”

  “At a health club. I get to use the equipment, and it helps blow off steam. It’s not a bad way to pass an afternoon if you need to.”

  “Are you telling me I might need to ‘blow off steam’? But why?”

  “It helps. Believe me—I speak from experience.” She would have asked him more, but he stood and pulled her to her feet. His hand felt warm on hers. “Don’t worry about the kids at school. Most are all right.”

  She recalled Alicia’s elfin face. “I’m sorry there are people who feel threatened because I work at ChildCare. The babies are really special. And nobody wants them. No matter what happens or what anybody does, I’m not going stop helping with those babies.”

  The minute Desi walked into the ChildCare house the next Saturday, she recognized Alicia’s crying. She hurried into the kitchen, where Sadie was walking the floor and juggling the screaming baby. “What’s wrong?” Concern made her heart pound crazily.

  At the sound of Desi’s voice Alicia turned her head and reached out her hand. Sadie handed the baby over. “She’s cutting more teeth. Her gums must be hurting plenty; she’s cried all morning.”

  Desi held Alicia close and rocked her. “There, there, baby girl,” Desi cooed. “It’s all right. I’m here now.”

  Sadie handed Desi a small tube of ointment. “Here’s something to rub on her gums so they’ll stop hurting.” Desi sat in the rocker and proceeded to massage the numbing gel on the baby’s gums. Alicia lay docilely, watching Desi. Sadie said, “That baby sure does like you, Desi. She just calms right down the minute she sees you or hears your voice.”

  Desi’s heart swelled. Alicia did seem more responsive to her than to anyone else. She toyed with Alicia’s hair, winding the soft ringlets around her finger. “She’s a very special baby,” Desi told Sadie. “And the fact that she likes me shows that she has excellent taste.”

  Sadie laughed. “I can tell that you’ve got things under control with that one, so I’ll go check on Anthony. That boy’s been sleeping all day long.”

  Desi dressed Alicia in a bonnet and sweater and took her for a walk on the grounds in a stroller. They were winding their way along a leaf-strewn path when she heard Tamara call, “Hey. I’ve been looking for you.” Tamara came up alongside, holding Heather on her hip.

  ?
??Alicia needed some fresh air to keep her mind off her gums,” Desi explained. The faint odor of burning leaves scented the crisp November air.

  Tamara spread a small blanket out on the grass and plopped down with Heather. Desi lifted Alicia from the stroller and joined them on the cool grass. “So how’s life in the salt mines?”

  Desi told her about her conversation with Brian. Tamara listened, wide-eyed. “That’s terrible. What are you going to do about it?”

  “There’s nothing I can do, except ignore it.”

  Tamara stroked Heather’s arm. “Can you imagine what it’s going to be like for these babies when they get into school? I mean, if they’re lucky enough to live that long.”

  “It doesn’t seem fair, does it? To have so much stacked against them.”

  “Maybe medical science will find a cure soon,” Tamara added hopefully. “There’s a lot of research going on, you know.”

  Desi touched Alicia’s cheek. Her skin felt soft and warm, and the baby offered a sunny smile. “Maybe so.”

  Suddenly, from across the lawn, she heard Sadie calling their names and hurrying toward them. Desi scooped up Alicia. “What’s wrong?” she asked as Sadie got closer.

  “It’s Anthony,” Sadie said, her face dark with worry. “He’s running a fever. I think he’s pretty sick. I’ve just called an ambulance to take him to County Hospital.”

  Chapter Seven

  “He’s one sick baby,” Aunt Clare said as she and Desi peered through the glass partition of the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. Inside the cubicle Anthony lay in a crib with stainless steel bars. A feeding tube had been inserted in his nose and an IV line in his foot.

  “But he’ll be all right, won’t he?” Desi asked.

  “He’s got thrush. In most infants it can be cleared up easily, but because Anthony’s immune system isn’t working properly, he’s in bad shape. He’s a tough little tyke though. Let’s hope he can hang on until the antibiotics take hold.”

  Desi was scared. What if Anthony didn’t get well? Gayle came alongside them, and Desi saw tight lines of concern around her mouth. “You’d think I’d be used to putting these babies back into the hospital by now. I never will.” She shook her head sadly. “I’ve been on the phone all morning organizing volunteers to come in and be with him.”

  “Won’t the nurses take care of him?” Desi asked.

  “They’ll care for his medical needs, but we don’t want any of our babies to feel abandoned in the hospital. I mean, if he had a regular family, his mother would be with him; so we attempt to have someone with him around the clock. Someone he knows.”

  “But he’s so out of it. How will he know anyone?”

  “Even patients in comas respond to familiar voices. Sometimes a whopping dose of love can be more effective than all the hospital care in the world.”

  “That’s true,” Aunt Clare added. “When a child wakes up and sees a familiar face and is held in loving arms, his physical condition improves. Lots of studies have been done on the correlation between love and wellness. It’s a fact that patients who are lovingly handled recover far more quickly than those who are simply given excellent medical care, but without additional stroking and touching.”

  “We want Anthony to have all the love and nurturing possible,” Gayle said as she gazed through the glass. “I’m going to go be with him now for a while. Other volunteers will come in later.” She went to the nurses’ station and brought back a package marked ‘Sterile’ that contained a paper mask and gown, and slipped the gown over her clothes. Desi knew the precautions were to protect Anthony from additional germs.

  Gayle patted Desi’s hand. “Don’t worry. Anthony will have plenty of attention while he’s here in ICU. We don’t want to neglect the others back at the house. We still need you to keep to your scheduled times with the children there.”

  “All right,” she said. She wanted to stay with Anthony, but her real place was back at the house with Alicia. This couldn’t happen to Alicia. Not to her baby.

  Desi had an argument with her mother over her hanging around the hospital and spending extra hours at ChildCare. “I’m sorry, Desi,” her mother told her as they worked in the kitchen, preparing supper, “but I’m having a really hard time understanding why you’re so fixated on these potential AIDS babies. The whole idea truly bothers me.”

  “With Anthony sick, they need me more than ever.”

  “But you’re being exposed to HIV on a daily basis.”

  “Mom, I’m not going to catch AIDS from the babies.”

  Her mother whirled from where she was washing vegetables at the sink. “But how do you know that? I know doctors say that people can only catch it under certain conditions, but what if they’re wrong? What if the people who are ‘helping’ with today’s HIV victims find out later that they’ve contracted AIDS?”

  “Mom, ChildCare gets all the newest information about the AIDS virus. I read everything! Seientists have proven that the virus isn’t very hardy. It can’t survive without ideal growing conditions. Outside the body, household bleach can kill it.”

  “Don’t feed me all that scientific mumbo-jumbo, Desi! It’s you I’m concerned about. You. I’d never forgive myself if you caught this horrible disease. And all because of some babies you feel some misplaced sense of civic duty toward. I could just throttle Clare every time I think about how she’s involved you in this.”

  Desi watched her mother’s pinched, angry expression and felt confused. Why was she so against this project? She wished there was some sort of hookup from her heart to her mother’s brain. Some way of instantly and painlessly revealing her deep feelings for Alicia and lack of fear for herself.

  In a quiet voice Desi said, “It’s not civic duty for me, Mom. It’s much more than that. Every time I look at Alicia, every time I hold her, I don’t want to let her go. I want to make all the bad things in her life go away. She’s just a little baby, Mom. A tiny six-month-old baby.

  “Her mother took drugs and gave HIV to her baby. It was her mother who did wrong, but it’s Alicia who has to pay for it.” Desi noticed her mother wince, as if her words were hurting her physically. What was her mother really thinking?

  Desi hurriedly added, “Please don’t blame Aunt Clare, Mom. I’m not good at tennis like Valerie. I’m never going to be a beauty queen the way you were, or popular, like Valerie is. I’m just me. Plain old Desila. I like what I’m doing at ChildCare.”

  Slowly her mother dried her hands on a dish towel, folded it methodically, and placed it on the counter. She looked away from Desi and as she walked toward the door, asked, “Can you finish up supper without me?”

  Startled, confused by her mother’s response, Desi replied, “Sure, I can. But—”

  “Finish the salad, and when the buzzer goes off, take the roast out of the oven.”

  “Okay, but—”

  “Warm the rice for you and your dad.”

  “Aren’t you eating with us?”

  Her mother shook her head. “No. I’ve got a headache. I’ll take something and lie down before it gets worse.”

  “But, Mom—”

  “It’s all right, Desi. Please go on with your plans.”

  Dumbfounded, Desi watched her mother leave the kitchen. Something was wrong, something deeper than Desi’s volunteer work. She hadn’t a clue what it could be.

  On Friday night Desi sat curled up in the corner of her aunt’s sofa. She was spending the weekend at her aunt’s again, since her father was on a hunting trip and her mother was attending a decorator’s convention in New York. “How’s Anthony doing today?”

  “They removed his feeding tube because he’s able to swallow on his own now. They’re hoping to discharge him and send him back to the house after Thanksgiving,” Aunt Clare called from the kitchen.

  “That’s super,” Desi called in return.

  Outside, a cold November rain was falling. Desi snuggled closer into the sofa cushion as her aunt entered the room, carrying a
snack tray. “You know, I’m really looking forward to Valerie’s coming home for Thanksgiving next week. I think Mom needs to see her.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “She’s acting strange about my volunteer work. Whenever Val’s at home, Mom seems happier. I think Mom misses Val more than she let’s on. They have so much in common—Mom kind of lights up whenever she’s with Val, and you know that’s the truth.”

  Aunt Clare set the tray down on the glass-topped cocktail table and handed Desi a cup of hot chocolate. “Tell me, how is your mother acting strange?”

  “It’s the AIDS thing, I guess. I thought she was over it, but she and I got into it again the other night. I told Val about it a while back, and she said that Mom would eventually come around, but I’m not so sure. I’m starting to think that it’s something more than AIDS.”

  “More? What do you mean?”

  “I’m not sure, but I know something else is bothering her.” Desi licked a dollop of whipped cream floating atop her chocolate and wished she could define her impressions more clearly. “I have this brainstorm that might give her some peace of mind about my work. Would you like to hear it?”

  “I’m all ears.”

  “I thought I could do my science fair project about AIDS. I have to discuss it with Brian first—he’s my lab partner. I figured if we could present facts and statistics about AIDS, the information might calm Mom down some. What do you think?”

  Aunt Clare beamed Desi a smile. “I think you’re a wonderful, thoughtful daughter.”

  “It’s just an idea. I mean, I have to do a science project anyway, so—why not? Of course I’ll have to talk Brian into it, but he’s been pretty understanding about my ‘fixation’ on the ChildCare house—as Mom calls it.”

  “Have you said anything to your dad about your mother’s fears?”

  “No … He’s so busy all the time. When he is home, he falls asleep in front of the TV. Do you think I should say something?”

  Aunt Clare pursed her lips. “Maybe not yet. Let’s see how she is after Val visits. And you’re right—maybe a science fair project that spells everything out will help.”