Man From Mundania

  He put out a hand to touch the painting behind. He felt the rough texture of the painted stone of the cave wall.

  “I guess you believe in magic, now,” Ivy said, a trifle smugly.

  Grey snapped out of it. “Magic? Of course not!” Obviously this was a sophisticated illusion, with some sort of curtain or force-screen that gave the impression of paint, whichever side of it was touched. His mind interpreted that texture as whatever he saw beyond it. The only mystery was how Ivy had gotten through that screen and how she had brought him through. Her hair color would be a function of special lighting. He had seen more dramatic effects in magic shows.

  “Oh. Well, let's get on with the challenge.”

  “Challenge?”

  “You know, the Night Stallion has challenges set along all the routes in the gourd to keep strangers out. I had to swim through a lake of castor oil once to get through. Ugh!”

  “Ugh!” he agreed, and she flashed him a sweet smile. That made it all worthwhile.

  They walked on down the path toward the mountain. The mist thinned as they approached, and he saw that the mountain rose abruptly out of a plain so flat as to resemble the surface of a table. It was fashioned of gray stone and was bare: no trees or grass at all. It loomed increasingly impressively, being much larger than he had judged from the cave.

  “Uh, we have to climb this?” he asked.

  “Of course. That's the nature of the challenge, I'm sure: to reach the castle at the top. It looks just like Castle Roogna, but of course it isn't because Castle Roogna's in the jungle, not atop a bare mountain, and anyway, this is the gourd. Probably there's a window from the castle to Xanth proper. But it won't be easy reaching the castle.”

  Grey looked at the sheer din's of stone, and tilted his head back to see the tiny castle far above. He swallowed.

  He wasn't acrophobic, but unprotected heights made him nervous. There were no guardrails on those narrow ledges!

  “Uh, what's the name of this, uh, challenge? Mount Xanth?”

  But Ivy was walking boldly onward. He had to follow or let her risk it alone. The name of the mountain hardly mattered; they just had to climb it. He hurried to catch up. Maybe the climb would not be as bad as it looked!

  They came to the base. It rose steeply from the ground with no apology, the stone too sheer to scale without special equipment. The lowest ledge was out of reach.

  “Yes, it's a challenge, all right,” Ivy said. “But maybe a passive one.”

  “Passive?” Grey asked, feeling stupid again.

  “Rather than an active one.”

  “What's the difference?”

  “With a passive challenge,” she explained patiently, “you don't get chased by monsters.”

  Oh. “Let's keep it passive,” he agreed.

  They walked around the base. The circumference of the mountain did not seem great; in fact, far smaller than it should be to accommodate such a large castle at the diminishing top. Unless the castle was as small as perspective made it seem. It would be a real irony if they got to the top and discovered a dollhouse castle there!

  They came to a small bush growing right against the base. “Maybe that plant conceals an entry,” Grey said.

  Indeed, the rock seemed less solid behind it. “Smells like some kind of mint.”

  “Be careful,” Ivy said. “It might be a—”

  A sharp stick poked out from the plant as Grey leaned over it. He jumped back just in time to avoid getting stabbed.

  “Spearmint,” Ivy finished.

  Grey glanced at her, but she seemed serious. He picked up a pebble and flipped it at the plant. Another spear popped up and stabbed at the pebble with dismaying accuracy. “Spearmint,” he agreed.

  “They are dangerous to approach,” Ivy explained unnecessarily. “They attract birds and things with their smell, and then they—”

  “I get the picture.” Spring-loaded spears nestled in an ordinary plant: a trap fit for a jungle fighter. And a pun fit for a crazy story writer. He would have laughed, had he found it funny.

  They continued on around the mountain. Soon there was another plant, and this one definitely masked a flight of steps that led to the first ledge. The mint smell was strong again.

  Grey made a cautious approach and inspected the plant.

  He saw no spears. Still, he did not trust it. He found another pebble and flipped it into the bush.

  There was an explosion of dust. It surrounded him in a cloud. Grey inhaled—and started sneezing.

  He scrambled back and away, sneezing violently.

  “Tha—ah—that 's— ah— pep—chew!” he exclaimed through his sneezing.

  “A peppermint,” Ivy agreed. “I should have known.”

  Grey sneezed himself out and found himself sitting on the ground, panting, his eyes watering, his nose itching to trigger more of the same. “Pep-peppermint,” he wheezed in deep disgust. A mint that peppered the intruder with ground pepper.

  After a moment they went on, as it didn't seem worthwhile to risk the sneezing they would do if they plowed through the guardian plant to get to the steps behind it.

  They might sneeze themselves right off the ledge!

  They came to a third plant. Once again the smell of mint was strong. Grey flipped a pebble at it, and the mint responded with an aroma like minty incense.

  “That's all?” he asked, not trusting it. “Incense?”

  “It must be a frankinmint plant,” Ivy said. “They just make a nice smell for special occasions.”

  “Not frankincense?” he inquired, suspecting another pun.

  “No, those make a smell that gets people frankly angry.”

  Grey let that pass. He had, after all, asked for it.

  There was a cave entry behind the plant. They decided to try it. If it didn't lead quickly up to the ledge, they would retreat and search for another.

  Inside was a circular staircase that corkscrewed right up to the ledge. No challenge at all! They emerged from an arch that turned out to be immediately below a ledgelet between major ledges.

  Ivy looked up at the ledgelet. “Grandpa Trent!” she exclaimed.

  Grey looked, but saw nothing. It was an empty place, with a kind of canopy over it. “I see no man,” he said shortly.

  She glanced at him, startled. “You don't see King Emeritus Trent?”

  “Right. I don't see him.”

  She faced the ledge. “He doesn't see you. Grandpa!”

  She paused. Then she said “Oh.”

  “Why don't we go up there, and I'll prove there's nothing there,” Grey suggested.

  “No need,” she said sadly. “He says he isn't really there. It's just an illusion to go with the Enchanted Mountain. There are a number of them, but they will vacate the Enchanted Mountain now so as not to interfere with us.”

  Was she coming to her senses? “So we can ignore it,” he said. “Let's get on up to the top and be done with this.”

  “Yes,” she said, a little tightly.

  But they still had to decide which way. To their left as they faced the mountain was a flight of steps leading to somewhere out of sight. To their right the ledge continued more or less level, around and also out of sight. They decided to start with the level approach, on the theory that it should be easier to explore quickly. If it went nowhere, they would return and try the more promising steps.

  The ledge led to a narrow bridge over a big cave entrance. The stone of the bridge was cracked; the narrowness was evidently because the rest had crumbled and fallen. Grey did not like this. “Suppose it collapses under our weight?”

  She shrugged. “We'll fall. But we can't actually be hurt. The gourd doesn't hurt people physically, it just frightens them. Besides, when I set out to use the Heaven Cent they checked the auspices, and said I would return unharmed. So if we fall, we just pick ourselves up and try again.”

  Grey was not at all reassured. He had no confidence in magical reassurances or in the beneficence of the gourd. But
he knew that his objections would not sway Ivy, whose belief defied logic. Still, he made an effort to get through to her.

  “'Ivy, maybe you will get home okay, but I have no such guarantee, because your magic experts didn't know I was coming. And maybe the gourd won't hurt you, because you're a Princess of Xanth, but I am no such thing, and it won't care about me. So I'm worried about that bridge.”

  She considered briefly. “Yes, it is true; Mundanes can have trouble in Xanth. I will have to use my magic to protect you.”

  “Your magic?” He didn't like the sound of this much better.

  “Well, not exactly my magic. I mean, use the magic that protects me to protect you too. That way you'll be as safe as I am.” Grey still was not much reassured. He was afraid Ivy would do something foolish and get them both hurt. This might be a fancy amusement park setting, but people could get hurt in them if they were careless. He had pointed out to her how he might get hurt, even within the framework of her belief, but it was she he was really worried about.

  She believed so firmly in her own safety that she could take foolish risks. But how was he going to persuade her otherwise?

  “Take my hand,” she said. “We'll cross the bridge together. If you fall, I fall too. So we'll both be safe.”

  Grey sighed. He would just have to take the risk and try to shield her body with his own if they did fall.

  He took her hand, and they started across the partial bridge. It was just an arc of stone, seeming all too fragile, with the dark maw of the cave below. It was so narrow that they had to turn and put their backs to the wall and sidestep across. Ivy leading.

  “Oh!” Ivy exclaimed, falling backwards.

  Backwards? he thought as he wrenched her toward him.

  Her back was to the wall!

  Then she was in his arms, and he saw that the cave below extended up in a narrow window behind them; the security of the wall was no security at all. She had almost fallen into the cave.

  But it had one good effect. Ivy decided that she didn't like the idea of falling, even if her safety was guaranteed.

  “We'll have to be more careful,” she said. Grey said nothing, happy to leave her with that attitude.

  They tried again, this time keeping both sides of the bridge in mind. Ivy faced outward, and Grey inward, so each could see the hazards of one side and warn the other.

  They sidled across. The stone settled slightly, and ground out some sand, but did not collapse. Then they were across.

  But if this was the lowest hazard, when the ground was really not too far away, what of the higher reaches, when any fall would certainly be fatal? Grey liked this whole business less as he got into it.

  There were steps beyond the bridge, wide and solid.

  They linked arms and marched up them side by side.

  The ledge continued, hugging the irregular curve of the mountain, sometimes slanting up, sometimes down, sometimes having steps, sometimes a ramp. They made good progress. Soon they looked down and discovered they had made a complete circuit. They were above the place where they had first gotten onto the ledge.

  But they were still near the base of the mountain, with more laps of the spiral above. The day was passing, and neither of them wanted to be caught out on the ledge by night. So they hurried as fast as they safely could.

  But it was cold in the upper reaches, and the wind was rising. Bits of the nether fog were breaking off and rising, drifting ominously close to the mountain.

  “Rats!” Ivy swore. “I see Fracto!”

  “What?”

  “Cumulo Fracto Nimbus, the worst of clouds! He is always up to mischief! I don't know how he gets into the gourd, but he's here. He messed Dolph up too, when he was here.”

  “An evil cloud?” But now he remembered: there had been something about a nasty little cloud in the novels.

  He found the notion of a bad cloud quaint. Still, this was definitely the wrong time for a storm, and one did seem to be brewing. Rain would make these sloping narrow ledges treacherous indeed!

  “Fracto's an ill wind, all right!” she said angrily. “He's sure to try to blow us off the mountain!”

  “Maybe we can find a niche for shelter.”

  “Yes, we'd better.” She led the way on up—and there, almost immediately, was another large opening in the wall.

  It was a deep cave, extending far back into the mountain, curving out of sight. It would do nicely for shelter. If the storm got too bad, they could simply retreat further into the cave, and remain dry.

  The storm blew up horrendously. Grey had to admit, it did at times vaguely resemble a demonic face. But it was definitely a cloud, and clouds did swirl and rain; there was nothing magical in that.

  The rain slanted into the cave. They moved back. Water coursed along the floor, trying to wet them. They found a rise and perched on that, safe from wetting. It got cold, as the cloud blew frigid upper air down into the cave. Grey opened his jacket, folded it around Ivy, and hugged her close for mutual warmth. Her greenish hair spread out like a scarf, helping insulate them. It was quite nice.

  It was truly said: it was an ill wind that blew nobody good. Delightfully embraced, they fell asleep, waiting out the storm.

  By morning the storm had blown over, and sunlight streamed down, brightening the mountain. They were hungry, but all they had to eat was one bean sandwich left over from their traveling. Ivy had expected to pluck pies from trees, of course, so hadn't been concerned. Grey, more sensible, had hung on to the sandwich, and now it paid off. They split it, and though it was squashed and messy, it was also delicious. Hunger was a marvelous tonic for the appetite!

  They had occasion for the use of a bathroom, but there was none here. Why was it. Grey wondered, that in stories a man and woman could travel together for weeks in alien realms and never had such a need?

  “Uh, maybe there's a deep crack farther back in the cave,” he suggested. “Very deep, so …”

  Ivy nodded. “We'll find it.”

  They moved cautiously back into the cave. The light of day faded rapidly around the turn, slowing them further.

  Then the passage divided. Grey checked one branch, and Ivy the other, keeping in touch by calling.

  His foot found a crevice. He explored it with his toe. It was about six inches across, and too deep to fathom. “Ivy! I found it!” he called.

  “So did I!” she called back.

  “Maybe it's the same crack!”

  “You use yours and I'll use mine,” she suggested.

  Good idea. This was like separate bathrooms. It was a bit awkward in the dark, but he managed.

  There was a roar from deep below, as of a monster who had just had a bad experience. Grey leaped away from the crevice. Then he headed back toward the front of the cave, eager to return to daylight. He knew it was just a recording intended to scare him, but it was coming too close to succeeding.

  He almost collided with Ivy as the branches merged.

  “Maybe that wasn't the best place after all,” she said.

  Grey didn't argue. They hurried on out and into the blinding daylight, letting the echoing roars fade behind.

  There was no sign of the storm; Fracto had blown himself out.

  Steps resumed. They moved on up and around, circling the narrowing mountain a second time. But just as they completed the loop, the path ended.

  They stopped, dismayed. The path did not exactly end; it turned inward and angled up the mountain so steeply as to become a cliff, until it disappeared into a circular opening. There was no way they could climb that slope! But they could not go straight ahead; it was a sheer drop to the next ledge below.

  “But we were never on that ledge!” Grey protested.

  “How can we be above it when we never walked on it?”

  “There must be more than one spiral up the mountain,” Ivy said.

  “But it looks like one! I mean—”

  “Things are seldom exactly what they look like, in Xanth, and less so in th
e gourd,” she said. “The entrance to that spiral could be masked in illusion, or the mountain could change its configuration each day. We may be on the same spiral we started on.”

  She was talking magic again. Grey let it pass. “We need to find a way down to that ledge. See, it goes on up and around the mountain; it must be the right one.”

  “Well, we could hold hands and jump down.”

  “No!” he cried, fearing that she was serious. “I mean, let's not tempt fate, or whatever. It will be easier to walk back down than it was to climb up here.”

  “Besides which, it might be cheating to jump,” she said. “Challenges have to be met the right way, or they're no good. We'll never get to the top if we do it wrong.”

  Grey was happy to agree. They reversed course and walked back the way they had come.

  Actually, it wasn't much easier going down than it had been going up; their knees weren't toughened to it. They trudged on as quickly as possible, not wanting to have to spend another night on the slope. For one thing, the facilities at the castle at the top were surely better than those of the cave, and without nether monsters.

  They came back to that cave, and now the ledge they wanted was above them. But if it was part of a double spiral, where was the lower loop of it? Grey saw no change in yesterday's mountainscape.

  Then he looked beyond the mountain. “Uh-oh!”

  Ivy looked at him. “What?”

  “Look away from the mountain! What do you see?”

  She looked. “Why, it's changed!” she said, surprised.

  Indeed, the approach path from the original cave (now a picture) was gone. They were in a broad green plain, with thick grass and luxuriant trees. There were mountains in the distance—conventional ones, that had not been there before.

  “This mountain is the same,” he said. “But everything else is different!”

  “I told you things could be strange in the gourd,” she reminded him.

  Grey strove to find a nonmagical explanation for this phenomenon. “Maybe the rain last night made the dormant vegetation of the plain grow.”

  “And the different mountains?” Ivy inquired snidely.

  “I'm still working on them.”