Chaste

  “Are you going to finally tell me who she is?”

  “You know her. Pretty well, I think.”

  “Who?”

  “Ashlynn Fisher.”

  Colin’s smile slipped. “Kelly…”

  He held up his palms. “I know. I know all about her and how she’s nothing like the woman everyone imagined me settling down with. But I love her, Colin.”

  “I don’t think you’d marry someone you didn’t love. But when you said you were in love…I just never suspected Ashlynn Fisher to be the girl. Then you said she was a virgin and I sort of assumed—being she’s slightly known for her chastity—but my mind rejected that idea. I’ve never known you to say more than a few words to her.”

  Kelly shifted. “I told you we had a thing this past spring, but Ashlynn… she takes the church very seriously. And I’m, well, you know…me. It wasn’t working out so we ended it. Then there was that night with the cops.”

  “That’s why you got in the fight. That man did something to her?”

  Kelly’s expression grew serious. “I stopped him.”

  “I’m glad. I know the rumors. A girl like Ashlynn Fisher might not have been able to recover from something like that.”

  “I know. I don’t think I would’ve recovered either. But I stopped him and she’s okay. That’s what matters.”

  Colin nodded. “That and the fact that your fear for her safety showed you something about yourself.”

  That night showed him a lot. It was one thing to like a girl. It was totally different to be willing to kill for her. “We were miserable apart.”

  “This is a big commitment.”

  “I’ve tried hooking up with other girls, but I always pull back before it goes too far. I’ve been celibate since May.”

  Colin’s eyes widened. “Okay.” Knowing Kelly, Colin understood what that meant. Colin had spent a great part of his life celibate, but Kelly was not the kind of man his brother was. “So what do you need from me?”

  “Not to sound like a dick, but I wanna get married fast. She wants a wedding at the house, but a ceremony at the church. I know we have to take those classes, but I wanted to see how long that took. I figured you’d know.”

  “First of all, the classes are called Pre-Cana and I believe you can take them online now, in the privacy of your home.”

  “Excellent news.”

  “But the course is intended to help you better know your spouse. It shouldn’t be rushed into.”

  “I understand. I’m not rushing. All this is important to Ashlynn. I just want to know what I’m looking at so I know how big of an icepack to get. My boys are hurtin’.”

  Colin rolled his eyes. “I suggest you talk to Father Mark. He can give you the website and get you started. In the end he’ll likely want to meet with the two of you to go over some things.”

  “Thanks, Colin. I knew you’d know more about this stuff.”

  “Uh, Kelly, this stuff is a sacrament. I hope you’re serious.”

  He nodded. “I’m serious.”

  “Good. I look forward to seeing you make the commitment. It’ll be good for you.”

  He smiled. “She’s good for me.”

  “She’s a nice girl, Kelly. You chose well.”

  * * * *

  Later that week he met Ashlynn at her house. They had a meeting with Father Mark at seven. He was a little nervous about facing the priest and feared he might have to be baptized again to repent for all his sins, but Father Mark was a pretty cool guy.

  “The Pre-Cana classes typically take between two and six weeks. Here’s the website where you can pay for the course and print out your worksheets. Once you’ve addressed everything and feel comfortable with your decision, contact me and we’ll get together again to go over what you learned.”

  “Thank you, Father,” his good little fiancée said.

  “You’re welcome, Ashlynn. Congratulations to the two of you and God bless. And, Kelly?”

  Pausing, from easing out of his chair, he hesitated. “Yes, Father?”

  “Confession is Saturday morning at ten. I’ll be expecting you.”

  “Yes, Father.”

  As they walked out to his truck Ashlynn looked completely content. He opened her door and asked, “So how do you think that went?”

  “Fine.”

  She was so calm about everything. “Are you nervous?” he asked and she frowned.

  “Why would I be nervous?”

  He shrugged. “These classes are supposed to tell all.”

  She laughed. “Kelly, you know my ‘all’.”

  “Right.” He shut her door and rounded the truck.

  He was quiet on the drive home. He knew her ‘all’, but she might go running for the hills when she discovered his.

  “Did you want to print out the worksheets tonight? That way we could work on them and go over the first ones tomorrow.”

  His stomach tightened. “Sure.”

  He shut off the truck when they returned to her house and followed her inside. “My printer’s in my room. Come on up.”

  He took the steps slowly, very aware that he was probably the first man not related to Ashlynn to see her bedroom. It was nothing like he’d expected. The walls were pale yellow and her bed was covered in an old—what looked handmade—quilt. He stood at the threshold.

  She turned and laughed. “What are you doing? You can come in.”

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  “You’ll behave.”

  He stepped over the threshold and slowly took in the space. It was simple and organized. Ashlynn wasn’t a girl who surrounded herself with clutter. He’d have to tidy up his act once they lived together.

  Suddenly an odd thought struck him. “Will this be our room?”

  She stilled. “Yeah, I suppose it will be. Do you like it?”

  “It’s nice.”

  She kicked off her shoes and slid onto the bed with her laptop.

  Danger! Alert! Mayday! Warning!

  “Are you gonna just stand there?

  He hesitated. “I don’t think you want me on that bed with you.”

  She frowned then understanding dawned. In that throaty voice of hers, she leaned back and said, “Oh, I think I do.”

  “Ashlynn.”

  Her laughter tickled his insides. “Kelly, I think we can control ourselves. We’ll be looking at a church website. Stop being silly and get over here.”

  He slowly approached the bed and sat on the opposite end, keeping his feet on the floor. Ashlynn lay on her belly, laptop open at the foot of the bed. Her fingers rapidly punched in the web address. “Here it is.”

  He glanced over her shoulder and saw a simple survey. “Is that it?”

  “This is the first inventory. There are a few. I’ll print them out.”

  She hit a button and the printer on her desk made a chugging sound as papers rolled from the tray.

  “Here. This is your copy. Do you want a pen?”

  “You want to do it now?”

  She shrugged. “Why not? Sue’s covering the bar. Might as well make use of our time.”

  “Should we go into separate rooms or something?”

  Her throaty laugh made him harden. God, this room was small. “Do you really feel the need for an isolation booth? I think I can trust you not to copy my answers. You sit there and I’ll sit over here.”

  He took the pen and book she offered so he had something to lean on. The first section was simple.

  Does your partner compliment you?

  Does your future spouse’s voice irritate you?

  Does your partner discuss outside interests with you?

  The only question he had a negative answer for was the one about his future in-laws making him uncomfortable, but he bet she had the same issue with that question.

  He glanced in her direction and saw her scribbling away. What is she writing?

  He turned the page.

  What worries you most about marriage?____
____________________

  That was an awfully small space. He considered the right answer and then he thought about his actual worries. Not enough intimacy. Letting down my wife. Not being able to support a family. Coming up short. Working too many odd hours. Jealousy. Not being the man she deserves.

  It was getting warm in the room. “Is the air on?”

  Ashlynn looked up from her paper. “It’s cool in here.”

  Kelly nodded and skipped that question.

  The quality I admire most about my partner is___________________.

  That was easy. He wrote the word ‘honesty’. That one was a freebee. The rest were trap questions. Why should he answer what he thought Ashlynn’s most annoying quality was? She didn’t really have any. Her virginity was a bit of a wrench in the mix, but he respected her choice. It didn’t make her annoying.

  He filled out the sheet as best he could, trying to avoid all offensive answers. Then he hit the big one.

  Why do you want to marry your partner?

  Fuck. He pushed the paper away. “Let’s talk for a bit.”

  “Are you finished?”

  “No.”

  “I’m almost done. Let me get this thought out.” Her pen scraped over the paper. What was she writing, a book? How much could she possibly have to say about him? She was probably going on about his annoying habits.

  “Do you want something to drink?”

  She shot him a warning glance that told him to stop interrupting. Maybe that was her annoying quality. Not really though.

  Kelly went to the kitchen and poured two glasses of ice tea from the pitcher. Her cabinets were simple pine with ordinary glass, nothing fancy. He liked that because it was Ashlynn. When he returned to the bedroom she was waiting for him. He handed her the beverage.

  “Thank you. What part did you get to?”

  “I stopped at section three.”

  “Do you want to go over our answers for the first two parts?”

  Not really. “Sure.”

  She frowned. “Are you all right?”

  “I don’t see the point to all of this. It’s like a test. What if I fail? Does that mean the weddings off?”

  “Kelly, there’s no failing. It’s just meant to stimulate discussion so that we get to know each other better.”

  He sat back on the bed. “You go first.”

  “Fine.” She shifted and sat cross-legged. Her feet were pretty. Little delicate girl bones formed her toes and she wore no polish. “Does your partner compliment you? Yes.”

  “I put yes too.”

  “Good. Does your partner irritate you? No.”

  “I put no too.”

  “See? We’re doing great.” She ran through the next few questions and all their answers matched. “Do your future in-laws make you feel uncomfortable?” She smiled nervously at him. “Sometimes.”

  He laughed. “I put the same.”

  “You did? Roy’s harmless.”

  “Ashlynn, he cocked a gun at me.”

  “It wasn’t loaded.”

  “Well, that helps, but suffice it to say anyone with a gun makes me nervous.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “Why does my family make you nervous?” She shrugged and looked away. He pinched her toe. “Hey. Talk to me. That’s what this is, right?”

  “They don’t really. I mean, I know Colin and Mallory and I sort of know Finnegan. Sheilagh’s always intimidated me.”

  “Why?”

  Her lips pursed. “She’s just so…there. She brings a room to attention the second she steps inside. She’s strikingly beautiful, always smiling, and nothing seems to scare her.”

  That sounded accurate, but… “That’s not really who she is, though.”

  “That’s the girl I’ve known since grade school.”

  “Because Sheilagh’s smart. That’s who she wants everyone to see, but really she’s afraid of her own shadow. If she stopped pretending to be the life of the party every minute people would see the real her and that terrifies her.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugged. “Because every woman isn’t as confident as you. They’d rather be fake than lonely. You stick by your principles and don’t worry if the world agrees. It’s a very sexy quality.” Dark pink darts formed on her cheeks as she lowered her gaze. “And these toes…” He groaned. “I could spend days just kissing your feet.”

  “My feet?”

  He leaned onto his arm and slid a hand up her loose pant leg. Her calf was soft and narrow. His fingers tightened, massaging the arch of her foot. “Mmm-hmm.” He kissed her big toe and the curve of her foot. His hands worked over her thin ankle as his thumbs dug into the tender muscles of her lower leg.

  She eased back onto her elbows as his mouth made a slow journey to her knee, traveling over the soft sensitive spots in the back. “See how sensual these feet are? I bet you’re wet.”

  She gasped. “Kelly!”

  Kissing his way back down, he dragged his tongue over the delicate indent of her ankle. “We’re gonna be married. I’m allowed to make assumptions at this point. Are you wet, Ash?”

  She made a sound of discomposure, but it was the same sound she made right before he made her come. Her discomfort was with his brazen words, not what he was doing to her physically.

  The beautiful thing about cargo pants was the way they hung off her tiny frame. He slipped his hand under the fabric bunched at her knee, traced the tops of his fingernails over her soft thighs, and didn’t stop until he came into contact with the cotton of her wet panties. “Wet.”

  He kissed the top of her foot and retracted his hand, lifting his gaze to hers. “It’s okay for us to talk that way, Ashlynn. I’m going to be your husband. You can tell me anything.”

  And in that moment he admitted trust should be reciprocated. Disclosure was something he’d have to work on, because he still feared too many confessions on his part would destroy the illusion she’d created. Maybe her optimism and faith in his goodness was farfetched, but so long as he never let her down, it never had to diminish.

  Her face was flushed and her breasts pressed against the cotton of her shirt as she took shallow breaths. Her lips parted and she whispered, “I want to have sex with you.”

  He stilled. “Now?” They couldn’t. She didn’t shake her head. Zero to ninety his body went from stiff to rock hard. Time to reel them back in. His mouth curved into a soft smile. “Ash love, I’ll never have sex with you.” Her brow pinched. “I’ll make love to you. But not until we’re married.”

  Her head fell back and she groaned, pressing her face into her palms. “What are you doing to me, Mr. McCullough?”

  He climbed up her body and kissed her neck. “Seducing you. Do you like it?”

  “Yes. No. I don’t know. You make me feel unstable. No one’s ever done that to me before.”

  “I’ll do it to you for the rest of your life, love. Because that’s what you do to me and that’s what marriage is—forever.”

  She turned her face and peeked through her fingers at him. Her lips pressed to his cheek and she whispered, “Thank you.”

  “For?”

  “Everything. For giving me forever with you. I don’t know if even that will be enough for me to get my fill.”

  The corner of his mouth kicked up and he grinned. “I’m wondering the same thing about you.”

  He kissed her softly than eased his body away. It was dangerous lying with her in a bed—her bed. Fighting off his arousal, he helped her sit up and scooted back to his papers. “Shall we?”

  She ran a hand over her hair and messed it up in the sexiest way possible. Clearing her throat, she said, “Yes.”

  When they got to part two he wished he had some vodka for his tea. Ashlynn also seemed to lose a bit of her confidence. Her voice was unsure as she read the first statement. “What worries me about marriage is…inadequacy.”

  He frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s th
e best answer I could think of.”

  “Don’t shrug it off. Tell me what you meant. Whose inadequacy?”

  “Certainly not yours.”

  His eyes widened. “Yours?”

  She nodded shyly. These worksheets were stupid and making them feel bad. He tossed his aside and went to her, turning her face so she looked at him. “Hey, what are you afraid you’ll be inadequate about?”

  “Everything. My parents were so happy. I know that isn’t the norm. What if I can’t make you happy.”

  “It isn’t your job to make me happy. It’s our job to find a happy medium,” he said.

  “But what if I disappoint you somehow. What if I’m terrible in bed or I can’t cook or I lose a leg or get in a horrible wreck and I’m suddenly hideous.”

  His face screwed up to one side. “Lose a leg?”

  “It could happen.”

  “Then I’d build you a crutch. You’re worried about things that don’t matter, love. It isn’t what you look like on the outside. It’s what’s in here that matters. Plus, you’re a terrific cook.”

  “What about the sex?”

  “Sex requires two people. If one sucks, so does the other. It’s only polite.”

  She shoved him. “I’m serious!”

  “So am I. It’s something you do together. You’ll see. You have to trust me on this.”

  “I guess you’re experienced enough,” she mumbled dryly.

  Her tone snagged his ego. “Are you jealous?”

  She met his gaze, all business. “Yes.”

  Shame should have played a part—maybe it did—but the emotion making him smile was definitely deep, ingrained, raw male satisfaction. Damn, the possessive glint in her eye was sexy.

  “Well, you get me for the rest of your life,” he said, toppling her to the bed. “It’s all the others who will be jealous, jealous of me, because I’ll have the hottest wife in town, and jealous of you, because—” He rolled his eyes and gave her a cheeky smile. “Well, I am Kelly McCullough after all. You’ll be glowing like the Christmas star every day of the year once I get ahold of you.”

  She laughed and shoved him. His lips pressed to hers and she sighed, giving into the kiss. He leaned over her body and soft curves pushed against his clothes. Her hands dragged through his hair sending sharp little shivers skating up his spine.