Cabin Fever

  He pats me on the back. “We’ll see. Come on down. They’re going to be here soon, and I need help with that garlic bread.”

  I grumble all the way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Tonight is going to be a nightmare, I just know it is. I’m glad I’ll be allowed to hide behind my sunglasses all night, because there are surely bound to be some tears.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  I TRY TO LOOK JANA in the eye when she comes in, but it’s hard. It probably doesn’t matter because with these dark glasses on, she can’t see what I’m looking at. But I can, and I feel guilty.

  “Here, will you hold her for me?” Jana asks, putting Cassie in my arms without even waiting for an answer.

  I want to say, ‘It’s not my idea to take her away from you,’ but I don’t. She’s barely gotten in the door and Jeremy hasn’t said a word to anyone about his plans yet.

  “Robinson!” Jeremy says from the foyer. “So glad you could make it.”

  Jana stops messing with the diaper bag on her shoulder and looks back, whispering, “Robinson’s here?” She looks to me for an explanation.

  “I didn’t know he was invited. Who is he again?” Play dumb. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I’ll do that.

  “He’s James’s former college roommate and our family attorney.”

  “Oh, cool. And he’s coming for dinner. Does he usually come?”

  “To spaghetti dinner? No, not usually. Maybe once in a great while.” She reaches up and touches her hair, then steps to the side so she can use the mirror on the wall. I watch as she assesses her makeup, hair, and teeth, turning just as Robinson and Jeremy come around the corner.

  “Hey, Rob. Didn’t know you were coming.” She’s trying to act more casual than she feels, that much is obvious. Hmmm, interesting. Does she have the hots for the family attorney? Methinks yes. I wonder if that crush will survive tonights news about Cassie. Methinks no.

  “Got the invite yesterday. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He leans in and kisses her on the cheek.

  “And you must be the artist I’ve been hearing all about.” He bends at the waist to kiss me next. “Nice to meet you. I’m Robinson. Don’t believe anything any of these people have told you about me.”

  I smile and kiss him back awkwardly, trying to keep Cassie from poking his eyes out. She’s trying pretty hard and gets one of his ears instead.

  He captures her hand before she has time to give his ear the reaming she intends, and kisses it. “How about you, Miss Cassiopeia? You giving your auntie a run for her money?”

  “Of course she is. Doesn’t she always?” Jana holds her hands out to take the baby, and I give her back. I don’t want Jana thinking I’ve got designs on her child; that’s all Jeremy. I catch him staring at them, caution in his eyes.

  “Is James here yet?” Robinson asks.

  “No, not yet,” Jeremy says.

  “They’ll be here soon,” I add, glancing down at my phone. Leah’s text is still fresh on my screen. “They’re two minutes away, trying to find parking.”

  “Perfect. I’ll go get the pasta boiling.” Jeremy walks past us, and I follow Jana into the living room. Robinson leaves quietly in the direction Jeremy was heading.

  Jana stops when she sees the painting I did of Jeremy hanging behind the couch and slowly lowers Cassie to the carpet as she stares at it.

  “Wow. What’s this?” she asks. “Is it new?”

  I don’t say anything as she walks closer to it.

  “S. Booker.” She turns around and looks at me. “Is that you? Did you paint this?”

  I nod. “At the cabin.”

  She goes back to staring at it. “That’s Jeremy, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it is.” I’m nervous, waiting for her assessment. I argued with Jeremy about hanging it here, but he wouldn’t have it anywhere else. He wanted anyone he invited into his home to be able to see it. He uses it as a constant reminder of who he needs to be and how far he’s come in his recovery.

  “It’s amazing. Really. You completely captured him.” She lowers her voice. “What a mess he is.”

  “Was. What a mess he was,” I correct. “He’s doing really well now.”

  She doesn’t say anything for a while. Then she turns away from the painting and faces me. “So, you settling in okay?”

  Cassie is on the floor and Jana moves to stand over her, watching her like a hawk.

  I guess if she can pretend we didn’t just disagree about her brother, then I can too. “Yes,” I say cheerfully. “Thank you so much for letting me stay here. I feel really guilty about you having to go, especially so close to Christmas.”

  She waves her hand at me. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I was glad to do it. It was about time Jeremy got his butt back in here. And my apartment was empty anyway.”

  I bite my lip to keep from saying anything else. Does she think he should get back to being a father too? That would make everything go a lot smoother if she did, but I’m not going to be the one to ask.

  “Anyone want any wine?” Robinson asks, walking into the room holding up the bottle he brought.

  I raise my hand. “I’m allowed to have half a glass.”

  “I’ll have one too,” Jana says, moving to take a book out of Cassie’s hands. “No, no. That’s not for babies. You play with this.” She takes a toy out of her back pocket. Cassie takes one look at it and throws it to the ground.

  “Or not,” I say, laughing.

  “Stubborn little cuss,” Jana says, almost to herself.

  “Hey, is that new?” Robinson asks, pointing with the wine bottle at the painting.

  “Sarah did it,” Jana offers. “It’s of Jeremy, obviously.”

  Robinson nods. “That dog looks like he wants to take a chunk out of his leg.”

  I laugh. “He did, actually. A couple times.”

  Robinson grins at me. “Sounds like a great story. I’ll be right back with the wine.”

  He leaves us alone in the room, and an awkward silence descends. I’m not sure that Jana notices it, but I sure do.

  “How’s your sight now? Better?” She glances up at me before going back to hawk-eyeing her niece.

  Jaws is across the room, watching what’s going on from around the corner of the couch. I’m glad Cassie hasn’t seen him yet. I’m sure he’ll become the star of her show if she so much as catches a glimpse of him.

  “Yes, much better, thank you. Almost back to normal. But my eyes still aren’t very pretty, so I’m sticking with the glasses for tonight so I don’t mess with anyone’s appetite.”

  She laughs. “I appreciate that. I never knew how weak a stomach I had until Cassie came along.”

  I nod, not knowing what to say to that. Jana has so much experience with babies, and I have almost zero, other than my babysitting history from fifteen years ago. Is that enough to play mother to another woman’s child? It doesn’t feel like it.

  Robinson comes back in the room with two full glasses. “Jeremy says we should go into the dining room and have some of the appetizers he made.”

  I take my glass of wine and follow them into the dining room. The table is set, and I feel guilty for having nothing to do with it. Little puff pastries are in the middle that look like miniature fancy pizzas. When did Jeremy do all this? I had a nap today but didn’t realize it had been such a long one.

  “Mmm,” Robinson says, biting into one. “You really make these, Jer?” he yells toward the kitchen.

  “Yep. Defrosted and baked ‘em myself!”

  We all laugh.

  “Well done, Brother!” Jana says, biting into her second one.

  The door opens and lets in a gust of air that makes its way into the dining room.

  “Anybody home?” says Leah, sounding out of breath.

  The door slams closed.

  “Damn, it’s cold out there. Phew!”

  I walk around and greet her at the front door, glad to have her here with me. At least there will be one person in the room on my
side when the poo hits the fan. I want to tell her everything that’s going on behind the scenes, but there’s no time. Jeremy is suddenly there by my side, and we’re squared off across from Leah and James.

  Jeremy’s hand goes out. “James. Thanks for coming.”

  James takes his brother’s hand and shakes it. “Jeremy. Thanks for inviting us.”

  Leah frowns. “Oh, for Pete’s sake, would you guys just get over yourselves?” She pushes James towards Jeremy and yanks Jeremy over by his sleeve. “Hug it out. We’ll wait.”

  They eye each other awkwardly for a couple seconds, but then James’s arms go wide and Jeremy steps into them. I have to turn away to wipe the tears that almost sneak past the bottom of my sunglasses.

  “There, that’s better, isn’t it?” Leah joins in the hug. “Come on, Sarah, get in on this with me. Family hug.”

  “No, I’ll stay over here with my gross eyeballs out of the way.”

  “Bullshit. Get in here,” Jeremy says, his voice scratchy. He pulls me in and hangs onto me like a drowning man.

  I hug the men lightly, and laugh when Leah tickles my arm.

  “Okay, okay, that’s enough of the hippie love fest,” James says, the first one to break away. I quickly join him.

  Leah pouts, tilting her head up to look at her fiancé. “Are you mocking the hippie lifestyle again?”

  He leans down and kisses her gently. “No ma’am. I would never.”

  “Good.” She nods at him once before turning to look at me. “So! How are those demon-eyes of yours, anyway?”

  I laugh. She takes all the pressure off everything with a simple question. I love my buddy Leah. “Much better, thanks. I can see fine.”

  “So what’s with the glasses?”

  I pull them down my nose and look up at her.

  She flinches and leans back. “Oh. Ew. Okay. Put them back on, and feel free to keep them on all night.”

  James spanks her on the butt and then herds her into the dining room. “That’s enough out of you, Lady.” He has to jump out of the way when her hand comes back to grab at his crotch.

  I look away, smiling. She’s so bad. I envy her sexy games with her guy. Jeremy and I haven’t even really kissed yet. And he proposed!! How is that even possible?! Ack!!

  It’s like we’re living in the seventeen-hundreds or something. Doesn’t he want to see if we’re compatible before he commits like that? It’s kind of flattering, actually, that he’d love me so much just from our conversations and time together. I wonder if the Brontë sisters experienced love that way. Maybe that’s why they were so poetic. Whatever. I definitely need to get him in the sack at least once before I commit. I’m too much of a modern girl to do otherwise.

  I shake my head to get it out of the clouds and join the rest of the group in the dining room. With Leah here, things seem much less dark and gloomy than they did before.

  “Spaghetti’s ready!” Jeremy announces from the kitchen. “Grab your bowls and come on in.”

  I follow everyone’s lead and go into the kitchen. As Cassie climbs around on the floor after Jaws, who she finally noticed spying on her, we each get a serving of noodles and sauce. I don’t worry about the dog being trouble for her or getting hurt, because he’s already showing how good he is at staying out of Cassie’s range. Smart little guy. It makes me wonder if he had a baby in his life before he became homeless. But his new vet said that without a microchip or tattoo, there’s no way I’ll ever find his former owner. That’s okay by me, though; he’s a member of the family now.

  I sit down next to the seat at the head of the table and Jeremy takes the spot next to me. James is on my left, Leah next to him, then Robinson and Jana. That puts Jeremy’s sister right across the table from me. I’m once again grateful for the glasses.

  “Shall we say grace?” Jana asks, holding her hands out on either side of her.

  I place my napkin in my lap and watch as everyone takes the hand of the person next door. I do the same. My heart skips beat after beat as I hold Jeremy on my right and James on my left, and Jana stares me right in the eye.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  “BLESS US, LORD, FOR THE food we are about to receive,” she says. She looks to Robinson, waiting.

  “And for the company you’ve allowed us to keep,” Robinson adds, winking at her for a moment before he looks up at Jeremy expectantly.

  “And for the good health of everyone we hold dear,” Jeremy says, glancing at me and then resting his gaze on Leah.

  “And for family. Through good times and bad, thick and thin, always there for us,” Leah says, kissing James on the hand when she’s done.

  “Thank you, Lord, for our parents, who saw fit to have three children, flawed but still perfect,” James says, his voice rough. Then he turns to me and nods once.

  I clear my throat, knowing it’s my turn to add to the prayer before it can be finished. This system of saying grace is new to me, but I like it. Family style. I look at all the people with their heads bowed around the table and know that the calm I see here is going to need some serious support if we’re going to make it through in one, undamaged piece.

  “And thank you too, for your forgiveness when we screw up and for giving us the strength to forgive when someone we love stumbles.”

  “Amen!” Jeremy says, squeezing my hand before letting it go.

  “Awesome sauce,” Leah says, digging into her spaghetti.

  “Thanks, Leah,” Jeremy says, smiling.

  “She hasn’t even tasted it yet,” James says.

  Leah crosses her eyes at them. “I didn’t mean the spaghetti sauce, geez.”

  The brothers look at each other confused. We girls just laugh at our inner joke.

  “So, tell us about your adventure at the cabin,” Leah says, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Sounds like you two really hit it off.”

  I shake my head. “Not at first.” I sink my fork into my noodles and start twirling.

  “No, she didn’t like me at all when she first met me,” Jeremy says, nudging my hand. “Huh?”

  “No, not really.” I look around the table. “He’d left about a hundred empty beer bottles all over the place. It took me hours to clean up after him. I thought there were squatters living there.”

  James shakes his head, censure in his tone. “The booze was a mistake.”

  “I’ve got it under control now, you don’t need to worry.”

  “And the drugs?” James asks.

  “Easy does it, James,” Robinson scolds. “We just got here. Give us time to get to the garlic bread, at least.” He reaches for the basket overflowing with the diner-style goodness.

  Nervous giggles come from somewhere. Maybe me.

  Jeremy responds. “I’m clean, in case it’s anyone’s business. And I’m going to meetings now, too. AA.”

  I look up, frowning. “You didn’t tell me.”

  He shrugs. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

  I twirl some pasta onto my fork. “It doesn’t. I’m just… happy for you.”

  He puts his hand over mine, stilling my movements. “Thank you. And sorry I didn’t mention it. I just started this week. I wanted to see how it went before I told you. I wanted to be sure I was going to keep going.”

  “Are you?” asks James, his expression dark and distrusting.

  “Yes, I am.” Jeremy’s face is red, but he’s going a great job of keeping his temper in check. I wish I could say the same for myself. I’m starting to feel very protective of Jeremy where James is concerned.

  “Jeremy is starting up the renovation on the brownstone again,” I say, nodding so everyone can join in the happy moment. “He has contractors lined up and everything.”

  “That’s great, Jer, congrats,” Robinson says, raising his glass. “Here’s to new beginnings!”

  Everyone joins in. Jeremy smiles. As he touches his glass to mine he winks. Then he lifts his glass higher towards the center of the table.

  “Hey, while I have yo
u here in the mood for toasting, let me add something.”

  Everyone waits, the pressure mounting as they all try to guess what he’s going to say.

  I try to warn him off, but he ignores my sunglass-covered stare.

  “I just wanted to share the good news that Sarah has agreed to stay here with me until further notice.”

  I let out a long breath of relief. He didn’t do what I thought he was going to do. I’m not sure what I would have done if he had.

  “Cheers!” says Robinson. He and Leah are the only ones smiling, though.

  “Cheers,” I say, smiling as best I can. It’s kind of hard, though, when the tension is so high.

  The glasses go down to the table and everyone starts eating again. I’m hoping the moment will pass, but I shouldn’t be so naive. There’s an elephant in the room and he’s about to start stomping across the table.

  “So, that’s exciting,” Jana says, cutting some spaghetti with her knife and putting it on a highchair tray behind her. Cassie’s not sitting in it yet, but she will be soon. Her dinner is almost ready. “You guys living together. Is that like, as a couple? Are you dating?”

  Robinson bumps her with his elbow, and she glares at him in response. I can’t tell if he did it on purpose or not.

  “Yep.” Jeremy obviously has no compunctions about total honesty. Maybe it’s part of his AA thing. “And I’ve asked her to think about marrying me when she’s ready.” He shoves a huge bite of pasta in his mouth, like all he’s done is announce tomorrow’s weather forecast.

  Jana and James both drop their forks with a clang into their dishes.

  “That’s amazing!” Leah says, jumping to her feet. She runs over and kisses me on the cheek and then Jeremy too. “Oh, I’m so happy for you!”

  “Does this mean she said yes? Or was it a maybe?” James asks. He turns to look at me.

  “I said I’d think about it.” I stare at my plate, too embarrassed to look anywhere else. They hate me. I knew they would.