Casting Shadows

  Dad and Gemma had gone upstairs half an hour ago, after we’d let off the fireworks, with final, gentle warnings about not letting the fire or the music get out of control – so I no longer had to try and keep all the evidence of alcohol away from them. I’d only had a couple of drinks myself, though I could see loads of people were already fairly off their heads.

  I chatted to James and Grace for a bit, telling them how much I liked the photo they’d helped Flynn choose for me. Emmi staggered over, clearly drunk. She was draped round one of Flynn’s football mates from college who was grinning from ear to ear, his hand firmly clamped on her bum. As they started kissing, I wandered off, intending to find Flynn. I headed for the bonfire. It was still giving off fierce, hot flames that licked up into the sky.

  Before I got halfway across the field, I heard someone cry out from the apple orchard. A male voice. ‘No.’

  I looked around, but no one else was near me.

  I turned and ran towards the trees. As I got nearer, I heard more voices. At least two others. And the same frantic voice I’d heard before.

  ‘No, please!’ It was Leo.

  18

  As I sped up, it occurred to me I hadn’t seen Leo since Emmi, Grace and James had arrived. I felt a stab of guilt. Had Leo been hiding away from everyone all this time? I should have sought him out. I should have introduced him to some of my old friends.

  ‘No!’ Leo shrieked again.

  And now what had happened? I darted through the trees, peering into the shadows. It was dark this far away from the house, the moon providing most of the light. And it was cold. I shivered in my dress.

  I saw movement behind a tree and stopped, my heart thudding.

  ‘Please don’t.’ Was Leo crying?

  ‘You pathetic little freak.’

  ‘Gay boy.’

  I crashed through the leaves, past the tree. There in a clearing, half hidden down a slope, were two guys from Flynn’s year. They were towering over a kneeling, shaking Leo.

  All three of them turned and stared at me.

  One of the guys from Flynn’s class swore.

  ‘Get lost, you stupid cow.’

  I stopped running, shocked by the look of hatred on his face. I glanced at Leo. He was crying, his whole body trembling. At least he didn’t look as if he’d been hurt. Yet.

  The guy who’d spoken before took a step towards me. He raised his fist. ‘I thought I told you to get lost.’

  ‘Wait.’ The other guy caught his arm. He leaned over. I could hear him whispering. A loud, drunken whisper.

  ‘That’s Flynn’s girlfriend.’

  The first guy looked startled. He dropped his fist and stumbled sideways. ‘Right. Didn’t mean nothing.’

  ‘Come on, man.’

  Together they raced off through the trees.

  I stared after them, elated. I’d got rid of them. Well, the idea of Flynn had got rid of them. I didn’t stop to think why it was that they should be so scared of Flynn. Or how they knew about Leo being gay.

  I just raced over to Leo, who was still kneeling on the ground, clearly trying hard to stop crying.

  ‘Hey.’ I rubbed his back. ‘Are you all right? Come on, let’s go and get a drink.’

  Leo staggered to his feet. ‘Get off me,’ he snarled.

  I stood back, shocked. ‘Leo?’

  He tore past me and disappeared through the trees.

  I wandered after him, slowly, out to the field. The bonfire flickered and glowed in the distance. Why was Leo so angry with me? I frowned, trying to puzzle it out. I’d risked my own neck to try and stop those guys attacking him, and he’d turned on me. It didn’t make sense.

  Unless.

  The thought hit me with the force of a brick. Leo must have thought I’d told people he was gay. How else would those guys have known he suspected that he was? Leo had said he’d only spoken to me about it. Panic twisted in my chest. I had to find Leo and explain that I hadn’t said anything. But there was no sign of him anywhere.

  As I passed the bonfire, Grace appeared in front of me. ‘Have you seen Emmi?’ she said.

  I shook my head.

  Grace wrinkled her nose. ‘I’m just a bit worried about her. She was really drunk and she went off with that mate of Flynn’s from your college. D’you think she’s all right?’

  I raised my eyebrows. ‘Emmi can look after herself.’

  Unlike Leo.

  I slipped off my heels and ran towards the house. Inside, I looked everywhere but I couldn’t find him. Eventually I wandered outside again. It was well after midnight now, and most of the people from Norton Napier had gone. The bonfire had almost burned down to its embers, the flames dying inside it.

  The air was freezing now, far colder than when I’d gone into the house to find Leo. I started to feel cross with him. He shouldn’t have just assumed that I’d blabbed about him thinking he might be gay. Especially seeing as I hadn’t. And I didn’t expect him to thank me for chasing those guys away but storming off like that was totally over the top.

  I passed a few patches of vomit. Yuck. Dad would be annoyed about that in the morning. I could see James and Grace sitting on the grass on the other side of the bonfire, a blanket around their shoulders. A couple, half-dressed, lurched out of some trees and staggered past me towards the house.

  Music was still playing in the barn but not the dance stuff we’d had on before. Someone had put on a slow track.

  Suddenly I forgot about Leo. Where was Flynn? All I wanted right now was to hold him and dance in his arms. I smiled as the thought warmed my whole body.

  ‘Flynn?’ I yelled into the darkness. My breath misted faintly in front of me. I listened. No answering voice. Just the sound of crackling flames and distant music.

  ‘Hey, River.’ It was James, standing up, on the other side of the fire.

  I raced over.

  ‘He was here a second ago. He’s just getting a cab for some of his mates.’ James grinned. ‘Cool party, eh?’

  I smiled back. ‘When he comes out, tell him I’ll be down in the barn, yeah?’

  James nodded and sat down again next to Grace. They were sipping cola, I noticed. I smiled to myself, wondering how much Grace’s nervousness about James driving was reinforcing his parents’ total ban on drinking.

  I wandered down to the barn, my head full of a fantasy in which Flynn would arrive and we would dance together, alone.

  The door was half open. I slid round it then stopped, unable to believe what I was seeing. Emmi and Stone were in the middle of the barn, slow-dancing together. Except that dancing hardly came into it. They were kissing furiously. Emmi was practically falling out of her top, while Stone’s hands . . . ew . . . were all over Emmi’s bum.

  For the second time tonight blind rage surged up from my gut.

  ‘Emmi!’ I yelled.

  Stone jumped, letting go of her. Emmi stumbled a couple of steps backwards. She stared at me, her eyes all unfocused. Jeez, she was so off her head she could barely stand up.

  I charged across the room and shut down the music. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I shouted.

  Emmi giggled. ‘What does it look like?’

  I glanced at Stone. He was glaring at me, his expression exactly caught between absolute embarrassment and total fury. I looked back at Emmi. ‘He’s not even fifteen yet,’ I said.

  ‘So?’ Emmi giggled again. ‘He’s a better kisser than loads of guys half his age. No, I mean twice . . .’ She giggled harder, then staggered sideways, holding out her arms for Stone to catch her. He grabbed her and hauled her upright. Then he turned to me.

  ‘Go away,’ he said.

  I swore violently. ‘Get away from her.’

  ‘No.’

  I wasn’t sure why I was so angry. I mean, logically, Emmi was clearly far drunker than Stone was. And yet I felt protective towards him. He was my little brother. And Emmi was my age. Worse, I’d only ever seen her chew guys up and spit them out. Stone had no idea who he was
dealing with.

  ‘You can’t go with her.’ I marched towards him. ‘It’s wrong.’

  ‘Why?’ Emmi slurred.

  ‘Yeah, why, Riv?’ It was Flynn.

  I turned round. He was standing in the barn doorway, smiling at me. His hair was ruffled and his T-shirt creased and dirty, and there was a black smudge across his cheek. For a second I was floored by how totally gorgeous he looked. Then I frowned. ‘What d’you mean “why”? Stone’s only fourteen. And Emmi’s . . .’

  ‘Emmi’s Emmi,’ Flynn said, walking towards me. And Stone’s old enough to know what he’s doing. Leave them alone. They’re just kissing.’

  I blinked furiously at him. Why couldn’t he see that Stone was going to get hurt?

  ‘She’s already got off with one of the guys from college tonight,’ I explained. ‘She’ll let Stone kiss her, then she’ll just go onto someone else.’

  ‘I’m still here, you know,’ Emmi slurred.

  Flynn laughed. ‘What makes you think Stone wants anything more than that?’

  I glanced at Stone. His face was bright red. But I could see in his eyes Flynn was right.

  My mouth fell open.

  ‘Having said that,’ Flynn turned to Stone. ‘You can’t go any further, much as I understand you wanting to, mate. She’s off her face. Look.’

  We all stared at Emmi. She glared glassily back at us.

  ‘I am so not my face off,’ she said haughtily.

  Flynn rolled his eyes, then looked at Stone again.

  Without a word Stone turned and walked out of the barn.

  Emmi staggered backwards until she reached one of the chairs in the corner of the room. She collapsed onto it, her long legs sprawling to the floor.

  I turned on Flynn. ‘I suppose you think that was helpful,’ I said.

  Flynn raised his eyebrows. ‘Come on, Riv. How d’you think your brother feels? He turns up at this party fresh out of his first relationship, knowing all these older girls are going to be here. To his amazement, he pulls a total babe but, just as things are getting interesting, his sister appears yelling her head off that he’s only fourteen. All I was doing was giving him a way out of the situation without feeling like a complete jerk.’

  ‘All you were doing was interfering,’ Emmi muttered.

  I jumped. I had, momentarily, forgotten she was still in the barn.

  Emmi stood up and advanced towards us. She stopped just a metre or so away, swaying slightly. Her face was screwed up in fury.

  ‘You two are such awesome hypocrites. All loved-up for each other but nobody else can have any fun.’ She poked her finger into my chest.

  ‘Hey, Emmi.’ Flynn pushed her arm away. ‘Stop it.’

  She spun round. ‘You’re worse than she is, you’re so arrogant . . . yeah, you’re so far up your own arse you can probably see your tonsils.’

  ‘Emmi, that’s enough,’ I said.

  Emmi swung a punch at Flynn. It missed by miles.

  ‘For your information I wouldn’t go with you, Flynn, if you were the last man on earth.’

  ‘Good.’ Flynn made a face at her. ‘We’re sorted then. Come on, Riv. Let’s go insi—’

  ‘I hate you both.’ Emmi’s voice rose even higher, so she was almost screaming. She sounded like a toddler having a tantrum, like her world was ending.

  ‘Emmi, please.’ I suddenly felt sorry for her. Maybe it wasn’t just Stone who needed a way to save face. I reached out my hand. ‘Come back inside with us.’

  ‘No.’ Emmi whipped her arm away, losing her balance again. ‘Don’t you dare start pretending to be nice, now,’ she spat. ‘You made out I was a total slag just then. But we both know that you’re the slag.’

  I stared at her. What the hell was she talking about?

  ‘Emmi.’ Flynn’s voice was stern – a warning.

  Emmi backed away from us. ‘Slag. Slag. Slag.’

  ‘Shut up,’ Flynn snapped.

  ‘Oh?’ Emmi’s eyes widened in mock-surprise. ‘Hasn’t River told you about Slug Tongue?’

  19

  All the air felt as if it was being sucked out of my body. How did Emmi know about the boy who kissed me? She’d been at the club, sure, but I hadn’t told her about that revolting kiss – or that I’d nicknamed the boy ‘Slug Tongue’.

  ‘What?’ Flynn said.

  ‘Tell him, River,’ Emmi snarled. ‘Tell him about the evening at the club. Tell him about Slug Tongue.’

  Flynn looked at me. ‘What is she talking about?’

  I swallowed, trying to push down the panic that consumed me, trying to focus. ‘It was a club we went to when . . . when you were in Ireland,’ I said. ‘There was this disgusting guy who tried it on. Nothing happened.’

  Emmi snorted. ‘You let him put his tongue in your mouth. You must have. How else would you know it felt like a slug?’

  ‘He made me,’ I said quickly. This wasn’t quite true, though I hadn’t been expecting the kiss. I glanced at Flynn who was staring at me, horrified. ‘What I mean is, he was this total idiot who lunged at me and it was so disgusting I felt sick . . .’

  ‘Some guy tried to kiss you?’ Flynn was staring at me, utterly appalled. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘What for? It didn’t mean anything to me . . . I ran away from him. And I didn’t want to upset you.’

  Flynn nodded, slowly. I could see him thinking it through in his head. ‘So you stopped him?’ he said.

  ‘Yes.’ I turned on Emmi again. How dare she try and hurt me like this?

  ‘So I’m not the slag.’ I spat. ‘I’m not the one getting off with guy after guy and ending up with my best friend’s brother.’

  Emmi’s eyes narrowed. And in that instant I knew she knew about James. A cold, sick panic clutched at my throat.

  No. No. No.

  ‘Just your boyfriend’s best friend,’ she said, suddenly sounding horribly sober.

  My heart was beating hard against my ribs.

  ‘River?’ Flynn’s voice was urgent. ‘What’s she talking about now?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I gasped.

  ‘Nothing?’ Emmi sneered at me. ‘So when it’s me, two guys a night is a slag. But when it’s you, it’s nothing?’

  ‘River?’ Flynn sounded half-strangled. ‘What . . . ?’

  I couldn’t face him. I couldn’t look round. I kept my eyes on Emmi, pleading with her not to say any more. To take what she had said back. To somehow make it all right.

  And then Emmi turned to Flynn and I knew.

  I knew that she was going to tell him. I knew that she’d been dying to find some way of upsetting him ever since he’d walked into the barn. And I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that when Flynn heard he would hate me.

  ‘Your best friend, Flynn,’ she hissed. ‘Think about it. He was at the club too.’

  Flynn grabbed my shoulders. Spun me round. ‘Look at me.’

  I looked up. His eyes were dark gold in the dim glow of the barn lights. Hard as bullets.

  ‘Is that true?’ he said. ‘You and . . . and James?’

  My mind whirled as I tried to find a way of explaining that stupid, meaningless kiss to him. But the words stuck in my throat.

  ‘Course it’s true,’ Emmi slurred.

  ‘River?’ Flynn’s whole face was desperate. Pleading. ‘What did James do? Did he try and kiss you too?’ For a second he looked as if he was going to be sick.

  ‘No.’ I found my voice at last. It was nothing. Nothing. James was . . . is . . . totally into Grace. Always.’

  ‘Then what’s Emmi talking about?’ Flynn stopped, his whole body rigid. I knew he could see in my face there was something I wasn’t telling him. ‘Was there a kiss or not?’

  I gulped. ‘No . . . yes . . . sort of . . .’

  ‘What?’ Flynn backed away from me, his breath coming in heavy gasps. ‘I can’t believe James would do that.’ He clenched his fists. ‘I’m gonna freakin’ tear him up . . .’

  He turned and raced
out of the barn.

  ‘No.’ I pelted after him. ‘Flynn. Stop.’

  He was already flying past the dying bonfire. Into the house.

  I ran after him, my breath burning in my chest. As I reached the house, Grace appeared outside the back door, a sleeping bag in her arms.

  ‘Hi, Riv, did you find Em?’

  ‘Where’s James?’ I grabbed her arm.

  ‘What’s the-?’

  ‘Where the hell is James?’

  ‘Getting our camping stuff out of the car. Why?’

  I turned her round and started walking her past the side of the house. ‘You have to go back. Get in the car. Get James to drive away. It doesn’t matter where. Just away from here.’

  Grace was twisting round, trying to wrench herself out of my grip. ‘What’s the matter, River? You’re frightening me.’

  Emmi panted up behind us. She grabbed my shoulder. ‘River, I’m so sorry.’

  I ignored her.

  ‘Grace,’ I hissed. ‘Flynn knows. He knows James and I had that stupid kiss and he’s going to really hurt James if he finds him.’

  Grace’s eyes widened. She stood stock-still. ‘Oh my God.’ Her eyes flickered over to Emmi. ‘You told him?’ she breathed.

  I stared at Grace. Of course. That’s how Emmi knew.

  ‘You told her?’

  Grace’s forehead wrinkled. ‘She overheard something, Riv. That day we were talking about it while she was on the phone to Jean-Luc. She pestered and pestered me until I told her.’ Grace turned to Emmi. ‘You swore you wouldn’t say anything.’

  Emmi was crying now, her make-up running down her face.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled incoherently. ‘I’m sorry.’

  Something in my head seemed to snap. ‘Never mind that now.’ I gave Grace a push. ‘I’ll explain it to Flynn when he calms down. Get James. Get out of here.’

  Grace gave me a final, terrified look. Then she turned and ran towards the front of the house. Emmi was still standing in front of me, weeping. In that instant I hated her.

  ‘Get out of my house,’ I said.

  ‘River. Please, I’m sorry.’

  ‘Just get out.’

  She turned and stumbled after Grace. I waited for what seemed like an age. At last I heard the roar of the car engine and the crunch of the wheels on the small gravel drive.