The Goddess Queen

  I shook my head. “You have enough women to keep you company, Zeus. I won’t be another horse in your stable.”

  “You wouldn’t be. I would devote myself to you and your power. To you and your brilliance. I will forsake the others if you insist I must, but I want to marry you.”

  For a long moment, I was silent. Any lingering exhaustion I’d felt had vanished, leaving me with bewilderment coursing through my veins. He wanted to marry me? He could barely speak to me as an equal, and he wanted me to devote my life to him? “No.”

  Zeus recoiled as if I’d slapped him. “What?”

  “I said no.”

  “But—I’m King of the Skies,” he said, stunned. Clearly he hadn’t expected anything short of a yes. “You could be my queen. You could have absolute power—”

  “I don’t want to be your queen,” I snapped. “And we both know that your definition of ‘absolute power’ is really absolute power second to yours. I won’t be second to anyone, and I will not marry someone who looks down on me for my sex. Now leave.”

  Silence. Zeus gaped at me, and I stared back. He wouldn’t win this one. I would not allow him to put a collar on me and parade me around as an ornament. I was the daughter of Cronus. I should have been a queen, but not his queen. A queen in my own right.

  At last he left without a word. It wouldn’t be the end of it—when Zeus set his mind to something, nothing would dissuade him, as the Titan War had proven—but for now, I needed to rest. We’d only just seen the end of one battle. I wasn’t prepared to start another.

  * * *

  On the morning the council gathered for the first time, I spent ages in front of my mirror, searching for any flaws in my reflection. It’d been nearly a month since the end of the war, giving us all time to assess the damage and do what we could to heal it. While our brothers tried to form some semblance of order within their new domains, my sisters and I had roamed the earth, observing humanity and discovering the natural passages between the three realms. Every time we’d found a cave that led into the Underworld, I’d been tempted to go down and visit Hades, but my sisters had insisted he’d be far too busy. I wasn’t so sure, but the last thing I wanted to do was burden him further.

  Technically Zeus should have come with us, but I suspected part of the reason my sisters had dragged me out of Olympus was to get away from him. He and I had barely spoken a word to each other since his proposal, and for all intents and purposes, he seemed to have dropped it. Unlikely as it was, perhaps he wasn’t as thickheaded as I’d thought.

  At last, as the weeks had passed, I’d begun to feel at peace with everything. I didn’t have to have a title in order to have power. I was who I was; no one, not Cronus, not Zeus, could take that from me.

  But now that we were all to gather again, I couldn’t shake the giddiness inside me. Maybe it was the idea of our family once again reuniting. We were never as powerful apart as we were together, after all. Whenever I envisioned what the morning would bring, however, all I could picture was one face: Hades’s.

  At last it was time, and I pushed aside my curtain to leave. Instead of an empty hallway, however, a peacock sat on a satin pillow in front of my rooms, blocking my exit. A gift?

  The bird stood, revealing its magnificent plumage of blue, green and gold, and it walked directly into my chambers as if it had been waiting for me. Yes, a gift. But from whom?

  I picked up a stray tail feather that remained on the pillow, tickling my nose with its soft ends, and I smiled. Zeus would never get me something so thoughtful. He would try to win me over with jewels and other cold, meaningless things. And that left only one person who would gift me something so extravagant.

  Hades.

  Was it possible he was as excited about seeing me as I was him? Maybe after a month alone in the Underworld, he’d come to his senses and decided to ask me to be his wife, after all. My excitement increased tenfold, and I all but skipped down the sky-blue and sunset corridor, still holding the feather. At last, a chance to escape. A chance to choose my own destiny. And I had no doubt about it—I would have chosen Hades again and again, until the end of time. Especially over Zeus.

  The throne room was set in the center of Olympus, laid out in a circle with over a dozen hallways leading from it, in the shape of the sun and her rays. It had been the seat of our power during the war, untouchable even to Cronus, and it was the one place where we’d all been safe. Now that it was Zeus’s domain, somehow the sun seemed darker. But that day, nothing, not even Zeus, could’ve brought me down.

  No, not nothing. The moment I stepped into the throne room, my heart sank. Zeus, Poseidon, Demeter and Hestia were already there, waiting for me, but Hades’s throne was empty.

  “Good morning,” I said, keeping the disappointment out of my voice. He was late, that was all. He had a much longer way to travel than the rest of us.

  “Good morning,” said Zeus. He’d aged himself a few years, but not even a beard could make him look like a king. “Now that we are all here, I will call this meeting to—”

  “What about Hades?” I said. “Shouldn’t we wait for him?”

  “Hades won’t be coming,” said Zeus, sounding annoyed.

  I lowered the tip of the feather from my nose. “Oh.”

  Across the circle, Demeter gave me a sympathetic smile. So everyone knew then, even Zeus. Enough to realize that Hades was at least part of the reason I’d refused his proposal. One of our sisters must have told him, then,

  I frowned. Hades felt like a secret, something I opened up when no one was there, and the thought of my sisters discussing Hades and me with Zeus made my skin crawl.

  Zeus cleared his throat, and he gestured toward me. “I see you got my gift. Consider it an apology for how I’ve treated you. I would give you the heavens if I could, but Demeter insisted something simpler would be better.”

  I nearly dropped the feather. His gift? One Demeter had helped pick out? “Thank you,” I mumbled, glaring at my sister. She knew how I felt about Zeus, and encouraging him like that wasn’t only cruel to him. It was cruel to me, as well.

  The meeting began, a mostly neutral affair with no one raising their voices. Poseidon and Zeus talked about the progress they’d made, protecting their subjects from predators and showing them how best to care for themselves now that they no longer had the threat of the Titans hanging over their heads, while my sisters spoke of what we’d discovered on earth. I remained quiet, however, my gaze focused on Hades’s empty throne. His realm was the largest; and after a war, of course he wouldn’t have time to spare.

  He would come next time, though. He wouldn’t break his promise. Not to me.

  * * *

  Hades didn’t come the next time, or the next, or the time after that. Finally, nearly a year after the war ended, his throne wasn’t there at all.

  “Hades has decided to become an honorary member of the council,” said Zeus that day. “He will join us when it is important, but otherwise he will defer to our judgment when it comes to matters above his realm.”

  In other words, he’d separated himself from us, breaking our unity. That pain sliced through me, hot and unyielding, and I had to blink rapidly to keep myself from letting it show. Fine. If he didn’t think we were worth it—if he didn’t think I was worth it, then so be it. We didn’t need him. I didn’t need him.

  But I did, and that empty space inside my chest where hope for a happy life had once been ate away at me. He’d
represented everything I’d wanted—respect, compassion, honesty and maturity that Zeus could never hope to obtain. The possibility of life as an equal to my partner. And with one single decision, he’d destroyed all of those dreams.

  As soon as the meeting ended, I fled to the earth. It was summertime, and the forest was lush with colors. Green leaves, red and purple flowers, the blue sky and the brown soil—it should’ve been beautiful, but I was blind to all except Hades’s betrayal.

  I sat on the shore of a lake and sobbed. My cries echoed amongst the trees, but I was alone. Always alone. My sisters were content with their lots. My brothers each had their own kingdoms to rule. When would it be my turn to have a happy ending? When would I have a chance to live the life I wanted?

  The Titan War hadn’t been waged just to save humanity. We’d fought to save ourselves, too. I’d fought for my freedom, but what good was freedom when I found no joy in life alone? I wanted to share it with someone, to share the bonds of respect and fidelity, to know that to someone in the world, I was their life. But I would never have that now. Not with someone who could ever hope to be my equal, and I could never be with someone who looked down on me as something less. Hades had been my only hope.

  A pitiful cry caught my attention, and I stopped weeping. Only a few feet away, crumpled on the ground, lay a tiny bird no bigger than an acorn. His wing was crooked, and as I peered down at him, he cheeped helplessly.

  “You poor thing.” Gently lifting the bird into my hand, I stroked his back. Next to the peacock that had become my constant companion in Olympus, this was the tamest creature I’d ever seen.

  I touched the broken wing, willing it to heal. The bones eased back into place, and at last the bird righted himself. He seemed to doubt that his wing was fixed; he kept it close as he expanded the other, as if readying himself for takeoff. But instead he remained in my palm, and he cocked his head as he chirped up at me once more.

  Despite the heartbreak of the morning, I smiled. “You can fly now, you know. You don’t have to stay with me.”

  He hopped from my palm to the tips of my fingers, and at last he spread both of his wings. As he took off, I felt that same keen wrench in my chest, and it only brought on another fresh wave of tears. Everyone would leave me eventually, given enough time.

  But even as I thought it, I felt a featherlight touch on my shoulder, and the bird chirped beside my ear. I wiped my cheeks. “You’re back,” I said thickly.

  Another chirp, and he took a few strands of my hair in his beak. I managed a small smile.

  “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you. Let’s find you some seeds.”

  The bird and I spent the rest of the day together, exploring the woods around the lake as I tried to find his home. But no matter how hard I searched the trees, I saw no evidence of a nest. He couldn’t have been very old, certainly not on his own yet, but I heard no cries of his mother or siblings. So he’d been abandoned, after all.

  “We aren’t so different, you and I,” I said as he perched on my finger. We sat on a rock, sunbathing in the warm afternoon glow. “I’m on my own, as well.”

  He gave a questioning chirp, as if he understood me. Maybe he did.

  “My brother—my friend, he abandoned me, as well.” It was silly, talking to a bird, spilling my secrets, but I had no one else. Not even my sisters were trustworthy anymore. “He promised to come see me, but it’s been a year. Not very long in the scheme of things, despite what you may think, but it still hurts.”

  Nearby, a tree rustled in the breeze, and the bird danced from one end of my finger to the other. He knew he could fly, and that he remained here healed something inside me. At last, someone was choosing to be with me.

  “My brother—my other brother, he wants to marry me,” I said. The bird tilted his head again, and I smiled. “He’s King of the Skies—your king, even if you don’t know it. I doubted he could do it at first, you know. We all did, and he proved us wrong, which only makes it hurt even more. Have you ever wanted to be needed so badly that you felt as if your heart would burst?”

  He hopped up my arm, climbing until he sat on my shoulder again. I offered him my finger, but he remained.

  “Of course you haven’t. But my brother Zeus, he only wants me as an ornament. Something to make him look stronger. He doesn’t see me—he doesn’t love me. He loves my power. And even if I did agree to marry him, he would never be faithful to me. I would never be his equal, and he would insist I bow down to him. That isn’t the life I want.”

  Another chirp, and his warm little body brushed up against the crook of my neck.

  “I want to live a life of respect and equality. Of partnership. I want someone to love me for who I am, not what I can do for him. I want someone who keeps his promises. Who doesn’t see me as a conquest.” I sighed and stared down at the pattern in the rock. “I want to be happy.”

  Without warning, the bird took flight, disappearing into the trees. My heart leaped, and I stood, ready to follow his path. He couldn’t leave, too. I could take him back to Olympus, make him immortal, keep him as my companion—

  But he didn’t return. The forest was never silent, with the rustling leaves, gentle laps of waves on the lake, and countless other sounds that mixed together in natural harmony, and I strained for any signs of his chirps. Nothing.

  A sob escaped me, and I sank back onto the warm rock. So this was how my life would be. Constant loneliness, an ache for something I could never have, and everyone I ever loved would leave me. First my mother, then Hades, and now a creature that I barely even knew. Yet his abandonment still stung as badly as the rest, a reminder of the pain I’d already endured.

  I buried my face in my hands, and without any thought to dignity, I cried. For myself, for the life I would never have, for the eons that would never end. For the hope that had been stolen from me time and time again, until it dwindled into nothing.

  “Hera?”

  I stiffened midsob, silencing myself. The voice had been too muffled for me to make it out properly, but it was male. One of my brothers. Hades?

  A twig snapped, and I was on my feet in an instant. No time to wash away my tears in the lake. A figure moved through the trees, at first obscured by shadows. As soon as he stepped into the sunlight, however, I recognized him.

  Zeus. Of course. I would never get my way.

  “What do you want?” I sank back down onto the rock and drew my knees to my chest. I expected a smart answer, a joke about how I could stop crying now that he was here. Instead he knelt a few feet away, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the concern on his face. Sincere or not, I wouldn’t accept his pity.

  “I am sorry.” His words sounded heavy, as if he were weighing each one before he spoke. “Not only for how I have treated you, but for how I have thought of you, as well. Father—” He hesitated. “Father was no role model, but I am afraid I took his treatment of Mother to heart. You deserve better, as did she, and for that I apologize.”

  I shut my eyes. He could apologize all he wanted. It wouldn’t change anything.

  “You are the best of us all, Hera,” he said quietly. “You are the strongest, the smartest, but you are also the most deserving, and—you are the loveliest girl I have ever seen. Not simply on the outside, but on the inside, as well.”

  That was a lie and we both knew it. Hestia was the kindest, the gentlest, and Demeter was the most even-tempered. I had power, and I had pride. I wasn’t content with wha
t lay before me.

  But his words washed over me anyway, a small oasis within the desert of my life. Still, I didn’t acknowledge them.

  “I love you.” Zeus set his hand on my shoulder, the way Hades had the evening we’d won the war. “Not as an ornament. Not as a conquest. I see you, and I love you.”

  I jerked back from his touch. “You were spying on me?”

  “Only to make sure you were all right. After the meeting, I was worried—”

  “You had no right.” I stood furiously and started to march off. “That was a private conversation.”

  “Hera.” There was a command in his voice so reminiscent of our father’s that even I couldn’t resist stopping and turning to face him. In that instant, my tiny bird took Zeus’s place, flying closer to me before he changed back. Zeus was barely a foot in front of me now. “Everything you want, that is what I want to be to you. For you.”

  The magnitude of his deception hit me, and I slapped him. “I don’t care what you want to be to me. You will never be anything more than the god who stole my rightful place from me, and the god who tricked me into spilling my secrets.”

  “They are my secrets, as well.” Zeus took my hand with gentleness I’d been certain he wasn’t capable of. I pulled away, and his expression shattered. “Please, Hera—I’m lonely. I’m burdened. I want nothing more than someone to share my life with. Not to rule over as the Titans did. But a true equal in every sense of the word.”

  I shook my head. He was only repeating the things I’d unwittingly told him, and I would not let him worm his way into my heart. “You’re lying. You could never be faithful to me, and I will not settle for anything short of absolute fidelity.”

  “Then you will have it. The other women—they are nothing compared to you, and I only want you. I only need you. I am yours, and I will forever be yours, despite the seasons that pass. I will do anything to prove myself to you, Hera.”