Karen's Big Joke

  I dropped the bug in Bobby’s shoe. I pushed it down into the toe.

  In gym class, we played with a parachute. Then we practiced climbing ropes. When class ended, we ran to change out of our sneakers.

  Bobby stuck his sock foot into one of his shoes. He frowned. Then he reached into the shoe and pulled out the cockroach. “Aughhh!” he screamed.

  “April Fool, Bobby!” I cried. “I got you!”

  Beware, Karen!

  “Okay, now I am really going to get you,” said Bobby.

  We were leaving the gym. I was holding the cockroach. Bobby’s face was red. But he was laughing. He could not believe he had been fooled by a silly plastic bug. I dangled it in front of him. The roach did not even look real. Its head was covered with fur.

  “Just wait until lunchtime,” whispered Bobby.

  Hmm. What a good clue!

  At lunchtime I was on my guard. I sat with Nancy, Hannie, Natalie, and the twins in the cafeteria. I bought the school lunch. It was spaghetti and salad and milk. The dessert was rice pudding. Before I began to eat, I checked my food carefully. I wanted to be sure Bobby had not hidden anything in it. Or done anything to it.

  My lunch looked fine.

  That was why I did not panic later when Bobby leaned over from the next table and stared at my dessert. “Ew!” he cried. “A fly landed in your pudding!”

  I barely looked at the pudding. “Bobby,” I said. (I sighed loudly.) “That is a raisin. There are raisins in your pudding, too.”

  “Darn it,” replied Bobby.

  I picked the raisin out of my pudding. I put it on Hannie’s napkin. “Ew!” I exclaimed. “Ew, Hannie, a huge pudding-covered fly landed on your tray. It is heading for your spaghetti!”

  Then I picked another raisin out of my pudding. I put it on Nancy’s napkin. “Nancy! Fly alert!” I cried.

  My friends and I were giggling. We could not stop.

  Bobby turned back to his own lunch. Every so often, though, he would look over his shoulder at me. He waited until I had finished eating. Then he said, “Hey, Karen, want some ABC gum?”

  “Why, Bobby, how nice of you to offer,” I replied. “No, thank you.”

  Bobby could not fool me. I know what ABC gum is. ABC stands for Already Been Chewed. Bobby was going to pull his own gum out of his mouth and give me half of it. Yuck.

  Bobby and his friends left the cafeteria. They went to the playground for recess. A little while later, the Three Musketeers went outside, too. The first thing we saw was a bunch of boys crowded around something on the ground. Bobby was with them. “Karen!” he yelled. “Come here!”

  “Watch out for another trick,” Nancy whispered to me.

  “Karen, we found buried treasure!” Bobby shouted. “Right here on the playground. I think it is a pirate’s chest.”

  “Yeah, right,” I said.

  “No, really. Come here…. I will give you a piece of gold.”

  “Are you April Fooling, Bobby?” I said.

  After recess, my friends and I returned to our class. Bobby ran ahead of us. When I reached my desk, he was standing behind my chair. “Allow me to seat you,” he said politely.

  “Goodness, Bobby. Thanks,” I answered. But I did not sit down.

  “What are you waiting for?” Bobby asked.

  “My chair. I know you pulled it away.” I looked behind me. Sure enough, Bobby had moved my chair. If I had sat down, I would have landed on the floor.

  “April Fool!” I said to Bobby. “You can’t get me!”

  When school was over, Bobby still had not tricked me.

  I was the April Fools’ Day queen.

  The Gymnastics Team

  “Karen?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I asked you a question,” said Miss Donovan.

  Oops. I was in my gymnastics class. I was not paying attention. I was thinking about my big joke. “Sorry,” I said to my teacher. “What did you say?”

  “I asked everyone if they have been practicing at home.”

  “Oh, yes,” I said. “All the time. In the basement of my mother’s house.”

  Miss Donovan smiled. She began talking again.

  But I stopped listening.

  I remembered the joke I had played on Andrew that morning. I remembered fooling Bobby in gym class. I thought about the tricks Bobby had tried to play on me. Then I thought about my big joke.

  It was all planned. I was going to play it the next day, on the real April Fools’ Day. But I was going to start it that night at dinner with my big-house family.

  This was my joke. I had already decided that I probably would not win first prize in the contest and get to go to Hawaii. I probably would not win no matter how beautiful my family was. But my family would not know that. They did not know how many people had entered the contest. They did not even know that I had entered the contest. So I would tell them. And then I would say that a judge had called me and maybe I was a winner, but I would not find out for sure until the judge had come to the big house to see my beautiful family himself.

  I bet everyone in my family would get very dressed up. They would clean their rooms. They would be on their best behavior, waiting for the judge. But the judge would never arrive! April Fools’ Day was going to be gigundoly fun.

  In gymnastics class, Sophie and I practiced on the trampoline. We practiced very hard. Sometimes I wanted to stop and say to Sophie, “Guess what April Fool tricks I played today.” But I did not. Instead, I kept working. I said to Sophie, “Tuck your chin down when you turn over on the rings.” I spotted her carefully.

  Sophie grinned at me. “We are pretty good gymnasts, aren’t we, Karen?”

  “Yeah. I think so. If I could just turn a cartwheel.”

  “But you can do a back flip on the mat,” Sophie reminded me. “No one else in our class can do that.”

  That was true.

  Before class ended, Miss Donovan said she wanted us to have a meeting. We had never held a meeting at gymnastics.

  “Please sit on the tumbling mats,” said our teacher.

  We sat down. Gemma asked me to sit next to her, and so did Polly. I sat between them. We waited for Miss Donovan to start talking.

  “Class,” she said, “I am happy to be able to tell you about a special gymnastics team our school is forming. It is called an invitational team. That means you must be invited to join it.”

  “And that means you have to be really good,” I whispered to Gemma and Polly.

  “The team will participate in gymnastics meets all over Connecticut,” Miss Donovan went on. “One or two students from every class in school will be asked to join the team. During the next few weeks I will be watching each of you closely. Some of the other teachers may come to our class and watch you, too. Try not to feel nervous. Just do your best.”

  I wondered if my best was good enough. I really wanted to be on the special team and travel around Connecticut with my new friends. I was excited — but when class ended, I began thinking about my big joke again.

  Finalists

  “Everybody, I have an annoucement,” I said.

  Gymnastics was over. Mommy had driven Andrew and me to Daddy’s for the weekend. My big-house family and I were eating supper in the kitchen. We were eating chicken and vegetables.

  I had decided that Ms. Colman should not be the only one who gets to make Surprising Announcements. I would make one, too.

  “You got your own apartment?” Sam asked me.

  “No, silly,” I replied. I cleared my throat. I wanted to say this just right. “A few weeks ago,” I began, “I entered a contest. I saw it in Beautiful Home magazine. It was called the Beautiful Family contest. I wrote an essay about why my family was beautiful and special. My big-house family, I mean. And I sent in a photo of us. First prize in the contest is a trip to Hawaii. There are a bunch of other prizes, too.”

  Sam snorted. “Like you are really going to go to Hawaii, Karen.”

  I smiled. “I might,” I sai
d. “That is my announcement. I got a letter from the contest people yesterday. Guess what. We may be winners. Anyway, we are finalists. A judge might come over tomorrow to meet us and to look at our house and yard. So we better be neat and clean. And well-behaved,” I added. “We will have to impress that judge.”

  “Karen,” said Daddy. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Of course I am.”

  “Could I see the letter?”

  “Um, I left it in my desk. I took it to school to show my friends.”

  “How come you did not tell us about the contest until now?” asked Charlie.

  “I wanted to surprise you,” I told him.

  “Honey, I don’t know,” said Elizabeth. “I do not like the idea of a stranger showing up at our house to look around.”

  “Um, I think he will call first,” I said. “He will tell you about the contest. He will probably call tomorrow morning.”

  “All right,” said Daddy. “Please let me speak to the judge when he phones.”

  “Okay!” I said.

  I ran to my room. This was the beginning of my big joke. It was going to be a really good one, I could tell. And it was only April Fools’ Day Eve.

  “Get ready for tomorrow,” I whispered to Moosie.

  The Big Fuss

  “Eek, a snake! Oh, my heavens! A snake is in the bathroom!”

  Elizabeth was shouting. That is what woke me up on Saturday morning. At first I just lay under my covers. Then I leaped out of bed. I flew down the hallway. If a snake was in our bathroom, I wanted to see it.

  “Where? Where, Elizabeth?” I cried.

  David Michael and Kristy were right behind me. “Where, Mom?” they said.

  Elizabeth grinned at us. “April Fool!”

  “Good one, Mom,” said Kristy.

  I was laughing. “Yeah, good one. First thing in the morning, too.”

  At breakfast, David Michael put salt in the sugar bowl. “April Fool!” he cried when Nannie spit out her coffee.

  Then Andrew got Kristy with the squirting camera. “April Fool!” he cried.

  Then Kristy said she would fix cereal for me. She served me a bowl of chicken noodle soup. “April Fool!” she cried.

  After that, Emily began saying. “April Fool!” Only she said, “Apra Foo!” And I do not think she understood about tricks and jokes.

  First she pinched Sam and cried, “Apra Foo!”

  Then she scared Andrew and cried, “Apra Foo!”

  When I got tired of Emily’s Apra Foos, I ran upstairs. I telephoned Hannie. “Hi, it’s me,” I whispered.

  “Hi,” Hannie answered. “Why are you whispering?”

  “I will tell you later. Can you call me right back?”

  “Sure. Why?”

  “I will tell you later.”

  “Okay.”

  Hannie called back. I picked up the phone. I pretended to sound very excited. “Oh, really? Oh, really?” I exclaimed. “Oh, my goodness. I do not believe it! Thank you very much. Good-bye!” Then I whispered to Hannie, “I’m coming over later. I will explain everything.”

  I hung up the phone and ran back downstairs. “Guess what, everybody!” I cried. “That was the judge! He just called. And he will be by sometime today to inspect us. We — ”

  “Karen,” Daddy interrupted. “I wanted to talk to the judge.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry. I forget about that. But isn’t this exciting news?”

  “I think it is!” said Nannie. “We better get to work. We should weed the flower gardens. We should tidy up the playroom. We should change our clothes.”

  “I will fix my tux,” said Sam.

  “So will I,” said Charlie.

  “Maybe I will go to the beauty parlor,” said Elizabeth.

  “Can I wear jeans?” asked Kristy.

  “Not if you want to win the contest,” Sam told her. “Not if you want to go to Hawaii. Or get … What is second prize, Karen?”

  “Oh, it does not matter,” I said.

  “Of course not,” replied Sam. “Because we are going to go to Hawaii.”

  “Yea!” cheered David Michael.

  So everyone became very busy.

  I ran to my room and changed into my best dress.

  The Giggles

  While I was changing, I wanted to laugh. My brothers were looking for their tuxes. Daddy and Nannie were probably already weeding the gardens. David Michael and Andrew and Emily were putting their toys away.

  So far, everyone believed my big joke.

  But I did not laugh. I did not want to ruin anything. I went downstairs and found Elizabeth. (She was cleaning the oven.)

  “I am going over to Hannie’s,” I announced. “I want to tell her about the judge and the contest. I am all ready for the judge,” I added. “See?” I twirled around. “I will come back before the judge gets here.”

  “Okay,” said Elizabeth. “Stay clean. You might not have time to change again. Be careful of your good clothes.”

  * * *

  Hannie and I lay on her bedroom floor. (I had forgotten about my good clothes.) We lay on our stomachs, facing each other.

  “Why are you so dressed up?” Hannie wanted to know.

  I grinned. Then I told her about the big joke.

  Hannie began to laugh. “So your family is getting ready for the judge’s visit? What are you going to do now?”

  “As soon as I get home, I will shout ‘April Fool!’”

  Hannie was still laughing. “And everyone will be dressed up, and your house will look gorgeous,” she said.

  “Yes. At last my family will have some manners.”

  “Sam will not burp,” said Hannie.

  “Charlie will not tease,” I said. “And no one will look sloppy.”

  “Wouldn’t it have been cool if you had really won the contest, though?” asked Hannie.

  “Way cool,” I answered. “I would have let you come to Hawaii with us. We could have taken hula lessons together.”

  “Oh, well. I guess it does not matter too much. You know why?”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because we got a pony.”

  “A pony!” I exclaimed.

  Hannie nodded. “I didn’t tell you before, because I was saving it for a surprise. Want to see the pony? He’s in the backyard.”

  I leaped up. I scrambled across the room to Hannie’s window. “Where is he?” I asked. I wanted to ride him.

  Hannie joined me at the window. “He’s right over there.”

  “Where?”

  “There.”

  “There? I do not see anything.”

  “April Fool!” shrieked Hannie.

  “Hannie!” I exclaimed, laughing. “You really got me!”

  I was dirty and rumpled from lying on the floor. Oh, well. That did not matter much. My joke was almost over. We sat on Hannie’s bed. “Of course, you know why I believed you, don’t you?” I said.

  “No. Why?”

  “Because of Seth’s parrot. He is getting a talking parrot today. I thought if Seth was getting a parrot, you could have gotten a horse.”

  “Seth is getting a parrot?” exclaimed Hannie.

  “Nope. April Fool!”

  Hannie and I were laughing so hard, tears were running down our cheeks. We rolled around on her bed. We rolled around until Hannie rolled onto the floor with a THUD and her father called, “Girls, what is going on up there?” Then we calmed down.

  I looked at my watch. Yipes. I had been at Hannie’s house a long time. “Hannie, I better go home,” I said quickly. “I think my joke is over. I am ready to fool my big-house family. I will ring our doorbell. They will think the judge has come. When they open the door, I will yell, ‘April Fool!’ ”

  The Disaster

  I was standing at our front door.

  My heart was going thumpety-thumpety-thumpety-thumpety. It felt as if it might jump right out of my chest.

  I rang the bell.

  While I waited for someone to open th
e door, I noticed something about our yard. It did not look all that neat. I did not think Daddy or Nannie had weeded anything. Also, some papers had blown onto the grass. They were just lying there. Our doormat was dirty. And a bunch of Emily’s toys were cluttering up the driveway. Plus the Junk Bucket was parked where anyone could see it.

  Oh, well. My big-house family must have spent the morning getting fixed up. And also fixing up the inside of the house. It probably looked gorgeous. I smiled at the thought.

  I heard footsteps at the door. It was flung open by Sam. I could not believe what I saw.

  “Sam!” I gasped. “What are you — ”

  Sam interrupted me. “Oh, it’s you, Karen. How come you are ringing the bell? You do not have to ring the bell at your own house.”

  “Sam, my gosh — ”

  “Oh, it does not matter. Come on inside. The judge from the contest is here. He got here a few minutes ago.”

  What judge from the contest? How could that be? I made that up, didn’t I? Yikes, what if we really were finalists in the contest? What if the contest people had loved my entry, and I had been chosen from those thousands and thousands of people?

  Oh, my goodness! I was going to Hawaii after all! I could learn to hula, and I could wear a lei and see a volcano. I could bring Hannie and Nancy with me.

  But something was wrong. Sam. Sam was wrong. That was what I had started to say when he opened the door for me. Sam was not wearing his tuxedo. He was not dressed up at all. He was wearing the same grubby outfit he had been wearing at breakfast. Jeans with a hole at each knee, and a shirt that he’d ripped the sleeves from so it would be cooler, and sneakers that fwap-fwapped when he walked, because the rubber soles were coming apart from the tops of the shoes. His hair looked as if it had been combed with an electric toothbrush. And his hands were dirty.

  I grabbed Sam by the tail of his torn shirt. “Where is your tux?” I whispered. I slammed the door closed behind me.

  “I didn’t have time to find it,” Sam replied. (He did not sound sorry about that.) “Nannie did not have a chance to weed, either.”

  “I could tell.”

  “And my mom did not make it to the beauty parlor. And Emily is not quite dressed yet. And Andrew tried to give himself a haircut.”