Rose Rivers

‘Oh, very much. It is a real privilege to have such a beautiful watch,’ said Rupert, slipping the replacement back into his waistcoat pocket.

  ‘I’d better have a word with Cook about lunch. I wonder how many we will be? All the guests are gone now, thank heavens. By the way, little Portia seems to have taken a shine to you, Rupert, my boy!’

  ‘She’s a very sweet girl, Grandmama,’ said Rupert, smirking.

  ‘All the girls seem to be dazzled by Rupert, though heaven knows why,’ I said tartly.

  ‘I think I observe a flash of green in your eyes, Rose!’ said Grandmama. ‘Don’t fret, dear. I’m sure you’ll come into your own one day. Indeed, your mama was very childish-looking and plain until she was well into her teens, but then, thank goodness, she blossomed. I’m sure you will too.’

  I swallowed, taking the insult on the chin.

  ‘Now run along, dear, and see if you can help quieten your sister. I can still hear caterwauling again,’ said Grandmama.

  ‘You come too, Rupert. You’re good at charming Beth,’ I said.

  ‘I dare say he is, but the nursery is hardly the place for young menfolk,’ said Grandmama. ‘Rupert’s task is to sit and charm me. I don’t see enough of you, dear boy.’

  I walked out of the room seething, wondering for the hundredth time why boys had such an easy time – but then I realized that the crying upstairs had stopped abruptly. I ran up to the amber room, terrified in case Beth had hurt herself. But Papa was standing in the doorway, smiling. He put his arm round me, and I saw that Clover and Beth were sitting side by side on the bed, the yellow curtains drawn back. Clover had spread her new drawing book across their knees. She had a pencil in her hand. Beth had a yellow crayon.

  ‘Now we’re going to draw ten ladies,’ said Clover. ‘I’ll draw lady number one.’

  ‘One,’ Beth repeated, sniffing. She needed my handkerchief again, but Clover wisely didn’t try to wipe her nose. Beth started fidgeting, jogging Clover so that she drew a long straight line.

  ‘I think lady number one wants long hair,’ said Clover, adding more long lines. ‘There we are. It’s right down to her waist. She looks like you, Miss Beth. She’s very pretty.’

  ‘Very pretty,’ said Beth, but now she was looking around the room, wanting that horrible addictive medicine.

  ‘Try to keep still, Miss Beth. It’s your turn now. Lady number one wants an amber necklace. You’ve got the magic yellow crayon. Give her necklace number one!’

  ‘Necklace number one,’ said Beth, and she crayoned enthusiastically. Each amber bead looked as big as an apple, and the necklace reached right down to the lady’s knees, but Clover praised her extravagantly.

  I saw that Papa’s eyes were damp. ‘Clover’s such a clever little witch with Beth,’ he whispered to me. ‘She’s going to have her hands full, but I truly think she’ll manage her.’

  Clover looked up, her green eyes bright. ‘Now we’ll draw lady number two. Here’s her head. I think she’ll have wild hair like mine. See – scribble, scribble, scribble. Now she looks like Clover.’

  ‘Like Clover. Like Clover. Like Clover,’ said Beth.

  ‘There!’ said Papa. ‘Let’s leave them to it. Perhaps I should see if your mama is feeling any better so that I can try and make my peace with her.’ He took a deep breath and then walked off resolutely.

  I WENT TO the nursery, wondering if I might copy Clover and amuse the children by drawing with them. However, for once they were all playing peacefully. Nurse had found a huge box of bricks to keep them busy.

  Sebastian was making a mouse castle for Montmorency, with ramps for him to run up and down and battlements for him to peer over. Algie was making a very wobbly fort with hairpin soldiers battling each other. Clarrie was making a Noah’s Ark, wanting to float it on the pond in the garden.

  I squatted down and tried to give a helping hand, but my suggestions only irritated them, even Sebastian.

  ‘Thank you, Rose, I’ll ask Montmorency if he’d like a four-poster bed with handkerchief curtains, but I rather think he’d nibble them and give himself a stomach ache,’ he said politely.

  ‘I don’t want you to help me make a bigger, better fort. This one was the biggest, bestest fort ever, but the soldiers have blown most of it up, see. Watch out, there’s going to be another explosion any minute!’ said Algie, suddenly punching one of the flimsy walls and making it tumble down.

  ‘You’re stupid, Rose. Of course my Ark will float, and all the animals will be saved, and Mr and Mrs Noah and all the little children. It says so in the Bible!’ Clarrie insisted piously.

  I gave up and went to see if I could amuse my littlest sister, picking her up out of her cradle.

  ‘For pity’s sake, Miss Rose, I’ve only just this minute rocked the child to sleep. She was fretful all night because of the disturbance. Put her back before she starts crying,’ Nurse grumbled.

  I tucked her in again, but as soon as her head touched her pillow she started wailing.

  ‘What did I tell you!’ said Nurse. ‘Really, what a waste of space you are!’

  A waste of space. It was one of Nurse’s favourite sayings. She said it about Sebastian when Montmorency got loose. She said it about Algie when he got up to some tomfoolery. She said it about Clarrie when she fell and dirtied her dress. She’d said it about Beth until Nurse Budd came along.

  But I still couldn’t help taking it personally. She was right. I felt like a waste of space. I had no charm like Rupert, no artistic talent like Clover, no knack with the children. I would never blossom, no matter what Grandmama said. No one would ever fall in love with me. I’d never stand a chance with Paris. He wanted girls like the red-haired beauty last night.

  I stomped out of the nursery. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t want to distract Beth if Clover was managing to amuse her. I didn’t want to go near Mama or Papa. I didn’t want to trail back to Grandmama and Rupert.

  I wandered the house mournfully, peeping into the ballroom. It looked so different by daylight, empty except for two maids down on their knees at either end polishing the floor. They were red in the face, their sleeves rolled up, in spite of the cold. They still had a vast expanse to shine. They both looked up and nodded at me.

  ‘Happy New Year, miss!’ they chorused in unison.

  I wished them Happy New Year back, though it didn’t seem a very happy start to the new year for them. It certainly wasn’t for me. There seemed to be an army of servants everywhere, sweeping, sorting, tidying, dusting. I couldn’t find anywhere peaceful. I longed to curl up and read a book on the window seat at home. I had brought several with me, but they were up in the amber room.

  I stopped a maid who was sweeping up pine needles from under the Christmas tree.

  ‘I’m sorry, I can’t quite remember – does Pennycuik have a library?’ I asked. ‘You know, a room full of books,’ I added when she looked blank.

  ‘A whole room?’ she said. ‘I don’t think so, miss. I’m sure there’s books in your grandpapa’s study, but he doesn’t like us to go in and dust too often because he says we muddle all his papers.’

  ‘Do you think he’d mind me looking for something to read?’ I asked.

  ‘Hard to say, miss,’ she said.

  ‘I shall look all the same,’ I said grandly, though I felt very anxious about going into Grandpapa’s study. I knocked on the door several times, though I was pretty sure he was still out riding.

  He had a very large Regency desk, its green leather top almost entirely covered with papers and receipts and account books. I kept well away, and went over to the bookcase. I opened the glass doors and peered at the large tomes, examining them one by one. There were histories of the jute industry, several books on Dundee, a general guide to Scotland, and various titles about hunting, shooting and fishing, all equally uninteresting. Then I saw a book tucked behind these big masculine volumes. The Human Body – a Medical Guide.

  I eased it out and opened it up. At least there were illustrat
ions – but what extraordinary pictures! I stared at a representation of a man in his prime, neatly drawn and carefully painted, his hair corn coloured, his eyes blue, his face pink – all of him pink! I’d never seen a naked man before. I’d seen my brothers in the bath, but this man looked very different and rather alarming – even more so when I opened a little tab on his torso and saw his insides, his heart and lungs and liver and kidneys and coiled intestines coloured in pink and yellow and red and brown.

  I turned the page with a trembling hand, and found a woman this time, also naked, with another tab in the middle of her big tummy. I opened the flap and saw a baby inside, upside down, its legs curled up. I recoiled squeamishly.

  Then I read the text, squinting at the strange words but gradually getting the gist. So that was what men and women did to have babies. The whole process seemed bizarre in the extreme. I never wanted to do any such thing!

  When I heard the gong for lunch, I thrust the book back behind the other volumes and ran out of the study. It was a shock to see Grandpapa himself emerging from the gentlemen’s water closet. I gave such a start he looked concerned.

  ‘Good heavens, child, I’m not that hideous, am I?’ he said gruffly.

  ‘No, of course not! I was just surprised to see you. I – I thought you were out riding,’ I stammered.

  ‘I’m just back. That artist fellow came with me. I had no idea he was one of the Oxfordshire Walkers – his father’s famous for his stables. Decent chap, though why they’ve given their son such a damn silly name I can’t think. No wonder he’s turned out arty. So what’s this portrait of your mother like, missy?’ Grandpapa asked.

  ‘It’s very fine,’ I said.

  ‘I dare say it’s very flattering then.’ Grandpapa sighed. ‘Your mama got herself in a bit of a state last night. I hope she’s better now?’

  ‘I hope so too,’ I said.

  At lunch, to my astonishment, Mama truly did seem better. She sat next to Papa, her hair brushed and neatly twisted into a knot at the nape of her neck, showing off her sapphire earrings. Her dress was new, dark blue with a thin red stripe and a demure edging of crisp lace at the neck and cuffs. It had been cut cleverly to flatter her fuller figure. I thought of the picture of the woman in Grandpapa’s book and wondered if Mama might be going to have another baby.

  Papa still looked ill, with dark smudges under his eyes – but he was smiling resolutely at Mama. Paris was sitting on his other side. He looked very fresh and fit, his eyes bright and clear and his cheeks red from riding. He smiled at me, and gestured to the place next to him, but I went to sit beside Rupert.

  ‘Are you all right, old thing?’ Rupert murmured as we were served chicken and barley soup. ‘Where were you? I went looking for you after I escaped from Grandmama, but you’d disappeared.’

  ‘I was reading,’ I said.

  ‘Oh, you’ve always got your head in a book! Real life’s much more interesting,’ said Rupert.

  ‘I think I’ve had enough of real life,’ I muttered. ‘It’s too ugly and depressing.’

  ‘But all the fuss is over now. Look at Mama and Papa. You’d never dream they were at each other’s throats half the night,’ said Rupert as Papa picked up Mama’s dropped napkin and she thanked him.

  ‘Rupert and Rose, don’t murmur amongst yourselves, dears. Let us make proper conversation,’ said Grandmama.

  There was an inevitable silence while we ate our soup. I suppose we would normally be discussing the ball, but it was clearly not a sensible topic.

  ‘Tell me your New Year’s resolutions, everybody,’ Grandmama said brightly as the soup plates were cleared and we were served cod in white sauce. She looked at Grandpapa. ‘What are your resolutions, Angus?’

  ‘You know very well that I never make resolutions,’ he said, refusing to join in the game.

  ‘What about yours, Rupert dear?’ Grandmama continued smoothly.

  ‘I resolve to become a little fitter,’ said Rupert. ‘I enjoyed my ride yesterday. Perhaps I might have riding lessons when I’m at Kilbourne, Papa?’

  ‘You’re already busy with boxing lessons,’ I murmured.

  ‘What’s that? Boxing? Surely not!’ said Grandmama.

  ‘Rose was teasing me, Grandmama,’ said Rupert.

  ‘Really, Rose, you have such a strange sense of humour,’ said Mama, frowning at me reprovingly. It was hard to believe that only a few hours ago she had been weeping despairingly. When she looked at Rupert her expression softened. ‘I know why you want to improve your riding skills, you bold boy. You want to show off your horsemanship to little Pamela!’

  ‘You always find me out, Mama,’ said Rupert, smiling at her.

  ‘I suggest that you also make a resolution not to be careless,’ Grandpapa remarked out of the blue.

  I stared at him. His eyes were still sharp. Had he noticed that Rupert was no longer wearing his precious gold watch? Rupert looked at Grandpapa a little anxiously.

  ‘In what way is Rupert careless, Angus?’ asked Grandmama. ‘I would say he is the most careful of all our grandsons. Unlike his little brother. I hear he ran amok this morning, slid down the banisters and collided with the umbrella stand.’

  ‘Oh my goodness, was he hurt?’ Mama asked.

  ‘I don’t think so, but the umbrella stand collapsed, and one of the walking canes snapped in half,’ said Grandmama.

  ‘He’s such a naughty boy,’ said Mama. ‘Heaven knows what Nurse was doing letting him run wild like that. I shall have words with her after luncheon.’

  ‘Poor Nurse was run off her tired old feet trying to look after Beth as well as the little ones,’ said Papa.

  ‘What is the matter with Nurse Budd? She should be in charge of Beth,’ said Mama.

  We all stared at her. No one had told her that Nurse Budd had been dismissed!

  ‘That creature!’ said Grandmama. ‘Really, Jeannie, how could you have employed such a dreadful woman to look after that poor wee girl of yours?’

  Mama flushed. ‘How can you say that, Mama? She’s a professional nurse, personally recommended by Lady Robson.’

  ‘I don’t care if she was recommended by the Queen herself, she’s not fit to be looking after children,’ Grandmama retorted. ‘And now she’s been sent packing, as she deserves.’

  ‘What? How dare you dismiss her!’

  ‘I dismissed her – because I discovered she’d been dosing Beth with Godfrey’s Cordial,’ Papa explained.

  ‘Yes, I know, that’s Beth’s special medicine,’ said Mama.

  ‘Its main ingredient is opium, Jeannie,’ said Papa. ‘She has been giving our daughter copious draughts of it. We are lucky she has a strong constitution. Dr Grimes said it was a wonder that she survived.’

  Mama flushed when he mentioned Dr Grimes. ‘That sham of a physician?’ she said heatedly. ‘And why on earth was he taking it upon himself to query Beth’s medication?’

  ‘Rose had the common sense to consult him, Jeannie. She’s been worried about Nurse Budd all along, and we haven’t been listening to her,’ said Papa.

  ‘Rose! I might have known it,’ said Mama, glaring at me. ‘This is ridiculous. I won’t hear a word against Nurse Budd. Lady Robson said she worked wonders with her grandson.’

  ‘You were always so gullible, Jeannie, believing everything people say,’ Grandmama said crisply. ‘That Budd baggage has stolen all my Baltic amber into the bargain and I think those dull yellow beads were probably worth a fortune.’

  ‘I rather think they were,’ said Grandpapa, ‘but I dare say I shall slave away until I can buy you some more.’

  ‘Really, Angus! Anyone would think that you spin the wretched jute personally,’ said Grandmama.

  ‘Has Nurse Budd actually gone? I can’t believe this stupidity! How on earth am I going to find a substitute? No one else seems able to cope with Beth,’ Mama protested.

  ‘Don’t fret, my dear. I have appointed Clover as Beth’s new little nurse – and judging from the happy silen
ce upstairs she’s doing her job splendidly,’ said Papa.

  ‘Clover? She’s just a guttersnipe off the streets! If I had my way I’d send her packing. Are you sure she hasn’t stolen the amber? Let us send the servants to search her room!’

  ‘Enough, Jeannie! You’ve accused Clover of theft twice already – when she’s honest as the day is long,’ said Papa.

  ‘Really, Edward, I despair of you and your little protégés,’ said Mama.

  ‘Oh dear, Mrs Rivers, I fear I am one of your husband’s protégés,’ said Paris. ‘Does that mean you want to send me packing too?’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Mr Walker,’ said Mama, suddenly diverted. She actually smiled, forgetting all about Clover and Nurse Budd and Beth. ‘I hope your New Year’s resolution is to finish my portrait!’

  ‘I don’t need to do that, for it’s very nearly finished already. No, my New Year’s resolution is also to take more exercise. I very much enjoyed our ride, sir,’ he said, nodding at Grandpapa. ‘And it was very fortuitous that we met up with Lord Mackay and his guests.’

  I stopped eating. The fish stayed in my mouth, damp and dead on my tongue.

  ‘Was the stunning Miss Wentworth one of the party?’ Rupert asked enviously.

  ‘She was indeed,’ said Paris. ‘She’s such an interesting girl. Did you know that she’s doing a university degree at the new Royal Holloway College?’

  I couldn’t bear it. She was not only beautiful, she was highly intelligent too. Paris glowed as he talked of her. Then he turned to me.

  ‘I’d like you to meet Miss Wentworth, Rose. She’s so independent-minded and determined to make her mark on our patriarchal world. Let me tell you about the university magazine she has started with some other students,’ he said.

  The fish stuck in my throat. I heaved. ‘Excuse me,’ I mumbled, and stood up.

  ‘Rose! Don’t be so rude!’ said Mama. ‘Mr Walker is talking to you.’

  ‘I’m not feeling very well,’ I said, and ran out of the room.

  I couldn’t make it as far as the ladies’ cloakroom. I hurtled into the gentlemen’s and was very sick. Then I pulled the chain and leaned against the floral wallpaper, shuddering. The tendrils of honeysuckle seemed to reach out, as if seeking to wind themselves around me. I waited until the nausea had subsided a little, and then made my way shakily up to the amber room.