Snarleyyow, or, the Dog Fiend

  Chapter I

  Introduction of divers parties and a red-herring.

  It was in the month of January, 1699, that a one-masted vessel, withblack sides, was running along the coast near Beachy Head, at the rateof about five miles per hour. The wind was from the northward and blewkeenly, the vessel was under easy sail, and the water was smooth. It wasnow broad daylight, and the sun rose clear of clouds and vapour; but hethrew out light without heat. The upper parts of the spars, the hammockrails, and the small iron guns which were mounted on the vessel's decks,were covered with a white frost. The man at the helm stood muffled up ina thick pea-jacket and mittens, which made his hands appear as large ashis feet. His nose was a pug of an intense bluish red, one tint arisingfrom the present cold, and the other from the preventive checks which hehad been so long accustomed to take to drive out such an unpleasantintruder. His grizzled hair waved its locks gently to the wind, and hisface was distorted with an immoderate quid of tobacco which protrudedhis right cheek. This personage was second officer and steersman onboard of the vessel, and his name was Obadiah Coble. He had beenbaptised Obadiah about sixty years before; that is to say if he had beenbaptised at all. He stood so motionless at the helm, that you might haveimagined him to have been frozen there as he stood, were it not thathis eyes occasionally wandered from the compass on the binnacle to thebows of the vessel, and that the breath from his mouth, when it wasthrown out into the clear frosty air, formed a smoke like to that fromthe spout of a half-boiling tea-kettle.

  The crew belonging to the cutter, for she was a vessel in the service ofhis Majesty, King William the Third, at this time employed in protectinghis Majesty's revenue against the importation of alamodes andlutestrings, were all down below at their breakfasts, with the exceptionof the steersman and lieutenant-commandant, who now walked thequarter-deck, if so small an extent of plank could be dignified withsuch a name. He was a Mr Cornelius Vanslyperken, a tall, meagre-lookingpersonage, with very narrow shoulders and very small head. Perfectlystraight up and down, protruding in no part, he reminded you of sometall parish pump, with a great knob at its top. His face was gaunt,cheeks hollow, nose and chin showing an affection for each other, andevidently lamenting the gulf between them which prevented their meeting.Both appeared to have fretted themselves to the utmost degree of tenuityfrom disappointment in love: as for the nose, it had a pearly round tearhanging at its tip, as if it wept. The dress of Mr Vanslyperken washidden in a great coat, which was very long, and buttoned straight down.This great coat had two pockets on each side, into which its owner'shands were deeply inserted, and so close did his arms lie to his sides,that they appeared nothing more than as would battens nailed to atopsail yard. The only deviation from the perpendicular was from theinsertion of a speaking-trumpet under his left arm, at right angles withhis body. It had evidently seen much service, was battered, and theclack Japan worn off in most parts of it. As we said before, MrVanslyperken walked his quarter-deck. He was in a brown study, yetlooked blue. Six strides brought him to the taffrail of the vessel, sixmore to the bows, such was the length of his tether--and he turned, andturned again.

  But there was another personage on the deck, a personage of no smallimportance, as he was all in all to Mr Vanslyperken, and Mr Vanslyperkenwas all in all to him; moreover, we may say, that he is the hero of theTAIL. This was one of the ugliest and most ill-conditioned curs whichhad ever been produced:--ugly in colour; for he was of a dirty yellow,like the paint served out to decorate our men-of-war by his Majesty'sdock-yards:--ugly in face; for he had one wall-eye, and was so farunder-jawed as to prove that a bull-dog had had something to do with hiscreation:--ugly in shape; for although larger than a pointer, andstrongly built, he was coarse and shambling in his make, with hisforelegs bowed out. His ears and tail had never been docked, which was apity, as the more you curtailed his proportions, the better looking thecur would have been. But his ears, although not cut, were torn toribbons by the various encounters with dogs on shore, arising from theacidity of his temper. His tail had lost its hair from an inveteratemange, and reminded you of the same appendage to a rat. Many parts ofhis body were bared from the same disease. He carried his head and taillow, and had a villanous sour look. To the eye of a casual observer,there was not one redeeming quality that would warrant his keep; tothose who knew him well, there were a thousand reasons why he should behanged. He followed his master with the greatest precision andexactitude, walking aft as he walked aft, and walking forward with thesame regular motion, turning when his master turned, and moreover,turning in the same direction; and, like his master, he appeared to benot a little nipped with the cold, and, as well as he, in a state ofprofound meditation. The name of this uncouth animal was veryappropriate to his appearance, and to his temper. It was Snarleyyow.

  At last, Mr Vanslyperken gave vent to his pent-up feelings. "I can't, Iwon't stand this any longer," muttered the lieutenant, as he took hissix strides forward. At this first sound of his master's voice the dogpricked up the remnants of his ears, and they both turned aft. "She hasbeen now fooling me for six years;" and as he concluded this sentence,Mr Vanslyperken and Snarleyyow had reached the taffrail, and the dograised his tail to the half cock.

  They turned, and Mr Vanslyperken paused a moment or two, and compressedhis thin lips--the dog did the same. "I will have an answer, by allthat's blue!" was the ejaculation of the next six strides. Thelieutenant stopped again, and the dog looked up in his master's face;but it appeared as if the current of his master's thoughts was changed,for the current of keen air reminded Mr Vanslyperken that he had not yethad his breakfast.

  The lieutenant leant over the hatchway, took his batteredspeaking-trumpet from under his arm, and putting it to his mouth, thedeck reverberated with, "Pass the word for Smallbones forward." The dogput himself in a baying attitude, with his forefeet on the coamings ofthe hatchway, and enforced his master's orders with a deep-toned andmeasured bow, wow, wow.

  Smallbones soon made his appearance, rising from the hatchway like aghost; a thin, shambling personage, apparently about twenty years old--apale, cadaverous face, high cheek-bones, goggle eyes, with lank hairvery thinly sown upon a head, which, like bad soil, would return but ascanty harvest. He looked like Famine's eldest son just arriving toyears of discretion. His long lanky legs were pulled so far through histrousers, that his bare feet, and half way up to his knees, were exposedto the chilling blast. The sleeves of his jacket were so short, thatfour inches of bone above his wrist were bared to view--hat he hadnone--his ears were very large, and the rims of them red with cold, andhis neck was so immeasurably long and thin, that his head appeared totopple for want of support. When he had come on deck, he stood with onehand raised to his forehead, touching his hair instead of his hat, andthe other occupied with a half-roasted red-herring. "Yes, sir," saidSmallbones, standing before his master.

  "Be quick!"--commenced the lieutenant; but here his attention wasdirected to the red-herring by Snarleyyow, who raised his head andsnuffed at its fumes. Among other disqualifications of the animal, be itobserved, that he had no nose except for a red-herring, or a post by theway side. Mr Vanslyperken discontinued his orders, took his hand out ofhis great coat pocket, wiped the drop from off his nose, and then roaredout, "How dare you appear on the quarter-deck of a king's ship, sir,with a red-herring in your fist?"

  "If you please, sir," replied Smallbones, "if I were to come for to goto leave it in the galley, I shouldn't find it when I went back."

  "What do I care for that, sir? It's contrary to all the rules andregulations of the service. Now, sir, hear me--"

  "O Lord, sir! let me off this time, it's only a _soldier_," repliedSmallbones, deprecatingly; but Snarleyyow's appetite had been very muchsharpened by his morning's walk; it rose with the smell of the herring,so he rose on his hind legs, snapped the herring out of Smallbones'hand, bolted forward by the lee gangway, and would soon have bolted theherring, had not Smallbones bolted after him and overtaken him just ashe had laid it down on the d
eck preparatory to commencing his meal. Afight ensued; Smallbones received a severe bite in the leg, whichinduced him to seize a handspike, and make a blow with it at the dog'shead, which, if it had been well aimed, would have probably put an endto all further pilfering. As it was, the handspike descended upon one ofthe dog's fore toes, and Snarleyyow retreated, yelling, to the otherside of the forecastle, and as soon as he was out of reach, like allcurs, bayed in defiance.

  Smallbones picked up the herring, pulled up his trousers to examine thebite, poured down an anathema upon the dog, which was, "May you bestarved, as I am, you beast!" and then turned round to go aft, when hestruck against the spare form of Mr Vanslyperken, who, with his hands inhis pocket, and his trumpet under his arm, looked unutterably savage.

  "How dare you beat _my_ dog, you villain?" said the lieutenant at last,choking with passion.

  "He's a-bitten my leg through and through, sir," replied Smallbones,with a face of alarm.

  "Well, sir, why have you such thin legs, then?"

  "'Cause I gets nothing to fill 'em up with."

  "Have you not a herring there, you herring-gutted scoundrel? which, indefiance of all the rules of the service, you have brought on hisMajesty's quarter-deck, you greedy rascal, and for which I intend--"

  "It ar'n't my herring, sir, it be yours--for your breakfast--the onlyone that is left out of the half-dozen."

  This last remark appeared somewhat to pacify Mr Vanslyperken.

  "Go down below, sir," said he, after a pause, "and let me know when mybreakfast is ready."

  Smallbones obeyed immediately, too glad to escape so easily.

  "Snarleyyow," said his master, looking at the dog, who remained on theother side of the forecastle; "O Snarleyyow, for shame! Come here, sir.Come here, sir, directly."

  But Snarleyyow, who was very sulky at the loss of his anticipatedbreakfast, was contumacious, and would not come. He stood at the otherside of the forecastle, while his master apostrophised him, looking himin the face. Then, after a pause of indecision, he gave a howling sortof bark, trotted away to the main hatchway, and disappeared below. MrVanslyperken returned to the quarter-deck, and turned, and turnedas before.