The Angel of the Gila: A Tale of Arizona

  CHAPTER XX

  A WOMAN'S NO

  Miles and miles of desert country, sometimes a dull red, sometimesalmost yellow of hue; over that a dome of bluest blue; between thetwo, air, crystalline, and full of light; and everywhere, scatteredwith reckless profusion, from Nature's lavish hand, the splendor ofcactus blossoms. That is Arizona in June. And in this glory of color,one June day, walked Mrs. Clayton and Esther Bright, returning from around of neighborhood calls.

  As they approached Clayton Ranch, they paused to admire the cactusblossoms. The giant cactus, towering above the house, was now coveredwith a profusion of exquisite blossoms of deepest pink. Red blossoms,pink blossoms, white blossoms, yellow blossoms everywhere, but guardedby thousands of thorns and spines. Esther stopped and picked someyellow blossoms from the prickly pear, only to find her fingersstinging from its minute spines.

  "It serves me right," she said, making a wry face. "I knew better, butI love the blossoms."

  "Good evening," called a cheery voice from the veranda. It was Mr.Clayton.

  "Kenneth called to see you, Miss Bright," he continued. "He would likeyou to go for a drive with him this evening."

  "Far?" she asked.

  "He didn't say."

  The two women entered the house, and soon returned refreshed. On thespacious veranda, the family gathered in the cool of the day, to feasttheir eyes on the gorgeous sunsets.

  "Do you know," said Esther, "it refreshes me whenever I _look_ atsnow-capped Mt. Graham?"

  She looked far away to the south. "I shall miss it all," she said,pensively, "all the grandeur of scene, miss all of you here, miss mydear children, when I go home."

  "Oh, I hate to think of your going," said Edith, lifting the teacher'shand to her cheek. "I'm afraid you won't come back."

  "What's that I hear about not coming back?" asked Kenneth Hastings,who, at that moment, joined them.

  "I said I was afraid Miss Bright wouldn't come back," explained Edith.

  "I hope you are not thinking of going East soon," said Kennethquietly.

  When she announced that she should, he protested vigorously.

  That evening, Esther rode with him through beautiful mountain scenes.The heavens were still colored with the soft afterglow, as they spedalong the upland road. Later, the moon rose, flooding the earth withits weird, transfiguring light.

  Once more, Kenneth told Esther his past. He wanted her to know allthere was to know, he said simply.

  Then he poured into her ears the old, old story, sweetest story evertold, when love speaks and love listens. But Esther's eyes werehaunted by a sudden fear.

  Kenneth paused, and waited for her to speak.

  Then, with a tightening of the lips, he listened to her answer.

  She had not thought of love and marriage. She had naturally grown intothinking that she would devote herself to philanthropic work, as hergrandfather, before her, had done.

  "Yes," Kenneth said; "but your grandfather married; and his childrenmarried, and you, I take it, are the joy of his life. Suppose he hadnot married. Would his philanthropic work have been greater?"

  Then there was more talk, that seemed to give pain to both, for Esthersaid:

  "I will go soon, and not return; for my presence here would only makeyou unhappy."

  "No," he urged, "return to Gila.

  "You say you regard marriage as very solemn. So do I. You say youwould feel it wrong to marry one you did not love. So should I."

  "I have been candid with you," she said in evident distress. To whichhe responded bitterly:

  "You think me a godless wretch. Well, I guess I am. But I had begun togrope after God, and stumbled in my darkness. I have been beset withtormenting doubts. The idea of God is so vast I cannot grasp even afraction of it. You are right. I am godless."

  "No, no, not godless," she said. "Jesus of Nazareth, what of Him?"

  "I am coming to look upon him as a brother. I could have loved himprofoundly, had I known him when he was on earth. But it all seems sofar away in the past. To tell the truth, I have read the Bible verylittle."

  "Read it," she urged.

  "I should feel all the time that religion had placed a great gulfbetween you and me, and hate it in consequence. Ought religion toplace a gulf between human souls?"

  "The lack of religion might." Silence followed. Then she continued,"If I loved you, loved you deeply enough, that would sweep away allobstacles."

  "And perhaps," he added, "if I had always lived up to the highestideals of life, I might now be worthy of you. I _am_ unworthy, Iconfess it."

  "Oh, don't put it that way," she said in distress. "Let it be that Iam not worthy of the love you offer me, not capable of loving enoughto--to--marry."

  "Miss Bright, you are capable of loving, as few women are. It is mymisfortune that I have not won your love. I need you to help me livemy highest and best. All these months, because of your unconsciousinfluence, I have been learning to see myself as I am, and as I mightbe. For the first time in my life, I have come in contact with adeeply religious soul, and have felt myself struggling towards thelight. I have wrestled with doubt, again and again, bewildered. Youteach us that the founder of the Christian religion had compassion onsinful men."

  "Yes."

  "But _you_ have no compassion on _me_."

  "You misunderstand," she said. "You see it sometimes happens thatthere is little real happiness, real union, where the wife is abeliever in God, and the husband seeks--"

  "The devil," supplemented Kenneth. "I confess I have followed thedevil to some extent."

  "Don't," she said. "It hurts me to the heart to hear you speak so. Imeant to say if he had no sympathy with her spiritual life."

  "If I were a professing Christian, do you think you would care morefor me?"

  "I might."

  "Suppose I pretended to be a Christian. Many make that pretense, andare accounted the real thing."

  "Dear Mr. Hastings, let me be a sincere and loyal friend to you, nomore. Some day, I hope, you will win, in marriage, some rare woman whowill make you happy."

  "Some rare woman? You are that one, Miss Bright. I want no other."

  "But you mustn't think of me, Mr. Hastings."

  "Do you know what you are, Miss Bright? You are an iceberg."

  She laughed.

  "That's fortunate. You will not long care for an iceberg. I will gosoon, and you will forget me."

  He turned upon her.

  "Forget you? Do you really wish me to forget you?" Did she? Shewondered.

  "No," she answered. Then over her face, lifted in the moonlight, hesaw the color come.

  Their talk drifted to many subjects touching the life in Gila, and thelarger world outside, to which she was soon to return.

  "Will you write to me?" he asked.

  "That would make it harder for you to forget," she said, naively.

  "I do not wish to forget," he said gloomily. "Why should I forget thehappiest hours I have ever spent?" Why should he?

  Back at Clayton Ranch, an older pair of lovers, married lovers, walkedup and down the veranda in the moonlight.

  "John," a soft voice was saying, "I just hope Kenneth will propose toMiss Bright to-night."

  He laughed.

  "You women! Always interested in a love story! How do you know Kennethhasn't proposed to her already?"

  "I don't believe he has."

  Another silence.

  "John?"

  "Yes, Mary."

  "Does Miss Bright know what a vast fortune Kenneth has inherited?"

  "No. Not unless you have told her. He does not wish her to know."

  "But, John, that might influence Miss Bright's decision. You knowthese Americans care a great deal for money."

  "For shame, Mary, to think such a thing of her! Perhaps you do notknow that her grandfather is a man of affluence. But he believes inthe simple life, and lives it. She belongs to a fine old family,people of distinction, and wealth."

  "Is that true, John? Sh
e never told me. How can she work like a galleyslave here?"

  "Because she is a great woman." Silence again.

  "With her mind, and heart, and passion for service, and Kenneth'sintellect, and force of character, and vast wealth, they might be atremendous force for the progress of the human race."

  "Can't you help matters on, John? I'm so afraid Miss Bright willreject Kenneth, and leave us."

  "Well, if she does, I shall be sorry. But we must keep hands off."

  On the following day, John Clayton was astounded to hear from Estherthat she would not return as she had half promised to do in the fall.

  But Esther offered no explanations; and Kenneth's calls, from thatday, grew less frequent.

  So the days passed, and two lives drifted apart.