Five Thousand an Hour: How Johnny Gamble Won the Heiress

  CHAPTER XVIII

  IN WHICH THE ENTIRE WOBBLES FAMILY FOR ONCE GET TOGETHER

  Mr. Eugene Wobbles, who tried to live down his American ancestry inLondon clubs and was, consequently, more British than any Englishman,came to Mr. Courtney lazily apologetic.

  "I fancy I'm going to give you a lot of bother, my dear Courtney," heobserved, lounging feebly against the porch rail.

  "I prefer bother to almost anything," returned his host pleasantly; "itgives me something to do."

  "Rather clever that," laughed Eugene, swinging his monocle with onehand and stroking his drooping yellow mustache with the other. "ReallyI never thought of bother in that way before. Keeps one bothered, Ithink you said," and he gazed out over the broad lawn where the youngpeople were noisily congregating, in pleasant contemplation ofCourtney's wonderful new philosophy.

  "What is this particular bother?" gently suggested Courtney after apause.

  "Oh, yes," responded Eugene, "we were discussing that, weren't we? I'vea rotten memory; but my oldest brother, Tommy, can't even remember hismiddle initial. Pretty good that, don't you think; Tommy is a perfectass in every respect." And idly considering Tommy's perfection as anass, he turned and gazed down into the ravine where Courtney had builtsome attractive little waterfalls and cave paths. "About how deepshould you say it was down there, Courtney?"

  "Three hundred and fifty feet," answered Courtney. "I think you werespeaking about a little bother."

  "Oh, yes, so I was," agreed Eugene. "Very good of you to remind me ofit. You know, Courtney, Mr. Gamble--who wants to buy some land ofours--has made the remarkable discovery that we're all here together.First time in years, I assure you. No matter how necessary it may befor us to hold a complete family council, one of my brothers--mostunreliable people in the world, I think--is always missing."

  "And when they're all together I suppose you are somewhere else,"suggested Courtney.

  That proposition was so unique that Eugene was forced to spend profoundthought on it.

  "Curious, isn't it?" he finally admitted. "A chap becomes so in thehabit of thinking that he is himself always present, wherever hehappens to be, that it's no end starting to reflect that sometimes heisn't."

  "I see," said Courtney, grasping eagerly at the light. "You merelyhappen to be all here at the same time, and you think it advisable tohold a family business meeting because the accident may never occuragain. Sensible idea, Eugene. The east loggia off the second-floor hallis just the place. Assemble there and I'll send you any weapons youwant."

  "Perfectly stunning how you Americans grasp things!" commented Eugene,agape with admiration. "But I say, old chap, that's a joke about theweapons. Really, we shan't need them."

  "You're quite right; I was joking," returned Courtney gravely. "I'll goright up and have some chairs and tables put out on the loggia."

  "I knew it would be a deuced lot of bother for you," regretted Eugeneapologetically. "It's a lot of face in us to ask it. So crude, youknow. By the way, should you say that this Mr. Gamble chap was allsorts reliable?"

  "Absolutely," Courtney emphatically assured him.

  "Ow," returned Eugene reflectively. "And his solicitor fellow, Loring?"

  "Perfectly trustworthy."

  "Ow," commented Eugene, and fell into a study so deep that Courtney wasable to escape without being missed.

  In the library, where he went to ring for a servant, he found ConstanceJoy looking gloomily out of a window, with a magazine upside down inher hands. She immediately rose.

  "Don't let me disturb you," begged Courtney as he rang the bell. "Doyou know where I can find Johnny Gamble?"

  "I really couldn't say," replied Constance sweetly. "I left him out inthe gardens a few minutes ago." And she made for the door, confidentthat she had not spoken with apparent haste, embarrassment or coldness.

  "Won't you please tell him that Joe Close and Morton Washer and ColonelBouncer are coming out on the next train?" requested Courtney. "You'resure to see him by and by, I know."

  "With pleasure," lied Constance miserably, and hurried to finish herescape. At the door, however, she suddenly turned and came back,walking nonchalantly but hastily out through the windows upon the sideporch. A second later Paul Gresham and Billy Wobbles, the latterwalking with temperamental knees, passed through the hall.

  Courtney looked after Constance in perplexity, but, a servant entering,he gave orders for the furnishing of the loggia and went up to makesure of the arrangements. He found Johnny Gamble in moody solitude,studying with deep intensity the braiding of his sailor straw hat.

  "Hello, Johnny!" hailed Courtney cordially. "I was just asking Miss Joyabout you."

  Johnny looked at him with reproachful eyes. Courtney was to blame forhis present gloom.

  "Thanks," he returned. "What did she say?"

  "Not much," replied Courtney, smiling slyly. "She didn't know where youwere, but she's looking for you."

  "Where is she?" asked Johnny, jumping up with alacrity.

  "She just went out on the side porch of the library," announcedCourtney. "Her message is from me, however. Washer and Close and thecolonel are coming out this noon."

  "Thanks," replied Johnny starting away. "Did I understand you to saythe side porch of the library?"

  A thin-legged figure stopped in the door and twitched.

  "Mornin'," it observed. "I knew Eugene's intellect was woozing again.Always announcing some plan for us to bore each other, don't you know,and never having it come off."

  "This is the place and the hour, Reggie," declared Mr. Courtney. "Ifyou'll just stay here I'll send you out a brandy and soda and somecigars."

  "Thanks awfully, old man," returned Reggie, looking dubiously out atthe loggia. It was enticing enough, with its broad, cool, tiledflooring and its vine-hung arches and its vistas of the tree-clad hillsacross the ravine; but it was empty. "I think I'll return when the restof them are together.", And Reggie, stumbling against the door-jamb onhis way out, wandered away, choosing the right-hand passage because hisbody had happened to lurch in that direction.

  "Johnny, if you say anything I'll be peevish," protested Courtney inadvance. "Please remember that the gentleman is a guest of mine."

  "I was grinning at something else," Johnny soothed him, still grinning,however.

  "I apologize," observed Courtney. "Do you think the Wobbles family willhold their conclave if each of them waits until all the others aretogether?"

  "I hope so," replied Johnny. "I'll make some money if they do."

  "How rude!" expostulated Courtney with a laugh. "Business at a week-endhouse-party!"

  "Business is right," confessed Johnny. "They admit that you run thebest private exchange in America out here."

  Courtney, enjoying that remark, laughed heartily.

  "I'm glad they give me credit," he acknowledged. "Well, help yourselfto all the facilities. Where are you going?"

  "Library porch," answered Johnny promptly. "Excuse me, I'm in a hurry."

  Constance Joy was not on the library porch. Instead, Johnny found therePolly Parsons and her adopted sister Winnie, Ashley Loring and SammyChirp. This being almost a family party for Johnny, he had nohesitation in asking bluntly for Constance.

  "This is her morning for Wobbling," returned Polly disdainfully. "Awhile ago she was dodging the perfectly careless compliments of oldTommy and trying not to see that his toupee was on crooked; and nowshe's down toward the ravine some place, watching young Cecil stumble.You could make yourself a very solid Johnny by trotting right downthere and breaking up the party."

  "I think I'd rather have a messenger for that," calculated Johnny. "Hisbrothers wish to see Cecil up in the east loggia."

  "Sammy will go," offered Winnie confidently; whereat Sammy, smilingaffably, promptly rose.

  "Go with him, Winnie," ordered Polly. "Trot on now, both of you. I wantto talk sense."

  Quite cheerfully Winnie gave Sammy her fan, her parasol, her vanitybox, her novel, her box of chocolates a
nd her hat, stuffed ahandkerchief in his pocket and said: "Come on, Sammy; I'm ready."

  "Constance showed me that schedule last night, Johnny," rattled Polly."You ought to see it, Loring. On Wednesday, at four o'clock, he wasexactly even with it; five hundred thousand dollars to the good."

  "I know," laughed Loring, "and he'll beat his schedule if the Wobbleseswill only hold steady for ten minutes."

  "You don't mean to say that a Wobbles could be useful!" protested Polly.

  "Half a million dollars' worth," Loring informed her; then he drew hischair closer and lowered his voice. "It's a funny story, Polly. Twoweeks ago Johnny took Courtney and Close and Washer and Colonel Bouncerup to the Bronx in my machine and arranged to sell them a subdivisionfor three and a half million dollars."

  "Help!" gasped Polly. "Burglar!"

  "They'll double their money," asserted Johnny indignantly. "Fanciestneglected opportunity within a gallon of gasolene from Forty-secondStreet."

  "Trouble is, Johnny didn't own it and doesn't yet," laughed Loring."He's been trying to buy it from the Wobbleses ever since he arrangedto sell it."

  "He'll get it," decided Polly confidently.

  "Will they agree when they get together?" Loring worried. "Individuallyeach one needs the money, and each one is satisfied with Johnny's offerof three million cash."

  "Don't say another word," ordered Polly. "I have to figure this out.Why, Johnny, if you carry this through it will finish your million, andthis is only the thirteenth of May. That's going some! You weren'tsupposed to have it till the thirty-first. Polly's proud of you!"

  "I don't think you get the joke of this yet, though, Polly," Loringwent on. "The Wobbleses don't know that Johnny had already arranged tosell their land, and the subdivision company doesn't know that thebeautiful Bronx tract is the Wobbles estate. In the meantime bothparties are here, and I'm lurking behind the scenery with all thenecessary papers ready to sign, seal and deliver."

  "Hush!" commanded Polly; "I'm getting excited. It sounds like thefinish of the third act. Oh, lookee! Who's the graceful party withGresham?"

  Both Johnny and Loring glanced up at a tall, suave, easy-movinggentleman, whose clothing fitted him like a matinee idol's, whoseclosely trimmed beard would have served as a model for the nobilityanywhere, and whose smile was sickening sweet.

  "Eugene Wobbles' friend, Birchard," stated Johnny, who kept himselfwell posted on Wobbles affairs. "He's always either with Gresham or aWobbles, and he travels for a living, I believe." And Johnny suddenlyrose.

  Coming from the direction of the ravine were Constance and Cecil,Winnie and Sammy, and passing Gresham and Birchard with the nod ofcompulsion Johnny walked carelessly on to meet the quartet.

  "Good morning, Cecil," he observed. "Your brothers are about to hold ameeting in the east loggia, and I think they're looking for you."

  "No doubt," admitted Cecil wearily. "It's barely possible that one ortwo of them are already believing that they will go up. Do you know, Ithink I shall establish a record for family promptness, if I may beexcused. Most annoying to be torn away from such a jolly talk, I'msure." And receiving the full and free permission of the company todepart he did so, changing his mind twice about whether to go throughthe rose arbor or round by the sun-dial.

  Johnny swung in by the side of Constance.

  "Some one told me you had a message for me," he blundered.

  "Who said so?" she was cruel enough to ask.

  Johnny turned pink, but he was brave and replied with the truth.

  "Mr. Courtney," he admitted.

  "So I imagined," she answered icily. "Mr. Washer and Mr. Close andColonel Bouncer are to arrive on the noon train. You'll excuse me,won't you, please?" And she hurried on to the house by herself to dressfor luncheon.

  Johnny Gamble tried to say "Certainly", but he dropped his sailor strawhat. Constance heard it and every muscle in her body jumped andstiffened. Johnny turned to business as a disappointed lover turns todrink.

  There seemed a conspicuous dearth of Wobbleses on the east loggia thatmorning. Loring, pathetically faithful to his post, entertained them inrelays as Johnny brought them up: sometimes one, sometimes two, andonce or twice as many as three of them at one time; but they all losttheir feeble mooring and drifted away.

  Luncheon-time passed; Washer and Bouncer and Close and Courtney wentinto executive session; two o'clock came, three o'clock, four o'clock,and still no meeting. At the latter hour Johnny, making his tirelessrounds but afflicted with despair, located Billy Wobbles, the one withthe jerky eyelids and impulsive knees, on the loggia with Loring;Eugene was in the poker room trying numbly to discover the differencebetween a four-flush and a deuce-high hand; Tommy, his toupee well downtoward his scanty white eyebrows, was boring the Courtney girls to theverge of tears; Cecil, stumbling almost rhythmically over his owncalves, was playing tennis with Winnie and Sammy and Mrs. Follison; andReggie, the twitcher, was entertaining Val Russel and Bruce Townleywith a story he had started at nine o'clock in the morning.

  Suddenly Johnny was visited with a long-sought inspiration and hurrieddown to the kennels, remembering with much self-scorn that he haddragged each of the Wobbleses away from there at least once.

  The master of the dogs was Irish and young, with eyes the color of asix-o'clock sky on a sunny day, and he greeted Johnny with awhite-toothed smile that would have melted honey.

  "I locked Beauty up, sir," he said with a touch of his cap, referringto the gentle collie that had poked its nose confidingly into Johnny'shand at every visit. "There was too much excitement for her with allthe strangers round, but she'll be glad to see you, sir."

  "Give Beauty my card and tell her I'll be back," directed Johnny with afriendly glance in the direction of Beauty's summer residence. "Didn'tyou say something this morning about a crowd of setter puppies?"

  "Yes, sir," replied the dog expert proudly. "Several of the gentlemenhave been down to see them, but the day has been so hot I didn't careto bring them out. It's cool enough now, sir, if you'd like to seethem."

  "I'll be back, in five minutes," returned Johnny hastily. "I'll sayhello to Beauty first."

  Beauty barked and capered when she was let out, and expressed herentire approval of Johnny in fluent dog language, looking after himreproachfully when he hurried away.

  Johnny first begged a puppy of Courtney, then he brought Eugene Wobblesand Tommy Wobbles and Billy and Cecil and Reggie Wobbles down in turnsto pick it out for him. Each of the Wobbleses was still there,deciding, when he brought another. When the last Wobbles, includingtheir friend Birchard, was in the inclosure Johnny locked the gate andsent Loring on a brisk errand. That energetic commercial attorneyreturned in a very few minutes, laden with some papers and writingmaterials, and followed by a servant carrying a wicker table.

  "Gentlemen," said Johnny in a quite oratorical tone of voice, "supposewe talk business."

  The assembled Wobbleses turned in gasping surprise from the violentfamily dispute over the puppies.

  "Upon my soul, this is a most extraordinary thing!" exclaimed Eugene,looking about him in amazement. "Why, the whole blooming family ishere, even Tommy. I say, Tommy, it's perfectly imbecile, with all duerespect to you, to prefer that little beggar with the white star."

  "I'll back him for a hundred pounds before any official committee,"indignantly quavered Tommy, feeling in all the wrong pockets for hisbetting-book.

  "Gentlemen," interposed Johnny most crudely indeed, "I am here torepeat my offer of three million dollars, cash, for your Bronxproperty; one-half million dollars to-day, one million dollars nextSaturday, May twentieth, and the remaining million and a half thefollowing Saturday, May twenty-seventh, title to remain vested in youuntil the entire amount is paid. Just to show that I mean business Ihave brought each of you a certified check for one hundred thousanddollars." And he distributed them like diplomas to a class.

  Tommy Wobbles, startled to find his toupee on straight, examined hischeck with much doubt. "I say, you know," he e
xpostulated, "this can'tbe quite regular!"

  "Why not?" inquired Johnny.

  "Well--er--it's so very precipitate," responded Tommy, putting thecheck in his pocket and taking it out again and folding and unfoldingit with uncertain fingers. "No time for deliberation and dignity andsuch rot, you know."

  "An advance cash payment of half a million dollars is so full ofdignity that its shoes squeak," announced Johnny. "As to delay, I don'tsee any reason for it. You want to sell the property, don't you?"

  Eugene said yes, and the others looked doubtful.

  "You're satisfied with the price?" demanded Johnny.

  Since Eugene kept silent the others answered that they were.

  "You know that by my plan you are perfectly secured until you are fullypaid; so there's no reason why we shouldn't wind up the business atonce."

  "Should you say that this was regular, Birchard?" asked Eugene, toyingwith his check lovingly. He had just finished figuring that it wasworth something like twenty thousand pounds!

  "Quite regular indeed," Mr. Birchard smilingly assured him. "TypicallyAmerican for its directness and decision, but fully as good a businesstransaction in every way as could be consummated in London."

  "Ow, I say," protested Eugene, but he seemed perfectly satisfied,nevertheless.

  "As I understand it," went on Mr. Birchard, "Mr. Gamble's propositionis very simple. You are to execute a contract of sale to him to-day,acknowledging receipt of half a million dollars' advance payment, andare at the same time to execute a clear deed that will be placed in thehands of your agent until Mr. Gamble completes his payments. The deedwill then be delivered to him and properly recorded. Is this correct,Mr. Gamble?"

  "I couldn't say it so well, but that's what I mean," replied Johnny.

  "Then, gentlemen," continued Birchard, "I should advise you to sign thepapers at once and have the matter off your minds."

  Loring had everything ready, but it was Johnny who really conducted themeeting and manipulated the slow-moving Wobbleses so that theyconcluded the business with small waste of time.

  When it was finished Johnny thanked them with intense relief. TheWobbles property was his, and he knew exactly where to sell it at ahalf-million dollars' profit. His tremendous race for a million was tobe won, with a day or so of margin. There were a few technical mattersto look after, but in reality the prize was his. He could go toConstance Joy now with a clear conscience and the ability to offer hera fortune equal to the one she would have to relinquish if she marriedhim.

  "By the way," said Johnny in parting, "who is your agent?"

  "Why, I rather fancy it will be Mr. Birchard," replied Eugene. "Ofcourse nothing is decided as yet, since there are five of us and fourstubborn; but I rather fancy it will be Birchard. Eh, old chap?"

  "I trust so," responded Birchard with a pleasant smile at Johnny.