Have You Seen Her?

  Not today, Jenna thought. I need my hands. She ran to the table where Kelly lay tied, her eyes open, but unfocused. Jenna fumbled for one of the knives with her tied hands and slid the handle under Kelly’s body as the girl blinked and struggled to speak.

  “Just lean on it, honey,” Jenna begged. “Don’t let it slide.” Jenna leaned back against the sharp edge of the knife and tried to cut her bonds.

  And felt the knife slide, the sharp tip nicking her own wrist. Pain pricked and blood flowed and Steven and Josh still struggled. So Jenna repositioned the knife and tried again, leaning backward to work the blade against the rope.

  And this time the blade stayed put as Kelly somehow summoned enough energy to lean on the knife. “Good girl, Kelly.” A few jerks and another deep nick and Jenna’s hands were free. She grabbed a mask, knowing it was filled with the powder that would make Josh powerless in less time than it took to count backward from ten.

  She ran to where Steven was still locked in struggle with Josh, his brown eyes wide, his face mottled red from exertion and lack of oxygen. Standing behind Josh, Jenna wrapped the mask around his face and pulled like hell. Ten, nine, eight ... Just a few seconds more.

  But Josh fought hard, dropping his hands from Steven’s throat and grabbing at Jenna’s hands behind his head. She hung on and counted as Steven pulled Josh’s hands from hers.

  “Seven, six, five . . .” she muttered, then cried out when Josh dug his fingernails into her wrists, ripping at her already abraded skin. Just when she thought Josh would break free, an arm reached around her and pressed the mask across Josh’s mouth. Neil. His hand dripped blood, but still he used the flat of his arm to hold the mask in place, forcing Josh to breathe the ketamine.

  “Four, three . . .” Jenna whispered and Josh slumped to the ground. Steven rolled onto his side, drawing in great gasps of air, and Neil collapsed behind her with a weak groan.

  For a moment no one said anything, their labored breathing the only sound.

  Steven pushed himself to his knees and looked at her through the sweat pouring in his eyes, his heart beating so hard he thought it would break free from his chest. Her hair was gone, she had a new purple bruise covering the side of her face and her wrists were smeared with blood. But she was alive. And still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

  “Are you okay?” he rasped out, choking on each breath he forced down his sore throat.

  She nodded. “You?”

  “I’ve had worse.” He grabbed his radio. “Officer down. Neil’s been hit.”

  “What about Jenna?” came Lennie’s crackling voice. “And Kelly Templeton?”

  “I’m fine,” Jenna said. “Kelly needs an ambulance and quickly.”

  Steven lurched to his feet. “Three ambulances.” He stumbled into the barn doorway and saw Nora Lutz’s unconscious body sprawled on the floor. “Make it four.”

  His radio rattled. “Steven, it’s Liz. Where’s Josh Lutz?”

  Steven looked at Lutz’s motionless body with disgust. “He’s alive. We can Mirandize him when he comes to.” He dropped to one knee and cuffed Nora Lutz, thinking it ironic how the silver of the cuffs clashed with the diamond bracelets she wore on both wrists. Let’s see what your money will buy you this time, rich bitch, he thought, then rolled to his feet when Jenna limped into the barn.

  Jenna grabbed his arm, her hands smearing blood on his sleeve, her eyes frantic. “Seth?”

  “He’s alive,” Steven assured her and watched her relax. “Allison figured he’d taken you to the cemetery to talk. She found him unconscious and called 911. He has a headache, but he’s alive. You need to sit,” he said, wanting to take her face in his hands but was afraid he’d hurt her.

  She shook her shorn head. “I want to cover Kelly before the paramedics come.”

  She wanted Kelly to maintain some semblance of dignity, he understood, so he shrugged out his jacket, tossing it on the ground, then unsnapped his holster and unbuttoned his shirt. “My shirt will be softer than my coat,” he said, then refastened his holster against his bare skin.

  Jenna hesitated, clutching his shirt in her bloody hands. “I have so much to say to you,” she whispered. “I don’t know where to start.”

  Steven took her face in his hands, as gently as he could. He had to prove to himself she was whole. He placed a kiss on her forehead, a half inch from where the stubble that had been her beautiful black hair began and felt her shudder. He looked down into her incredible eyes, so very grateful she was still alive. Nothing else seemed to matter. “Do what you need to do for Kelly.” He cocked his head, hearing approaching footsteps. “Hurry and cover her and I’ll tend to Neil. The cavalry’s here.”

  THIRTY-SEVEN

  Sunday, October 16, 10:00 A.M.

  CASEY RAN A SHAKY HAND OVER JENNA’S stubbled scalp.

  “Well, we could take it down to the skin and you could go as Sinead O’Connor for Halloween,” Casey said, trying for a cheerful tone but her voice wobbled and Jenna knew she was close to tears.

  Jenna made herself smile for the benefit of her friends and family who’d gathered in the hospital waiting room to make sure she was truly all right. “Won’t Father Mike be pleased?”

  “I don’t think he’ll mind,” said Father Mike from his seat against the wall. His had been the first face she’d seen when the ambulance brought her into the ER, smiling but terribly worried.

  Her first words had been questions about Kelly’s and Neil’s condition. He’d told her Neil was in surgery and that Kelly’s family was with her in ICU but wanted to talk to Jenna.

  Six hours later Neil was still in surgery to repair the shattered bones in his thigh and hand.

  Kelly’s family had found Jenna in the ER, their expressions a wild combination of gratitude, relief, and grief.

  Now, hours later, Jenna was numb. She expected to feel the jitters and the panic later. For now she was taking refuge in the faces of the people who loved her most.

  Seth was there, of course, sporting his own bandage, compliments of Josh Lutz. Allison sat very quietly, clinging to her father’s hand, knowing how close they’d come to losing him. Seth was blustery and tried to joke, but in the end he’d broken down, holding Jenna, rocking her, which she understood was purely for his own peace. If there was anything she’d learned in the last weeks it was that people needed to care for those they loved and to deny their care was to deny their love.

  Lucas came and joked about Casey and Jenna setting up permanent residence in the hospital, which the nurses had not found amusing. Casey had apparently been a less than ideal patient.

  But Charlie was the one to truly break the tension, walking boldly into the hushed waiting room, a baseball cap in her hand. “Some people have attractive bald heads, Aunt Jenna,” she’d said. “You are not one of them.” And she slapped the cap on Jenna’s head with a great flourish.

  Helen had arrived with the boys about an hour before, Nicky giving her a hug that nearly broke her ribs, reminding her that she and Steven were no closer to resolution. They’d been through fire, saved each other’s lives, but had no closure on the very basic issue of “them.” Still she’d held Nicky, laughing in all the right places when he told her about a rhino from Ohio who yodeled in the Alps.

  Steven was the one person she hadn’t seen that morning, her last look at him being from the back of the ambulance at about three A.M. He’d looked scared, as if he still couldn’t believe it was over and she was safe. He’d gone into SBI headquarters, insisting he follow the arrest of Josh and his mother to the end and Jenna supposed that’s where he still was.

  She wasn’t sure what she’d say when she saw him. Thank you, seemed inadequate. I love you, would be true, but awkward considering where they’d left things. She’d start with I’ve missed you and Hold me.

  Then, as if conjured from her thoughts, she heard his voice behind her. “Jenna.”

  She turned, conscious of everyone watching her. She stared at him, at his face th
at was bruised from Josh’s fists, at the marks around his neck from Josh’s strangling hands. At the look in his beautiful brown eyes that seemed to say everything that was racing through her mind.

  Thank you. I love you. I’m sorry. I’ve missed you. Please hold me.

  She wasn’t sure who moved first, just that she was in his arms and he was holding her, finally. Then he was kissing her, there in the hospital waiting room with all their friends and family looking on.

  Jenna rested her forehead against his chin. “I was going to say I’ve missed you and ask you to hold me,” she murmured. “But you already are.”

  He kissed her forehead. “Back at the barn you said you had things to say to me,” he whispered.

  Thank you, I’m sorry, I love you. The words sang through her mind. “I do, but I was hoping for a place a little more private to say them,” she whispered back, now very aware of the curious eyes behind them. “How about some coffee?”

  “I was going to suggest Rocky Road.” “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

  They were sitting in the Volvo, parked in front of the convenience store, and Jenna was just finishing the Rocky Road. She’d hung back, saying she didn’t want to be seen in public, and his stomach clenched. Despite the bruises and the cuts and the shorn head she was still beautiful and now, as he sat next to her, he desperately wished he had the words to make her believe that.

  “Jenna, I don’t know where to start.”

  “Thank you,” she said abruptly, then sighed. “That was on my list of things to say.”

  He looked out the car window, unable to look at her. “For what? Putting bruises on your face?”

  She sighed. “No, for saving my life. You never touched me, Steven. These bruises have nothing to do with you.” She paused. “Well, the ones from Thursday night do,” she amended.

  “Thanks,” he muttered bitterly.

  “Well, they do. You want to know what the other two things were I wanted to say?”

  “Sure, why not?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He jerked around to meet her eyes. “For what?”

  She shrugged uneasily. “I think mostly for holding you to an unfair standard. I was comparing you to Adam from the beginning and that wasn’t fair. I’m also sorry for not considering the hurt I’d do to the boys by being so stubborn. They’re part of you, so they’re part of me, too.”

  Steven swallowed hard. “Thank you.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out Adam Llewellyn’s ring. “This belongs to you.”

  Her eyes widened. “Where did you get that? I left it on Adam’s headstone yesterday.”

  “Allison gave it to me. She hoped the ring would bring me luck in finding you, I think.”

  She just looked at the ring, making no attempt to take it. “You never said anything about me wearing it all this time. I usually forgot I had it on.”

  Steven shrugged. “I figured you’d put it aside in your own time.”

  She closed his hand over the ring, enclosing his fist in her hands. “It’s time to give it back to Seth,” she said. “I don’t need it anymore.”

  He brought their hands to his lips. “I’m sorry, Jenna,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you. Once I’d calmed down I knew you’d never be a betrayer.”

  She looked at him, yearning in her eyes. “I know. What I want to know is what will happen next time before you calm down? What if we’re married? What if we have children together?”

  His heart stumbled, then kicked. “I want that more than anything.”

  “So do I,” she said and for a moment he felt such elation... Then she added, “But not if I have to worry about every man I see, I smile at, or say hello to. I have to know you trust me, or this isn’t going to work. I don’t want to build a life with you only to resent you years from now.”

  He hung his head. “I can’t make promises like that, Jenna. I want to, but I can’t. I can’t promise I won’t see you with another man and wonder or even get mad. I may falter and fall because I’m human. I can promise to make it the thing I work hardest on in my life. But I need to know you won’t walk away from me. I couldn’t take that again.”

  “I love you,” she said and his head jerked up. She smiled at the surprise on his face. “That was the last thing I wanted to say to you. I think if you’d made a rash promise to never get jealous again just to keep me I probably would have asked you to take me back to Seth. But you didn’t, because you’re a man of integrity. I love that about you. I respect that about you.”

  He was almost afraid to ask. “Jenna, will you come home with me?”

  She put her finger over his lips. “No, and let me tell you why. Do you remember the night I tried to seduce you? The night Casey was hurt? That night you said you had responsibilities? Three of them? You still do, Steven. We leapt into this whole relationship so fast. Partly because we’d both been lonely and partly because of all the craziness around us. We played house this week and it was wonderful. I tucked your son into bed and pretended he was mine. I want him to be mine. But I want him to understand how normal people do things.”

  His lips quirked up against her finger. “I thought we’d abandoned all hope of normalcy.”

  Her eyes smiled at him. “Pretend with me, Steven. We’ll have dates. You’ll pick me up at my place and take me out for beer and hot wings. Sometimes, if I’m at your house, I’ll tuck in your son. We’ll grow together. Then, soon, we’ll grow into a family.” She swallowed and brought his hand to her lips again. “I was so afraid I’d die last night, Steven, and never have you as my own. Never have a family with you. But I don’t want that fear to make us leap so fast we miss the important growth along the way.

  “You’ve given this a lot of thought.”

  Her smile was wry. “I had some free time last night.”

  “I love you, Jenna. I’d ask you to marry me today if I thought you’d say yes.”

  “I would say yes,” she said. “So don’t ask. Not yet. Give us the time to become a family. Then ask me and I’ll still say yes.”

  “Jenna?” He leaned forward and pushed the baseball cap off her head, grabbing it when she would have pulled it back on. “Stop. I want to see your eyes and I can’t with this hat on your head.” She put her hands in her lap and he could see her worry her thumb, where Adam’s ring had been. Old habits die hard, he thought. “Look at me, please?”

  She did, and the look in her eyes made him kiss her again. “Just don’t take too long, okay? I need you in my life. I’m not a normal guy. I won’t have time for beer and hot wings all the time. I have soccer games and bedtime stories and I need you to have those things with me.”

  His plea pulled at Jenna’s heart and she was so tempted to give in and go home with him today. The picture he painted was everything she ever wanted. But they did need the time to get to know each other. To ensure they’d be a functioning family unit once they took that irrevocable next step. “Let’s give ourselves till Christmas,” she said. “Then we can decide what to do next.”

  “Christmas it is,” he whispered, cupping the back of her head, reminding her—as if she could forget—that she had no hair. But he honestly didn’t seem to care so she tried not to either. He grazed her lips with his. “We don’t have to wait for everything, do we?” he murmured. “I mean, we can still . . .”

  “I should think so,” she whispered. “We’ve still got two unopened boxes.”

  He groaned and kissed her. “I was hoping you’d see it that way.”

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  Friday, October 28, 9:00 A.M.

  STEVEN WALKED INTO THE HOSPITAL ROOM, wishing he had better news for Neil Davies.

  Davies was sitting up in bed, looking grim, and Steven knew he’d already heard.

  “How are you?” he said and Davies scowled.

  “My ass hurts and the whole sponge-bath thing is a damn myth.”

  Steven’s lips quirked up. “You’re feeling better then.” Davies grunted. “Yeah. I
guess so. How’s Jenna?”

  “She went to karate last night, looking very scary in her gi with that hair. Like an extra in a very bad Jackie Chan flick.”

  Davies grunted again, but this time with the ghost of a smile. “Grace Jones watch out,” he said, then sobered. “And Kelly?”

  “She’s been released from the hospital into the care of a therapist. Her parents are talking about moving to another town. Getting a new start.”

  “Sometimes that’s the way to do it,” Davies said.

  “Are you going back to Seattle?”

  Davies smiled. “And don’t you just wish I were?” But it was said without antagonism.

  “Honestly, yeah. But if you stay you know you’re always welcome in my home.”

  Davies chuckled. “I knew I hated you,” he said companionably. “I try to steal your woman and you invite me home for supper.”

  Steven raised a brow. “Of course I have heard Seattle is pretty this time of year.”

  Davies shook his head. “Actually, I was thinking about going down to Florida. My brother owns a charter boat and he’s asked me to come and give him a hand with the fishing excursions.”

  “I can think of worse places to recuperate,” Steven said. Neither of them said anything for a full minute, then Steven handed Davies the newspaper he’d brought. “You heard, I take it.”

  “Yeah, I saw it on CNN. ‘Mother of serial killer kills family, killer, then self,’” Davies read, then looked up. “Chilling courtroom drama,” he said dryly. “Sorry I missed it.”

  “Nora hid the needle in her lipstick. She apparently went to the ladies’ room just before the arraignment and assembled the syringe. Then when the judge banged his gavel, she jumped up, hysterical. Hugging Josh. Then ten seconds later Josh hit the deck and everybody scrambled. She’d stabbed the needle in his heart and hit the plunger. The ME said there was enough tranq in that syringe to take down an elephant.” He sighed. “The bailiff was trying to make Josh stand up—he didn’t realize he was dead already. Nora grabs his gun. Eats it. The end.”