Passion and Ponies

  “I didn’t mean-”

  Ava holds up her hand and cuts me off. “No, I get it, I’m a bitch.”

  “You’re not a bitch.”

  She cocks her head and looks at me like I’m an idiot.

  “Okay fine, you’re a little bit of a bitch, but I don’t care and obviously it turns me on,” I admit, pushing away from the door and walking closer to her.

  “I know I act like I don’t care and that I’m just sticking around for the sex. I’m not used to someone like you. I’ve never been with anyone who I could tolerate for more than a day or two. I never expected for…this,” she gestures between us. “To amount to anything. I never expected to feel things. I certainly never expected to be hurt when I found out something happened with your bio-dad situation and you didn’t tell me yourself.”

  She lets out an uneasy laugh and I move even closer, sliding my body in between her legs and resting my hands on her hips. The only sides of Ava I’ve ever seen are sexy- hot and annoyed-bitchy. I didn’t think it was possible to want her more than I already did, but I was wrong. Seeing her vulnerable and nervous as she opens up to me just the tiniest bit makes me want to rip all of her clothes off and make her mine.

  “I think it’s probably obvious to everyone that I’m unhappy with my life and where it’s going. I took it out on you and I’m sorry about that,” she says softly.

  “You don’t have to apologize. You drive me crazy, but I have more fun fighting with you than I’ve ever had getting along with anyone else,” I explain, bring a hand up to the side of her face and cupping her cheek in my palm. “I have a My Little Pony fetish and I don’t know any woman who would put up with that shit, but you sort of do and I like that about you.”

  She smiles at me and like a fucking chick, my heart skips a beat. I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen Ava smile unless she was plotting something evil and calculating. This smile is soft and lights up her entire face.

  Yep, it’s happened, folks. I’ve grown a vagina.

  “Why are you so unhappy with your life? You’ve got a great job, the perfect family and you get boned by a dude with mad bedroom skills on a regular basis,” I smirk.

  Ava laughs and shakes her head at me, sliding her hands around my waist. “I do have a good job, but it’s not the job I want. It doesn’t make me happy.”

  I move my fingers under her chin and force her to look up at me. “What do you want, Ava? What makes you happy?”

  She bites her lip before taking a deep breath and spilling everything to me. She tells me about her blog and how her mom is always putting it down. She uses words like “couture” and “fashion forecast” that I’ve never even heard of before. She gets more and more excited and animated as she talks and I can’t help but smile. I’ve never seen her so passionate about something before and it makes me angry that her mom doesn’t at least try to understand.

  For the first time in my life, a chick is talking to me and I’m not zoning out and imagining what she would look like wearing only a unicorn headband.

  Okay, fine. I lost concentration for a second when she mentioned “trunk show.” Come on. What guy hears trunk and doesn’t immediately think ass? For the most part, though, I’m right here with her, hanging on her every word. I want to see her happy like this all the time. I don’t know what this blog thing entails, but I’m going to help her. If I can start a Bronies Support group in Ohio with only five members, my parents’ garage, two VCR’s and a poor, lost soul who was still in love with Rainbow Brite, then by God I will make this happen for her.

  Even though Ava said all we did was have sex and she wanted to spend some time talking, we were alone in my locked office and I had a Pulsating Posey in my top desk drawer.

  After our talk, I may have convinced Ava of the appeal of My Little Pony.

  Three times.

  “You’ll never guess who I just got off the phone with-”

  I stop abruptly in Charlotte and Gavin’s living room when I see Tyler on the couch with a book in his hands.

  “Are you reading an erotic romance book?” I ask in shock after I got a peek at the cover.

  Sticking an old receipt in between the pages to mark his place, Tyler sets the book down on the coffee table and looks up at me.

  “Well, I heard this stuff is all the rage with the ladies so I thought I’d give it a go. I’ve decided that you should start calling me Master.”

  I roll my eyes and plop down on the couch next to him. “That’s never going to happen.”

  I was a little worried moving in with Gavin and Charlotte that I’d never have any time to myself. Now that Tyler and I are sort of a thing, I figured we’d never get any alone time together either, but it’s actually worked out in our favor. The two of them are never home. They’re either working or going out together.

  “It says in that book that women like to be dominated, so I think you should submit to me,” Tyler states.

  “Um, have you met me? I’m not like those women. There is no way I would let you walk all over me.”

  Tyler turns to face me on the couch. “Come on, be adventurous. I’ll tie you to the bed and spank you. We just need a safe word,” he muses.

  “I’ve got a safe word. If you ever spank me and I scream ‘DON’T FUCKING SPANK ME AGAIN’, that’s my cue for you to stop.”

  Tyler looks at me funny. “That’s a really long safe word. I was thinking more along the lines of ‘nipple’ or ‘pancakes’. Something simple.”

  “Tyler, focus! Stop thinking about BDSM for five minutes. I just got off the phone with Nordstrom’s and they want to buy ad space on my blog.”

  After our talk the other day in Tyler’s office, he asked me how many hits I got on my blog each time I post. When I told him the number, his mouth dropped open in surprise and he told me with numbers like that, I could definitely get a few sponsors that would pay me for advertising. I didn’t think he was serious until he started making phone calls for me and the companies actually called me back. With this recent call from Nordstrom’s, I now have five businesses paying me a monthly fee for advertising.

  “See? I told you that you’d be able to make money off of this thing,” he tells me with a smile. “Let’s celebrate with some light bondage and role-playing.”

  I shake my head at him, grab his hand and pull him up from the couch. “I’ve got a better idea. I need to do a blog post today about a few of the items Charlotte Russe and Forever 21 sent me over the weekend and I need a model.”

  Tyler stops in the middle of the room and refuses to let me continue pulling him towards the bedroom. “Whoa, hold up there, missy. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this.”

  Putting on my best pouting face, I bat my eyelashes at him. “But they sent over a My Little Pony t-shirt. If you put it on and let me take a picture of you in it, I promise we can try out the whole bondage thing.”

  Tyler narrows his eyes. “Is this t-shirt bedazzled?”

  “It’s bedazzled AND it came with a multi-colored tail that attaches to the belt loop of your pants,” I tell him.

  Tyler grabs my hand this time and races towards the bedroom. “Damn woman! Next time, lead with that!”

  “Ooooh that tickles, do it again!”

  Smack.

  “Okay, that one stung a little, not so hard.”

  Smack.

  “FUCKING HELL THAT HURT! NOT SO HARD!”

  Smack, smack!

  “OH, MY GOD! I SAID NOT SO HARD!”

  “Safe word, use the fucking safe word!”

  “PANCAKES, PANCAKES, MOTHER FUCKING PANCAKES!” Tyler screams.

  With a sigh, I drop the horsetail that came with the My Little Pony t-shirt and smile at his red ass. “You were right, this bondage stuff is fun.”

  Tyler looks over his shoulder at me and scowls. “Can you untie me now? It would be really awkward if Charlotte and Gavin come home early.”

  He starts to struggle against the pair of panty hose that I wrapped securely around his
wrists before tying them to the curtain rod in the living room. I’ve got to say, seeing him trussed up to the window buck naked with his arms above his head is kind of a nice sight and it almost pains me to untie him.

  “Honey, I’m home!”

  I jump at the sound of Gavin walking through the door. The smile dies on his face as he takes in the scene in his living room.

  “Well, this is unexpected,” he mutters.

  “Oh, hey, Gavin! In case you were wondering, your curtain rods are pretty sturdy,” Tyler informs him.

  “Things that can never be unseen,” Gavin mumbles, unable to take his eyes off of Tyler.

  “So, funny story. Tyler was helping me model some clothes for my blog, one thing led to another and we decided to try out some BDSM. You’re lucky you got here when you did. Cock and ball torture was next on the list,” I explain.

  “Wait, what?” Tyler asks in horror, craning his neck even more to look at me.

  “Oh, don’t be such a baby. Surely Mr. We-Need-A-Safe-Word isn’t afraid of a little genital flogging,” I tell him, reaching up to untie his arms.

  Arms free, he turns around, rubbing his wrists. “What are you doing home so early? And where’s Charlotte?”

  Gavin stares up at the ceiling. “Can you please put some pants on? I cannot have a conversation with you when your third leg is pointing at me.”

  Grabbing Tyler’s jeans from the couch, I toss them at him. After he pulls them on, Gavin finally looks back down.

  “Anyway, Charlotte had a meeting at work. I wanted to get home before her because I need some advice,” Gavin explains, walking into the room.

  He starts to sit down on the couch, but stops his descent with his ass hovering right above the cushions. “Did you guys have sex on this couch?”

  Tyler shakes his head. “Nope.”

  Gavin drops the rest of the way, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

  “Not today at least, but we did yesterday. I think you’re sitting in the wet spot.”

  Gavin jumps up from the couch like it’s on fire and gives both of us a dirty look. “Seriously you guys? I think I liked it better when you two hated each other.”

  Tyler flips Gavin off and takes a seat on the love seat, pulling me down next to him and wrapping his arm around my waist.

  “What kind of advice do you need? If it’s about what you just witnessed here, make sure you and Charlotte are on the same page with the safe word. It’s imperative for the safety of your scrotum,” Tyler tells him.

  “Jesus God, no. I want to propose to Charlotte and I have no idea how to do it,” Gavin tells us.

  I knew this was coming. I’ve been teasing Charlotte about it for weeks, but hearing Gavin come right out and say it is bittersweet. My sister has found the love of her life and he wants to marry her. She has her dream job, her dream man and everything is falling into place for her.

  Looking over at Tyler, I see the huge grin on his face and I can’t help but smile right along with him. My sister is getting married. My blog is starting to make money and I’m pretty sure I might be in love with Tyler.

  “I’ve got the perfect proposal idea for you,” Tyler tells Gavin. “We just need to find an Alpaca farm, a place that will let us use illegal fireworks and a working fountain we can add red Jell-O to.”

  I must be insane.

  “You haven’t talked very much about the situation with your real dad. I know we’re trying out this whole talking thing now, but all we seem to talk about is me,” Ava says during our lunch break at work.

  “I’m an open book. You already know everything. The sperm bank had a mix-up with the records and they have no fucking clue who the sperm donor was. My only hope at this point is that my mom remembers who she had the foursome with in college so I can try and contact those dudes,” I explain to her.

  “There’s got to be something else you can do,” she says, gathering up her trash and tossing it in the bin in the corner of the room.

  “Oh, there is. I’m going to BronyCon to find my dad.”

  She turns to face me. “You’re going to what?”

  “Uh, hello? BronyCon, only the biggest My Little Pony convention in the entire world. They’re having it in Cleveland this year the week after Christmas and I’m going.”

  Before I can further explain my epic plan and possibly ask her to go with me, the door to the lunch room opens and Gavin comes running in.

  “I just saw Jim in the hall and I told him I was going to ask Charlotte to marry me and now I’m pretty sure he’s going to kill me,” Gavin says in a rush.

  “I doubt Jim is not going to kill you because you want to marry his daughter,” I laugh.

  He ducks down behind my chair just as the door flies open again and Jim stalks in.

  “Where is he? Where is that little maggot?”

  Ava rushes up to her dad and throws her arms around him. “Hi, Daddy! It’s so good to see you. Why don’t we go find mom?”

  Jim untangles her arms from around his neck and moves her to the side. “Not now, honey. I have a man to kill.”

  “See?!” Gavin whispers behind me.

  I watch as Jim’s eyes narrow when he catches sight of Gavin crouched down and rocking back and forth behind my chair.

  “Dude, stand down. You aren’t going to kill Gavin,” Drew says, walking through the door and wrapping his hands around Jim’s arms.

  “Fine, I won’t kill him. I just want to talk to him, loudly and with a few punches to his nut sack,” Jim states quietly.

  Standing up from my chair, I walk around the table to stand in front of Jim. “Mr. Gillmore, I’d just like to say that-”

  “Move out of the way, fuck face, or I’ll kick your ass instead,” Jim interrupts.

  I nod and step out of his way. “Very good, sir.”

  “Get your ass out from behind that chair,” Jim yells to Gavin.

  Ava inches towards the door. “I’m gonna go get help.”

  She turns and flees from the room and I have a sudden need to follow her. Jim is a scary motherfucker when he’s angry and right now, he’s pissed.

  We watch as Gavin slowly stands up, his eyes darting all around the room, looking for a way out.

  “What the hell is going on in here? Someone said there was a fight happening,” Liz says as she walks into the room a few seconds later with Claire right on her heals.

  “There’s nothing to see here, ladies. How about you just go on back to work and let me handle this,” Jim tells Liz. “Gavin and I are going to settle this like men.”

  Jim clenches his fists and brings them up in front of his face. “You want to marry my daughter? Then it’s time for a little Fight Club.”

  Claire lets out a huff and puts her hands on her hips. “Oh, hell no! Fight Club is for Liz and me. You don’t get to have Fight Club! The first rule of Fight Club is that you don’t get to have fucking Fight Club!”

  “Wait just a minute here,” Liz interrupts. “Did Gavin seriously ask your permission to marry Charlotte? That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard!”

  Jim sighs, never taking his eyes off of Gavin. “You’re not helping. He is not marrying our daughter.”

  “Wouldn’t you rather they get married so that the things he’s currently doing to her that are illegal in ten states aren’t frowned upon?” I ask.

  “Boom! That just happened!” Drew shouts, holding his hand up for me to give him a high-five.

  I reach up to smack it, quickly pulling my arm back down when I see Jim give me the look of death.

  “Hey, is that glitter on your hand?” I ask Drew, taking a closer look at the sparkles on his palm.

  Drew drops his arm and frantically tries to wipe his hand on his pants. “I’m not doing anything wrong or weird. Sometimes I like to cover my hand in glitter and then jerk off with it because it makes everything pretty like a rainbow, so you can all just shut up right now!”

  Everyone stares at him, Gavin’s pending beat-down momentarily forgott
en.

  “Even though I’m going to regret asking this, the glitter is seriously from you jerking off and not cheating on Jenny?” Liz asks.

  “Cheating on Jenny? Why would I ever cheat on Jenny?” Drew asks in shock.

  “Well, she thinks you’re cheating on her because you keep making excuses to leave the house and you come home covered in strange glitter that she swears isn’t stripper glitter,” Claire informs him.

  “This is craft glitter. Everyone knows stripper glitter is more miniscule, comes in brighter colors and smells like vanilla,” Drew tells us with a roll of his eyes.

  I grab Drew’s wrist and pull his hand close to my face. There’s something familiar about this glitter but I can’t wrap my head around it.

  “I’ve seen this glitter somewhere before,” I mutter.

  Drew snatches his hand back. “No you haven’t! You have no idea what you’re talking about! It’s my special glitter and all it does is make my penis sparkle!”

  “I think I liked this conversation much better when we were discussing all the ways Uncle Jim was going to kill me,” Gavin states with a disgusted look on his face.

  “Yes, let’s get back to that, shall we?” Jim asks, moving to the edge of the table, opposite Gavin. “Did you knock up my daughter?”

  “Oh, for the love of God,” Liz complains.

  “What?! No!” Gavin shouts.

  Jim starts to move around the table towards Gavin. “But you’ve been having sex with my daughter when the rules clearly state that I only let the two of you live together as long as you didn’t touch her.”

  Gavin shuffles the opposite way around the table.

  “Charlotte is NOT pregnant, I swear. We don’t even want kids! I love her and she loves me. I want to spend the rest of my life with her,” Gavin tells Jim, circling the table to get away from him.

  “Jim, stop trying to kill Gavin. I have a meeting I’m late for,” Liz complains.

  “Calm down, Jim. They’re probably just having anal. Anal doesn’t count,” Drew announces.