Vices

  Chapter 8

  The days continue on, the weather mirroring our dismal moods. Rain doesn’t actually come, just a gloomy haze of mist. When outside, we all just crowd underneath a large awning that’s always been there, but we seldom used. There is nothing to talk about, nothing to do, nothing to look forward to.

  It seems like somehow, when they took the others, they chose very carefully, being sure to eliminate friendships and completely dismantle the whole social network we had begun to form. The silences that had started since the whole ordeal were really starting to get on my nerves and I was really starting to wish I were dead.

  There’s nothing worse than being in a group of girls where nobody talks. Everybody just gets paranoid that the others are thinking of them poorly when in reality everyone is just thinking of themselves. Oh, the facts of girls. We really need to take confidence lessons, but maybe not-- we don’t need a bunch of catty bitches who think they’re all that.

  Wow, look where I am again; bashing my gender and trying to get myself off the subject of my eminent doom. But hey, better to just roll with the punches than worry about the bruises you’re going to get.

  And anyway, there need to be catty bitches in the world or we would all think way too highly of ourselves. And nobody wants a bunch of cocky, proud people walking around acting like they produce a stream of sunlight from every smile they flash; nothing good comes from that.

  A week and a half passes with absolutely nothing interesting happening. Nobody gets into a cat fight, nobody falls apart and has a mental breakdown, and most unfortunately nobody new comes to join us.

  It must be late October, it seems like it should be Halloween by now. The nights come earlier and it gets chillier out. I wish we could celebrate Halloween to put an end to all of this monotony. I used to love to dress up for Halloween. You could be anyone you wanted to be and binge on sugar for the next week and nobody would judge you.

  I’m not going to lie-- one of the things I miss most is sugar. I miss chocolate. Actually, I miss cookies-- chocolate chip cookies. I desperately miss them and I honestly think about them daily. Back when they still existed, they were my kryptonite. Whenever there were cookies near, I had to have one, and ever since the end, I haven’t had a cookie. Maybe we’ll get them as a treat someday. That seems unlikely though.

  I really doubt the guards give a rat’s ass about what we want, especially a hidden lust for cookies. They only think about what they want, but hey, if you were in such a position of power, wouldn’t you only think of yourself? I bet you would say, “Oh, of course not! I’m such a great person! Blah blah blah.” And I would sit there and listen to you and say, “That, my friend, is complete boloney.” And you would probably say, “I mean it!” And then once the time comes, you’d be a greedy slob and I’d say I told you so.

  That’s usually how humans work. They talk big of themselves and then they turn out being complete hypocrites and I get to sit back and watch. I think that hypocrisy really is our greatest downfall. We all have such incredible ideas and morals, and yet we all tend to do what’s best for ourselves and choose the route that makes us the most money and choose to do the one thing that we said we'd never do. Nobody sticks to their guns anymore-- we’re all just a bunch of selfish cowards.

  I think that now would be a splendid time for me to go ahead and let you in on my secret. If the crisis arises that one of my friends is in trouble, I’m going to give myself up. I will lie and say it was all my plan and that they were just pawns and I was blackmailing them or something.

  I’m just not okay with sitting back and watching them die. I’ve watched everyone close to me die and I don’t need any more names added to that long list. I have to do something.

  And I will.