If I Should Die Before I Wake

  “Why, thank you,” Mrs. Vandervoort said. She sounded impressed. Deanne had only blushed, waved at Matt, and gone back to her seat. Now, sitting and waiting for the production to start was making her nervous.

  Suddenly the lights dimmed and the bigscreen TV lit up. The show was on.

  Deanne watched the show. She thought it was funny. But the reaction of the audience surprised her most of all. They loved it! They laughed and clapped and stomped during the different scenes. Everybody seemed to recognize themselves and think it was funny. Deanne was thrilled.

  When it was over and the lights came back up, the audience actually cheered. Clare Coffman walked to the front of the auditorium. “Let’s give a big hand to the real stars of this production!” she cried. “All you kids, my actors and actresses, my assistants, my camera people, all of you, please stand up and be recognized!”

  Deanne got to her feet. Pam stood up. So did Matt, Susan, Carl, Todd, Mary, and all the other helpers on the project. The audience clapped and clapped. They shouted, “Bravo!” They made all the participants feel wonderful!

  Afterward, during refreshments, many came over to Deanne and told her, “Great job.” “Nice work.” “Watch out, Hollywood.” Deanne beamed. She felt so proud and so happy. She did a good job and had a lot of fun doing it.

  Mrs. Sanders came over and told both Dr. Vandervoort and Mrs. Vandervoort. “Your daughter is a fine nurse. She really cares about the patients. It showed tonight in that play.”

  Dr. Vandervoort smiled warmly at Deanne and told her, “I’m proud of you, honey. You helped them do a fine job.”

  Only her mother seemed a little withdrawn. Mrs. Vandervoort congratulated Deanne, but she also seemed preoccupied.

  “Did you like the play?” Deanne asked when they were riding home.

  “Oh, yes,” her mother said. “Very much.” They rode a while in silence. Then her mother said, “I had no idea how involved you were with the hospital. I mean, I know you spend a lot of time there, but I didn’t realize how much everyone thinks of you.” Then she added softly, “You’re not a little girl anymore.”

  They drove on into the night.

  Ten

  “Are you looking forward to going back to school?” Matt asked Deanne one afternoon.

  “Not particularly,” Deanne replied. She shifted in her chair and smiled at him.

  Matt was sitting in a semi-reclining position in a special chair in the Chemotherapy Department. A long plastic tube reached from his arm to a bag of fluids hung on a rack next to his chair.

  “It’s not much longer now before school starts,” he said.

  “Right after Labor Day,” she agreed. “But I’d rather stay here at the hospital than go back to a boring old classroom.”

  “What!” Matt asked in mock horror. “And become the only Vandervoort not to get a diploma?”

  Deanne chuckled. “You’re silly,” she said. Then she asked, “What will you do?”

  “Get tutoring. I wish I could go back to school.”

  Deanne understood what he meant. “You’ve been here a long time,” she said.

  “Too long,” he told her. “The worst part is I don’t think I’m getting any better.”

  “Of course you are,” Deanne protested.

  A half-smile crossed his thin, handsome face. “I sure don’t feel like I’m getting any better.” They both were silent. Finally, Matt spoke. “You know,” he said, “what I’d really like to do before this summer’s over is go up to Loch de Nor.”

  “Your parents’ place at the lake?” Deanne asked. She remembered hearing his whole family talk about their lake home.

  “Deanne,” Matt began, his blue eyes shining, “it’s so beautiful up there. Ever since I was a little kid, we’ve been going to North Lake, that’s what Loch de Nor means, you know. Even before I got sick we went there. I used to take the canoe and paddle along the shoreline for hours, just exploring. I found one place—that’s just incredible. You’d have to see it to believe it. It’s fantastic! I wish I could show you Loch de Nor. . . ,” his voice trailed off. Matt took a deep breath. Deanne could tell he wasn’t feeling well.

  “I’d love to see it!” Deanne cried. She didn’t want him to lose his enthusiasm. “What’s your house like there?”

  “It’s just a house. Anthony and I share a room. Tina, Theresa, Janette, and Patricia share rooms, too. Old Anthony’s spoiled, he’s had the room all to himself this summer.”

  “Maybe you’d better check yourself out and go re-stake your claim,” Deanne teased.

  “I would in a minute, if my doctors would let me.” He paused. “We do lots of stuff as a family,” he continued. “We play Hearts and Monopoly and every outdoors game you can think of.”

  Deanne felt a twinge of jealousy. She couldn’t imagine a big family playing and having fun together like Matt said. Her childhood had been so different. “I like your family,” she said. “Tina is very pretty.”

  “Don’t I know it. Last summer this guy who lives over on the other side of the lake used to come all the way around every day at noon just to talk with Tina when she walked out to the mailbox.”

  Deanne giggled. “I’d be flattered,” she said.

  “Are you trying to tell me that no one would walk all the way around the lake to see you?” he teased.

  Deanne blushed. “Don’t be silly! Besides, who’s got time for that?”

  “For love?” he asked.

  “Stop it!” Deanne protested.

  “You’re blushing! Did I hit a nerve? Ah, so there is someone special!” he said triumphantly.

  “No one you know,” Deanne said in a huff.

  “Will you see him when school starts?”

  “He doesn’t go to my school.”

  “Someone here at the hospital?”

  She glared at him. Her face was red. “I told you there’s no one special. Now knock it off!”

  “Hey! Hey! What’s all the racket?” asked one of the nurses as she poked her head in the room.

  Matt and Deanne looked at her. “Patients on chemotherapy are supposed to be kept quiet,” she told Deanne. “You know that.”

  Deanne swallowed hard.

  “It was my fault,” Matt said. “I’ll keep calm. I promise.”

  The nurse gave them a stern look, then left.

  “Sorry,” he said.

  Deanne shrugged. “Me, too.”

  “Friends?” Matt asked,

  “Forever,” she smiled back.

  “Forever,” he whispered.

  * * * * *

  “Ugh! I hate the thought of going back to school.” Susan sipped her pop and made a face at Deanne.

  “I know,” Deanne sighed. “Me, too.”

  “I don’t know why my parents insist on keeping me in that fancy prep school anyway,” Susan grumbled. “Mother works, Dad works . . . just to send me to some silly rich kids’ school. I’d much rather go to a public school.”

  “You never told me that!” Deanne said, surprised.

  Susan glanced down. “I know,” she said. “I shouldn’t say it now. You can’t help it if you’re rich. You know, when the summer started and you started to work here at the hospital, I couldn’t believe it.”

  “What do you mean?” Deanne asked.

  “Well, you have so much. Why would you want to do volunteer work? It didn’t make any sense.”

  “I would have never done it if you hadn’t encouraged me,” Deanne said sincerely.

  Susan smiled. “I’m glad you did. Otherwise, we’d never have become friends.” She took a big sip of pop through her straw. “I’ll bet you’ve logged more hours than any VolunTeen in the program.”

  “It’s been fun. I’ve never thought of it as work.”

  “Still, when Pat Jacobson gives out the service awards next month, I’ll bet you get the most.”

  “I wish we didn’t have to go back to school,” Deanne said, changing the subject. “I’ll miss everyone.”

  “Espec
ially Matt,” Susan finished.

  “Especially Matt,” Deanne agreed. “But I am going to work on Saturdays and after school.”

  “Yeah. Me, too. Next summer, I’ll be old enough to get a paying job. So, this may be my last summer fling with volunteer work,” Susan added.

  Deanne felt sorry for Susan. She was glad she could afford to be a VolunTeen, glad that she could work at the hospital for as long as she wanted. All in all, Deanne realized that she had a lot to be thankful for.

  * * * * *

  Mrs. Vandervoort paced around the living room. Dr. Vandervoort stood leaning against the fireplace. Deanne watched the whole scene, her heart beating.

  Matt’s family had asked her to spend the entire Labor Day weekend with them at Loch de Nor! She was so excited, she could hardly sit still. The whole weekend! Best of all, Matt’s doctors had given him a seventytwo hour pass from the hospital so that he could go, too.

  “I don’t know,” her mother said, shaking her head.

  “Mr. Gleason came to me personally,” Dr. Vandervoort told her. “He said that Matt had asked especially for Deanne to come stay with his sisters. It means a lot to the boy.”

  “But the whole weekend,” Mrs. Vandervoort protested. “Hans, we don’t even know these people.”

  “I know plenty,” he assured his wife. “They’re a fine family with a very sick son who wants to go home for a few days. He wants our daughter to come, too. It’s no different than letting her go spend the weekend with your sister, Christine.”

  “But, Christine’s family,” Mrs. Vandervoort said.

  “The Gleasons are family to me,” Deanne said quickly. “I’ll be staying with Matt’s sister, Tina, the whole time. Oh, please let me go! Mother, I want to go! I’m almost fifteen. I know how to act. I won’t embarrass the Vandervoort name, you know.”

  “That’s not the point, Deanne,” her mother began. “It’s—it’s just not proper.”

  “Why not? You wanted to take me to spend a whole weekend with Judson Cortland over July Fourth.”

  “That was different . . .”

  “Hold it!” Dr. Vandervoort said in his deep authoritative voice. “You’re my family, and I will decide.”

  Both Mrs. Vandervoort and Deanne looked at him. “Sylvia, I see no reason why Deanne can’t go. She’s a mature, smart girl. The Gleasons are caring people and their son is very sick. They’ll take good care of both of them. I want her to go.”

  Mrs. Vandervoort started to say something. But she changed her mind when he turned his determined face toward her. Deanne wanted to jump up and hug him.

  “Very well,” Mrs. Vandervoort said finally. “I’ll speak to Mrs. Gleason and make the arrangements. Maybe you’re right, Hans. Deanne’s grown up a lot this summer. Maybe this is the perfect thing for her to do.”

  Eleven

  Deanne had never seen any place more beautiful than Loch de Nor. The lake was large and deep navy blue in color. Its shoreline was lined with tall pines on its west bank and grass on its east bank. Homes and cottages dotted various clearings all around it.

  The long shadows of evening were stretching across the shores of the lake when the Gleason family car pulled into the driveway. The ride from town had taken ninety minutes. It had tired Matt. As the car arrived, the Gleason kids, five of them, tumbled out the front door of the cabin.

  “Matt! Matt!” Anthony shouted, hanging on the car window.

  “Hi, guy,” Matt smiled, tussling his brother’s hair.

  His father opened the car door for Deanne and Matt. “Wait a minute, Tiger,” Chuck laughed. “Don’t knock your brother over before he has a chance to get out of the car.”

  Everyone began talking at once. They were all so glad to have Matt home, even if it was only for three days. Janet hugged Deanne warmly and told Tina to get her suitcase.

  “We’re having ‘sketti for supper!” Anthony shouted.

  “’Sketti?” Matt laughed. “You mean, spaghetti?”

  “Yeah! And cake, too! I helped.”

  “How?” Deanne asked.

  “I licked the bowl!” Anthony said patiently.

  Everyone laughed then filed inside. The family room was large and spacious. It led into a big country kitchen filled with delicious aromas of hot garlic bread and tomato sauce.

  “Come put your things in my room,” Tina urged, leading Deanne down a hallway and into a green and white decorated bedroom. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

  “Me, too!” Deanne said. She tossed her things onto one of the twin beds and looked around. The room was neat, colorful, and clean. “Where’s your sister staying?”

  “Oh, Mom put up a cot in Patricia and Janette’s room, just for this weekend, so we can have more space. It’ll give us a chance to visit away from my little sisters’ prying ears.”

  Deanne laughed and gave Tina a hug. “Thanks, I really like it here.”

  The family sat down to a huge dinner. Everyone seemed to talk and laugh at once. Deanne remembered her own family’s quiet, simple meals. This was so much fun!

  Anthony wanted to sit on Matt’s lap. He kept patting his brother, as if he were making sure he was really there. Janette talked on and on about how fast she could go down the hill on her bike. Janet kept smiling at Matt.

  Across the fireplace mantle they had strung a long homemade sign. It read: “Welcome Home, Matt.” The room was very homey and inviting. Deanne was grateful to be there.

  After dinner, Mr. Gleason said, “I believe I could go for a game of Hearts. Anyone else?

  Everyone shouted “Yes!” In minutes, the table was cleared, the dishwasher loaded, and everyone was seated back around the big oak table. A deck of cards was dealt. Deanne found it to be the most exciting game of Hearts she’d ever played! She laughed so hard her sides hurt when Mr. Gleason got stuck with the queen of hearts.

  “You lose! You lose!” Anthony shouted.

  “Never!” Mr. Gleason said. “I can’t lose! I’m the boss around here!”

  They played a second game and a third. It was ten o’clock before they knew it. Deanne was tired, but she felt content as she went off to bed.

  Matt looked pale, but he seemed happy. Deanne was about to go into Tina’s room when Matt caught her arm. “You an early riser?” he whispered.

  “Well . . . uh . . . sure,” she said.

  “Good. Let’s have an early breakfast, then I want to take you someplace special,” he whispered.

  “Where?” she probed.

  “You’ll see,” he said, tapping her lightly on the nose. “It’s a secret. But wear your walking shoes.”

  * * * * *

  The canoe sliced through the water like a knife. Deanne watched as Matt dipped the oar into the smooth lake water to propel the canoe forward. The rising morning sun peeked over the tops of the pine trees. The smells of woods, water, and wild grass filled the air. The day promised to be hot.

  Deanne didn’t know where Matt was taking her. But she didn’t care. It was a beautiful, golden summer morning. And they were together, skimming the shoreline of the lake. She was filled with anticipation.

  “It’s not much further,” Matt said over his shoulder.

  Deanne didn’t care. She was content to sit back and glide along in the canoe. She hardly slept all night, anyway. She had been so excited about being with the Gleasons. She hated to waste her time sleeping.

  It had been easy to get up at six in the morning. She met Matt in the kitchen and fixed them both scrambled eggs and toast. They’d been very quiet. They didn’t want to wake up anyone else. Matt had left his mom a note. It said: “Took Deanne on a little canoe trip. We’ll be home for lunch. Don’t worry. Love, Matt.”

  “Look!” Matt shouted. He pointed to a flock of ducks. Deanne watched as they arched gracefully over the face of the lake water and soared up into the bright morning sky.

  “They’re beautiful!” Deanne cried.

  “We’re almost there,” Matt said.

  “Wher
e?” she asked.

  “You’ll see . . .”

  The canoe slowed. Matt backwashed the paddle. Then he aimed the canoe into the bank between two clumps of trees. The canoe hit the land with a gentle thump.

  “Come on,” Matt urged, stepping out of the boat and pulling Deanne by the hand. “We’ve got to walk a little ways.”

  The underbrush was thick, but Deanne tagged along after Matt. In a few minutes she was breathing hard and starting to perspire. But she pushed through the bushes behind him.

  Matt stopped suddenly. “Wait,” he said, gasping for breath.

  “Are you all right?” she asked, alarmed.

  “Sure,” he gasped. “Just need to catch my breath. It’s okay. Really. Besides . . . we’re here.”

  “We’re where?” asked Deanne hesitantly.

  “At my special place. Close your eyes and give me your hand.”

  She obeyed. “Now don’t peek,” he said. “Follow me.”

  Deanne held on tightly as he led her along. Finally, he said, “Open up.”

  Deanne did. They were standing in a clearing in the forest. A carpet of pine needles covered the ground like a soft blanket. Tall, age-old firs and pines reached high overhead. They were so dense and thick that the sky was completely hidden. Long shafts of thick yellow sunlight hung in the air like taut ribbons. The air was cool.

  It was so peaceful and beautiful that Deanne could hardly speak. Finally she said, “Oh, Matt! It’s . . . it’s . . . magnificent!”

  “I know,” he whispered. “I discovered it one summer years ago. It’s like a cathedral, isn’t it?”

  Deanne walked around the small clearing, looking up at the dark, green trees. She touched the trunks. She cupped her hands under a stream of sunlight and let it collect in a golden pool.