Hold the Dream

  Emma let out a tiny sigh. She had no answers, no solutions, and speculating was surely a big waste of time.

  Her thoughts settled on Paula. She prayed her granddaughter would be happy with Jim Fairley for the rest of her life. If she was not, Shane might indeed make headway with her. Yet this first year of the marriage had been idyllic. On the other hand, there were things she herself had noticed, and which had given her food for thought and cause to wonder about Jim. Instinctively, she knew that he was no match for Paula when it came to inherent strength of character. Paula was inordinately stubborn, and she had a will of iron. And she was so much cleverer than Jim – on every level.

  Emma admired Jim professionally – he was a brilliant newspaperman. Also, she was fond of him personally. It was difficult not to be. On the other hand, Emma had recognized for some time that his judgement was flawed in many areas, and most especially when it came to his assessment of people. He was not terribly discriminating. He liked everyone; furthermore, he wanted everyone to be happy, and all of the time, no less. He hated controversy and upset, bent over backward to keep the peace – and very often that was to his own detriment. In Emma’s mind, one of Jim’s main problems was his overwhelming need to be liked in return, to be popular with every member of the family, his friends, and those in his employment. This trait in him both dismayed and irritated Emma. It was lonely at the top. And it was generally not very wise to be overly familiar with employees. That quickly led to trouble. Loath though she was to admit it, Jim was simply not of the same calibre as Paula. Would he hold up over the years? Every marriage had its problems, its stresses, its emotional upheavals. If Jim caved in because of his lack of stamina and endurance under pressure, what would happen to that marriage? To Paula? To their children? She hated to contemplate the future in this dismal way, and instantly pushed all negative thoughts out of her mind. They did love each other very much, and perhaps their love would overcome any differences they may have.

  Winston said, ‘You wanted to see me Aunt Emma?’ He sounded both nervous and concerned.

  ‘Yes,’ Emma said, pivoting. She walked over to a grouping of chairs, motioned Winston and Emily to join her.

  They out down opposite her, waiting.

  Winston had been mystified when Emily had dragged him out of the drawing room, whispering that Emma had sent her to get him. He knew at once, from the girl’s anxious demeanour, that something was wrong. Now his worried air intensified as he puffed rapidly on his cigarette. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that Emily’s face was stark above her yellow suit, its bony pallor more pronounced.

  Getting right to the point, Emma said, ‘A few minutes ago I saw Shane looking at Paula in such a way that it left no doubt in my mind about his feelings for her. Emily tells me you also noticed.’

  ‘Yes, I did,’ Winston said, at once, realizing there was no point in denying it, or lying. He braced himself, wondering what she would say next. He studied her face which was severe and grave.

  ‘Shane is in love with Paula,’ Emma announced in a clipped tone.

  ‘Yes. And desperately so,’ Winston replied, shaking his head. He had wondered for a long time when this would come out in the open, and now that it had he decided it was wisest to be completely candid with Emma. In a way, he felt relieved that she finally knew. It had been a heavy burden for him to carry alone.

  Desperately, Emma repeated under her breath. And her heart sank. Winston was underscoring her own suspicions, confirming her conclusions. She said slowly, ‘Has Shane discussed his feelings for her with you, Winston?’

  ‘No, Aunt Emma, he hasn’t. He’s a very private man, and discreet. But I’ve picked up a few things lately, and I’ve known about his emotional involvement with Paula for a while now…through my own observations. After all, we do share the same house at weekends. To be honest, I have a feeling Shane thinks I know, but he’s never brought the matter up. As I said, he’s extremely discreet.’

  Emma sat back, pursing her lips, her eyes more reflective than before. After a short silence, she said, ‘They’ve been as close as two peas in a pod all of their lives, Winston. How could he have let her slip through his fingers?’

  ‘I can only hazard a guess,’ Winston muttered, eyeing her closely. He stubbed out his cigarette, the gesture filled with sudden anger. ‘It’s because they grew up together…I mean, I don’t think he could see the wood for the trees, see what was under his nose. I’m positive Shane only realized the depth of his feelings for her when she became engaged to Jim. And they got married so quickly after their engagement was announced, Shane hardly had time to catch his breath. Or act. It all went very fast, as you know.’

  Winston now lifted his shoulders in a weary shrug, and glanced away, thinking of Shane’s abject misery. It had grown more intense and acute – and more noticeable – lately. He was glad Shane was going to the States – for Shane’s own sake. He turned back to Emma, finished, ‘That’s my analysis of what happened, for what it’s worth, Aunt Emma. I truly believe that it took another man in the picture to make Shane understand how much he loved Paula.’

  ‘Yes, I think you’re correct, Winston,’ Emma said.

  ‘Do you think Paula ever knew, or knows, that he cares about her in that way?’ Emily asked Winston in a hushed voice, touching his arm lightly, looking up at him.

  ‘I honestly can’t answer that, Emily. But I – ’

  Emma interrupted with great firmness, ‘I’m sure she didn’t and doesn’t have an inkling, dear.’ She cleared her throat, continued in that same clear strong voice, ‘This is a most tragic state of affairs for Shane, but there’s nothing anyone can do, least of all me. Not any more. Also, it’s really none of my business. Nor is it anyone else’s, for that matter. The last thing I want is for Shane or Paula to become topics for the gossip mongers in this family, and we all know there are a few who would love to tittle-tattle, perhaps blow this matter out of proportion. I have implicit faith in the both of you, and in your discretion and loyalty. However, I must ask you both to promise me faithfully that you will never mention what you saw this afternoon to anyone, ever. Is that clearly understood?’

  ‘Of course I promise, Grandma,’ Emily cried in a shocked voice, looking at Emma aghast. ‘You must know I would never talk about Paula, or do anything to hurt her. I feel the same way about Shane.’

  ‘I wasn’t doubting you, Emily. I simply felt compelled to stress the importance of your absolute silence on this matter.’ She directed her attention at Winston.

  He said, ‘I promise, Aunt Emma. I care about Paula and Shane as much as Emily does. And I tend to agree with you about the gossips in our family. There’s also a lot of free-floating jealousy about Paula. Shane too, in many ways. They’re very special people, so obviously they’ll always be targets. My lips are sealed, Aunt Emma. Please don’t worry about me.’

  ‘Thank you,’ Emma said, and made a mental note of Winston’s astute comments. She smiled thinly. ‘I would prefer it if we ourselves never referred to this matter again. I believe it would be best forgotten by the three of us. Shane is going away for six months. Let’s hope he will forget Paula – ’

  ‘He’ll never let go of her!’ Winston cut in fiercely, heatedly. ‘It’s not in his nature to – ’ Angrily he clamped his mouth shut, regretting that he had opened it in the first place.

  But he had said enough for Emma to get a clear picture. Yes, she thought, that’s what I’m afraid of, too. She said, as steadily as possible, ‘Perhaps he will always care for her, Winston. But he’s a young man, and virile. He has normal appetites and desires, I’ve no doubt. Let us hope that he’ll eventually find someone who’ll meet his needs, and come up to his standards, a woman who can help him to forget Paula. I sincerely hope he makes a rewarding life for himself, finds fulfilment and happiness.’

  ‘I don’t know about that,’ Winston muttered, changing his mind yet again. He ought to be truthful with Emma. He owed her that, after all. He threw his aunt a gloomfille
d glance. And then, because he had always been able to say anything to her without a shred of embarrassment, he added, in a blunt fashion, ‘I’m sure he’ll continue to have his brief, hit-and-run affairs, his sexual entanglements. He couldn’t avoid them, not the way women throw themselves at him. Shane’s no saint, you know. And he’s hardly the type to lead a celibate life. After all, Aunt Emma, you don’t have to be in love with a woman to sleep with her.’

  ‘Quite,’ Emma said, lifting a brow, glancing at Emily.

  Winston noticed this, but Emily was a big girl. She knew what was what. Undeterred, he plunged on, ‘I suppose you won’t want to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway. In my opinion, Shane O’Neill will never love anyone but Paula. You said a few minutes ago that this was a tragic thing for Shane. And it is. But it’s also tragic for Paula, I think. She’d have been far better off and happier with a man like Shane than with Jim Fairley.’

  Winston’s harsh tone, not to mention his condemning words, brought Emma up with a start. She looked at him swiftly, in astonishment, noticing the grim expression ringing his mouth, the angry glint in his eyes. Why, he bears a grudge against Jim, she thought, that’s what his suppressed rage and resentment are all about. Winston is against Jim Fairley because he won Paula, cut Shane out.

  Emma nodded, made no comment whatsoever.

  Emily, her face puckering up, said quietly, ‘Poor Shane. Life’s so unfair.’

  ‘Come now, darling, you’re only seeing Shane’s side of this situation.’ Emma clucked gently, reprovingly. ‘Perhaps Paula doesn’t think life is unfair. I’m sure she’s happy with Jim. I know she loves him. And besides, Emily, whoever told you life is fair? It’s most unfair, and it has always been damned hard, in my experience. How we cope with life, react to our hardships and suffering, and overcome them, that’s what really counts in the end. We must all be strong, learn from our troubles, grow in stature and character. We can’t ever let adversity get us down, Emily. Now, let us end this discussion. Run along the two of you. I want to be alone for a few minutes.’

  Winston went over and kissed her. So did Emily. They left together in silence.

  Emma sat by herself for a while.

  She felt weary, bone tired. It seemed to her that she solved one problem only to encounter another. But then her life had never been any different. Dear, dear Shane, she murmured under her breath. My heart goes out to you. Life has dealt you a bad hand in this particular instance. But you’ll survive. We all do.

  Quite unexpectedly tears came into her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. She searched her pockets for a handkerchief and dabbed at her wrinkled old face. She felt like weeping buckets of tears. But that was not her way, giving in like that. And tears solved nothing. She blew her nose, pocketed her handkerchief, and stood up, smoothing down her dress as she did.

  Emma walked over to the windows again, taking a few deep breaths, drawing on her great strength, her will power. And slowly she pulled herself together. Her thoughts came back to Shane. Perhaps Winston was right in his assessment. Maybe Shane hadn’t realized how he truly felt about Paula until it was too late. Then again, maybe he had believed he had all the time in the world to claim her for his own. We all think that time is endless when we’re young, she sighed to herself. The years ahead seem to stretch out forever and indefinitely. But they don’t…they disappear in a flash, in the wink of an eye. Blackie edged into her mind. She wondered what he would have to say about this situation. She decided, at once, not to tell him. It would upset him, cause him too much grief.

  Last night Blackie had said that life was too damned short for dilly-dallying. There was a great deal of truth and wisdom in his words. Especially when it came to a couple of old warriors like themselves. Emma made another sudden decision. She was going to accept Blackie’s invitation to go on that trip around the world after all. No more dilly-dallying for her.

  Turning away from the window, Emma walked briskly across the floor and left the library. She went into the drawing room purposefully, seeking Blackie, picturing his expression when she told him to put his Plan with a capital P into operation immediately. And this she fully intended to do the minute she found him in the crowded room.

  CHAPTER 12

  ‘Do you think all families are like ours?’

  ‘What do you mean – exactly?’ Winston asked, turning to face Emily.

  ‘We’ve always got a drama of one kind or another erupting. It seems to me there’s never been a minute’s peace for as long as I can remember. If it’s not the awful aunts and uncles being beastly and scratching everyone’s eyes out, it’s our generation quarrelling and creating the most dreadful upsets. To tell you the truth, I feel as though I’m on a battlefield half the time, and I don’t think I’m a very good combatant.’

  Winston chuckled at her mournful tone, which reflected her dire expression. ‘You manage all right, Emily. You’re a good little scrapper – so I’ve noticed.’

  The two of them sat together on an old stone garden seat at the bottom on the rolling lawns that sloped away from the wide terrace which fronted the Peach Drawing Room. Behind them, Pennistone Royal soared up into a sky of deepening blue, awesome in its grandeur and majestic beauty, the many windows glittering in the sunshine of late afternoon.

  Now Winston said more thoughtfully, ‘But to answer your question, I don’t suppose other families are quite like ours. After all, how many have an Emma Harte as the matriarch?’

  Emily drew away, looking up at him, a small frown puckering her smooth brow. Her eyes held his gravely as she said, ‘Don’t blame Grandma for the dramatics that are being endlessly enacted. I think she’s an innocent bystander, poor thing. I really get angry when I think of the heartache some members of this family cause her.’

  Winston exclaimed, ‘I wasn’t being critical of her, if that’s what you think. Or suggesting for one minute that she’s responsible for these situations, Emily. I agree with you – she’s not at fault. I was merely pointing out that as the most remarkable woman of our time, and an original, there’s bound to be controversy surrounding her. Look, she’s had a very complex and complicated life, and one she’s certainly lived to the fullest. She has shoals of children and grandchildren, and if you include all of us Hartes, which you must, her family is huge. Bigger than most. And don’t forget her other close attachments – the O’Neill and Kallinski clans. Add up the numbers – and you’ve got an army, more or less.’

  ‘Everything you say is true, Winston. Still, I do get awfully fed up with the infighting and bickering. I just wish we could all live peacefully together, and get on with it, for God’s sake.’

  ‘Yes…but there’s another thing you must take into consideration, Emily. Immense wealth and power are vested in her, and in this family, so obviously there are going to be jealousies and competitiveness and all kinds of machinations. It strikes me that intrigues are inescapable, given the nature of people…they can be rotten, Emily. Selfish, greedy, self-serving and ruthless. I’ve discovered that some people will stop at nothing when their own interests are at stake.’

  ‘Don’t I know it! Emily stared down into the murky depths of the pond, looking troubled. Finally she lifted her head, swung her eyes to Winston. ‘When I mentioned dramas a few minutes ago, naturally I was referring to Shane. But, I must admit, I sensed things this afternoon, you know, undercurrents. As usual, the room was divided into camps. There was a lot of manoeuvring going on.’

  ‘And who was doing what to whom?’ Winston asked with some alertness, his curiosity aroused.

  ‘Jonathan and Sarah are as thick as thieves, for one thing. That’s very strange, because I know she never used to like him. I can’t put my finger on it, yet I can’t help feeling they’re concocting something. Alexander is probably suspicious of that new liaison. Didn’t you notice how he’s steered clear of them today?’

  ‘Now that you mention it, yes. Personally, I’ve never had much time for Jonathan Ainsley. He was a bully as a child, and like
all bullies he’s basically a coward. He projects a lot of charm these days, but I don’t expect he’s changed much over the years, not inside. I haven’t forgotten the time he hit me over the head with a cricket bat. The nasty little bugger. He could have done me real damage.’

  ‘I know he could, and he was always horrid to me when we were growing up. I still believe it was Master Jonathan who cut the tyres on that bicycle Grandy gave me when I was ten, even though he denied it when she challenged him. He came up with some sort of plausible alibi about his whereabouts that day, but I just know it was a total fib.’ Emily scowled. ‘As for Sarah, well, she’s been a loner, and secretive, all of her life.’

  ‘You know what they say – still waters run deep and the devil’s at the bottom,’ Winston remarked.

  He bent down, picked up a pebble and idly threw it into the pond, watching the ripples eddying out from the pool’s centre. ‘There have been occasions when I’ve thought that Sarah has the hots for Shane.’

  Emily started in surprise. ‘You’re not the only one,’ she admitted quietly. ‘Well, fat chance she’s got…’ She stopped, added swiftly, ‘That sounded mean, and I didn’t intend to be catty, Winston. I don’t dislike Sarah. She can be very sweet, and I feel sorry for her really. Carrying a torch for a man like Shane O’Neill must be positively awful. Even heartbreaking, perhaps. She and I have never been all that close, but…well, I always thought she was true blue – until today. Now I’m not sure any more.’

  ‘She might have been using Jonathan as a shield, and that’s all. It was pretty obvious she was trying to disappear into the woodwork, because of Shane’s presence, I’ve no doubt.’

  ‘Maybe you’re right.’ Changing the subject, Emily remarked, ‘Jim’s very taken with Edwina and with Anthony, by the look of it. He’s been glued to our young earl for the last hour or so. Maybe titles impress him. Anyway, what do you think about Anthony and Sally getting together?’