Daddy’s Little Princess

‘No, indeed,’ Dr Jones agreed as Laura made notes. ‘A sensible decision. I’m not going to analyse that call in depth now, but it does raise two important issues, ones which I will be covering in therapy. Briefly, Beth wore make-up and dressed up to make herself look older because of the adult role she has had to assume in her relationship with her father. She’s not his child but his partner and believes she has to make herself look sexually attractive to keep her father’s love. She is in the role her mother vacated when she left the marriage when Beth was a small child. Secondly, and this leads from the first point, Beth’s anger and hostility towards Marianne is because Beth sees herself as her father’s partner. Marianne therefore automatically becomes a rival – a threat – someone Beth needs to see off. Beth did this remarkably well when Derek tried to have a relationship with Marianne last year. But we need to be very clear that incest – of any type – is never, ever the fault of the child, even though the child may appear to be flirtatious with the parent. The child is simply responding in the way they have been taught and are trying to please the parent. They may also respond to other males in the same way. Now, I think that’s enough for today. I shall be exploring these and other issues in therapy.’

  ‘Thank you, Dr Jones,’ Laura said.

  Dr Jones nodded, closed his notepad and returned it, with his pen, to his briefcase. He then touched Derek lightly on the shoulder. ‘I’ll see you out,’ he said gently.

  Derek, who’d hardly said a word, now slowly raised his head from his hands and straightened. His brow was knotted in pain, but for what reason – guilt, or regret that he’d been found out – it was impossible to say. Dr Jones stood and, coming round to where I sat, shook my hand. ‘Lovely to meet you,’ he said charmingly. ‘I hope to see you again soon.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said.

  He said goodbye to Laura and Jessie and then left the room with Derek. Once the door had swung shut, Jessie leaned back in her chair and let out a heartfelt sigh. ‘That was a bit of a marathon!’ she said. I could appreciate what she meant. I’d only joined them for the last hour, but I felt exhausted.

  Laura was sitting very quietly too, then she turned to me and asked, ‘Well? What did you think of Dr Jones?’

  ‘He’s clearly very knowledgeable, and what he said made a lot of sense,’ I said.

  ‘He’s an expert in his field,’ Laura said. ‘We’re lucky to get him. But Derek is going to have to be receptive to what he’s being told and willing to make some very big changes if he is to stand any chance of having Beth returned to his care.’

  ‘And is there a chance?’ I now asked.

  ‘It will depend,’ Laura said. ‘Derek will be assessed as part of the therapy. We will be working closely with Dr Jones. His report will be crucial to any decision we make on where Beth will eventually live. Thank you for agreeing to participate in the therapy.’

  ‘I’m pleased to be able to help,’ I said. Although I’d no idea what I was letting myself in for.

  ‘I need to be going soon,’ Jessie said. ‘Do you have any more questions, Cathy?’

  There was one that had been burning in my thoughts, but I was almost too afraid to ask it for fear of hearing the answer. ‘Do you know if Beth has been sexually abused?’ I said.

  ‘We don’t at this point,’ Jessie said. ‘And it would be wrong of us to speculate. We’ll wait for the outcome of Dr Jones’s report and the assessment.’

  ‘In the meantime,’ Laura said, ‘Beth won’t be seeing her father, but she can telephone him once a week. I suggest you make it on a Friday so she has the weekend to recover if she’s upset. Monitor the call, please, and make notes. Stop the call if you hear anything that is not appropriate or if Beth becomes upset.’

  I nodded. ‘And what shall I tell Beth when I get home?’ I now asked. ‘She’s anxious about her future and she is already asking if she will be seeing her father on her birthday, although it’s not until October.’

  ‘We’ll have made a decision by then,’ Laura said.

  ‘I’ll see Beth and explain,’ Jessie said. ‘But I can’t visit until next week. Can you reassure her until I have a chance to speak to her?’

  ‘Yes.’ I was getting good at reassuring Beth with very little information. ‘Shall I tell her I met her father at this meeting?’

  ‘I don’t see why not,’ Jessie said, glancing at Laura.

  ‘No, go ahead,’ Laura agreed. ‘It can’t do any harm.’

  But I don’t think either of them appreciated the effect this would have on Beth.

  I arrived in the playground a few minutes before the end of school. My thoughts were still swimming from all Dr Jones had said at the meeting. There was a great deal to think about and come to terms with, and I knew Beth was going to need a lot of support in the months to come. I hadn’t mentioned at the meeting that I’d like to be considered as Beth’s permanent carer if she couldn’t return home, as there hadn’t been an appropriate opportunity, but it was still in my mind.

  Paula saw me and rushed over. I picked her up and hugged her hard, acutely aware of the horrors that some children had to live through. I set her down and we went over to Kay. ‘Thank you so much,’ I said.

  ‘No problem, she’s been fine, haven’t you, love?’ Kay said.

  Paula nodded vigorously.

  I confirmed with Kay that I’d see her in the playground the following morning when I’d be looking after Vicky for the day. The girls were excited at the thought of spending another day playing together. Adrian came out of school before Beth, bursting to tell me his good news. ‘Mum! I’ve been chosen to swim for the school at the county sports!’ he cried proudly.

  ‘That’s fantastic. Well done,’ I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek, which he immediately wiped off. ‘That’s two years in a row you’ve been chosen. Fantastic.’

  I was still talking about his achievement when Beth came out. ‘Did you see Jessie?’ she asked, nudging my arm.

  ‘I did,’ I said, turning away from Adrian to speak to her. ‘I’ll explain in the car.’

  ‘Did you tell Jessie what I told you to say?’ Beth persisted.

  ‘Yes, and I’ll tell you all about it in a minute, when we are in the car.’ I thought that Beth might react or be upset when I told her that I’d met her father, so I wanted to be away from the playground, to give us some privacy and also to avoid Adrian being embarrassed in front of his friends by another outburst.

  I turned and began towards the school gates. ‘Tell me now,’ Beth said, tugging on my arm. ‘I want to know now.’

  ‘I’ll tell you when we are in the car,’ I said again, this time more firmly.

  Beth finally realized that I meant what I said and I wouldn’t be bulldozed into doing what she wanted. Once we were all in the car with the doors closed, Beth asked me again. ‘Did you tell Jessie I was sorry and I want to phone my daddy again?’

  ‘Yes, I did,’ I said, turning in my seat to face her. ‘I was also able to tell your father. He was at the meeting too. So I explained you were sorry for the way you spoke to him.’

  Beth’s eyes widened in astonishment. ‘What? You saw my daddy?’

  ‘Yes, love. He said it didn’t matter that you were angry with him and he forgives you. He said to tell you he loves you.’

  I thought Beth might dissolve into tears and I was ready to comfort her, but instead her anger flared.

  ‘Why couldn’t I go to the meeting?’ she demanded, kicking the back of the seat in front.

  Adrian and Paula shifted away from her.

  ‘Don‘t kick the seat, Beth. The meeting was for adults only.’

  ‘That’s not fair!’ Beth shouted. ‘You shouldn’t be able to see my daddy when I can’t. He’s mine! You can’t have him!’ Which seemed a highly significant comment in the light of what Dr Jones had said about Beth viewing other women as threats. ‘What else did my daddy say?’ Beth now demanded.

  ‘Nothing. That was all.’

  ‘I don’t believe you!’ Beth fume
d. ‘You’re lying, just like Marianne used to!’ And again, I saw the significance in this comment, which previously I might not have done.

  ‘Jessie and her manager were also at the meeting,’ I said. ‘Now calm down. I’m going to drive home and then I’ll explain more.’

  ‘You’d better,’ Beth said fiercely, folding her arms across her chest.

  ‘Don’t be rude, please,’ I said. ‘You don’t want to lose television time.’

  I threw Adrian and Paula a reassuring smile and then turned to face the front to drive home.

  Once home, I settled Adrian and Paula in the living room and took Beth into the front room where, drawing out two chairs, I sat in front of her and took her hand in mine. All her anger had now gone and she looked at me with sadness in her eyes. I told her that Jessie would be visiting us the following week to explain more, and that she would be able to telephone her father on Friday.

  ‘Does that mean I’m never going home?’ she asked, her eyes filling.

  ‘We don’t know yet, love,’ I said honestly. ‘Your daddy will be seeing a doctor regularly and Jessie will explain when she sees you.’

  ‘I don’t think I will be going home,’ Beth said, a tear escaping and running down her cheek. ‘Daddy loves Marianne now. He doesn’t love me any more.’

  ‘Your daddy does love you,’ I said, ‘but he has to make a lot of changes. I know it’s difficult to understand.’ I hoped it would become clearer when Jessie explained, but I had my doubts. A child of seven doesn’t have the vocabulary or understanding to grasp the implications of what Jessie would try to explain to her.

  ‘Cathy?’ Beth said, wiping her hand across her eyes. ‘If I can’t go home and live with my daddy, can I stay here with you? I’ve nowhere else to go.’

  My heart went out to her. She’d clearly been thinking about her long-term future, as I had, but I couldn’t give her false hope by saying a definite yes. It would be the social services’ decision where Beth lived.

  ‘I hope so,’ I said, and gave her a big hug.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The Telephone Call

  The following morning I met Kay in the playground as arranged. Vicky and her brother Oliver stayed with me while Kay went to her dental appointment. When the klaxon sounded, Oliver, Adrian and Beth lined up in their classes ready to go into school, while Vicky came home with Paula and me. The two girls played nicely together all day and ate lunch seated at the small play table, using the little dolls’ plates, cutlery and china, which they found great fun. When we met Kay again in the playground at the end of school, her mouth was swollen and she said she’d had a lot of local anaesthetic, which had only just worn off. I winced at the thought of all those injections.

  ‘Tell me it will be worth it in the end,’ Kay said, feeling a little sorry for herself.

  ‘It will be worth it,’ I said.

  On Thursday Adrian stayed behind at the end of school for swimming practice in preparation for the competition. Those participating would be practising every week from now until the event. I collected Beth at the usual time and then returned an hour later to collect Adrian. He was pleased, as they’d been allotted their races and he’d been chosen to swim in the mixed-stroke relay as well as the 50 metres freestyle. He handed me a printed letter, which gave the date, time and venue for the competition with a tear-off slip to request the number of tickets the family wanted. ‘It’s on a Saturday,’ Adrian said. ‘So Dad will be able to come.’

  ‘Excellent. We’ll tell him tomorrow when he’s home, so he can put it in his diary in plenty of time.’

  On Friday, when I collected Beth from school at the end of the day, she didn’t say anything about telephoning her father that evening. Neither did she mention it when we got home. She just went quietly up to her bedroom to change, and then appeared downstairs half an hour later all dressed up and wearing make-up and high heels. She tottered into the kitchen for a glass of water, very subdued, and I wondered if she was worrying about speaking to her father. ‘Is everything all right?’ I asked as I handed her the glass.

  She nodded and took a sip of water.

  ‘We’ll telephone your dad in about half an hour, when I’ve got dinner in the oven,’ I said.

  ‘I’m going to try not to be angry with him,’ she said sombrely. ‘But it makes me so mad when I know Marianne is there.’

  ‘Why?’ I asked.

  ‘Because Marianne is with my daddy and I’m not,’ Beth said, her face set. ‘She’s trying to take him from me.’

  ‘I’m sure she’s not,’ I said. ‘I think she’s trying to help your dad. Like she wanted to help you before.’ Since hearing what Dr Jones had said, the thoughts I’d entertained about Marianne working to her own agenda and against Beth had largely gone. I now believed she was supporting Derek and that any threat Beth perceived in Marianne was because of the distorted relationship she had with her father.

  ‘But Marianne loves him,’ Beth said, as if it was a crime. ‘And she’ll make him love her. I know she will.’

  ‘Beth, if your daddy loves Marianne it is because he wants to,’ I said. ‘And it doesn’t mean he loves you any less. A parent’s love for their child is very different from their love for a partner.’ Or should be, I thought. ‘And the parent shows their love and affection in different ways too.’ I was tempted to add something about the way Beth dressed to speak to her father, but I felt I’d said enough for one day and thought I should leave further explanation to Jessie, and to Dr Jones’s therapy.

  Once dinner was in the oven, I called Beth from the living room to telephone her father in the hall. As with the previous call, she sat on the chair beside the hall table and watched as I dialled Derek’s telephone number. He answered almost immediately with a quiet ‘Hello’.

  ‘It’s Cathy,’ I said. ‘Beth’s here to speak to you.’

  ‘Thank you,’ he said.

  I pressed the speaker button and replaced the handset. ‘Hello, Daddy,’ Beth said quietly.

  I perched on the bottom step of the stairs with a notepad and pen, ready to take notes. Derek asked Beth how she was, and she said she was all right, and then he asked her about school. A minute into the call, as Beth was telling her father what she’d had for dinner, a key sounded in the lock and the front door opened. ‘What was that?’ Derek asked edgily.

  ‘John, Cathy’s husband,’ Beth said, and continued talking to her father.

  I stood and went over to John and kissed his cheek. ‘She’s talking to her father,’ I whispered. ‘I have to stay and monitor the call. Adrian and Paula are in the living room.’

  John nodded, put down his suitcase and then went into the living room, where he quietly closed the door. But even through the closed door I could hear the children’s excited whoops of joy at seeing their father. I smiled. John was home early and we had the whole weekend ahead of us.

  Beth’s conversation with her father was uneventful and seemed quite ‘normal’ to me. I noticed Derek didn’t ask Beth what she was wearing, and the flirtatious undertones of their previous conversations that I’d found so uncomfortable had gone. His voice sounded quite flat as he asked Beth about school, what she was having for her meals and the games she liked playing with Adrian and Paula. I didn’t know what was responsible for the sudden change in Derek, but Beth answered his questions sensibly, and then asked evenly, ‘Daddy, is Marianne there?’

  There was a long pause before Derek said, ‘Yes. She is.’

  I’m pretty certain he was expecting Beth to explode – I know I was – but instead she said in a small voice, and rather sadly, ‘You know I don’t like her being there.’

  ‘I know,’ Derek said, and changed the subject.

  To my surprise, Beth kept her word that she wouldn’t get angry and didn’t react. Possibly what I’d said to her about Marianne wanting to help her father might have helped a little, I don’t know. But the result was a pleasant telephone conversation, more like the ones a father and daughter should h
ave. Jessie hadn’t told me how long the call should last, but Derek seemed to assume (or had been told) that it should be of the same duration as the last one, for as fifteen minutes approached he began winding up their conversation. ‘Have a nice weekend and be a good girl,’ he said. ‘Don’t forget to telephone me next Friday.’

  ‘Can’t I phone you sooner?’ Beth bemoaned. ‘Friday’s a long time away.’

  ‘We have to do as we’re told,’ Derek said. ‘Jessie and Dr Jones said you can telephone once a week for now.’

  ‘Is Dr Jones your doctor?’ Beth asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Derek said.

  They said goodbye to each other and I added a polite goodbye to Derek before I cut the call.

  ‘Well done,’ I said to Beth. ‘You did very well.’

  She shrugged a little sulkily. ‘Daddy didn’t ask me what I was wearing. I chose it specially.’

  ‘But he enjoyed talking to you and that’s more important.’

  ‘I shan’t wear my best dress again if he doesn’t care,’ Beth said moodily, and then she went off to find Adrian, Paula and John in the living room.

  I put my notes safely away in a drawer and then joined them. John was sitting on the sofa with Adrian and Paula either side of him, listening to the children’s news. Beth began doing a puzzle and I could see he was looking oddly at what she was wearing. I’d explain later. ‘Everyone OK?’ I asked cheerily.

  There was a chorus of ‘Yes’.

  I smiled and went into the kitchen to complete the preparations for dinner and then called everyone to the table. John was first in and said he was looking forward to some homemade food after eating in hotels and restaurants all week. He was in very good spirits and did most of the talking during dinner. Among other things, he said he’d had an appraisal at work and the feedback from his manager had been very positive. ‘It makes all the hard work and nights away worthwhile,’ he said. And I agreed.

  Adrian made sure his father had the dates of his bowling party, which I’d now arranged, and the county swimming event. ‘I wouldn’t miss them for the world,’ John said to Adrian, ruffling his hair.