Gate Deadlock

  Chapter 13

  London

  Twenty-four hours later I was back in London. For the following three months I tried hard to convince everyone that I was back to my pre-Christopher routine. But that was far from true. More than ever had I become obsessed with my laptop, carrying it always with me and checking my e-mails every two hours for a sign of the Crusaders. In the meantime, I found countless things that reminded me of Christopher everyday. A song, a word, a smell.

  When I had already started thinking that Plato had told me to wait for them to call me back just to get rid of me, things changed. Two weeks before Christmas, the most unexpected thing happened. My cell phone vibrated in my bag as I was heading towards the university library. Alex’s name flashed in the small screen. I was really happy to hear his voice, despite feeling a little guilty at the same time. Somehow, my delight at hearing his voice felt like cheating on Christopher. All those months I had often thought about calling him, but every time I started dialing his number something stopped me. That guilty feeling grew even more when Alex told me he was coming to London for a few days and he wondered if I would find time for him. I tried to hide the hesitation in my voice and told him I was looking forward to it. Part of me was really excited with the idea of seeing him again, as he was the only person I could really talk to about Christopher. Of course, I knew he wouldn’t share my enthusiasm about the save-Christopher mission I had undertaken but, at least, I would have someone to share my thoughts with before I went crazy with anticipation. Still, there was that other part of me who worried about the feelings that Alex had for me. I hoped he wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize our friendship. Because right now I needed a friend, not a lover. I had a lover. He just had to be away from me for a while but that didn’t change anything. I was his. I would always be his. Forever.

  Alex had booked a room at Hilton Paddington. I had offered to pick him up from the airport but he had strangely insisted on meeting me later in the afternoon under the excuse that airplanes gave him a migraine and he would prefer to rest for a couple of hours before we met.

  Before setting off for my date with Alex I gave my e-mail a last check to find a strange message under the subject GREEK CAVERS CLUB. It seemed that I had offered a considerable sum of money to this club, as the person who had signed the message thanked me for my donation. He also informed me that the cave I was interested in had become private property and it would be hard to get permission for exploring it. Nevertheless, if I thought it was necessary for my research, he would try to set up a clandestine expedition, but the risk of getting caught remained.

  Nothing of these made sense. I was sure he had confused me for someone else. But the message was addressed to me; my name was on top. I had no time to deal with this, as my date with Alex was in less than an hour. I shut down the computer, thinking that I’d better reply to the message as soon as I came back. One thousand euros was a lot of money, I should be able to remember donating it to some club I’d never heard of. Or was I losing my mind? Could I be suffering from a split personality disorder? Whatever the case was, I was sure I smelled a rat and I would have to deal with this as soon as possible.

  It was raining hard that afternoon and I’ve always hated driving in such weather. The best way to get to Alex’s hotel would be by taxi. When I was just a few blocks away I called his cell phone and asked him to wait for me in the lobby.

  ‘I think it will be better if we meet in my room.’ he said playfully. I could picture him perfectly as he said that, with his teasing, whimsical smile and his shifty eyes.

  There was a moment of silence before I said ‘That sounds like an indecent suggestion.’ I tried to sound casual but my mind was working fast for an excuse that would not hurt his feelings.

  I heard his laughter at the other end of the line. ‘I wish it was.’ he said and there was an unaccounted strange tone in his voice.

  ‘Trust me Emma. Come to my room. There is someone here who is anxious to see you. Besides me, of course.’

  ‘Ok. I’m right outside.’ I was confused. Now I was even more worried whether I was doing the right thing by meeting him. I was wondering about who could be with Alex in that room. Could I be in any kind of danger? Alex had asked me to trust him and I had no other option. I breathed deeply before I knocked on the door of room 504. My heart was bumping hard and I had ridiculously my hand tight around my cell phone in case I would have to use it as a weapon.

  The door opened and I saw Susan’s smiling face. ‘Surpri-I-se!’ she shouted.

  ‘Unbelievable!’ I whispered, totally taken aback. She was laughing as she pulled me inside, closing the door behind me, finding my reaction amusing.

  ‘If you could just see your face!’ I’m sorry it had to be this way.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I’m here undercover you see.’

  After the first shock, I looked around for Alex. He was sitting on a red sofa across the room watching us as if we were the most boring sight. I went to him smiling awkwardly.

  ‘Alex. Welcome to London.’ I stretched out my hand self-consciously. Alex grinned broadly before he stood up and put his arms around me, squeezing me on his chest.

  ‘I forget how demonstrative you Greeks are.’ I said bashfully.

  Alex giggled. ‘I’ve forgotten how beautiful you are.’ he said before kissing my cheek. I was aware of my blushed face but I was so startled, I couldn’t make a move.

  ‘It’s so good to see you again Emma.’ He looked at my face. I was still petrified but I was also totally aware of Susan’s curious eyes on us. Alex released me finally and I turned to Susan again but I couldn’t read her face.

  ‘But how… I don’t understand.’ Then it struck me. ‘ Is it …time?’

  ‘When did you last check you e-mail?’ Susan was now sitting on the red sofa, crossing her legs gracefully.

  Alex sighed as he lay on the bed and closed his eyes, folding his arms behind his head. I wondered if he really was suffering from migraine. I sat next to Susan.

  ‘Funny that you mention it. I got the strangest message from… Oh!’

  She shrugged. ‘We’ve prepared your return.’

  ‘That’s why I donated the money to…’

  ‘To the Cavers’ Club. Yes. You’ve been really generous. I hope you like caving.’

  ‘I’ve never thought about it.’

  ‘It’s never too late. In the meantime, I have been ordered to teach you a few useful strategies. Your friend here, was kind enough to offer us an alibi for our meetings. We thought his sister would be a better choice but…she was unavailable this time.’

  ‘I see.’ I said, trying to put everything together. I cast a furtive look at Alex but he still kept his eyes closed.

  ‘Is there…any news?’ I asked, trying to keep my voice down although I was sure Alex could still hear me.

  ‘He’s out. But he’s never alone. We haven’t been able to contact him yet.’

  I shook my head.

  ‘Emma, he’s fine. He can deal with it, don’t worry. Christopher is a very strong man. Besides, we will bring him back. Always keep this in mind. Plato has a very promising plan and you, young lady, are the one who will have to carry it through. And as for me, I have been assigned to get you ready for what is going to happen. You’ll pick the details of the plan as we go through it.’ She looked at Alex.

  ‘I will have to leave you with your friend now. I have to go.’

  ‘So soon?’ I asked, obviously disappointed.

  ‘Meet me here tomorrow at six for about half an hour. I’ll fill you in and we’ll start some… espionage lessons.’

  ‘Espionage?’ I blinked.

  Susan smiled and stood up. She opened the wardrobe to take out a black leather coat and put it on. I always hated to say goodbye to her. It felt like scratching an old wound. I stood up to walk her out.

  ‘No.’ she stopped me. ‘ Stay in. I’ll see you both tomorrow.’

  When I turned to Alex, he wasn’t pretending to be a
sleep any more. He sat up and smiled playfully.

  ‘The weird lady’s gone. It’s time for fun!’

  I fell heavily on the sofa, already exhausted.

  We had dinner in a pub near the hotel. Alex asked me about the meeting with Plato and I was more than eager to finally talk to someone about it. When I finished, Alex gulped down his Guinness and wiped his mouth with his napkin, revealing no sign of reaction to what he had heard.

  ‘So, what do you think?’ I asked him, slightly irritated by his impassiveness.

  ‘You know what I think.’ he said in the same manner.

  ‘That’s not fair. I know you don’t agree with my decision but you’re my friend. You’re supposed to support me in this.’

  ‘Okay, okay. You don’t want to hear what I think about it, but to me it’s obvious that they’re using you to get their man back. You’re just a mere pawn in their hands. But you have made up your mind and if there’s no way to…’

  ‘There is absolutely no way.’

  ‘…of course I’ll stand by you in this. I’m here anyway, aren’t I?’

  ‘I’m sorry. I should thank you for doing this. I had no idea your trip was all about me.’

  ‘That’s what friends are for. By the way, am I going to meet any of your friends?’

  ‘Of course. Mick and Tony are in Germany now but you’re going to meet Kate and Sue. I’m afraid you’ll be stuck with three women, not too bad, is it?’ I teased him.

  ‘Sounds good to me.’ he smiled irresistibly. ‘It’s not too far to walk to the center, is it?’ he asked as he waved to waitress.

  To most people, London is a vast, chaotic city. But if you ride a Piaggio to move around like I do, during the hottest months at least, you save time and you get anywhere you want to. It would have been much funnier if Alex had come in spring or summer. When we were at the Roma camp, I had promised to show him around my London, my favorite places. Enjoying the early morning sun as you walk on the moist lawn by Serpentine lake in Hyde Park is something you can’t do in winter. Neither is walking along the Thames at the South Bank or going on a boat ride to Greenwich. We would do all these anyway, but it was a pity Alex would only get a small portion of my London. Still, there were always other things to do, the delight of which would not be affected by the weather conditions, like strolling along the marbled Portobello road, enjoying the delicious cupcakes in my favorite bakery and having lunch in the best Italian restaurant in Hammersmith that Colin and I had discovered when we were still dating. Besides, I was certain Alex would also love to see one of the historic cafés that in the 60s had been the hangout of famous rock stars.

  I gazed sorrowfully through the clouded pane of the window next to me, thinking how wonderful it would be if Christopher was there with me instead of Alex.

  The rain had stopped and although it was pretty cold outside, I found his idea of taking a walk quite convenient, as it was easier for me to be with him in the open air. After a few minutes of walking, I realized it was a mistake as it had started dripping again and we had to be both under my umbrella, too close to each other. Alex was obviously enjoying it, as he seemed to be in the best mood ever since I’d met him. He had his arm around my shoulders and every time he spoke to me he turned to whisper in my ear, his breath too hot on my cheek, his lips too close to my face. And that’s about how we spent our first date, until it was time to get back. Alex let me take the first taxi that stopped and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek before saying good night. I could imagine his thoughts, undoubtedly full of contentment that

  night. I, on the other hand, was more confused than ever. The developments of the last few hours had been too much for me. I went to bed with the most disjoint thoughts troubling me, until I was finally able to fall asleep.

  When Alex met Kate and Sue it wasn’t difficult for him to charm them. He was in his best behavior, a real gentleman and a child in the same person. I often stared at him thinking it was this childlike vivacity that had attracted me in the first place.

  We took him to the National Gallery and to Victoria and Albert’s Museum since he had expressed an interest in art. We spent almost all day touring until it was time for Alex and me to meet Susan. I fabricated an excuse about an appointment with my doctor, implying that we should call it a day. To my surprise, Sue suggested continuing their tour without me. Alex looked at me with mellow eyes and for a moment I was terrified he was going to expose me. Obviously, he wasn’t going to make it easy for me. Nobody noticed me exhaling with relief when he finally said,

  ‘I’m sorry girls. I’ve promised Emma to accompany her to the doctor. But there’s always tomorrow.’

  ‘Tomorrow night we’re definitely going clubbing.’ Kate said. ‘Time for you to get a taste of London nightlife.’

  Hadn’t it been for my great anticipation to see Susan, I would have given Alex a piece of my mind. But I didn’t say a word to him until we got off the taxi.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he asked me when we were walking towards the lift.

  ‘I’m fine.’ I said, still frowned. Threatened by my expression, he gave up and was wise enough to be silent.

  Susan was a refreshing interval in my dragging day. She could only afford to stay for half an hour in my world, so she spoke too quickly for me to understand. There were too many things she intended to prepare me for and all possible alterations from the original plan had to be taken into consideration. I asked her to repeat to me the same things over and over again and it was inevitable to feel embarrassed as I did so. Susan was very patient, like she was used to training benighted people like me. When she

  looked at her watch, which was exactly like Christopher’s, I knew it was time for her to go.

  The same pattern was repeated the next day. Only this time Susan was frowned the whole time, because she could not go clubbing with us.

  She wasn’t the only one to be frowned that night. A few hours later in Matter London Club, having drunk a lot more than he should, Alex’s courting became bolder and I had to be quite abrupt to him.

  ‘I thought I’d made myself clear on this Alex. Why do you have to spoil our friendship with such nonsense?’ I exploded, pushing him away when he came behind me to hug me and whisper in my ear what a perfect ending of the day it would be if I followed him to his hotel. When I had already started to feel sorry about the way I had spoken to him, I found him making out with Sue. I could not believe my eyes! What was he thinking? As for Sue, she was way out of line. For more than eight months she had been Mick’s girlfriend. That was right after Mick had given up his hopes on me, to be honest. They double-dated with Kate and Tony and, now that the boys were in Germany taking a student-exchange course, the girls were hanging out together. Since Kate had been my closest friend, my only old-life-friend in fact, I had to tolerate Sue’s company as well. She wasn’t bad but she wasn’t the kind of person I would choose to be friends with and, although I can’t really justify this, I’ve always felt that this feeling was mutual. She was tall and thin with dull gray eyes and freckles. She wasn’t exactly the woman you would call pretty. Her strongest point was her long, shiny blond hair that looked as if she had it done almost every other day. But what I found most annoying on her, was the high-pitched tone of her voice every time she was excited about something, reminding me of the peacocks’ cries from the zoo where I used to go so often when I was a little girl. It was exactly the voice she spoke to me in that night, when she asked me about my relationship with Alex.

  ‘Your Greek friend is really cute, Emma. I like him very much. I had the impression that the two of you were together. Of course

  Alex’s just told me he’s available. But I wanted to ask you too, are you okay with is?’

  ‘I am, but do you think it’s right to Mick?’

  ‘Well, who knows what Mick’s doing with the fraulines? Besides, I’ve warned him not to go to Germany without me. When he left, we weren’t so close, if you know what I mean.’

  Kate had told me t
hat Sue had applied for the same course, hoping that she might get chosen too. When she found out that only Mick was going, she had asked him to withdraw, but for Mick that wasn’t really an option.

  ‘Oh, I need a drink. I’m so hot! You don’t look like you’re having fun Emma. Are you all right?’

  ‘No I’m not. I think I should go. Tell Alex I’ll call him tomorrow.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be worried about him. Are you sure you want to leave?’

  ‘Absolutely.’ I said, grabbing my purse. As far as I was concerned, my Greek friend was all hers. He deserved her. With glee for which I knew I would be soon ashamed of, I imagined her shrieking into his ear, bringing about another attack of migraine. Did he really think I would get jealous of Sue? I wondered what else I should say to him to make him understand I only saw him as a friend.

  We were supposed to meet the next day in his hotel, as always. I was determined not to go there earlier, as I had done in all our meetings so far, since I was still angry at him for his irresponsible, immature behavior the previous night. The girl at the concierge told me that Mr. Pavlidis wanted me to wait for him in the hotel lounge. Confused with Alex’s unusual demand, I ordered a cup of hot chocolate to the smiling read-head waiter who seemed to be watching me from the first moment I had set foot in the luxurious lounge. Checking my watch, I saw that despite my effort to be late, I was at least ten minutes earlier than I had planned.

  Alex showed up a couple of minutes after the waiter had put an elegant cup with hot chocolate on the low table in front of me. He

  behaved awkwardly and his pale face and dark circles under his eyes revealed his last night binge. He ordered black coffee, verifying my suspicions.

  ‘What’s the problem?’ I asked him in a cold voice.

  ‘Nothing really. I asked them to tide up a little.’ He was obviously lying. His eyes avoided mine the whole time.

  A familiar shriek startled me, making me spill a few drops of the hot drink on the table, which the obliging waiter wiped quickly with a condescending smile.

  ‘Hey! You didn’t say Emma was here?’

  Alex bit his lip, nailed by Sue’s frivolity. ‘What can I do for you Sue?’ he asked without looking at her.

  ‘I think I’ve left my cell-phone upstairs.’ Sue answered, retaining her smile.

  ‘Help yourself.’ He gave her his key-card.

  I blinked as I realized what this meant. ‘What have you done?’ I asked him.

  ‘What do you mean?’ He was still looking at his cup.

  ‘How long has Sue been here? Oh my God! I don’t believe you.’

  ‘Why? What difference does it make? You’re not jealous, are you?’ he said coldly.

  ‘She’s with Mick, remember? My friend Mick. How could you? How could she do this? I knew she fancied you, but this!’

  ‘Well, she cannot wait until the prince comes back. We did not get engaged. We just had a good time. One night, that’s all. No commitment. She’s young, she has needs. Don’t you have needs? Oh, I forgot. You keep yourself for Christopher.’

  I wouldn’t tolerate for his insults any more. I thought of giving him a piece of my mind but then I decided I’d better go. I nodded to the waiter for the bill.

  Alex grabbed my arm but I broke off.

  ‘It’s on me.’ he said to the waiter.

  ‘Keep your money. I want nothing from you.’ I took my coat and walked out, uninspired by his hurt face. I bumped into Susan on my way out.

  ‘Where are you off to? Are you all right?’ she asked, examining my face.

  ‘I’m fine.’ I said, unable to convince her of course.

  ‘Let’s go then.’ She nodded.

  Turning around I saw Alex behind me. Without anymore talking, we all got into the lift. I was sure everyone could sense the tense atmosphere inside the cubicle.

  For as long as Susan was with us, I had totally forgotten about Alex who was leafing through a magazine with his I-pod headphones on his ears. I just could not believe he would be so insensitive. I left the room right after Susan, without saying a word to him.

  The next day I tried the same showing-up-late plan. But on my way to his hotel I decided it was childish of me not to be talking to him. When Alex let me sulkily into his room that afternoon, Susan was not there. I thought it would be a chance to settle things between us but before I was able to say a word, Alex put on his jacket and looked around for his cell-phone.

  ‘Are you going out?’

  ‘You don’t mind waiting for her alone, do you?’ He avoided looking at me.

  ‘Alex, I…’ Finding the right words seemed impossible to me. Luckily, there was a soft knock on the door and next minute a breathless Susan dashed into the room.

  She took off her leather jacket hurriedly. ‘Sorry I’m late.’

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Every time I saw her I was afraid she would bring me bad news about Christopher.

  ‘Fine, fine.’ she said a little too absentmindedly. ‘Where are you off to, handsome?’

  ‘Don’t worry about me.’ Alex was obviously still angry. Then with a creepy grin he spoke in a fake-casual tone. ‘By the way, as much as I’ve enjoyed our dates here, I’m leaving tomorrow. I’m kind of…bored here. So you two have to go on without me.’

  He closed the door behind him leaving us both speechless, taken aback by his unheralded decision.

  Susan looked at me. ‘What happened? Did you break the boy’s heart?’

  ‘He’s so pig-headed. Ever since we met, I’ve told him I see him as a friend.’

  ‘Is that right?’ Susan opened the cupboard next to the small fridge and poured some cold gin in two glasses.

  ‘What’s this supposed to mean?’

  She added some tonic to the drinks. ‘The other day I saw you two coming. I was in the lobby. You were too much absorbed in one another to notice me. I could swear there was something more there, more than friendship I mean. It’s obvious he’s in love with you. But I think you have more feelings for him than you admit.’

  ‘Susan, just…forget it. I don’t know what you think you saw, but there is no room in my heart for anybody else but Christopher. Alex is a good friend, period.’

  She nodded. ‘If you say so. Anyway, we can’t let him go. We still need him. At least for a couple of days. It’s getting more and more difficult to fool Tex anymore. ’

  ‘I’m not sure he’ll change his mind. He’s really stubborn. He won’t relent.’

  ‘Sugar, you know so little about men. Let me tell you a secret. There are those who are precious to us and there are those who are useful to us. The latter we have to keep satisfied, no matter what we do. You can make him change his mind. Believe me.’

  ‘I don’t believe what you’re saying. You know this isn’t like me.’

  ‘Relax. All I’m saying is give him some hope. If you’re important to him, which I think is true, he won’t deny you anything. He’s just waiting for you to ask him to stay. Why do you think he’s come all this way if not to capture your heart?’

  ‘You think so?’

  ‘I’m sure. Tonight, after I’m gone, ask him to have a drink with you. Enchant him. It shouldn’t be difficult.

  ‘I don’t know. It will be like I’m using him.’

  ‘So what? Haven’t you been using him all this time?’

  She was right, but I hated to admit it.

  ‘Listen Emma. Nobody said it’s going to be easy, but if you’re going to stay in this, you must be more flexible.’ I knew the right word was manipulative.

  Susan was long gone when Alex came back. In the dark room, with the glass of gin refilled and my head spinning, I was lying on the sofa. I heard him stumping behind me. He threw the keys on the table. He wasn’t expecting to find me waiting for him.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, sparing the effort to hide the aggressive tone in his voice.

  My voice faltered. ‘I don’t believe you were going away without saying goodbye.’ I pretended to sound
hurt. I didn’t have to try hard because I really felt hurt. Not by him. By the way I was treating him.

  ‘I would call you.’ The change in his voice was obvious.

  ‘Alex,’ I sat up. ‘…I wanted to thank you for what you’ve done. Coming here I mean. I know it wasn’t easy for you. It hasn’t been easy for me either… To see you as a friend, when you could be …much, much more than that.’

  He sat next to me looking confused. ‘I thought that was what you wanted.’

  ‘That is what I must do. It doesn’t mean I want it. But I don’t know when I’ll see you again. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me once I ...’

  He touched my face. ‘It only takes a word.’

  ‘Will you please stay a few more days? I…I’m not ready to say goodbye.’

  ‘Do you really want me to stay? Or do you need me as a cover up?’

  ‘Is that how you think of me?’

  ‘I don’t know what to think. I thought you were jealous when you found out about Sue. I swear I saw jealousy in your eyes.’

  ‘I was.’

  He looked at me with his warm, dark eyes sparkling. He moved closer.

  ‘Alex, I…’

  ‘Shhh.’

  He kissed me softly, like I was something fragile. Then he kissed me again deeper, his hot breath felt sweet in my mouth and his tongue touched mine. I hadn’t kissed anybody else after Christopher.

  In a sudden burst of emotion triggered by his memory, tears filled my eyes.

  ‘Are you crying?’ he whispered tenderly.

  ‘I’m okay.’ I drew back inhaling deeply. I had to get out. I couldn’t despise myself more. I stood up and took my bag. One last act. ‘Just don’t go yet.’ Or not an act? What if Susan was right? Why did I really want him to stay?

  ‘I won’t.’ he said. Surprise and confusion were unconcealed on his face. I, on the other hand, was so able to hide the disgust I felt for myself really well. I don’t know what intimidated me the most. The fact that I had just discovered what I was capable of, or that I could go away like that, feeling that this was the day I eventually came to construe the supporters’ of ‘end justifies the means’ attitude.

  For the following days I artfully avoided being alone with Alex. This would be impossible of course if it hadn’t been for my newly discovered skill of exploiting the people who were close to me. This time it was Kate. Once again she was willing to offer me her help without making questions, although she made no effort to hide her disapprobation to my demands either. I knew she hoped Alex and I would sooner or later be together and my determination to avoid him obviously proved to her I was still abstaining from relationships.

  At the hotel, I would wait in the lobby until I saw Susan enter and we got to his room together. I had arranged with Kate to call me and I had her complain she’d been waiting for us in the cold outside the hotel so we should hurry. Alex barely had time to take his coat and gloves before he joined me waiting for the lift or having already got to the lobby. I didn’t have to explain myself to Susan. I knew she had a good grasp of the subject after that night.

  But it would be naive to think that Alex wasn’t aware of my deliberate attempts to avoid being alone with him. His warm eyes looked at me with mystification the first two days and then his look changed into a rueful tolerance that made my heart ache every time I forgot about my personal limitations and permitted myself to look at his face.

  Thankfully, this torment lasted only for a week. Three days before Christmas, Susan announced to us that I didn’t need any more instruction and gave Alex his return ticket. He examined it with an impassive face.

  ‘It’s for tomorrow morning.’ Susan told him. ‘You have been very helpful to us Alex. This will not be forgotten.’

  Alex put the ticket in his pocket with the same poker face.

  ‘So how are you kids spending your evening?’ Susan asked, as she was putting on her long leather coat.

  I was taken aback by her question and tried to hide my agitation saying ‘Whatever Alex wants. It’s his last night here. I guess it’s fair to let him choose where to go.’

  I wished I could see his reaction to my words, because Alex had turned his back to get reach of his jacket, leaving me and Susan mystified by his silence.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I asked him as he put on his jacket and gloves.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ he said with mock confusion. ‘Isn’t Kate going to call us in the next three minutes?’ He looked at his watch.

  I opened my mouth to say something but words seemed to be impossible. I could only hear the music of the ring-tone coming from my mobile phone that vibrated on the bedside table as Kate’s name flashed on the small screen.

  ‘I thought so.’ Alex said, walking to the door.

  Susan was smiling to me, knowingly. ‘He’ll be all right.’ she told me. ‘You should focus on your mission now. Think of Christopher and how much he needs us.’ I nodded, trying to stop the tears that threatened to break out.

  ‘Emma,’ she said, taking my hand in hers ‘…are you sure you want to go through this? Are you sure you’re not having second thoughts?’

  I shook my head. ‘I’m sure. It’s the only thing I’m sure about right now.’

  ‘Next time I see you, you will be close to him. Until then, we cannot be in touch. But we’ll be always keeping an eye on you. Remember, when it starts, technically, you will be on your own. The only thing that can help you, will be to remember everything you’ve learnt from me.’ She hugged me. ‘Please, take care of yourself. Do everything you can to be safe.’ she whispered, reminding me of him.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.’ I said, but my voice betrayed my fear.

  ‘I almost forgot. We’ve bought four seats to all those theatres. Just pick any one of them. It’s our treat.’ She gave me a pack of tickets.

  ‘All of them? I’m sure Alex will be thrilled. Or, we can sell them in the black market.’ I joked. The theatre would be the last thing Alex cared about now.

  I was wrong. Alex totally enjoyed the Phantom of the Opera. However, when we got out, he asked us to call it a day, under the excuse of having to pack and get up very early the next morning. Surprised, I asked him if he needed any help with packing. Part of me was hoping that he would refuse my offer, which he did.

  ‘What time is your flight? We can meet…’

  ‘No.’ he cut me. ‘You don’t have to come.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I don’t want you to come. I’m a big boy. I’ll find my way.’

  ‘Of course. I didn’t mean…’

  ‘Then let’s say goodbye now. Kate, thank you for everything. And please don’t forget to say goodbye to Sue for me.’ Sue had mysteriously vanished after that disastrous morning at the hotel.

  ‘Alex, are you sure you can’t stay for Christmas? It’s only a couple of days.’ Kate asked him.

  ‘No. That’s out of the question Kate. I have to go. So, goodbye ladies.’

  ‘What? We don’t even get a kiss? ’Kate teased him.

  ‘You’re right. Come here.’ He smiled, leaning towards her to kiss her cheek, making her giggle. Then he turned to me and kissed mine.

  ‘It’s been a holiday I’ll never forget. By the way, nothing happened with Sue. We were both too drunk and the hangover was awful. And that voice! You know, you can still count on me when the chips are down, Emma.’ he whispered to my ear.

  ‘Until we meet again.’ he smiled bitterly as he put his hands on my shoulders and looked deeply into my eyes.

  ‘Until we meet again.’ I repeated stupidly and watched him walk away, his figure disappearing in the colorful maze of people and blazing Christmas lights, fighting with my strong urge to run after him and tell him how much he meant to me.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I whispered aware of the fact that it was pointless. That he could not hear me.