With Love at Christmas

  ‘We’ll find her, love,’ Dad says. ‘Don’t you worry. Her legs aren’t that fast. She can’t have gone far.’

  ‘Chloe’s looking in Middleton Hall.’ There’s a busy Christmas market there with lots of little stalls selling festive trinkets and food. We walked through there earlier and, despite the crush, Mum loved it all. It’s not beyond the realms of possibility that she’s wandered back to it. I have Jaden held tightly on his reins.

  ‘We should be used to this now,’ Rick says. ‘I’ll go with Frank and take the left-hand side of the shopping centre first. You just keep looking here in case she comes back.’

  Then, just as we’re about to split up, my mobile rings. It’s my mother’s number, but on the other end is a policeman. He has called the number that we registered under ICE – In Case of Emergency – on Mum’s phone, and I’m so glad we took the time to do that now.

  ‘We’re with your mother in Campbell Park, down by the Grand Union Canal,’ the officer says. ‘She’s a little confused.’

  I heave a relieved sigh. ‘We’ve been searching high and low for her.’

  ‘Well, she’s safe now. Can you come and collect her?’

  ‘We’re just in John Lewis’s. I can be with you in five minutes.’

  He hangs up.

  ‘She’s in Campbell Park, down by the canal,’ I tell Rick and Dad. That’s quite a walk, considering. I can’t believe she’s got that far.

  ‘Let’s get going then,’ Rick says.

  ‘I haven’t finished my shopping,’ Chloe complains when I phone her with the good news.

  ‘Then you’ll have to get a taxi back when you’re ready,’ I say.

  ‘Can’t you take Jaden?’

  ‘No. We have to go right now.’ I hang up before I hear the inevitable tut. For once, Chloe will have to look after her own son. I can’t deal with my daughter’s selfishness now. I just want to know that Mum is all right.

  Rick, Dad and I pile out of the shopping centre and, in our separate vehicles, set off down to the park.

  It’s a pretty place. There’s a hill at one end where there are always kite-flyers. At the other end, a string of brightly painted narrowboats is moored on the canal. That’s where we’re headed now.

  Minutes later, I see the police car and pull into the car park. As the police are there, I try not to spin the wheels. Rick and Dad are right behind me in the van.

  Mum is sitting in the back of the police car with a woman officer. She has a blanket round her and she’s drinking tea from a plastic cup. I rush over to her.

  ‘Mum,’ I say. ‘Are you all right? How did you get down here?’

  She looks at me blankly.

  ‘It’s Juliet. Your daughter.’

  ‘Juliet said she was taking me shopping.’

  ‘I did, Mum.’ I’m close to tears. ‘You wandered off when I wasn’t looking.’

  She turns to the police officer for confirmation and the woman nods.

  ‘Did I?’

  ‘We’ve been worried, but we’ve come to take you home now. We’ll have a nice cup of tea.’

  ‘I’ve got a cup of tea,’ she answers. ‘But it’s not very nice.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I offer to the policewoman.

  She smiles. ‘It’s OK. My colleague got her one from the burger van just up there.’ The policewoman nods in the general direction of the man I must have spoken to on the phone. ‘As long as she’s safe and sound.’

  I help Mum out of the car. ‘Thank you. Thanks so much for looking after her.’

  ‘Glad to help. You’ll be all right now, Mrs Britten,’ she says to Mum in a voice you would use for a child. Then the police officer lowers her voice as she speaks to me. ‘You can get a personal locator alarm, you know. Very helpful if your mum’s taken to wandering off on her own.’

  ‘Thank you. I didn’t know. This has only started recently, but it sounds like a good idea.’ I give her the blanket back. Mum’s coat is missing. ‘Where’s your coat, Mum?’

  She shrugs. ‘I haven’t got a coat.’

  ‘You were wearing your blue one.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ she insists.

  ‘Here, love,’ Dad strips off his coat. ‘Put this round your shoulders. You’ll catch your death.’

  His choice of words make me wince, but he wraps his coat tenderly around Mum and guides her to my car.

  ‘Thank you, young man,’ she says to Dad, and we both exchange a worried glance.

  ‘Jump in,’ I instruct. Then to Rick, ‘I’ll take them both back with me. My heater’s more efficient than yours. Do you think I should take her to the hospital for a check-up?’

  ‘No,’ Rick says. ‘That would be even more traumatic. Let’s just get her home. Don’t look so worried. She’s fine now. No harm done.’

  But I am worried. Very worried indeed.

  Chapter Fifty

  Dad’s safely ensconced in front of Deal or No Deal with tea and biscuits. My mum’s tucked up in bed with hot chocolate, her knitting and Neighbours Omnibus on the little telly.

  Now Rick and I are sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea. What I want is brandy, a double. My nerves feel shredded by this morning’s drama.

  ‘We need to get something sorted,’ I say to Rick. ‘Mum’s becoming a bit of a liability. The police officer suggested we get her a personal locator alarm so we could always find her.’

  ‘A straitjacket would work too.’

  ‘Rick.’ I tut at him. ‘Don’t make fun. What if she’d got completely disorientated and fallen in the canal?’

  ‘Really, Juliet,’ he says, ‘we couldn’t be that lucky.’

  ‘This is serious,’ I admonish. ‘And you know that, beneath it all, you love her. You’d be horrified if anything happened to her.’

  ‘I know,’ Rick sighs. ‘We will do something. As soon as Christmas is over. Until then, we’ll just have to keep a closer watch on her.’

  ‘I’ll phone the doctor later, and book her in to see him whether she likes it or not.’ I can no longer bury my head in the sand and just hope that everything will be OK. It will be better if she can get professional help, I’m sure. ‘I turned my back for two seconds.’ I feel so guilty. ‘While I was sorting Jaden out. I don’t have enough pairs of hands.’

  ‘Or eyes in your backside,’ Rick agrees. ‘Now that your mum needs you to look after her more, Chloe’s just going to have to take on her own responsibilities.’

  ‘I don’t know how she’ll manage when she’s got two to look after,’ I admit. ‘That worries me too.’

  ‘You can’t worry about everyone.’

  ‘But I do. Where’s Tom, for instance? I haven’t seen him for days. Who knows what he’s up to.’

  ‘I can hazard a good guess at that,’ Rick suggests. ‘It’s who he’s up to it with that’s a more difficult question. That changes on an hourly basis.’

  I sigh audibly. ‘I’m just looking forward to Christmas so that I can have a rest and some relaxation.’

  ‘We can keep your mother filled up with advocaat so she spends most of the holiday comatose on the sofa.’

  It’s true that she does rather like a snowball cocktail with a bit of extra brandy in it and a squeeze of lime juice. We try to keep her off the gin, as that makes her fighty. In some ways I prefer her when she’s being obnoxious to when she’s bewildered. It’s horrible to see her like that. Alzheimer’s is a cruel disease, and I still don’t want to believe that this is what’s wrong with Mum. It’s like watching a photo of your loved one slowly fade in front of your eyes.

  I put my head in my hands and bite my lip to keep the tears away. ‘She will be all right, won’t she?’

  Rick comes to sit next to me and slips his arm round my shoulders. ‘She’ll be fine. She’s just getting old, love. It happens to the best of us.’

  ‘It’s more than that, Rick. Getting old means aching bones when it’s cold, or walking around looking for your specs while they’re on your head, or running upstairs fo
r something and forgetting what, or getting up in the night to wee. That’s getting old. This is something worse.’

  He lets out a weary breath. ‘You’re probably right.’

  ‘I know I am.’ I fill up again. ‘I’d hate to think that this might be her last Christmas with us. I couldn’t bear that.’

  ‘There’s plenty of life in her yet. And your dad. But we are going to have to look after them a bit more. It suddenly creeps up on you that they’re not managing quite as well as they did.’

  ‘Dad’s OK, though?’

  ‘When is your dad ever any trouble? We had a nice run out to B&Q, chose some lights for Samuel. Pink.’ Rick shrugs at me. ‘Your dad’s choice. I’m going to do up the shed a bit. Thought Frank might like to help.’

  ‘Don’t let him get cold, though.’

  ‘No. I’ll get started out there when I’ve had this cup of tea, before it gets dark. I might see if Merak wants to come round and give me a hand. I don’t know that the lad does much at the weekend.’

  ‘I’m only making some curry for tonight. He’s more than welcome to stay if he wants to.’

  ‘I’ll text him.’

  As Rick reaches for his phone something clicks in my brain. ‘This morning you said that you needed to talk to me.’

  ‘Did I?’ Rick avoids my gaze. ‘Can’t remember now.’

  ‘It wasn’t important?’

  My husband shrugs. ‘Can’t have been.’

  I kiss him on the cheek.

  ‘What was that for?’ he asks.

  ‘I know you’re not a big fan of Christmas,’ I say to Rick, ‘but it could be the last time the family are all together. Mum or Dad might not be here next year. Tom could leave home. Again. When Chloe’s had her new baby she might want to move out into her own place – either with or without Mitch.’

  ‘Chance would be a fine thing.’

  ‘I don’t know. Anything could happen between now and next Christmas.’ I can’t even voice the thought that I’m worried that my husband will still be here, or whether he’ll be somewhere else enjoying Christmas with a new family. Tears spring to my eyes.

  ‘Don’t get upset,’ Rick says as he thumbs my tears away. ‘We’ll never get rid of this lot, love. We just keep adding to the numbers.’

  Sniffing attractively, I lean into him. ‘Let’s make it a really good one.’

  ‘Of course we will.’ He wraps his arms around me, and I can’t believe that this man would ever do anything to hurt me. But, yet again, I let the opportunity to voice my fears pass by. I just enjoy being held, and try not to fret about a future that may not happen.

  I want us all to have fun together, the way families should. I want to forget our troubles, and for Rick and I to be close once more. If nothing else, I want this Christmas to be truly memorable.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  While Rick is out in the garden with Dad – putting what looks like a huge selection of lights on the shed – I decide to do some housework. I want everywhere looking lovely for Christmas.

  Our bedroom is the worst mess. That needs a serious mucking out. Ever since I came home drunk and disorderly from the office party, I’ve been finding Christmas confetti all over the flipping place in there. It’s stuck in the rug, under the bedside tables and everywhere else you can think of.

  Dragging the hoover upstairs, I check that Mum’s not fallen asleep, then I set to. I give the bathroom a good scrub, and then carry on into Chloe’s room while she’s still out. I check my watch. I thought she would have been back by now. I’ll give her another half an hour and then I’ll text her. Jaden will be exhausted, and I hope that he’s managed to catch his afternoon nap in the buggy.

  There’s a little pile of clothes on the side, tiny Babygros, bootees and socks. We stored them all in the loft when Jaden grew out of them, and last week I got Rick to bring them all down again. Now they’re washed and ready for Chloe’s new arrival. I press a little jacket against my face. They smell of nothing but Lenor Pure Care fabric conditioner, but soon they’ll smell of milky baby. How lovely! I hold up a white sleepsuit and marvel at how tiny it is. Was Jaden ever that small? Then I think of my own daughter. It hardly seems like five minutes since Chloe was this size. Now look at her: one child of her own already and soon to be a mother of two herself. A tear comes to my eye and I blink it away. It will be lovely to have another little grandchild to mollycoddle. I hope this time it’s a girl. We’ll know soon enough. Still, I can’t sit here all afternoon, daydreaming. Must get on. I pile the clothes together again.

  Back in my own room, I start to vacuum. Every time some of the confetti goes up the spout, the hoover rattles. What was I thinking, for heaven’s sake!

  As I’m pushing the hoover around, deep in thought, I hear the front door bang and it’s my daughter finally arriving home. I hear her thump up the stairs with Jaden and a second later, the door flies open.

  ‘Nan-nan!’ Jaden shouts, and flings himself into my arms. I lift him up and cuddle him.

  ‘Get all your shopping done?’ I ask Chloe.

  ‘Yeah. Sort of.’ She flops down on my bed and Jaden wriggles until I put him down next to her. He cuddles into her side and yawns. Looks like he missed his nap. ‘I bumped into Mitch.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘He wants to take me out tonight. Is it OK if you look after Jaden?’

  ‘I’m exhausted after losing your gran, Chloe.’

  ‘It’s not as if you have to do much,’ she protests. ‘He’ll be asleep.’

  ‘Can you make sure he’s bathed and in his pyjamas, then?’

  ‘I’ve got to get ready.’

  ‘Oh, Chloe.’

  ‘When am I going to get the chance to go out after this?’ She stares down at her bump. ‘I’m going to spend the rest of my life staying in.’

  I don’t point out that, because of Chloe, her father and I spend most of our lives staying in!

  ‘This is what you’ve signed up for, Chloe.’

  ‘I know. I’m just trying to put off the inevitable,’ she confesses.

  That makes me laugh. ‘You don’t look like you’ve got long to wait.’

  ‘I’m a waddling monster,’ she says. ‘I can’t even believe that Mitch still wants to see me.’ Then she looks up at me, and I see fear in her face and soften. ‘I haven’t been very nice to him, have I?’

  ‘No,’ I say.

  ‘I do love him.’

  I stroke her hair, the hair that has always been her pride and joy, the hair that I used to spend hours happily brushing and plaiting. ‘Then it’s time to show him.’

  ‘Good,’ she says. ‘Then you will babysit?’

  Inwardly I sigh to myself. ‘Of course I will.’ It may curtail my own plans, but a date with the ex sounds like a good idea to me. Mitch is a good man and is a steadying influence on my darling daughter – when she lets him be. I’d like to see them back together again, and if babysitting my adorable grandson will facilitate it, then I guess I shouldn’t mind doing it.

  She bounces up and gives me a kiss. ‘Thanks, Mum. Love you loads.’

  The term cupboard love has never been applied to anyone more fittingly than to Chloe.

  ‘Aren’t you going to ask how Gran is?’

  ‘Oh, yeah. Is she all right? Where did she get to?’

  ‘She’d wandered off to Campbell Park. But she’s fine now.’

  ‘You’re going to have to put her on a lead like Buster,’ she notes. ‘You’ll be going bonkers like that, soon.’ She waddles out, Jaden in tow.

  ‘Thanks, Chloe,’ I mutter under my breath. ‘And it’s you who’ll be driving me mad.’

  I hoover ferociously. What am I going to do with her? What on earth am I going to do with her? I never brought her up to be like this. At some point I’ll just have to stand back and let her get on with it, do things her own way. I can’t make Chloe share my standards, and I do try to appreciate that it has all changed since my day. But I can’t help but have Jaden’s welfare as my top prio
rity.

  Bending down, I shove the nozzle under the bed. There’s a load more confetti there. Grumbling, I get down on my hands and knees to make sure that I get it all.

  Then, under the bed, tucked at the back on Rick’s side, I spy a Matalan carrier bag. It’s clearly something he’s hidden there. Oh, that is so tempting! I know I shouldn’t, but I’m dying to have a look. I’ve given no hints at all this year, so I’ve no idea what Rick might buy me. I only want something small, and I’ve told him that. With all the other expense we’ve got on, it’s silly for the two of us to exchange presents. Neither of us really needs anything, and I’d rather make sure that everyone else has something they want than spend money unnecessarily on each other. I’ve got Rick some new jeans and a smart shirt. Not exactly exciting. But it could easily have been aftershave and socks.

  Checking the door, I pull the carrier bag from under the bed. I hold it in my hands, knowing that I shouldn’t peek, yet unable to resist. This is a bad thing to do. I’d be cross if Rick opened a secret present that I’d bought for him. I try to look into the carrier bag without opening it completely, but can’t see very much. Finally, the temptation is too much to bear and I open it.

  Inside there’s a lovely sweater, the sort of thing that Chloe would wear and in a very small size. I don’t think this can be for me. Does Rick really think I’m that tiny? Holding up the jumper, I know it won’t go anywhere near me. But it’s very pretty, so maybe I can exchange it for a bigger size. Underneath it, there’s a child’s outfit. Has he bought this for Jaden? I can’t think why Rick would do that. Normally, I buy all our grandson’s clothes – he has nothing to do with it, other than pay up. Plus this looks a bit girly with its lemon trim and, again, way too small. Jaden is quite a bruiser of a boy. I don’t think this will do for him at all. Perhaps the jumper isn’t for me, after all. It could be for Chloe. Perhaps he thought she’d need something nice once she’s shed her baby weight. But I’m usually the one responsible for family present-buying. Why would he get something and not tell me? Shall I ask him? Then maybe we could change them for the right size, before Christmas. But then that would spoil the surprise. Or should I just pretend I haven’t seen it?