Gate Deadlock

  Chapter 8

  Pain

  ‘We never shall have anymore time we have,

  and we have always had, all the time there is.’

  Thomas A. Bennet

  For the next six days, which added in my list of best days in my life, we retained the carefree lovers’ façade. Superficially, there was no sign to foreshadow the disaster that was about to break out, but we both knew that the clock was ticking and sooner or later we would have to face harsh reality. We spent each day with Tom and Suzan, lying on the beach in the morning and hanging out in beach clubs at nights. I was staying at Christopher’s house and I shared every single moment with him, which was enough to make me experience total bliss. Yet, he was determined not to let me alone with Tom and Susan, so I had only managed to get a ‘Nothing yet’ from her, which was not hopeful at all for my plans to meet Plato.

  I thought I was prepared for what was about to happen, but I could have never imagined how soon my nightmare was about to come true. On Friday morning, just after breakfast, Christopher asked me to walk with him to the beach. I had apprehended that something was wrong, as he had not been himself that morning. He seemed unusually silent and too absorbed in his thoughts during breakfast. I had tried to ignore his clouded brow, which could only foreshadow what I did not want to hear but, inevitably, his attitude had made me jumpy.

  We walked silently, hand in hand, as the morning sun caressed our overcast faces. A hurtful, evanescent memory crossed my mind momentarily. The image of my mother, thirteen years ago, standing under the threshold and facing the policeman, who had looked huge to my puerile eyes.

  ‘Is it time?’ I asked him, trying to keep a steady voice when silence became unbearable. He stopped walking and put his arms

  around me. A flicker of a smile twisted his lips. I looked fondly at his face. It was the face of grief.

  ‘Yes.’ he said. I pressed my cheek on his warm chest and felt him sigh. ‘I have to go Emma. The hearing has been scheduled.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘Tonight.’

  ‘For …how long?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘We will be all right, won’t we?’ My voice sounded strange, it was someone else’s voice, because the lump in my throat was in place again, making every word painful.

  He did not say anything. He just held me in his arms for a long moment and then he took my hand again and we kept walking towards the blinding sun, as if we were trying to escape from the queer twists of our fate.

  Time seemed ruthless on that day. It lapsed so fast, so pitilessly, reducing us to despair with every tick of the clock. Time had been my enemy ever since Christopher had revealed his identity to me. It was not just an abstract concept anymore. It had an evil face and a gleeful smirk. It had Tex’s face.

  He left me outside my apartment at sunset. I had managed to keep myself composed, trying to make it easier for him to leave me. I had not cried, but the lump in my throat was growing bigger and bigger, blocking my voice.

  ‘I will be back, whatever happens. They can’t keep us apart.’ he said before he kissed me for the last time.

  I heard his car growing away as I was making my way into my apartment.

  When I closed the door behind me, I let myself loose. I ran into my room, unable to hold back the sobs that wrung my heart. I fell on my bed, face down, soaking the soft cover.

  In a few seconds, I felt Kate’s warm hand on my back. She was talking to me, but her voice sounded distant to my ears.

  ‘For God’s sake Emma! What’s happened to you?’

  ‘He’s gone!’ I mumbled.

  ‘Christopher? Christopher is gone? Where to?’

  ‘Where he came from.’ It was all I could reveal to her but it was, at least, the truth.

  ‘But … he’s coming back, isn’t he?’

  ‘I …don’t…know.’

  ‘Of course he is. He loves you so much. He will come back to you sweetie.’

  I cried myself out that night and Kate lay next to me, keeping her arms around me until the morning.

  The next day was even worse. I could not cry anymore. There was nothing left inside me to let out, only the feeling of being torn up, missing a huge part of me.

  I stayed in bed all day in the same clothes I had been wearing the previous night. Kate was such a sweet comfort once again. She stayed with me, skipping school under the excuse of a sudden brash.

  But my torment was far from over. The days went by excruciatingly slowly, as time showed me its evil face once more. I felt like every moment, every second was distancing me from Christopher more and more. I could not eat, I could not sleep. I was ill, experiencing physical pain in my whole body. I was a living dead.

  Kate pretended not to notice that Christopher had not even called. But I was aware of her mystification about this inexplicable lack of contact, as well as about his sudden departure. She never mentioned anything about it though, determined to take me out of my misery at any cost.

  ‘When he’ s back, it will kill him to see you like this.’ was her strongest argument. It was good enough to make me leave my bed, take a shower and try to eat.

  It had already been a week, a horrible week without him. I tried to make sense of what this meant. Why would it take them so long to make a decision? Could it be a good sign? A sign that Christopher was fighting for us, that he had not given up, or….

  I wished Susan and Tony did not have to follow him there. Susan could enlighten me had she been able to contact me. I had left her

  countless messages on her cell phone. Had she been able to tell Plato about my idea or was it too late for that? If only Plato had agreed to meet me, I was sure I would have been able to persuade him to accept my offer.

  I received the strangest call on that Friday by Yannis. Ever since the change in the excavation plans, I had not talked to him. I had promised him a drink but, if that was the reason he was calling me, the timing just could not be worse. But I was wrong.

  ‘Hi Emma. I hope I’m not bothering you.’

  ‘Not at all. What’s up?’

  ‘I think someone has stolen the plans, the original plans I mean. I just can’t find them anywhere.’

  ‘What do you mean stolen?’

  ‘Well, I kept them in my office as I always do. But they’re gone. The whole file is gone, to be precise.’

  ‘Just think, Yanni. When did you last see them?’

  ‘The day the Brantel guy paid me a visit. You know, Aubin, something like that?’

  ‘Auburn?’ I asked, holding my breath at the sound of his name.

  ‘Yes, that’s right.’

  ‘What did he want from you?’

  He sounded surprised at my question. ‘He said you had sent him. He told me to cover the real Point-X with concrete because people in Brantel had found out. He said you were into this. Did he lie to me?’

  ‘No, don’t worry, it’s okay. When did this happen?’ I could almost hear the fast beating of my heart as I prayed for his answer to be the one I hoped for.

  ‘More than a week ago. What about the plans?’

  I sighed. ‘Don’t worry. They are not our problem anymore.’ I said, totally disillusioned.

  He hesitated for a moment before he said ‘Okay then. I’ll let you know if I find them. And I have to tell you something that can’t be said over the phone.’

  ‘I’ll see you soon Yanni. I just can’t deal with this right now.’

  I knew he was trying to make sense of the sudden change in my attitude, but this was all I could say to him. I could not risk it. He was already more involved than he should have been.

  ‘Bye Yanni. Thanks for everything.’

  I hung up, graveled. What was Christopher thinking? I wondered why he hadn’t told me about his decision to cover Point –X. He was probably trying to protect me again. Could he have taken the plans? He did not really need them, he had his own copy, I had given it to him. Perhaps he did not want anybody else to get them
from Yanni; perhaps he wanted to destroy them himself. He had told me he was going to use the changes to our benefit. So, only two people had a copy of the plan that revealed the exact position of Point – X now. Christopher and me.

  It was two days after my conscious effort to come out of depression that Susan visited me. It was little after 10 p.m. and I was alone in my apartment watching TV. I had refused Kate and Tony’s invitation to go out with them, insisting that if they stayed inside one more night for my sake, it would only make me feel worse.

  When I heard the bell ring, I made a dart for the door, hoping it would be him.

  When I saw Susan I jumped at her and hugged her impatiently, unable to control myself. I soon realized she was not sharing my enthusiasm, which was very unusual of her. I drew back, alarmed, to scrutinize her face.

  My heart started pounding. ‘How bad is it?’ I whispered.

  ‘I’m really sorry. I wish I could tell you everything is fine but… It’s bad…really bad Emma.’

  ‘Is he…?’

  ‘No, physically he’s fine.’ She hesitated. ‘Come on. You’re going to need your laptop.’

  We went into my bedroom and I turned on my laptop with shivering hands. Susan took a Cd out of her bag and gave it to me, silently, avoiding my eyes. I inserted it in the computer and waited. A black background filled the screen and small, white

  letters started to appear one by one, like shooting stars, falling onto the screen from nowhere. The lump in my throat had now extended to my chest and the old throbbing pain torn my heart in two as I read Christopher’s message.

  My love, Emma,

  I’m giving you back your heart because

  I don’t deserve it anymore, for I am the

  old monster again.

  Forgive me for not keeping my promise

  to come back to you, as it would only

  put your life in imminent danger.

  I’m asking you to forget me and to

  fight for yourself. Fight to survive.

  Move on with your life. Be happy.

  And please, don’t ever make me come for you.

  My heart will always belong with you, never doubt that.

  Christopher

  My eyes narrowed as I made an effort to fathom the meaning of the short, harrowing lines. Suddenly, the letters started to vanish in front of my eyes, one by one, from the beginning to the end of the message, the same way they had appeared.

  ‘No, no!’ I cried, hitting hard on the keyboard. His name had started to disappear now, from the first letter to the last.

  istopher

  stopher

  topher

  opher

  pher

  her

  er

  r

  ‘No!’ I whispered crying silently, my voice weak from the despair that overwhelmed me.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Susan said in a sad voice. ‘There must be no evidence left. You see, they have warned him that they will rescind the agreement if he contacts you in any way.’

  She looked at my twisted face and perceived the confusion suffused with despair on it.

  ‘It was Denzel. He persuaded the Board to compromise and never threaten you again in exchange for… Christopher’s return to the Squad.’

  ‘The Squad?’ My eyes widened with horror. That would be Christopher’s worst nightmare. ‘How… How could you let him do it? Don’t you know what it will do to him?’

  ‘He has agreed. He joined them voluntarily. There was no chance he would let them hurt you.’ Susan did not realize that every word was making it harder for me.

  ‘He loves you too much to allow that. That’s why he has chosen his own sacrifice, as it was the only way out…for you. Christopher knew about it a long time ago but we all hoped for another solution, even at the last minute… Now we’ve lost him.’ Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to hug me. I recoiled in terror.

  ‘He said he would come back, whatever happened. He said they could not tear us apart.’ I cried.

  She shook her beautiful head. ‘I’m sorry honey. You must be strong and move on with your life. Listen, I only have a few minutes. His house, it’s yours. I’ve done all the paperwork for you. You must…’

  Move on with my life. The words kept echoing like the song of a ruined Cd. I was not listening to her anymore. Shattered by the news, I opened my drawer and took my car keys. I was frantic. His house. I had to go there, see with my own eyes, his clothes, his books, his smell…

  I rushed outside as Susan followed me, shouting my name. I started the car, wasting no time to fasten my seatbelt.

  ‘It can’t be true. It can’t be happening. Please, God, no! Don’t let me be too late. Oh, Christopher, what have you done?’ I repeated to myself, speeding off, my face soaked from the tears.

  I only caught a glimpse of the car that appeared out of the blue, ignoring the stop sign. My Beetle swerved dangerously in a last effort to avoid the collision and I found myself heading towards a cluster of trees, having lost control of the wheel.

  The awful sound of the crash sounded as a blast to my ears. Then, the darkness of the night surrounded me, swallowing me into the blessed oblivion of nothingness.