Gate Deadlock

  Chapter 3

  Romance

  That’s interesting!’

  A familiar voice I could not exactly identify woke me up. I opened my eyes unwillingly, to see that Christopher was standing at my bedroom door, leaning his left shoulder against the doorframe. He could not be there. I was certain I was still dreaming.

  His beautiful blue eyes were fixed on me, and his teasing smile sent the sleep instantly away from my swollen eyes. I drew the sheets up to my chest and sat up with a fast move.

  ‘What…How did you get in here?’ I asked, glowering at him. My initial confusion had started to give way to fury and exasperation.

  He used his hand to shade his eyes, as if he was trying not to look at me, and walked towards my bed. He reached for my T-shirt on the chair next to my bed and then came to sit next to me. His hand was still ridiculously in front of his eyes.

  ‘Kate let me in. She had to rush and she told me to knock on your door.’

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ I whispered to myself. What was Kate thinking to let him in just like that? His face turned more serious.

  ‘Actually, it was my fault. I told her you were waiting for me. Sorry to let myself in like this, but I’ve been knocking for more than ten minutes. I was… worried about you.’

  ‘Well, as you see, I’m fine. Quite embarrassed, but fine.’ I said in a stiff voice. He took his hand from his eyes and looked at me with his attractive, disarming smile brightening his face.

  ‘Don’t worry. I am almost as embarrassed as you are.’ he said, but I doubted that.

  ‘I guess you forgot about our meeting.’ he went on as he stood up and walked to the door.

  ‘Damn it’! I cursed. I checked at the clock on my bedside table. It was eleven thirty. How could I have overslept?

  ‘I’ll make coffee.’ he chuckled, making for the kitchen.

  How many times can a woman make a fool of herself in front of the same man and still hope he fancies her? I asked myself as I got up.

  ‘How can you live on these?’ Christopher wondered with his head in the almost empty fridge. ‘Do you know there’s nothing edible in here …besides those oysters?’ He took one and smelled it before putting it back.

  ‘You don’t have to do it, you know.’ I said coldly as I walked into the kitchen. I had put on a T-shirt and a pair of loose shorts now. He turned, slightly irritated.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You don’t have to baby-sit me.’

  I was sure he detected the cruelty in my voice but he could not explain it. I could not either. Lack of caffeine in combination with humiliation had turned me into a monster.

  ‘Is that what I’m doing?’

  ‘What else?’ I took a long sip of the frappe coffee he had made for me.

  ‘Taking care of you is much better, I gather.’ he said.

  I looked at him with a frown. ‘And why are you taking care of me, Dr Auburn?’

  He shrugged. ‘As I said, returning your father a favor. Isn’t that enough?’

  ‘More than enough. You can tell Daugh next time you see him, that I’m a big girl now. Big enough to take care of myself.’

  He closed the fridge door and came to sit on the chair right across. He raised his hand to touch my chin and made me look at him. Once again, his eyes were so capturing that kept me breathless.

  ‘I prefer to think of you as a woman, not as a girl.’ he said softly, making my heart beat fast.

  ‘Now drink your coffee. We have a lot to do and it’s almost noon.’ He stood up and walked towards the cupboard.

  ‘I can manage on my own. You don’t have to change your plans.’ I insisted.

  ‘I didn’t know I had other plans.’ he said casually, discovering a box of chocolate biscuits in the cupboard. He seemed to be enjoying my little attack now. He helped himself to the biscuits.

  ‘Mmm, these are really good.’

  ‘I know. They’re my favorite.’ I said. He put two of them next to my glass.

  ‘As for my plans, Suzan and I haven’t arranged to do anything this morning. We’re meeting in the afternoon for a swim. Too bad you left so early yesterday. I thought you might have wanted me to introduce you to her.’ He scrutinized my face. I did not say anything because I was sure the tone of my voice would betray me. ‘She could be really helpful to you in the future, you know.’ he added. I shut my eyes, annoyed. Daugh always talked this way about “my future” and “useful people”.

  ‘Not another lecture on my future.’ I whispered, talking to myself. He laughed, dropping his head back. His musical laughter made him even more attractive.

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know I’d hit a nerve.’

  I stood up taking the glass of coffee with me.

  ‘I’ll be ready in two minutes. Why don’t you wait for me in the car?’ I said as mellow as I could. I turned my back at him and walked to my room. Why was he here anyway? I was so angry! I wanted to hit him, hit him hard until I made him feel as hurt as I was feeling. Superficially, that is. Because that other part of me was really enjoying his presence in my house, feeling obscurely that this is exactly how it should be.

  He stood up instantly. ‘Of course.’ he said willingly and walked outside.

  ‘Still angry?’ he asked with the most angelic smile on his face as soon as I got into his car.

  ‘No, I wasn’t angry. Just…surprised.’

  ‘Furiously surprised.’ he corrected me.

  ‘Never mind that. It’s over now. Mostly, it had to do with me. I’m not used to oversleeping you know. Punctuality is important to me.’

  ‘Typical British.’

  ‘Where do you come from?’

  ‘I’m half Swiss, half Canadian.’ he said coldly, the broad smile suddenly leaving his face.

  ‘Suzan just called.’ he had featly changed the subject again. ‘ She’s invited us to lunch. What do you say to that?’

  ‘Suzan? You mean the gorgeous blonde who was with you at the beach?’

  ‘Yeap.’

  ‘So, how come she’s invited me?’

  ‘She just wanted to meet you. Is that so bad?’

  I thought the real reason for Suzan’s prompt invitation would be to set a boundary line between me and Christopher or to check how dangerous a competitor I might be. She would soon find out that the balance turned to her side.

  ‘So, are you coming?’

  ‘Sure.’ He cast me a surprised look.

  ‘We can go together after we’ve finished with your presentation.’

  ‘She’s a beauty.’ I said, realizing too late that I was expressing my thoughts loudly.

  ‘She most certainly is.’ he agreed. He gave me another quick look.

  ‘How long have you known her?’ I asked in a fake-conversational manner, looking out of the window.

  ‘Just a few years.’ I was sure by his tone he was not going to be more explicit.

  But then he went on. ‘We’re just friends you know, besides being colleagues of course.’

  I smiled, shaking my head in disbelief.

  ‘What’s this all about?’ he frowned.

  ‘Come on. How can you be just friends?’ I teased him bitterly.

  ‘It’s true Emma.’ His voice had suddenly changed, becoming softer but his tone was stern, as if stating an established fact.

  ‘Look Christopher, I’m really sorry. I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.’

  ‘I know. But…it just feels the right thing to do.’ he whispered.

  He was right. I had only known him for three days, and here I was, questioning his personal life. It would sound ridiculously outrageous to anybody else. But with him, it was different because I felt like I had known this man for a long time.

  It was as if we had been together in some other life, if I believed in reincarnation, which of course wasn’t the case. Judging by his last words, this feeling had to be mutual. If he was feeling the same, he must
have identified the strange bond between us. Physical attraction was a big part of this bond, but I wondered what else was lying at its root.

  We were already outside the University Main Building. He parked the car at the lot and walked up the marble stairs, next to me. The reception desk was empty as well as the two corridors. He walked towards the lift and pushed the button.

  I suddenly realized that we would be all alone inside the small cubicle and panicked. I did not have time to think of an excuse to avoid this, because the lift door opened instantly.

  Once we were inside, I held my briefcase tightly in front of my chest, trying to hide its fast movement, as I was afraid it’d jog due to the fast beating of my heart.

  He stood right across, leaning against the lift wall. I knew he had his eyes on me, but I tried to focus on the floor number indication on my right. Could this lift be any slower? I should have gone for the stairs, I thought.

  When I was about to gasp for air, the lift door opened again.

  ‘I wouldn’t think you’re claustrophobic.’ he remarked.

  ‘I’m not. It’s probably the heat.’ I was hoping I had sounded convincing enough.

  He walked into the office and turned on the air-conditioner immediately.

  ‘Why don’t you sit down?’ he pulled Harry’s chair for me.

  Then he came to sit right next to me. Were we going to be sitting so close? I was terrified. I was sure he would soon discover the

  reason for my nervousness and I would not be able to fabricate an excuse this time.

  He turned on the computer in front of me and I took the Cd out of my briefcase, with slow, careful movements. The damn Cd case would not open. My hands started to shake and I wished he hadn’t noticed.

  ‘Ouch!’ My thumbnail was broken, losing a big piece of it.

  ‘Let me help you with this.’ he said, taking the Cd case from my hands.

  ‘You’re just trying the wrong side.’ Great. I was so pathetic!

  He inserted the Cd in the computer and turned to take my hand in his.

  ‘Now, whatever are we going to do about that?’ he smiled, examining the damage. My heart just stopped. I took my hand away from his hastily, although it needed a lot of strength to do so. His warm hand was attracting my skin like a magnet. Christopher laughed loudly at my silly reaction.

  ‘There’s no need to be so edgy Emma, for God’s sake!’

  He stood up. ‘I’ll ask Tina to get us some refreshments.’ he said, reaching for the phone. Tina was a pretty, Greek brunet, who worked for the University as a secretariat clerk and temporary secretary for Harry and Christopher.

  ‘Strange. She’s not here yet?’ he wondered, as no one answered the phone.

  ‘She’s getting married in two weeks, so she’s probably got a lot to do. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t show up at all.’ I told him, waiting for his reaction.

  ‘Is that so? Well, I should go to the canteen and get the lemonades myself then.’ He hung up. ‘Do you need anything else?’

  ‘No, lemonade is fine.’ I watched him leave the room, amazed, wondering if I would ever find any defect to him.

  There’s no such thing as the perfect man, Emma, control yourself! I reminded myself.

  By the time he came back, I had already been able to regain control of myself. I was very absorbed in the computer screen

  and had managed to distract myself with polishing my paper. He put one glass of cool lemonade on the desk next to me.

  For the rest of the morning, I was busy turning my paper to a presentation format, whereas he used the computer on his desk to check the videos I wanted to include in it and put them in order according to the relevant parts of the text. Then, he examined the Project-Em files that I had left on his desk.

  ‘Damn!’ I cursed. I had tried for the third time to copy-paste a long passage into the Power Point program, but it turned out in the wrong format.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked from his desk and, before I was able to assure him that everything was under control, he was over me, his head almost next to mine. He looked at the screen and put his hand over mine, covering the mouse.

  ‘Let’s see. Let’s try this, shall we? And now this. See? It wasn’t so difficult.’

  He moved the mouse with my hand still under his. I could not even look at the screen anymore. All I could see was jumping letters in front of my eyes. Just the feeling of his hair touching mine, just smelling his masculine scent blended with a deep woods perfume, put me in a daze. The warmth of his body on my back was urging me to lean on his chest and let myself loose.

  ‘It should be okay now.’ He had turned his head towards mine, his lips only a few inches away. I craved for his lips, I desperately wanted to taste them. I closed my eyes and tried to hold my breath.

  ‘I don’t think I can do this anymore.’ I muttered.

  He drew back immediately. ‘You don’t feel well? We’ve been on the computer for more than two hours. That’s too much. We’ll finish it off tomorrow.’ He checked his watch. ‘It’s time to meet Suzan anyway.’

  I stood up. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ I said and almost ran to the bathroom. Pull yourself together Emma. What’s wrong with you? I told the image of myself in the mirror. I washed my blushed face and the cool water felt soothing on my cheeks.

  When I got back, I saw that he had put my things back in my briefcase and was waiting for me by the door.

  ‘Are you any better?’ he asked, obviously concerned.

  ‘I’m fine. Let’s go.’ I said quickly, avoiding his stare.

  I prayed not to be alone with him in the lift again and for the first time I was happy to see Rose standing in front of it. She held the door for us.

  ‘Thank you Rose.’ he smiled. Ignoring my presence, Rose started talking to Christopher in her usual fast manner. I was not able to follow their conversation as I was trying to think of Colin again to distract myself.

  ‘Dr Auburn?’ Tina called him as we were about to leave the building.

  ‘Yes Tina?’ he turned to her.

  ‘Hi Emma!’ she greeted me and then turned to him. ‘I’m terribly sorry for being so late today…’ she said in the most sincere manner. ‘You know I’m….’ ‘Yes, I know. Emma has told me about your wedding. Congratulations! Don’t worry, we didn’t need anything. You can take tomorrow off too, as far as I’m concerned.’ Tina was amazed by his generous, undemanding attitude, and so was I.

  ‘Thank you, Dr Auburn. I’d like to give you this invitation. It’s for my wedding. Nikos and I will be really happy if you can come.’

  ‘Thank you Tina. Of course I’ll come.’ he said excitedly.

  She turned to me. ‘I’ m certainly expecting you Emma, right?’

  ‘Well, I…’

  ‘Of course she’s coming.’ Christopher interfered. ‘You will escort me Emma, won’t you?’ he smiled innocently, completely regardless of my disinclination.

  ‘Great!’ Tina said before I could speak. ‘I’ll arrange the two of you to be seated together at the wedding reception.’

  ‘You do that Tina!’ Christopher said, enjoying his triumph.

  As we walked to the car, Christopher seemed overexcited about the wedding. As for me, I was really frustrated, as I had just started to realize what had just happened. Christopher got into the car whistling but I frowned.

  ‘Christopher, I don’t think I should go… to the wedding. I mean… I was planning not to.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Well, Tina’s fiancé is a friend of my ex-boyfriend’s and…’

  ‘Nonsense. If he’s your ex, why worry about him? Is he going to be there after all?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so. From what I hear, he’s still in London.’

  ‘See then? Don’t worry. We’ll have a great time. It’s my first Greek wedding. You won’t just let me go by myself, will you?’ He knew I could not refuse him, not only out of courtesy. I was too predictable. r />
  ‘No, of course not.’ I replied, so easily defeated. ‘So where are we going?’

  ‘Suzan’s hotel, the Poseidon.’

  The most expensive hotel in the area. It is so like her kind! I thought.

  It occurred to me that it had been a good idea to put on my long, white, cotton dress that morning. I had also chosen a pair of dull-gold sandals and a matching bag. I might have been overdressed for the tutorial but it was certainly the right dress to wear for lunch at the pool bar of an expensive hotel.

  Suzan was not at all as I had expected. She seemed really excited about meeting me and throughout lunch she expressed genuine interest in my studies and Project-Em.

  ‘I’m so excited the two of you are going to work together! You really make a good couple.’ Christopher cast her a warning look and she went on apologetically.

  ‘Professionally talking, of course.’ She took a sip of wine.

  ‘I have to warn you though, Emma. Once his mind is set on something he can be very persuasive. So be careful.’ Christopher frowned and gave her another angry look.

  ‘I think I’ve already found that out.’ I said, playing with my food, avoiding his mystified look.

  I found Susan to be a very interesting person apart from being a beauty. Even though I had initially been prejudiced towards her, I could not but like her company. We talked about the attractions of Greece, which, for Suzan, would be mostly found in Greek men. I felt very comfortable with her and I had managed to keep myself well under control during the whole time.

  ‘Well? Are you convinced now?’ Christopher asked on the way back.

  ‘About what?’

  ‘That Suzan and I are just friends.’

  ‘Why is that so important to you?’ I teased him.

  He smiled. ‘In case you haven’t realized yet, I’ve been trying to make a good impression on you.’

  ‘You don’t have to try hard for that, believe me.’

  ‘Well, that’s encouraging.’ His breathtaking smile dazzled me again.

  ‘So, are we meeting tomorrow, same time?’ he asked, pulling over outside my apartment. I thought about it for a minute.

  ‘I have a morning class tomorrow. How about later in the evening? At about six? But I’ll drive there. You don’t have to come and get me again.’

  ‘I see your point.’ he smiled widely. He waited for me to unlock the front door before he sped off.

  The following two weeks continued like that. I met him every evening for two or three hours until every detail of the presentation was covered and I had rehearsed it more times than necessary. That was the good part. The worst part was that each time I met him I had to fight against myself in order to remain composed, as the attraction I felt for him was growing day by day. I practically experienced physical pain every time he came close to me and I had to restrain my strong urge to touch him. I would have thought that, by time, I would have become more immune to him, but this was only a wishful aspiration. Of course,

  I was always careful enough to keep a safe distance between us and I drove my car to the university everyday instead of having him pick me up. I also made sure I would not be into the lift alone with him again.

  Saturday was the conference day. Christopher had insisted on driving me to Athens, where the conference was taking place. I had realized that during all this time he had been such a distraction for me that I was not experiencing any stress at all. Normally, I would rather die than speak in front of an audience of ten people, let alone a full auditorium. Come to think of it, if it hadn’t been for Christopher, I would most certainly have cancelled the presentation, under the pretext of having been unwillingly driven into this by Daugh. That, of course, would displease Daugh and my mum but it would also make a point: I did not want to be manipulated.

  However, I had eventually decided to go along with this and spare myself the rebuke. Christopher had played a major role in my resolution to get this over with.

  My presentation was scheduled for late in the evening. When it was my turn to speak, I felt strangely confident about myself. My voice remained steady during the whole time but I was not brave enough to look at my audience. Mainly, I was looking at the computer screen, handling carefully the wireless mouse, so that the reflection of my work would be displayed on the board next to me. It was all done very featly and I was glad to hear the warm applause after I had finished.

  When the session was over, I chatted along with some of the other speakers, as mutual congratulations were in order. There was some more typical chatting with the representatives of the organizing committee, and that was it.

  All this time, I had not been able to locate Christopher. I went out of the auditorium to look for him. I found him waiting for me in the lobby and I couldn’t help thinking how wonderfully he was contrasting that boring setting.

  ‘Were you out here the whole time?’ I asked him.

  ‘I was only interested in your presentation. I should congratulate you. You were great! So brave and under control! You’ve impressed me!’ he said, and I could detect genuine admiration on his face.

  ‘Well, much of it I owe it to you.’ I said. Much more than you realize, I thought. Christopher shook his head and put his arm around my waist to walk me out.

  He suggested a late dinner but I was not up to it. I asked him to take me back to Corinth and he accepted my request unquestioningly. As much as I wanted to be with him, I had enough for one day. Under the circumstances, I could not endure the torture of being with him without being able to touch him the way I so often touched him in my mind. Sooner or later, I knew I had to work out this dilemma that was driving me crazy: longing for him desperately and being tortured by his presence at the same time. How long would I be able to go on like this?

  What I was about to discover in the next few minutes, was that Christopher would soon unravel the situation with his usual, breathtaking manner.

  On the way back, none of us spoke much. The soft music that was coming from his stereo kept us both at ease.

  Suddenly I realized he had taken a wrong exit from the highway. It is very soon for the exit to Corinth, I thought.

  ‘Where are we going?’ I asked him, slightly alarmed.

  ‘I just need to stop for a few minutes. Nothing to worry about.’ His voice was soft and reassuring.

  He pulled over into a parking lot and stopped the car. The lights went out and revealed the darkness and the emptiness of the place, making me shiver. The only light was the dim, silver light of the moon, gazing us from among the tree-tops.

  ‘You look scared.’ he teased me.

  ‘I’m not scared. I’m just… worried. I don’t like dark… deserted places.’

  ‘You’re totally safe with me, Emma.’ he reassured me.

  He leaned to the back seat trying to get hold of something. The next moment he was holding a blue box, which I recognized to be a small portable freezer.

  ‘I almost forgot. Suzan could kill me for that.’ he said, making me really curious to see what Suzan had done this time.

  He opened the freezer to take out a small bottle of wine that he put next to him along with two crystal glasses, which sparkled momentarily under the moonlight.

  ‘I don’t believe this!’ I shook my head.

  ‘I know. This is so…Suzan. It’s her present to you, for tonight. It’s better to get over with this now. I guess you wouldn’t want any of your friends to see us doing this outside your house!’ Totally abashed, I chuckled nervously as I held the glasses and he poured the wine in. I noticed he had poured only a little in one of the glasses.

  ‘I’m only taking a sip. I have to drive you back safely.’ he said seriously. There was a strange sparkle in his eyes in the dark that made him look mysterious and somehow even more handsome. He lifted his glass to make a proposal.

  ‘To your future!’ he said, looking at me.

  ‘Thank you for everything Christopher.’ I wetted my lips with the cool wine. It was so refreshing that I
eventually decided to empty my glass at one gulp.

  ‘What?’ I asked him a little embarrassed. ‘I’m not driving. I’m probably suffering from post-traumatic stress. I’ve outdone myself tonight, haven’t I?’ I added, looking shyly into my glass. We both laughed but next minute, an awkward silence prevailed. ‘I should call Suzan and thank her for her present.’ I said, desperately trying to break the silence.

  ‘Well, that’s enough for tonight. We can finish it up some other time.’ he said.

  He took the empty glass from my hands and put it back into the freezer. Then, he put his next to mine and then the freezer was in the back seat again. He turned towards me and said in a low, gruff voice,

  ‘ Emma, don’t you want to know what my present for you is?’

  ‘You’ve bought something for me? You shouldn’t. You’ve already done so much.’

  ‘This is not something you buy Emma. But it’s something I’ve wanted to give you for a long time.’ I was already out of breath.

  ‘What’s that?’ I asked, but my voice could barely be heard.

  Then he leaned towards me and slowly pressed his lips on mine. At first, I was numb, unable to move or breathe. But in the next second, it felt as if the tension I had being trying to suppress for so many days, was suddenly unleashed. I put my hands around his neck and crushed my body on his. I do not know how long that kiss lasted. When he drew back a little, he was breathing heavily too.

  ‘That was much more than I’d expected!’ he said smiling. He released me with careful, slow movements. ‘We’d better go before things get out of hand. I don’t know what kind of wine she gave us, but it certainly served its purpose.’ he joked, making me chuckle nervously again. He was wrong. Things had already got out of hand. Still in a daze, I thought about asking him not to start the car, but I was not sure I could find my usual voice. He started the car. I was trying to focus on the road in front of us when he gave me a quick look.

  ‘You’re so silent. Have you already regretted our kiss?’ How can he be so straightforward about this? I thought, abashed once again by his frankness.

  ‘No, I’m fine.’ I said, rigid in my seat, my eyes fixed right in front of me without really seeing anything. I could not tell him I was so silent because I was still bewildered by his kiss. At that very moment, I felt like it was someone else’s life I was living, not mine. But then he reached for my hand on my lap and held it under his until we parked outside my apartment.

  ‘Do you still want to go to the wedding with me tomorrow?’ he asked me.

  ‘Yes, definitely.’ I replied, a little too enthusiastically.

  ‘I’ll be here at 8.15 then. Don’t make me wake you up again.’ he said with his irresistible challenging manner.

  I should be getting off, but my legs refused to move and take me away from him. I made a huge effort to open the door, but then he grabbed my arm.

  ‘Emma?’

  ‘Yes?’ I turned to him.

  ‘Come here.’ the same sexy voice whispered again. He closed his arms around me and kissed me again, only this time he drew back sooner, as if trying not to be too carried away.

  ‘You’d better go inside.’ He was smiling but I could not ignore the fake-warning tone of his voice that caused a flutter in my stomach. I got off reluctantly and, as he drove off, Suzan’s words echoed into my mind.

  ‘He can be very persuasive Emma. Be careful.’ But it was too late for that.

  Kate was lying on the sofa, half asleep. When she saw me, she sat up rubbing her eyes.

  ‘Hey! How did it go?’ She was talking about my presentation but I was so preoccupied with Christopher’s kisses that the conference now seemed so distant and unimportant.

  I tried to be as brief as possible about it, under the excuse that I needed to go to bed. I had to be alone and contemplate about what had just happened. I promised her that we would talk about it in detail in the morning of course.

  But when I turned towards my bedroom she said,

  ‘Not so fast!’

  ‘What now?’ I turned impatiently. She smiled. ‘Christopher. Tell me all about him.’

  ‘Well, there’s not much to say…’ She looked disappointed. ‘… except for the fact hat we kissed of course…twice!’ I deliberately stressed the last word.

  ‘Wow!’ she screamed. ‘I knew it! I knew he had a crush on you from the very first minute.’

  ‘Don’t exaggerate it Kate. I doubt it if he remembers this tomorrow. It was only meant to be a gift for my good performance after all. I don’t think it meant anything to him.’ ‘Now you’re being silly. Do you think he just hangs around kissing students in compensation for their good work? That’s ridiculous. You’d better accept the fact that he’s in love with you the same way you’re in love with him.’

  She saw me blush and added seriously, ‘Christopher is a catch. Every woman on this planet would give her eyeteeth for him! Just don’t get too public. You wouldn’t want him to lose his job and disappear.’ ‘I’m going to bed. You’re awful!’ I pretended to be angry. ‘Sweet dreams, Cinderella!’ she shouted behind me.

  In the silence of the night, I was lying in my bed trying to recall every little detail of that evening. Only, I wasn’t thinking about the conference, but about the moments I had with Christopher on our way back. With my eyes shut, I relived the warmth of his lips, the heat of my body when he touched me. Even if it was true that those kisses did not mean anything to him, I could live with this memory for the rest of my life.

  Deep down I was under the conviction that it was “the right thing to do”, as Christopher had said a few days ago. It certainly felt right. It was as if I had found something I had been missing for a long time, one of the missing pieces of the puzzle of myself.

  I just wished I knew if he felt the same. Of course, he must have had many girlfriends by then. Girlfriends was suddenly a wrong word, it did not match. Lovers. That was much more like him. I would never be able to compare myself to his lovers, who I could imagine to be as gorgeous as Suzan.

  I decided to put their images behind me. If he wanted me, I was now more than eager to give him everything. I could not help it, my mind was made up. I was under his spell.

  I tried to think of what I knew about him. I knew he was half Swiss half Canadian, he used to work in a university in Canada, he had two postgraduate degrees, but I was not sure on which

  field, and he had a PhD, but again, I wasn’t sure on which scientific area. How had I forgotten to ask him about that? He would always change the subject every time I led the conversation to his past. He did not teach anything in the summer school and all these days I had not seen him work on anything else besides my paper. That was good, considering how much more awkward it would be if I were one of his students. Not that we hadn’t already crossed the line.

  Still, the developments of Project-Em lay ahead. So this had to be the only duty he had at Brantel. Obviously, they had hired him only to supervise me. I would have expected them to send me someone who was already working at Brantel, not to hire someone new. Why hadn’t they told me I was to be supervised, why the secrecy?

  And yet, Christopher seemed so well posted on the project.

  Needless to mention, I was aware of his attempt of flirtation and had welcomed it from the very first moment. Still, my instinct warned me that there was something I had been missing. Yet, that night I was not in a mood to worry about that. I had so many questions about him, that much was true. I promised myself to make a research on him the next day.

  The next morning I pretended to be asleep until I heard Tony’s car. He took Kate for a swim and I knew they would not be back before late in the afternoon. The light of day dropped me from the clouds so I was deliberately avoiding Kate, as I was not sure where things stood with Christopher. Therefore, I felt it would be wiser to withhold any pompous statements about him.


  I made coffee and turned on my laptop to enter the Brantel web site. I used my password to login and clicked on the STAFF link. I scrolled down the page with the names and e-mails of the university staff but I was not able to locate Christopher’s. I wrote his name in the SEARCH box and clicked on the START indication. To my amazement the phrase UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS flashed in front of my eyes. I froze.

  I did not know I needed more authorization than my password. It had never happened before. I wished I had asked him the name of

  the university he used to work in Canada. I made some more fruitless efforts to search Canadian universities staff, until I finally gave up.