How To Survive Summer Camp (ePub)

  I wanted to yell no, but I wasn’t that stupid. I just stood there until she swept out of the room, then I sat down on the bench with a bump. Louise stood up. She came over to me and thumped me hard in the back.

  ‘You pig!’ she said furiously. ‘I’m going to get you for that.’

  I stood at the poolside in my borrowed swimming costume. It was an awful white puckered object with silly straps that tied at the back of the neck. I was scared the boys might try to undo them. But I was far more scared of the swimming pool.

  I’d thought it would be one of those turquoise rectangles, but it was worse. It was a real pool, like a big pond. The water was as brown and bubbly as beer and weed trailed all over the place in long green strands.

  ‘What are all them snakey things?’ Janie asked suspiciously. She clutched the child with the donkey. ‘We’re not going in there, are we? We don’t want snakey things nibbling our toes.’

  ‘How can we have races in this squitty little pond? It’s just a kiddies’ paddling pool,’ said Louise, scornfully.

  ‘Yes, and it looks dirty to me,’ said Karen. ‘They could at least have a proper swimming pool with clean blue water. This place is a real dump.’

  ‘Don’t let’s go in swimming then,’ I said quickly. ‘You’re right, Karen, it is dirty. Look at the colour. Maybe there aren’t

  any sewers at Evergreen. I think they just empty all the loos into the pool.’

  ‘Yuck! Shut up, Baldy. You are disgusting,’ said Karen. She looked at Louise. ‘She is joking, isn’t she?’

  ‘She’s scared,’ said Louise hatefully. ‘She just wants to get out of swimming. She wants to make trouble and then the Emeralds will lose another team point. Don’t let’s take any notice of her. She’s just a snivelling little coward. In fact I vote we all stop talking to her altogether.’

  I felt sick but I stuck my chin in the air.

  ‘Goodie goodie,’ I said. ‘I’m fed up with your snobby whining drivel anyway.’

  I hoped I sounded as if I didn’t care. Some of the boys laughed and I was almost sure they were laughing at Louise and not me, so I felt a bit better. But then Uncle Ron finished with all the Jades.

  ‘Come on then, Emeralds. Your turn next. Let’s be having you. Into the pool—and use the steps, OK?’

  Alan wasn’t listening. He leapt up into the air like Superman. He tucked himself into a ball, whizzed round, and then shot out straight again and entered the pool with scarcely a ripple. We all stared at him when he surfaced, shaking the water out of his hair. Even Louise looked impressed. But Uncle Ron was furious.

  ‘I told you to use the steps, didn’t you hear me?’

  ‘Sorry,’ said Alan, smiling. ‘I always dive in. Force of habit. I just forgot.’

  ‘Nonsense! You just wanted to show-off,’ Uncle Ron thundered. ‘Nobody but a fool dives into a strange pool like that. What if it was only a couple of feet deep? You’d have broken your neck, lad.’

  ‘I saw the other kids swimming,’ Alan argued, red in the face. ‘I knew how deep it was.’

  ‘Watch me! Watch!’ little Bilbo shouted from the steps.

  He tried to copy Alan, leaping like a little pink frog. He didn’t have time to tuck up but he did manage to bend forward. He hit the water with such a splatter that we were all soaked. Uncle Ron threw himself after him but Bilbo bobbed up again immediately.

  ‘I did it, didn’t I?’ he spluttered. ‘I dived just like Alan. Did you see? Wasn’t I clever? I dived, didn’t I, I dived.’

  ‘See what I mean?’ Uncle Ron roared at Alan, picking Bilbo up and struggling with him to the shallows by the steps. ‘Think you’re so clever, don’t you? But these little kids will follow your fat-headed example and drown themselves.’

  ‘I won’t drown. I can swim. Nearly,’ said Bilbo. ‘And I can dive now too, can’t I? Did you see me dive? Wow, I can dive! I can dive just as good as you, can’t I, Alan?’

  Alan didn’t reply. He was even redder. I felt all squirmy and sorry for him. Uncle Ron was smirking. I hated him, even though I knew he was right.

  ‘Come on, you ladies at the edge of the pool. Get in the water and get your pretty cossies wet,’ said Uncle Ron. He blew his nose noisily in the water with his hand. ‘Come on. All of you, in the pool and stand in line. Then one by one swim up to the first marker. Those of you who are good swimmers go as far as the second marker. But none of you go any further, even if you’ve been entered in the next Olympics. Understood, laddie?’

  Alan nodded. I waited, praying. Louise slid daintily into the water, sucking in her stomach to show off her pink and white bikini properly. She’d plaited her famous hair and coiled it up on top of her head so that it looked like a little crown. She was fairer than me but she had a lovely even tan. I couldn’t stand Louise.

  Karen looked very white and pimply beside her. She got into the water gingerly, shrieking as it lapped at her legs. Janie shrieked too. She held out her hand to the child with the donkey.

  ‘Come on in, I’ll look after you,’ she called.

  The child hesitated, then laid the donkey in the grass, covered him up with a towel until only his muzzle peeped out, and crept down the steps.

  I prayed harder.

  ‘It’s not very deep, Stella, honestly,’ Marzipan whispered. ‘It’ll only come up to your waist.’

  She took hold of me awkwardly by the wrist. She was just trying to be friendly but I was scared she might pull me in, so I snatched my arm away.

  ‘No. Leave go of me,’ I muttered fiercely.

  So Marzipan wobbled down the steps into the water. Her swimming costume was much too tight. The water came up to her thighs and she shifted uncomfortably as it rippled against her. She kept tugging at her costume at the back to try to make it cover more of her. The boys started making fun of her and sniggering. Marzipan pretended not to hear but I wasn’t very good at ignoring people.

  ‘Shut up, you lot. Take a look in the mirror if you want to see a really funny sight.’

  They just laughed and splashed me. Uncle Ron swam to the steps and bounded up to them. He stood beside me, dripping. Even when they were wet the ginger hairs on his chest were as thick and bristly as a doormat.

  ‘Stop mucking about, you lot. No splashing,’ he said. Then he bent his head down to my level. ‘I hear you’re not too fond of swimming, Stella. Not to worry. Bend down and put your hand in the pool. It’s a bit cold at first but you’ll warm up once you get in properly.’

  He went on making encouraging noises but I was too scared to listen. He was dripping on my bare toes, making me shiver. I felt so sick. That suddenly seemed the answer to my prayers. I jerked my tummy in and out, heaved, and thought very hard about the scrambled eggs I’d had at breakfast. I imagined them shooting into the water, lapping against Louise.

  ‘Come on, pet. One step at a time.’ Uncle Ron put his hand on my shoulder. The hand that had blown his nose.

  ‘I’m going to be sick,’ I whispered.

  He peered at me.

  ‘All right then. You do look a bit green. You’d better trot back to the house,’ he said, wonderfully, unbelievably.

  ‘Uncle Ron’s daft. She’s not feeling sick at all. She just wants to get out of swimming,’ said Louise.

  Uncle Ron peered at me again.

  ‘Hang on. Maybe you’d be better getting into the pool now, getting it over and done with. Come on.’

  His grip tightened. I was so scared he might throw me in that I rushed forward and slithered down the steps, losing my balance and falling into the frothy water. I didn’t go right under but I thought I might. I screamed and everyone laughed.

  I stood there, shivering, while everyone swam. Alan was easily the best swimmer. Bilbo couldn’t swim at all. He splashed and struggled but couldn’t get anywhere. He was put in the beginners class. So was Janie. She could swim a little but she kept fussing about the water weed and shrieking and spluttering and going under. The child with the donkey surprised everyone by swimm
ing a neat little breaststroke to the first marker and back again. Then she sat on the steps, looking longingly at her donkey in his towel. Louise was the second best swimmer after Alan, Karen got to the second marker, even Marzipan managed it although it made her puff and blow a bit.

  But I just stood there uselessly.

  ‘Have a go, Stella. It’s all right, I’ll hold you up, I promise,’ said Uncle Ron.

  I shook my head but he persisted. I had to kick with my feet while he held his hand under my chin. I couldn’t do it.

  ‘Come on, pet, try. Kick!’

  I wanted to kick him, kick Louise, kick them all. I ended up in the baby’s beginner class with Janie and Bilbo.

  We had to sit at the edge of the pool while the intermediate and advanced swimmers took it in turns to dive off the rickety old springboard.

  ‘It’s not fair. I can dive. Why won’t they let me dive? You all saw me dive. It’s not fair,’ Bilbo chuntered continuously.

  Janie played with her plaits and waved at the child in the water.

  I sat and shivered and sulked, but I watched when it was Alan’s turn to dive. He ran along the springy plank and stood at the end, up on his toes, ready to take off. And then Uncle Ron put his foot on the board and gave it a quick shove. Alan lost his balance and fell. He tucked in his legs but he didn’t have time to twist and turn properly and he crashed into the water as clumsily as Bilbo.

  Uncle Ron tutted. ‘Not quite good enough. We’ll put you in the Intermediates for diving.’

  Alan shook his head violently, spray flying everywhere.

  ‘That’s not fair! I lost my balance, it wasn’t a proper dive.’

  ‘Sorry,’ said Uncle Ron. ‘We’ll put you down as Intermediate for this week. You can try again for the Advanced group next Sunday.’

  Alan did a duck-dive but he wasn’t quick enough. I saw his tears of rage. Louise saw too.

  ‘Little cry-baby! Just because he didn’t get chosen for the Advanced group,’ she sneered.

  Louise had been chosen. Of course.

  We were supposed to drip back to the dormis to get changed. There were no changing facilities at the pool apart from one little bamboo hut without windows. Uncle Ron went inside, whistling. Alan pulled a hideous face at his back. I went over to him.

  ‘Clear off,’ he mumbled, scrubbing at his face with his fist.

  ‘He wobbled the board with his foot. I’m sure he did it deliberately,’ I said.

  ‘I thought he did. The pig,’ said Alan.

  ‘He is,’ I agreed.

  We started making pig noises. They got louder and snortier. Uncle Ron started whistling inside the little hut. Alan and I stopped snorting and spluttered.

  ‘Do you think he heard?’ I whispered.

  Alan shook his head and stared at the hut.

  ‘I wish there was a chair or something we could shove against the door,’ he hissed. ‘Wouldn’t it be great if he couldn’t get out?’

  ‘Not half! We could keep him a prisoner. We could slop scrambled eggs through the chinks in the bamboo and he’d have to lick them up to stay alive,’ I giggled.

  The chinks in the bamboo gave me a sudden glorious idea. I whispered to Alan. We crept right up to the hut. Uncle Ron whistled merrily inside as he got changed. Alan and I held our breath. We screwed up our eyes and peered through the chinks. We had a good long look and then I started spluttering. Alan did too. We started running. We ran until we were safe in the wood and then we fell on the grass and whooped with laughter.

  Marzipan was waiting for me when I got back to the house.

  ‘Where have you been?’ she asked plaintively.

  I felt a bit guilty. ‘Sorry. I was just mucking about with Alan. I’ve got some chocolate in my drawer, do you want a bit? I’m starving, aren’t you?’

  But when we got upstairs to the Emerald dormi we found someone had been at my chocolate already. There was a great bite out of it. All my bedclothes were in a heap on the floor and my clothes were strewn around the room. I found a note pinned to Squeakycheese’s remaining paw.

  ‘TIDY UP, BALDY, OR YOU’LL LOSE ANOTHER TEAM POINT.’

  ‘The pigs, the pigs, the pigs!’ I shouted.

  There was no sign of Louise and Karen. Janie and the child with the donkey looked worried. The child held her donkey in front of her like a shield.

  ‘My things, all my things!’ I raged, rushing round trying to gather them all up. ‘My fairytale book, look, just flung on the floor. If any of the pages have got torn I’ll kill them. And my notebook—and they’ve even got at my fruit gums! Look, all over the floor, all in the dust. Well, I’ll show them all right. I’ll show them.’

  I ran to Karen’s bed first and ripped back the covers.

  ‘Don’t! Oh, Stella, please don’t,’ said Marzipan, catching hold of me. ‘If you muck up their things then they’ll just do it again to you and it’ll go on and on.’

  ‘I’m not going to let those two pigs get away with it,’ I said furiously, my fists clenched.

  ‘That’s what they want. Don’t you see that? And if you do something to them I bet Karen tells and then you’ll be the one to get into trouble,’ said Marzipan. ‘Leave her things, Stella. Don’t stoop to their level. Come on, I’ll make your bed for you. You two, help Stella put all her things back.’

  Janie helped as hard as she could, even dusting things with her damp towel. The child with the donkey carried him around with her so her arms were full already but she managed to collect the bitten bar of chocolate. She held it out to me.

  ‘Thanks. The cheek! Noshing away at my chocolate like that. Well, we might as well finish it now, eh?’

  I shared it out between us. I crammed a few extra squares into my mouth when I hoped no one was watching. After all, it was my chocolate.

  It was just as well we’d eaten it because lunch was a bitter disappointment. I wouldn’t really call a very small hot dog, half a tomato, and ten crisps lunch, it was more a snack. There was trifle for pudding but that wasn’t very exciting either, and the yellow custard looked suspiciously like the scrambled eggs at breakfast.

  ‘This is not a hot dog,’ I said, munching the tepid pink meat. ‘This is a lukewarm puppy.’

  Alan looked up from his Beano and grinned.

  ‘Hark at Baldy. She thinks that’s funny,’ Karen hissed furiously.

  She was obviously annoyed because I hadn’t even mentioned the vandalized dormi. She and Louise had been all red in the face, trying to act nonchalantly, when I’d come down to the dining room. I’d taken no notice of them whatsoever.

  Louise was taking no notice of Karen now. She was swapping crisps with Richard and acting idiotically. Karen kept trying to talk to her.

  ‘Do stop butting in, Karen,’ Louise said irritably.

  Karen sighed. She fiddled with her lunch. She leant back in her chair, rocking on two legs. The chair tipped. She rocked harder. The chair tipped further and then slipped and Karen fell backwards with a shriek.

  We all stood up and stared at her. Miss Hamer-Cotton came flying across the room, looking terrified. Karen lay very still, her legs sticking up stiffly.

  ‘I think she’s dead,’ Janie whispered, awed.

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ said Miss Hamer-Cotton, feeling Karen all over for broken bones. ‘You poor old thing, did you hit your head?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ Karen mumbled, sounding shaken.

  Miss Hamer-Cotton helped her to her feet.

  ‘You really were asking for trouble, you know. You mustn’t tip your chair like that. How do you feel now?’

  ‘A bit funny,’ said Karen.

  ‘Come on, I’ll take you upstairs. You’d better have a lie down for a little while,’ said Miss Hamer-Cotton.

  So Karen missed out on half her hot dog and all her trifle.

  ‘She’s to blame. Still, it’s a shame,’ said James, reaching for her plate.

  ‘I wouldn’t worry too much about Karen,’ I said, still feeling cross. ‘She’
s full up already. With chocolate. My chocolate. Eh, Louise?’

  Louise smiled serenely and accepted another crisp from Richard. She didn’t seem very concerned about Karen either.

  When we went up to the dormi after lunch Karen wasn’t lying down after all. She was parading around in Louise’s white jeans and red and white shirt.

  ‘Get them off at once!’ Louise said, outraged. ‘I didn’t say you could try them on, did I?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Louise. I didn’t think you’d mind, seeing as we’re best friends.’

  ‘Well, I do mind. And I’m not even sure I want to be best friends any more,’ said Louise.

  Karen looked stricken. She folded Louise’s clothes with elaborate care and offered to lend Louise her new turquoise felt tip pen when we had to write letters home.

  ‘No thanks. I don’t want to use your mucky old felt tip,’ said Louise, flashing her posh Harley pen.

  Karen sniffled as she wrote her letter. She kept looking at me. I was sure she was writing horrid things about me to her mother.

  My own letter took me ages. Mum had given me some special airmail letters already addressed to these foreign hotels. By the time I’d written all about the swimming lessons and how unfair it was and how I hated Uncle Ron and Miss Hamer-Cotton I’d used up nearly all the room. So I just added, ‘I have a friend called Marzipan (funny name but she’s nice) and one of the boys isn’t bad but Karen and Louise are pigs and they ate my chocolate, Love from Stella.’

  Miss Hamer-Cotton collected our letters for posting and handed out activity sheets.

  ‘Fill them up carefully, girls, in your neatest writing. How are you feeling, Karen? You’ve got your colour back now. I think you’ll be fit for the hike. We’re meeting downstairs in the hall at half past two. Wear your comfiest shoes, it’s quite a walk to Hampton Hill.’