House of Holes

  “Mm,” said Henriette. She wasn’t listening. She’d swiveled her scope and was looking intently off to the south. “Mountain zebras,” she said, in a small intense voice. “A herd. Two of them are getting ready to mate. How on earth did they get so high? Oh, they are such nimble climbers.”

  “Where?” Ned was panning unsuccessfully.

  “Way way off, about halfway down a crag, on a little ledge. See them?” Henriette pointed, then hunched to see more.

  “No, I’m not seeing them,” said Ned. “Damnation!”

  “Keep hunting, you’ll find them. The female is holding her head down. Ooh, she’s backing up. The male’s penis has dropped. It’s big but it’s hanging. It’s practically dragging on the ground. I don’t see how—ooh, her pussy is literally steaming. And his balls are huge and luscious.”

  “I’m still not seeing it,” said Ned.

  “She wants it. She’s switching her tail around. She’s a hot stripy-assed zebra bitch in heat, and she wants him now. Mmm, so natural. She’s not ashamed. She just aims her big swollen privates toward him and lifts her tail and winks her anus. She says, Hey zebra boy, have a look at this.”

  “Where? God! Where? Shit. You want some wine?”

  “Thanks.” Henriette took a sip and touched the cord wrapped around her legs. She felt zigzags of black-and-white zebra energy pouring into the flesh of her thighs. She looked over at Ned, who’d gone back to scanning the horizon anxiously for sex. She flipped up her skirt and pulled down her panties to let the air cool her pussylips. Ned missed it. Henriette squinted through the scope again, watching the zebras.

  “They’re so beautiful together,” she said. “Oh, boy, his penis has flipped up now, my god, is it hard, and big. Big black zebra cock. Now he’s up on her! He’s holding on to her. Oh my god he’s stabbing that big thing in—oooh, that’s big. Oh, Ned, if you’ve got a dick somewhere on you, stuff me with it, this is your chance.”

  Ned leapt up, fumbling with his pants, breathing the clean thin crazy air. “Here it is, baby.” He slid into her with bone-hard assurance and began bucking and slapping against her backside.

  “Oh, that’s good, Ned,” said Henriette. “Mm.”

  But it was too much too soon for Ned. “Woops, can’t hold it!” he said. “Sorry! Aaaaaah!”

  Henriette was still watching. “He’s down again, he’s done, he’s done, looks like a little clear dribble from his cock, poor old mountain zebra, he’s shot his balls, and it’s all over—but she’s still keyed up!”

  The quarter dropped in Henriette’s binoculars, and she looked up. Her gaze rested on Ned’s down-pointing cock, shiny with juice and come.

  “I got carried away,” said Ned, panting.

  Henriette waved at the couple on the nearest crag. “I think they watched us.”

  “What about you? Can I, er, lick you?”

  “That’s sweet, Ned, but no thanks. My clitoris is resting right now. I think I might want to give the Pussyboard a try. Will you ride down with me?”

  “Sure.”

  They descended in silence. Henriette flung her panties out the gondola’s window and watched them disappear into the clouds.

  Krock was waiting at the Pussyboard launching area, which was built like the decking at the top of a ski jump. He unwound the Cable of Induhash from her legs and helped her take off her jingly belt. Ned and Krock lifted her so that she could strap herself into the harness, which pulled her thighs apart. “Breezy,” she said.

  “This will go fast or slow on the cable according to your control,” Krock said, showing her the control stick. “You’ll want to go fairly slowly when you first skid down into the lake because the fluid is warm and it’s heavy, not heavy like molasses but almost creamy.”

  “Is it toxic?” asked Henriette.

  “It’s inert,” said Krock. “But still, I wouldn’t drink it if I were you. It’s just there to make the bottom half of your body feel good.”

  Henriette nodded. “I’m ready. Thanks for the lovely date, Ned. It gave me a new perspective.”

  “My pleasure,” said Ned. “I’m glad you got to see the zebras.”

  Krock tightened a final strap on Henriette’s harness. “So—are you ready to feel some deep lake love on your pussy?” he asked.

  Henriette swallowed and nodded.

  There was a whir and a clunk and she was airborne, sitting on a small U-shaped fiberglass support, sliding down the long curving cable. She went fairly fast at first, her skirt fluttering. The air was warm, and the sky was a startling blue, and she said, “Wheee!” She swerved around a pylon tower and then turned down into the mountain valley, in the midst of which stretched an enormous white lake. She could see several other cables that swept down toward the lake, and she watched the other pussysurfers slow just before touchdown.

  She dipped down the last length of the incline and swooshed and splashed and slowed on a level liquid plain of dazzling white. The lake was warmer than she expected. It had the consistency of hand lotion but with tiny gold flecks. The lucky liquids burbled and creamed over her hydroplaning vulva and, as she slowed, churned purposefully over her clitoris.

  Then the harness lifted her back in the air for a moment and swung her dripping in a long laughing kicky hemicurve past the pontooned restaurant with blue tablecloths and waiters wearing white tuxedo vests. All at once, out of the lake rose a hugely gigantic phallocentric dick-shaped monster cock. It stood for a moment, thirty feet in the air, and then toppled with an enormous splash and disappeared into the white water.

  A group of about twenty Deprivos were following Henriette’s progress with binoculars. They gestured entreatingly—down here, down here! She landed in their midst and climbed out of the harness, dripping. She knelt, breathing the rich air, feeling better than she had in months, listening to the rustle of stroking men around her. “Come all over me, guys,” she said. One man jizzed on her cheek, another on her shirt, two on her lips, one on her nose, one on her shoulder, and another—a cute guy with blond spiky hair—came politely into her cupped hand.

  Krock appeared with a towel.

  “How are you?” he asked.

  “How am I? I’m a jizm-covered princess, and I’ve just pussysurfed the lake!” she said, laughing and crying at the same time. She went to her room and had a shower and slept for hours, feeling her revived clit glowing like a summer firefly.

  Dennis Explores Mindy’s Purse

  Dennis, a traveling teacher, went to a city to give his two-day fund-raising seminar for nonprofits, “How to Get Other People to Give You All the Money They Have.” After he was done he waited in line at the hotel to check out. A woman got in line behind him. He turned and recognized her from his seminar.

  “I enjoyed the class,” said the woman, who had a kindly face and dark hair that didn’t quite touch her shoulders. “I liked how few euphemisms you used. You never once said ‘issue.’ ”

  “Thanks,” Dennis said.

  “It was a lot of money for just two days, though.”

  He asked her what kind of nonprofit work she did, and she told him that she was working on a documentary about women in a remote region of Estonia who sing while they masturbate. “We’ve got some great material,” she said. “It’s just a question of editing it down. We’re looking for investors.”

  “Ah,” said Dennis. “What’s your name?”

  “Mindy.”

  Just then two different people at the counter said, “I can help you over here.” Dennis the traveling instructor and Mindy the filmmaker went up and paid their bills and signed, and then they were done. They walked toward the door and stopped for a minute feeling a warm breeze.

  “Your seminar has given me the confidence to ask for what I want,” said Mindy.

  She’s smart in a certain way that I really like, thought Dennis. And he thought: I really don’t want to walk out of this lobby without talking to her more. “I hate this feeling,” he said finally.

  “What feeling?” she a
sked.

  “The feeling of having just talked to you for a moment and now you’re leaving.”

  “Would you enjoy a stick of gum?” Mindy asked. “Sometimes gum can alleviate the pain.”

  “Yes, I would,” said Dennis.

  She reached in her purse and pulled out a packet of gum. He unwrapped a stick and began chewing it vigorously. Immediately, yellow and pink stars came twirling in from the edge of his vision.

  “This is good gum!” he said.

  “It’s special gum,” she said. “Every time you chew, a woman in Estonia is having a singing orgasm.”

  “Mmm!” He chewed, his jaw working noisily. “Utterly delicious. I could chew this all day long.” He looked down. “What else have you got in that dark, strange purse of yours?”

  “In here?” she asked, holding the flap open wider so he could peer into its depths. “Why don’t you take a look?”

  Dennis leaned, bringing his head close to the compartmented opening. He could smell the leathery smell, and he thought he could also smell more sticks of gum, and her checkbook, and her lipstick. But he didn’t smell any money.

  “Do you have a tiny address book in there?” he asked.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “May I reach in and give a squeeze to your tiny little address book?”

  “You may.” She held the purse out to him and Dennis gingerly reached in. He felt around for a moment, found her keys, and then under it came across the tiny book.

  “Ooh, I’m squeezing it,” he said. “I wish my name were in here.”

  “It can be,” she said.

  “How?” he asked.

  “Become an investor in my film.”

  “I’ll think seriously about that.”

  Mindy held open her purse wider. “Come inside where it’s dark and warm,” she said. He bent and gazed deep and then, shrinking, he fell forward and was enveloped in purseness. “Come with me, Mindy,” he called as he shrank. He smelled the fumes of leather and bottles of nail polish, and he saw Mindy’s driver’s license picture staring at him behind plastic. Her eyes were generous and pretty. He lay for a minute in the jumble of her things, and then it occurred to him that if he didn’t climb out, he would probably suffocate.

  He grabbed the edge of the purse and hauled himself out onto the floor of a fancy hotel room. He sat, collecting his wits, until he had grown back to his normal size. The purse was on the floor next to him. “Mindy, are you in there?” he called. She wasn’t. He felt an odd tickling or burning sensation in the tip of his penis, and he heard a tiny voice shouting something muffled. He got up and took off his chinos and peered into his striped boxer shorts. Something was definitely going on inside his penis. He stripped off his boxers and sat on the edge of the bed, lifting his penis so that he could get a better look. Mindy’s head was protruding from its tip. Just her head and neck were visible.

  “Good lord, are you all right?” he said.

  “I think so!” Mindy shouted in her tiny voice. “Welcome to the House of Holes. I’m here stuck in your penis for some reason.”

  “Can you get out? You’re so teeny-tiny!”

  Mindy said something.

  “What did you say?” said Dennis. “You have to really shout, I’m afraid.”

  “I said that I feel like a kidney stone!”

  “Oh. We really need to get you safely out of there.” Dennis thought for a moment. “I don’t think I should try to pull on your head.”

  “No, you might injure me.” Mindy struggled, trying without success to free her arms, which were pinned next to her body. “I just need a good push. Do you think you could try urinating? That would work, I think. I’ll hold my breath.”

  “Well, I could try, but I’m warning you I’ve got a shy bladder.” Dennis went into the bathroom and got a glass and held it under his penis and pushed. Mindy waited, moving her head around nervously.

  “I’m sorry,” said Dennis. “You’re kind of jammed in there, and I always pee just before I check out of a hotel. I’m dry. This is really embarrassing.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry,” said Mindy. “I’m sorry about this horrendous inconvenience.”

  “No, it’s fine, we’ll beat this thing.”

  “What about if you—you know—do yourself proud?” said Mindy. “It might make it easier for me to wriggle.”

  Dennis held up his finger. “You know, that thought crossed my mind,” he said. “Let’s see what we can do on that front.” He went back to the bed, lay down, and began gingerly stroking himself. “This is tricky because I don’t want to squeeze you.”

  “You can squeeze some,” said Mindy. “Just please don’t waggle. That’s better. It’s much better for me when you’re pointing up—otherwise I’m upside down and the blood rushes to my head and I get confused.”

  “What did you say?”

  Mindy resumed talking loudly. “Nothing! You just really have to get hard. Is it at all erotic for you that I’m here, stuck in your dickknob?”

  “Well, it gives me a chance to know you better, that’s for sure. It’s a nice first date. Are you naked in there? Or do you have your clothes on? Because if you’re naked that’s definitely erotic for me.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m naked. Let me see. Yep, I’m totally starkers. ‘Naked as a worm,’ as the French say.”

  “That’s good news, Mindy. I’m going to think about you being naked. Can you toy with yourself?”

  “I’ll try. I’m putting my finger down between my puffy pussylips. That’s my little friend there, oh, yeah. It’s warm in here. I feel like you’re hugging me all over my body. I’m playing with my pussylips now. I don’t feel panic anymore. You can squeeze me a little more. Squeeze me through your cock. That’s it.”

  “This is better,” said Dennis. He was gently stroking the middle section of his cock, which had lengthened and stiffened. “Can you do a little hip dance in there, shake your hips for me?”

  “How about this?” Mindy’s head moved back and forth. “Can you feel it? I’m shimmying my hips for you.” She bit her tiny lip with her tiny teeth. “I’ve got a finger going in my fuckalope now. I can feel your cock getting longer. That’s good, when you do that I can feel you squeezing my hips.”

  “Mmf, getting some wood now,” said Dennis. “You feel slightly painful in there, but good.”

  A froth of bubbly fluid surged up around Mindy’s neck. “Woops, what’s this?” she said. “Precum! Hah-hah! This is sick! My hair’s all wet with it! Oh, you juicy, juicy man! Squeeze me a little more!”

  Dennis squeezed some more, and this pushed her a little ways up, freeing one of her arms. She tried using the arm to lever the rest of her out, but it didn’t work. “We’re definitely getting closer,” she said. “I think, though, you’re actually going to have to come to push me out.”

  “Will do, I’m trying,” said Dennis.

  “Try picturing something dirty, really dirty,” Mindy advised. “I mean dogfuck dirty. This is an emergency. What’s the dirtiest thing you ever did?”

  “Uh, I’m not that dirty. Once I came into this girl’s guitar.”

  “Into the hole? Did she know?”

  “No. I felt bad about it, but it sounded fine afterward, thank goodness. I like to think that my dried come was vibrating to her songs.”

  Mindy waited. “Is that memory helping you want to come?”

  “No.”

  “Well, then, think some more about my sexy hips stuck inside your cock.”

  “Mm, mm, better.”

  “Think about me kissing the head of your dick like this—mwah!—and slapping at your cockhead hard, like this!” Mindy slapped. “And splashing your precum foam all over the place!”

  This excited Dennis. “Oh, kiss my cockhead!” he said. “Oh, you’re so fucking tiny. I wish you could free up your breasts.”

  “You’re getting slippery enough now I think I can.” She shook out her hair and then with some effort she scooped a tit out of the well o
f his cockhole. “There’s one. And here’s the other. Do you like?”

  Dennis had a new, lower note in his voice. “Ooh, shit, tease the nipples for me, tease them, I’m real hard now. You’re like a pretty mermaid coming out of my volcano.” He started working long, steady dickstrokes, sliding the skin so it bunched up and then went smooth. He extended his tongue, and Mindy reached up for it but couldn’t catch hold of it.

  “Jack me out right into your hand,” Mindy said. “Pump your lovely Lincoln Stiffins. Jack me!”

  Dennis made a mooing sound, standing up, with his feet planted apart like an action figure. “You want to feel this come push you right out? You want a come ride? You want a flume ride of my burning jizz? Huh? I’ve never jerked a beautiful woman out of my hot dick before. I want to see your big sexy hips blow out of my cock.”

  “Oh, this is getting good,” said Mindy. “Hold on just a second, I want to catch up. I want to come with you.” She bit her lip again and frowned, her breasts shaking as she urgently frigged her tooter. She hummed a few notes of a wordless Estonian song, then she said, “I’m almost there, Dennis, I’m going to come, I’m going to come. Ohh, make me shoot out of you, shoot me out, SQUIRT ME! AAAAH!”

  Dennis grabbed his balls and made five smooth cock-pumpings, and then he felt the pulse of his come bulbing below Mindy’s legs. It pushed her out of his screaming penis on a blast of jizz force. She fell slickly into his hand and lay panting in the puddle of his cumshot.

  “Whew!” said Dennis.

  “That was a man-jack adventure,” said Mindy, shaking come off her arms. “I think if you rub me gently on my stomach I’ll grow back to the right size.”

  Dennis moved his fingertip gently over her, and she began to get heavier. He had to set her down, and she got bigger and bigger, and then she was a naked smiling documentary filmmaker sitting on the floor in front of him.

  “You are so fucking sexual,” Dennis said. “Raugh!”

  They went to the restaurant and the gift shop and got a House of Holes T-shirt. Dennis wrote his number in Mindy’s address book.