The Struggles of Brown, Jones, and Robinson

  CHAPTER XIV.

  MISTRESS MORONY.

  It was about ten days after the conversation recorded in the lastchapter between Mr. Robinson and Mr. Poppins that an affair wasbrought about through the imprudence and dishonesty of Mr. Jones,which for some time prevented that settlement of matters on which Mr.Robinson had resolved. During those ten days he had been occupied inbringing his resolution to a fixed point; and then, when the day andhour had come in which he intended to act, that event occurred which,disgraceful as it is to the annals of the Firm, must now be told.

  There are certain small tricks of trade, well known to the lowerclass of houses in that business to which Brown, Jones, and Robinsonhad devoted themselves, which for a time may no doubt be profitable,but which are very apt to bring disgrace and ruin upon those whopractise them. To such tricks as these Mr. Jones was wedded, and bynone of the arguments which he used in favour of a high moral toneof commerce could Robinson prevail upon his partner to abandon them.Nothing could exceed the obstinacy and blindness of Mr. Jones duringthese discussions. When it was explained to him that the conduct hewas pursuing was hardly removed,--nay, it was not removed,--fromcommon swindling, he would reply that it was quite as honest asMr. Robinson's advertisements. He would quote especially thoseKatakairion shirts which were obtained from Hodges, and of which thesale at 39_s._ 6_d._ the half-dozen had by dint of a wide circulationof notices become considerable. "If that isn't swindling, I don'tknow what is," said Jones.

  "Do you know what Katakairion means?" said Robinson.

  "No; I don't," said Jones. "And I don't want to know."

  "Katakairion means 'fitting,'" said Robinson; "and the purchaser hasonly to take care that the shirt he buys does fit, and then it isKatakairion."

  "But we didn't invent them."

  "We invented the price and the name, and that's as much as anybodydoes. But that is not all. It's a well-understood maxim in trade,that a man may advertise whatever he chooses. We advertise to attractnotice, not to state facts. But it's a mean thing to pass off a falsearticle over the counter. If you will ticket your goods, you shouldsell them according to the ticket."

  At first, the other partners had not objected to this ticketing, asthe practice is now common, and there is at first sight an apparenthonesty about it which has its seduction. A lady seeing 21_s._ 7_d._marked on a mantle in the window, is able to contemplate the desiredpiece of goods and to compare it, in silent leisure, with herfinances. She can use all her power of eye, but, as a compensation tothe shopkeeper, is debarred from the power of touch; and then, havingsatisfied herself as to the value of the thing inspected, she can goin and buy without delay or trouble to the vendor. But it has beenfound by practice that so true are the eyes of ladies that it isuseless to expose in shop-windows articles which are not good oftheir kind, and cheap at the price named. To attract customers inthis way, real bargains must be exhibited; and when this is done,ladies take advantage of the unwary tradesman, and unintendedsacrifices are made. George Robinson soon perceived this, andsuggested that the ticketing should be abandoned. Jones, however,persevered, observing that he knew how to remedy the evil inherentin the system. Hence difficulties arose, and, ultimately, disgrace,which was very injurious to the Firm, and went near to break theheart of Mr. Brown.

  According to Jones's plan, the articles ticketed in the window werenot, under any circumstances, to be sold. The shopmen, indeed, wereforbidden to remove them from their positions under any entreaties orthreats from the customers. The customer was to be at first informed,with all the blandishment at the shopman's command, that the goodsfurnished within the shop were exact counterparts of those exposed.Then the shopman was to argue that the arrangements of the windowcould not be disturbed. And should a persistent purchaser after thatinsist on a supposed legal right, to buy the very thing ticketed,Mr. Jones was to be called; in which case Mr. Jones would inform thepersistent purchaser that she was regarded as unreasonable, violent,and disagreeable; and that, under such circumstances, her customwas not wanted by Brown, Jones, and Robinson. The disappointedfemale would generally leave the shop with some loud remarks as toswindling, dishonesty, and pettifogging, to which Mr. Jones couldturn a deaf ear. But sometimes worse than this would ensue; ladieswould insist on their rights; scrambles would occur in order thatpossession of the article might be obtained; the assistants in theshop would not always take part with Mr. Jones; and, as has beenbefore said, serious difficulties would arise.

  There can be no doubt that Jones was very wrong. He usually waswrong. His ideas of trade were mean, limited, and altogetherinappropriate to business on a large scale. But, nevertheless, wecannot pass on to the narration of a circumstance as it did occur,without expressing our strong abhorrence of those ladies who aredesirous of purchasing cheap goods to the manifest injury of thetradesmen from whom they buy them. The ticketing of goods at pricesbelow their value is not to our taste, but the purchasing of suchgoods is less so. The lady who will take advantage of a tradesman,that she may fill her house with linen, or cover her back withfinery, at his cost, and in a manner which her own means wouldnot fairly permit, is, in our estimation,--a robber. It is oftennecessary that tradesmen should advertise tremendous sacrifices.It is sometimes necessary that they should actually make suchsacrifices. Brown, Jones, and Robinson have during their careerbeen driven to such a necessity. They have smiled upon their femalecustomers, using their sweetest blandishments, while those femalecustomers have abstracted their goods at prices almost nominal.Brown, Jones, and Robinson, in forcing such sales, have been coercedby the necessary laws of trade; but while smiling with all theirblandishments, they have known that the ladies on whom they havesmiled have been--robbers.

  Why is it that commercial honesty has so seldom charms for women? Awoman who would give away the last shawl from her back will insist onsmuggling her gloves through the Custom-house! Who can make a widowunderstand that she should not communicate with her boy in thecolonies under the dishonest cover of a newspaper? Is not the passionfor cheap purchases altogether a female mania? And yet every cheappurchase,--every purchase made at a rate so cheap as to deny thevendor his fair profit is, in truth, a dishonesty;--a dishonesty towhich the purchaser is indirectly a party. Would that women could betaught to hate bargains! How much less useless trash would there bein our houses, and how much fewer tremendous sacrifices in our shops!

  Brown, Jones, and Robinson, when they had been established some sixor eight months, had managed to procure from a house in the silktrade a few black silk mantles of a very superior description. Thelot had been a remnant, and had been obtained with sundry other goodsat a low figure. But, nevertheless, the proper price at which thehouse could afford to sell them would exceed the mark of generalpurchasers in Bishopsgate Street. These came into Mr. Jones' hands,and he immediately resolved to use them for the purposes of thewindow. Some half-dozen of them were very tastefully arranged uponracks, and were marked at prices which were very tempting to ladiesof discernment. In the middle of one window there was a copiousmantle, of silk so thick that it stood almost alone, very full inits dimensions, and admirable in its fashion. This mantle, whichwould not have been dearly bought for 3_l._ 10_s._ or 4_l._, wasinjudiciously ticketed at 38_s._ 11-1/2_d._ "It will bring dozens ofwomen to the shop," said Jones, "and we have an article of the sameshape and colour, which we can do at that price uncommonly well."Whether or no the mantle had brought dozens of women into the shop,cannot now be said, but it certainly brought one there whom Brown,Jones, and Robinson will long remember.

  Mrs. Morony was an Irishwoman who, as she assured the magistrates inWorship Street, had lived in the very highest circles in Limerick,and had come from a princely stock in the neighbouring county ofGlare. She was a full-sized lady, not without a certain amountof good looks, though at the period of her intended purchase inBishopsgate Street, she must have been nearer fifty than forty. Herface was florid, if not red, her arms were thick and powerful, hereyes were bright, but, as seen by Brown, Jones, and Rob
inson, notpleasant to the view, and she always carried with her an air ofundaunted resolution. When she entered the shop, she was accompaniedby a thin, acrid, unmarried female friend, whose feminine charms byno means equalled her own. She might be of about the same age, butshe had more of the air and manner of advanced years. Her nose waslong, narrow and red; her eyes were set very near together; she wastall and skimpy in all her proportions; and her name was Miss Biles.Of the name and station of Mrs. Morony, or of Miss Biles, nothingwas of course known when they entered the shop; but with all thesecircumstances, B., J., and R. were afterwards made acquainted.

  "I believe I'll just look at that pelisse, if you plaze," said Mrs.Morony, addressing herself to a young man who stood near to thewindow in which the mantle was displayed.

  "Certainly, ma'am," said the man. "If you'll step this way, I'll showyou the article."

  "I see the article there," said Mrs. Morony, poking at it with herparasol. Standing where she did she was just able to touch it in thisway. "That's the one I mane, with the price;--how much was it, MissBiles?"

  "One, eighteen, eleven and a halfpenny," said Miss Biles, who hadlearned the figures by heart before she ventured to enter the shop.

  "If you'll do me the favour to step this way I'll show you the samearticle," said the man, who was now aware that it was his first dutyto get the ladies away from that neighbourhood.

  But Mrs. Morony did not move. "It's the one there that I'm askingye for," said she, pointing again, and pointing this time with thehooked end of her parasol. "I'll throuble ye, young man, to show methe article with the ticket."

  "The identical pelisse, if you please, sir," said Miss Biles, "whichyou there advertise as for sale at one, eighteen, eleven and ahalfpenny." And then she pressed her lips together, and looked at theshopman with such vehemence that her two eyes seemed to grow intoone.

  The poor man knew that he was in a difficulty, and cast his eyesacross the shop for assistance. Jones, who in his own branch was everon the watch,--and let praise for that diligence be duly given tohim,--had seen from the first what was in the wind. From the momentin which the stout lady had raised her parasol he felt that a battlewas imminent; but he had thought it prudent to abstain awhile fromthe combat himself. He hovered near, however, as personal protectionmight be needed on behalf of the favourite ornament of his window.

  "I'll throuble you, if you plaze, sir, to raich me that pelisse,"said Mrs. Morony.

  "We never disturb our window," said the man, "but we keep the samearticle in the shop."

  "Don't you be took in by that, Mrs. Morony," said Miss Biles.

  "I don't mane," said Mrs. Morony. "I shall insist, sir--"

  Now was the moment in which, as Jones felt, the interference of thegeneral himself was necessary. Mrs. Morony was in the act of turningherself well round towards the window, so as to make herself sureof her prey when she should resolve on grasping it. Miss Biles hadalready her purse in her hand, ready to pay the legal claim. It wasclear to be seen that the enemy was of no mean skill and of greatvalour. The intimidation of Mrs. Morony might be regarded as a featbeyond the power of man. Her florid countenance had already becomemore than ordinarily rubicund, and her nostrils were breathing anger.

  "Ma'am," said Mr. Jones, stepping up and ineffectually attempting tointerpose himself between her and the low barrier which protectedthe goods exposed to view, "the young man has already told you thatwe cannot disarrange the window. It is not our habit to do so. Ifyou will do me the honour to walk to a chair, he shall show you anyarticles which you may desire to inspect."

  "Don't you be done," whispered Miss Biles.

  "I don't mane, if I know it," said Mrs. Morony, standing her groundmanfully. "I don't desire to inspect anything,--only that pelisse."

  "I am sorry that we cannot gratify you," said Mr. Jones.

  "But you must gratify me. It's for sale, and the money's on it."

  "You shall have the same article at the same price;" and Mr. Jones,as he spoke, endeavoured to press the lady out of her position. "Butpositively you cannot have that. We never break through our rules."

  "Chaiting the public is the chief of your rules, I'm thinking," saidMrs. Morony; "but you'll not find it so aisy to chait me. Pay themthe money down on the counter, Miss Biles, dear." And so saying shethrust forth her parasol, and succeeded in her attempt to dislodgethe prey. Knowing well where to strike her blow and obtain a hold,she dragged forth the mantle, and almost got it into her left hand.But Jones could not stand by and see his firm thus robbed. Dreadfulas was his foe in spirit, size, and strength, his manliness was toogreat for this. So he also dashed forward, and was the first to graspthe silk.

  "Are you going to rob the shop?" said he.

  "Is it rob?" said Mrs. Morony. "By the powers, thin, ye're thebiggest blag-guard my eyes have seen since I've been in London, andthat's saying a long word. Is it rob to me? I'll tell you what it is,young man,--av you don't let your fingers off this pelisse that I'vepurchased, I'll have you before the magisthrates for stailing it.Have you paid the money down, dear?"

  Miss Biles was busy counting out the cash, but no one was at hand totake it from her. It was clear that the two confederates had preparedthemselves at all points for the contest, having, no doubt, more thanonce inspected the article from the outside,--for Miss Biles hadthe exact sum ready, done to the odd halfpenny. "There," said she,appealing to the young man who was nearest to her, "one, eighteen,eleven, and a halfpenny." But the young man was deaf to the charmer,even though she charmed with ready money. "May I trouble you to seethat the cash is right." But the young man would not be troubled.

  "You'd a deal better leave it go, ma'am," said Jones, "or I shall beobliged to send for the police."

  "Is it the police? Faith, thin, and I think you'd better send! Giveme my mantilla, I say. It's bought and paid for at your own price."

  By this time there was a crowd in the shop, and Jones, in his anxietyto defend the establishment, had closed with Mrs. Morony, and was,as it were, wrestling with her. His effort, no doubt, had been todisengage her hand from the unfortunate mantle; but in doing so, hewas led into some slight personal violence towards the lady. And nowMiss Biles, having deposited her money, attacked him from behind,declaring that her friend would be murdered.

  "Come, hands off. A woman's a woman always!" said one of the crowdwho had gathered round them.

  "What does the man mean by hauling a female about that way?" saidanother.

  "The poor crathur's nigh murthered wid him intirely," said acountrywoman from the street.

  "If she's bought the thingumbob at your own price, why don't you giveit her?" asked a fourth.

  "I'll be hanged if she shall have it!" said Jones, panting forbreath. He was by no means deficient in spirit on such an occasion asthis.

  "And it's my belief you will be hanged," said Miss Biles, who wasstill working away at his back.

  The scene was one which was not creditable to the shop of Englishtradesmen in the nineteenth century. The young men and girls had comeround from behind the counter, but they made no attempt to separatethe combatants. Mr. Jones was not loved among them, and the chance ofwar seemed to run very much in favour of the lady. One discreet youthhad gone out in quest of a policeman, but he was not successful inhis search till he had walked half a mile from the door. Mr. Joneswas at last nearly smothered in the encounter, for the great weightand ample drapery of Mrs. Morony were beginning to tell upon him.When she got his back against the counter, it was as though a featherbed was upon him. In the meantime the unfortunate mantle had faredbadly between them, and was now not worth the purchase-money which,but ten minutes since, had been so eagerly tendered for it.

  Things were in this state when Mr. Brown slowly descended into thearena, while George Robinson, standing at the distant doorway in theback, looked on with blushing cheeks. One of the girls had explainedto Mr. Brown what was the state of affairs, and he immediatelyattempted to throw oil on the troubled waters.

  "Wherefore
all this noise?" he said, raising both his hands as headvanced slowly to the spot. "Mr. Jones, I implore you to desist!"But Mr. Jones was wedged down upon the counter, and could not desist.

  "Madam, what can I do for you?" And he addressed himself to the backof Mrs. Marony, which was still convulsed violently by her efforts topummel Mr. Jones.

  "I believe he's well nigh killed her; I believe he has," said MissBiles.

  Then, at last, the discreet youth returned with three policemen, andthe fight was at an end. That the victory was with Mrs. Morony nobodycould doubt. She held in her hand all but the smallest fragment ofthe mantle,--the price of which, however, Miss Biles had been carefulto repocket,--and showed no sign of exhaustion, whereas Jones wasspeechless. But, nevertheless, she was in tears, and appealed loudlyto the police and to the crowd as to her wrongs.

  "I'm fairly murthered with him, thin, so I am,--the baist, thevillain, the swindhler. What am I to do at all, and my things alldesthroyed? Look at this, thin!" and she held up the cause of war."Did mortial man iver see the like of that? And I'm beaten black andblue wid him,--so I am." And then she sobbed violently.

  "So you are, Mrs. Morony," said Miss Biles. "He to call himself a manindeed, and to go to strike a woman!"

  "It's thrue for you, dear," continued Mrs. Morony. "Policemen, mind,I give him in charge. You're all witnesses, I give that man incharge."

  Mr. Jones, also, was very eager to secure the intervention of thepolice,--much more so than was Mr. Brown, who was only anxious thateverybody should retire. Mr. Jones could never be made to understandthat he had in any way been wrong. "A firm needn't sell an articleunless it pleases," he argued to the magistrate. "A firm is boundto make good its promises, sir," replied the gentleman in WorshipStreet. "And no respectable firm would for a moment hesitate to doso." And then he made some remarks of a very severe nature.

  Mr. Brown did all that he could to prevent the affair from becomingpublic. He attempted to bribe Mrs. Morony by presenting her withthe torn mantle; but she accepted the gift, and then preferred hercomplaint. He bribed the policemen, also; but, nevertheless, thematter got into the newspaper reports. The daily Jupiter, of course,took it up,--for what does it not take up in its solicitude for poorBritish human nature?--and tore Brown, Jones, and Robinson to piecesin a leading article. No punishment could be inflicted on the firm,for, as the magistrate said, no offence could be proved. The lady,also, had certainly been wrong to help herself. But the whole affairwas damaging in the extreme to Magenta House, and gave a terriblecheck to that rapid trade which had already sprang up under theinfluence of an extended system of advertising.