Because of Lila

  Instead, I just nodded.

  “Can you come in my office?” she asked.

  I nodded again, and she turned and headed in that direction. I glanced around one more time. I didn’t want to go to this woman’s office but I also didn’t see a way out of accepting her request unless I was rude.

  The door was open as she walked inside. Reluctantly, I followed.

  She stood at the door and closed it after I entered. I wished she’d left it open. Something about her made me nervous.

  “I’ll be brief. There is just something you need to know. I tried handing it with Cruz but he isn’t cooperating. He’s,” she paused and teared up again. “I’m sure you know how cruel and selfish he can be.”

  That got my attention. “Cruz isn’t either of those things,” I said in defense of him. This woman’s issues with his position at the club needed to be dealt with by Woods.

  Her tear-stained face looked less defeated and more like the haughty woman I’d seen when she had spoken to Cruz last week when we had been eating.

  “You’re so young and naïve,” she said with a disgusted look in her eyes. “You aren’t in a fairy tale. Cruz isn’t your prince charming, and he’s not the kind of guy that will settle down and marry you. He needs sex with different women. A variety,” she paused and then grinned as if she was amused with me.

  “When he was sixteen I taught him all about sex. I started his addiction. We fucked on this very table so many times I can’t count. I’ve stood right here with my legs spread while he licked my pussy until I couldn’t stand up. I let him be with other girls to get his taste. But I knew he’d always come back here. He wanted me. Needed what I gave him. He’s good at sex because I showed him what a woman wants. What she aches for. That mouth you’ve kissed has been all over this body,” she cupped her breast as she said it.

  I couldn’t find words. The things she was saying sounded like rantings from a crazy woman. She wanted me to believe he’d been having sex with a forty-year-old married woman when he was sixteen?

  “You are trying to sink your claws into what is mine.”

  “You’re married,” I said still in shock that she’d even think I could believe her.

  She laughed at me then. “That doesn’t matter. Not to us. Cruz and I crave each other. He was mine until you came along. Now I’m pregnant with his child and he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. You’re taking our child’s father away.” She touched her stomach gently.

  “You’re lying,” I said shaking my head and backing up toward the door. I knew Cruz had been a little wild. That wasn’t a secret. But he hadn’t done this. I was sure of it.

  “I knew you wouldn’t believe me,” she said and picked up a remote from her desk. The sounds of sex filled the room, and I turned to see the flat screen behind me.

  There would be no denying what I watched. Kelsey was naked, her legs wide open and her head thrown back as Cruz screwed her on her desk. Just like she’d said.

  “We liked to video our sex and watch it later. It got us hot and bothered. We often fucked while watching us fuck on the screen. That’s the kind of thing Cruz needs to make him truly happy. I also watched him. He would fuck some girl while I hid and watched. He liked knowing I was there while he did it. Seeing them. He’d get so worked up we’d both be crazy for it. I have videos of that too if you need to see.”

  “Fuck yes, Kelsey. Open wide you dirty whore. Give me what I want,” Cruz’s words came from the screen and I cringed. “Such a nasty bitch. My nasty little bitch, give me that ass.” Cruz then flipped her over. Pulling her hips up so her ass was stuck in the air. He spit on her bottom then stuck his fingers inside. “Tight asshole. You want my dick up that ass, don’t you?” She screamed, “Yes, fuck my ass. Fuck it hard!” She turned her head around to look back at him and he covered her mouth with his—that was all I could take. I ran. I ran out the door. I ran to my car. I ran from it all. I drove. I didn’t stop. I didn’t know where I was going but my soul had been destroyed.

  My phone kept ringing but I couldn’t answer it. I turned my phone off. If it was my mother I wouldn’t be able to speak. She’d be worried. All I could do was drive. Run away from it all. Until my chest didn’t feel as if it were crushed.

  The words he had said to Kelsey and the image of them together replayed over and over. Nausea clawed at my throat. Disbelief that I had actually trusted him. Thought what we had was real. But he . . . he was darker than I knew. When the tears finally began to fall, I pulled off at an exit and parked in a hotel parking lot. I cried for all I had dreamed of. All the happiness I thought I had found. And all that would forever mark me. I would never be the same. My fantasy had been just that. Nothing had been real. There would be no fond memories. Only one nightmare.

  I’m sorry. But I’m okay. I just needed some space. I sent that one text to my mother to keep her from being worried. There were twenty-eight missed texts and fifty missed calls when I turned my phone back on. I ignored them all, turned the phone off again and went to pay for a room for the night.

  Cruz Kerrington

  IT HAD BEEN sex. That was it. How had I known my affair with Kelsey would lead to this? I kept my head buried in my hands as my father paced in front of me. The room was silent now. His ranting and yelling had ended.

  “She’s okay. That was Harlow on the phone. Lila Kate sent her a simple text saying she was fine but needed space.” My mother announced as she entered the living room.

  I looked up for the first time in a while. Relief that Lila Kate was safe helped ease my fears. The pain still tore through my chest. I’d called her and texted her numerous times begging for her to listen to me. She hadn’t replied to any of them.

  “Did she say where she was?” I asked already knowing the chance of the Carters telling me was slim to none.

  Mom shook her head. “No. I think Grant is trying to track her cell phone though.”

  He was busy worrying about Lila Kate’s safety. I knew once she was back here safely he’d come for me. Right now, I hoped he did. I should have dealt with Kelsey. Thinking it would just go away was stupid.

  “She is threatening a lawsuit,” Dad said. “I’ve confiscated all the items in her office. The videos were found. There are some when you were underage. Those will protect the club. She will be the one facing charges if she pushes this.”

  Mom sank to sit on the edge of the chair in front of me. “You were just a baby. She was my age. I just don’t understand how she could do that?”

  “He was a willing partner, Della,” Dad reminded her. “And if she is pregnant then we have that to deal with.”

  I shook my head. “That baby won’t be mine. If there is one.”

  “But if it is, you aren’t a teenage boy anymore being taken advantage of. You’re a grown ass man who knew better than to screw around with a married woman.”

  Mom paled at his words. I’d hurt so many people. How did I think I deserved someone like Lila Kate? After all the shit I’d done.

  “I know that,” I told him lifting my eyes to meet his. “I should have stopped it. Hell, I shouldn’t have started it. But I am paying for it. I love Lila and now I’ve lost her. She’s hurting and it’s all my fault. That’s killing me.”

  Dad scowled. “Yes, it is. In life, you’re gonna make mistakes but this one is beyond a mistake. It’s selfish, irresponsible, and straight up dishonest. That woman is married. I get you were a teenage boy with raging hormones, but she is a married woman. That,” he said pointing at me. “That right there was where you messed up. No, Lila Kate won’t forgive you. How could she?”

  I stood up unable to sit here and listen to my mistakes anymore. I knew I had fucked up. I didn’t need my dad reminding me over and over. What I needed to do was find a way to fix this. Which seemed impossible.

  “Where are you going?” Dad’s anger hadn’t dissipated any during the hour he’d been yelling at me.

  “Are we not done here?” I shot back.

  He
closed the space between us and glared at me. “You slept with a married employee of a business that will be yours one day. You made sex videos with her. She’s claiming to be pregnant with your child. No, we’re not fucking done here. I’ve spoken with the lawyers. I’ve spoken with Kelsey’s husband. We are meeting in one hour in the club’s boardroom. You’re not going anywhere.”

  Lila Kate was out there and I had no idea where or how to find her or where to even look. I’d called Nate but he swore she hadn’t come to Sea Breeze. She needed to hear my side of this story. I had to explain it to her. Maybe she’d understand after I had a chance to explain how it all got started and how until I ran after her when she left town I had seen no issue with what I’d done. I did now. If I could just be the man she wanted me to be and erase all the past shit I’d done. I was a fuckup. Now I would pay for it.

  “She needs her space. You can’t find her anyway. You don’t know where she went,” my mother’s voice was calm and understanding.

  “I did this. I hurt her.” My voice cracked with emotion as I said it.

  My mom nodded. “Yes. And you’ll be the only one who can fix it. But for now, you have something else to fix.”

  “Goddamn right he does,” Dad’s tone was angry and annoyed.

  “Woods, calm down. I know you’re angry. But this started when he was a kid. She took advantage of him. Remember that.”

  Dad threw up his hands in frustration. “She is married, Della. Married. I’d like to think my son has more morals than that.”

  Mom nodded. “Me too. But what is done is done. We thought his wild streak was just that and he’d outgrow it. We should have been paying closer attention.”

  Dad pointed at me. “He should have used his damn brain and not his dick!”

  Mom winced. “Seriously, honey. Are those words necessary?”

  He shook his head. “This is just. Fuck it. I wasn’t perfect at his age but I didn’t do this. I didn’t put the club into legal question. And I didn’t screw around with married employees.”

  But I had.

  “When do we leave for the club?” I asked.

  “We should leave now. I need to make sure the room is ready. And our lawyers need to go over some things with you. What you can and can’t say.”

  Mom stood up. “I’m going.”

  “No,” Dad and I said at the same time.

  Mom frowned. “Why not?”

  I looked at Dad, and he sighed. “Because Della, I’m afraid we will be dealing with more legal issues when you see Kelsey. The videos will be discussed and I don’t trust you not to attack the woman.”

  He had a better reason than I did. I’d just been worried it would upset her.

  “She’s pregnant. It may not be Cruz’s child but I’d never hurt a pregnant woman,” Mom argued.

  Dad raised his eyebrow. “You haven’t seen the videos.”

  Mom let out a deep sigh then nodded. “Perhaps you’re right.”

  Dad walked over to my mom, pulled her into his arms then kissed her head. “I’ll keep you posted.”

  She nodded against his chest. They’d always been like this. Close. One unit. Dad worshiped her, and she adored him. I hadn’t wanted that. I always thought it made them vulnerable. I didn’t trust that. It was a gamble to love like that. I’d heard how awful most marriages were from Kelsey for years. I believed her.

  But watching them I realized I wanted that too. I’d had a taste with Lila Kate. A brief time where I knew she was all I would ever want. Now it was gone too soon. What my parents had wasn’t unique to them. It was simply that they loved each other.

  Kelsey didn’t love. There was the difference.

  My parents weren’t made vulnerable by their love. They were stronger because of it. My lies and secrets had to come out for me to see and understand that kind of love. Why did that have to be the case? Why couldn’t I have realized this years ago and saved so many people the pain?

  I wouldn’t lose Lila Kate without a fight. I’d heal everything I’d broken the best way I could. I would learn and move on. Then I would find some way for her to forgive me. Even if it took the rest of our lives. I’d wait for her. For us.

  Eli Hardy

  WATCHING LILA WALK toward me with the sun-kissed highlights in her hair and perfect features marked with pain, I realized something. She had felt “more.” She had experienced that “more” that we all hope for. That intensity that grabs you and holds you so tightly you can’t do anything but enjoy the ride and hope for the best.

  I wasn’t the ride for her. The night I met her she’d already been grabbed by it. Hell, she was already on the ride and didn’t want to be. Cruz had snagged her heart a long time ago. But I was thankful her journey had brought her to me. Without her, without my feelings developing for her I would have never believed I could love someone like I loved Bliss. I knew now that I was wrong. Bliss was my best friend, she was my childhood. We were grown now and our ride was over.

  Lila stopped at the table I had found us outside the bakery in Sea Breeze. One I’d eaten at many times before. She’d called me two days after Nate came by to see me asking if I had heard from her. I hadn’t at the time. But he told me some bad shit went down concerning Cruz and Lila had run.

  I had asked her where she was when she had called and she’d told me in Nashville. I thought about going to her. But I didn’t. She wasn’t mine. She never would be. But this morning I’d gotten a text. She was in Sea Breeze. She wanted to see me.

  The dark circles under her lovely eyes and the sadness obvious in her expression pained me. I hated to see her like this. I knew what heartbreak felt like. It was never easy. It destroyed you. Pulling yourself together afterward took strength. And I knew Lila had that strength.

  “I ordered your coffee the way you like it,” I told her as she sat down across from me.

  She attempted a smile. It was weak and didn’t meet her eyes. “Thank you.”

  I watched her take a small sip and then lift her gaze to look at me. “Thanks for meeting me here.”

  I shrugged. “Had nothing better to do. Sea Breeze has grown boring.”

  Lila didn’t laugh at my attempt to lighten the mood. Instead, I could see her eyes go somewhere else. Her thoughts lost in another moment. I let her go there alone while I drank some of my tea. She was more broken than I’d ever seen a female. Nate had told me the story. What Cruz had done. Why Lila had left and how she’d found out. It was a messy clusterfuck. But after meeting Cruz it didn’t surprise me. Nate said he’d known Cruz was fucking that married woman back when they were teens. He hadn’t really thought more about it over the years.

  “Have you slept any?” I asked bringing her back to the here and now. Not the demons in her head taunting her.

  She focused on me again then started to nod and stopped. “No, not really. When I close my eyes . . . I’m there in that room. She’s showing me the video . . . I hear them.” She stopped and shook her head. “And I know it was before me. I know he was with many, many females before me.” She closed her eyes as if she had to say something she didn’t want to say. That she couldn’t bear to look at me as she said it. “That woman took advantage of him. I don’t even blame him completely for the affair. She was the adult for the majority of their . . . relationship.” She slowly opened her eyes and met my gaze. “It’s the video. The things he said to her,” her voice was a whisper. “If that’s what he wants. He never said things like that to me. Our sex . . . had to have bored him.”

  As completely curious as I was to know what he had said during sex that had her so concerned, I asked the obvious question instead. “You’re not worried about her being pregnant?”

  Lila shook her head. “No. Even if she’s pregnant, which I don’t believe she is, it’s not his. Women have been claiming pregnancy trying to hold on to a man they’ve lost since the beginning of the human race, I’d guess. At first, I believed her but I was devastated. I’ve had time to think about her actions. The way she told me.
How she said it. She isn’t a mentally stable person.”

  I had to agree with the mentally stable part. If she’d started fucking Cruz when he was sixteen then something was off in her head. “Are you going back soon?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “I’ll have to eventually. I have my studio to finish. My life to get back to. It’s going to be hard. Cruz didn’t lie to me because I never asked about his past sexual experiences. But he had known this thing with Kelsey was about to blow up and he didn’t tell me. Maybe having sex with her when he was young and stupid can be forgiven. But the video I saw was more recent. He was older. He was still seeing her. How can I trust him if he had no guilt over screwing a married woman?”

  She had a point. And I wasn’t sure I had an answer for her. What I did know was that everyone had their secrets. Their own darkness. Something they hid from the world. Choosing to forgive them was a choice. Was losing a chance at having that “more” we all wanted worth being unable to forgive? Or could love be enough? To cover all of it and heal them both?

  “Do you love Cruz?” I asked her.

  She nodded.

  “Did this . . . video, or this woman’s words kill any of that love? Weaken it in any way?”

  She paused then shook her head. Her shoulders drooped sadly as she admitted it.

  “Then you owe it to yourself to listen to him and forgive him. If you don’t you’re only hurting yourself.”

  Lila’s eyes filled with tears. “But I may not be enough to hold him. I’m not . . . I’m not experienced. I don’t do things like what I saw and heard. I’m . . . I am boring.”

  That made me want to laugh. The woman in front of me was anything but boring. But I didn’t laugh because I had enough females in my life to know when they say shit like that they believed it. Laughing at it didn’t turn out well.

  “You are anything but boring. Sure, you’re polite, prim, and proper. You’re kind and thoughtful. You don’t use your beauty as a weapon. You are completely fascinating. Men watch you. They are stunned by you, and you miss it because you’re oblivious, which makes you more appealing. Cruz Kerrington and I have very little in common. But the one thing we do is we are both heterosexual males. I know what he sees when he looks at you. I also know that the man came running after you when you had left town. He didn’t want to lose you. He loves you, Lila. I saw it at your apartment that morning. Go back. Let him explain.”