Girl In The Mirror (Looking Glass Book 1)

  That seems to spark something else in those infuriatingly beautiful green eyes, and it wipes the grin right off his face. I lift my chin, ready to stand my ground in case he decides to threaten me right back.

  “I’ll let him know. Tell your sister she doesn’t have to worry about Nolan for too much longer. He’ll be gone for at least a year soon.”

  I’m not sure if I’m more curious or disappointed by that. I know Maggie secretly enjoys Nolan’s flirting. She’s just incapable of handling how strong he comes on. All I wanted was to hopefully get him to tone it down a bit so she doesn’t resort to cutting class and ruining the perfect GPA she’s worked so hard on keeping.

  “Thank you,” I say but then can’t help asking. “Where’s he going?”

  “Got an apprenticeship in Radcliffe with a relative. He wants to be a tattoo artist. The guy’s a hell of an artist.”

  He says all this as his eyes seem to pierce into mine. His playful attitude from earlier has changed dramatically, and I don’t know what to make of it, but it almost excites me. He’s looking at me with what feels almost like intrigue. Like I suddenly interest him. As much as it makes me nervous, my heart thunders against my chest with excitement.

  The two sluts walk by again. “So, can I get a ride later?” one of them asks.

  “Maybe,” he says, making me glance away and do the best I can to squelch the annoying and unjustifiable jealousy I feel.

  When they’re gone and he turns back to me, I stupidly give into my temptation. “I’ve never ridden on one of those before. Maybe I can get a ride sometime too?”

  His eyes brighten as he takes me in until our eyes lock. I feel completely struck again. Not just because of the gaze, but because the moment is so profound—so heavy this time—I know he’s feeling the same insanity I am. He must be. There’s no way he can’t be.

  The moment fades when he shakes his head with a frown. “Not a chance in hell. You’re jailbait, baby girl. Your mama would have me hung if she ever saw you on the back of my bike.”

  Those sluts aren’t much older than I am. In fact, Jenna may be older, but I know the other one is my age. I’m not sure if he’s aware of it or if he’s just making excuses for not wanting to give me a ride. Maybe he’s thinking about the bigger payout he’d get by giving those whores a ride instead of me. Instantly, the impetuous baby girl in me is summoned.

  Ignoring his response, like it didn’t infuriate me, I go back to what he’d previously said. “So, Nolan’s an artist, huh?” He nods, but I don’t give him time to say much else. “So am I, and he’s my age. An insatiable artist . . .? Maybe he’s been flirting with the wrong sister.”

  Just like when he’d sized me up so unabashedly, he doesn’t even try to hide the sudden downright disgust at my insinuation. I do the grinning this time as his eyes narrow. “Don’t worry about passing on the message. I think I’d rather tell him myself now. If you see him around tonight, tell him to come find me. I look forward to talking to him.”

  I turn and walk away before he can respond and before I can laugh. Nico, it seems, is anything but discreet, and my sudden interest in his brother after our undeniable moment, did not sit well with him.

  Good.

  I couldn’t see it, but I could feel it, the huge smile that was spread across my face as I woke. The possibility that I was Maggie stealing Madeline’s memories and making them my own still existed. But it was beginning to really feel unlikely. This was just too real and, like the first dream I had yesterday morning, I was certain it was a full-blown memory, not just a made-up dream. My head was finally working with me—helping me put the puzzle pieces together, except there were still parts that no amount of remembering would help. Because those parts I’m sure I had no knowledge of.

  First thing I did after lying there basking in the wonderful memory of Nico and me was check the time. It was still early, just after six a.m., but I was already pumped with adrenaline. Second thing was check my phone. I’d even slept through Clarisse’s call at midnight. She’d left a couple of texts saying she was dying to know what else I’d uncovered.

  To my disappointment, Nico hadn’t even responded to my text much less my call. Given what Nolan said about the number I’d done on him again, I didn’t set my hopes too high that I’d be hearing from him anytime soon.

  I anxiously took a shower because I knew today was my last day before Mama got home. Once she was here, I knew there’d be no way I’d hold back anymore, but I wanted to arm myself with enough evidence so she wouldn’t be able to worm her way out of this somehow. My mother was a smart woman, and she’d had years to prepare for the possibility of me remembering. But I still didn’t remember everything, so I needed more.

  I’d just gotten in my car, ready to head out to do more sleuthing, when my phone dinged with a text message, and my heart sped up. One glance at the caller ID had me groaning. “Oh, my God!” I gasped.

  Glancing at the time on my dash, I groaned again. I would’ve just ignored it, but I could see just from the preview of the text Ryan was asking where I was. That meant one thing. Ryan was already at the cafe where I’d agreed to meet him today. I’d completely forgotten about it.

  It was just past seven, the time we’d agreed to meet. At the stop, I’d texted back that I was running late but I’d be there. As much as I hated to have to deal with him, if he wasn’t already there, I might not have felt too bad about cancelling on him at the last minute.

  As I drove into the parking lot of Blackbirds, I refrained from rolling my eyes. It was his idea to meet here, likely to remind me of the day we first exchanged numbers. I only agreed because it was hardly a romantic place to meet and had every intention of keeping this short, especially now that I had so many other much more important things I’d rather be doing today.

  Ryan flagged me down over to the booth he was at when I walked in. Aware that I wasn’t in my scrubs the way I would be had I really just gotten out of work, I already had my fabricated lie together. He stood when I got close enough then hugged me, holding me tightly for a moment before inhaling deeply and whispering into my ear. “God, I’ve missed you.”

  In my panic to pull away, I turned and a kiss that was likely meant for my cheek grazed over my lips instead. Then he pecked the corner of my lips.

  Poof!

  The visual nearly knocked me out: Nico’s enraged eyes and tensed muscles, even as I pecked him three times and ran my hands over his shoulders and muscled arms. This time the memory was as clear as day, and I even remembered the conversation.

  “You got on his fucking bike?” The vein on his temple protrudes as those green eyes bore into me.

  “I had to get to work,” I say anxiously, running my fingers over his temple. “The car broke down, and I’d been calling you and Mama and even Shelby, but no one was getting back to me. Then he drove by and offered to give me a lift.”

  “Yeah, I bet he fucking did!”

  “What do I do?” Ryan asked, ripping me out of the visual.

  He was standing in front of me, one hand on each of my arms, searching my eyes and looking very concerned. “Nothing,” I said, shaking my head and trying to calm my breathing. “I’m fine.”

  “You’re still getting those triggers?”

  “Something like that,” I said, walking over to the booth and taking a seat, thankful for the distraction so I didn’t have to respond to his saying he missed me—and the stupid kiss. “It was just a short one. Like all the others, it made no sense.”

  “You haven’t had any in a while, right?” I glanced up at him, wondering how’d he know.

  “Your mom,” he said with a sheepish smile as he slid into the booth across from me. “Last time I talked to her, I asked her about it, and she said, as far as she knew, you hadn’t.”

  “No,” I said, unwilling to get into this with him. “But it’s no biggie.”

  There were already two carafes at our table, one with orange juice and another with coffee. “Which will it be?” he
asked.

  “I’ll take coffee,” I said and Ryan poured it for me.

  He commented on my non-scrub outfit, smiling a little too smugly when I gave him my readied lie. I should’ve thought it through better. I told him I’d gotten out of the hospital earlier than my norm so I decided to go home and shower and change. Hence my running a little late.

  Ryan seemed to take that as a sign maybe I’d left work early with a purpose: to go home a get a little more done up than my tired ass in scrubs. I spied the small gift bag in the corner of the seat on his side as I sipped my coffee but wasn’t about to comment.

  The waitress took our order, and I ordered biscuits and gravy with a side of bacon. I smiled inwardly, remembering my breakfast with Nico.

  “Is that it?” Ryan asked.

  Yep, that was it. I’d keep this as short as I could.

  I nodded, trying not make my annoyance too obvious about him ordering steak and eggs well done. We both knew that would just have us here longer now. I reminded him how I didn’t get too hungry that early in the morning.

  The small talk was awkward at best, both asking generics. How’s work? How’s the second store going? He told me about the successful grand opening they had. Then we got back to the uncomfortable when he stopped and stared at me silently for a moment. I glanced down at my coffee, not wanting to hold his gaze.

  “I miss you so much, Maggie.”

  I started to shake my head because I didn’t want to discuss this. I didn’t want to hear about his feelings for me. But he went on anyway.

  “Getting this second store up and running should’ve been more satisfying—a happier time for me. But you not being part of it took from it. It was bittersweet.”

  I finally glanced up at him and shrugged. “I’m glad it was successful, Ryan. I’m sure it’ll do as well as the first one.”

  I refused to comment on everything else he’d said. Our food wasn’t even out yet, and already I regretted being here. After spending the weekend with Nico and feeling all that I did for him, there was no way I’d even consider any type of reconciliation with Ryan now. No way.

  He reached for the gift bag and I braced myself. “Before I show you this,” he said, sounding a bit hesitant. “I put this on layaway a while back. Even then it wasn’t going to be what I know you’re gonna think it is. It’s about your birthday month specifically.”

  The waitress interrupted his little speech when she came over to let us know his steak was going to be a few more minutes. She asked if I wanted them to bring out my plate now or wait for his to come out. “You can bring it out now,” I said because I was already feeling nervous about what he might pull out of that bag.

  Having food to pick at might serve as a good distraction. The waitress walked away, and he went on with his explanation. “I showed your mom a photo of it back then, and she agreed you’d love it.” He pushed the bag across the table. “Happy Birthday.”

  I pulled the tissue out of the top of the bag slowly, dreading what might be inside. As I suspected, it was a small jewelry box. “You really didn’t have to get me anything, Ryan,” I said pulling my hand out—minus the box. “I get the feeling this is something expensive.”

  “It wasn’t too bad.”

  “You put it on layaway,” I reminded him.

  “Just for safe keeping and so I wouldn’t give into the temptation of giving it to you too soon. Go ahead; take it out.”

  With a deep breath, I stuck my hand back into the bag. Ryan already had his phone out ready to snap a picture. I opened the box and my stomach dropped. It was a ring with a square-shaped sapphire center surrounded by diamonds.

  “Oh, my God, that’s beautiful,” the waitress said as she dropped off my plate. “Look at this, Annabel.”

  She pointed at the ring as the other waitress passed by. Annabel stopped to admire it too. “Oh, wow, what is that blue stone? It’s brilliant.”

  “Sapphire,” Ryan said smiling proudly. “It’s her birthstone. Try it on.”

  I hesitated, almost saying no, but I thought it might be too awkward what with the two gawking waitresses standing there smiling so big. I slipped it onto my ring finger and held my hand out in front of me, donning my fakest smile.

  I’d gotten so damn good at lying I figured even the smile was far more than convincing. Ryan took more pictures as the two waitresses oohed and aahed for a bit longer before finally walking away. The minute they did, I took the ring off. “It’s beautiful, Ryan, but it’s too much. I can’t accept this.”

  “I knew you might have issues with this,” he said, holding up his hand in front of him. “But before you turn it down flat, I want you to know there’s no ulterior motive for this. It’s just your birthstone, and your mom said you’ve always loved it. Consider it a peace offering, a way for me to make up for what I did.”

  He explained how he’d been going to therapy and he’d already felt bad about what he did but the therapy was helping him understand why it’d been so wrong for him to do what he had.

  “I’ve even started a weekly group session where we all talk about our anger issues and why we think we are the way we are. Obviously, watching my dad treat my mom the way he had all those years made it seem like the norm to me. But I know now it’s not. It’s wrong on so many levels.” I tried to interrupt, but he went on. “I’m not saying that the therapy is an auto fix. I realize I still have a lot to work on, and I really hope someday it’ll be enough to get you back. I understand you may never come around to forgive me. All I’m saying is please keep the ring for now, as a reminder of just how sorry I am. Even if you never forgive me, I’d love for you to keep it. But if you’re still not comfortable with keeping it, in say a couple of months or so, you can give it back.”

  I stared at him then glanced back at the ring that I’d already put back in the box. I nodded for the moment. If I told him right then what I planned on telling him, sitting through the rest of breakfast would be painfully awkward. “Thank you, Ryan. It really is beautiful.”

  He talked a little bit about how he decided on the cut and the research he’d done before he bought it. Thankfully, the waitress brought over his breakfast finally. I was halfway done with mine. We ate in silence for a bit before I decided to just say it. I was almost done with my breakfast, and Ryan, who’d always been a fast eater, was nearly done with his too.

  “Listen, Ryan. I wanna be honest with you. I commend you for owning up to what you did and really making an effort to better yourself. The first step is always being able to admit there’s even a problem. You never argued that there wasn’t one and that’s huge. If that were the only thing keeping me from considering anything with you again, it just might be enough someday, but things have changed for me.”

  Ryan’s eyes narrowed, and he slowed the stirring he was doing to his coffee. “What do you mean?”

  I wasn’t about to sit there and tell him the whole convoluted story. I’d just give him the part that pertained in any way to him. I told him about starting to remember some things from my past, that there was someone in my past I’d recently started talking to again, and how I was almost certain what I’d been yearning to remember all these years had everything to do with him. “I’ve been in touch with him. But I just need to talk to Mama now to know for sure.”

  “He doesn’t know the answer?”

  His tone said it all. This didn’t make sense to him, and I knew it wouldn’t, but I was still unwilling to share with him everything I was dealing with now. I didn’t have the time or inclination. Already, I was anxious about getting out of there.

  “It’s complicated, Ryan. I just think—” I stopped and shook my head. “I know what I feel for him runs very deep. It’s not something I’ll get over anytime soon, and I know he hasn’t either, even after all these years.”

  Whatever progress Ryan had made in his therapy clearly wasn’t enough. His eyes went darker, and he lifted a brow. Then he sat back and tossed his napkin on his plate.

  “I st
ill want you to keep the ring. For now,” he added firmly when I began to protest. “I don’t understand how you can be so sure your feelings for this guy aren’t something you’ll get over soon if you’re not even certain he’s who’ve you been trying to remember all this time. But I won’t argue with you. I just ask that you hold onto the ring for now. You said this is the only thing that might keep you from considering giving me another shot someday. Something tells me you might still be grasping for that elusiveness you’ve been trying to find for years—”

  “Ryan—”

  “Please let me finish,” he said, sitting up straighter and holding a hand in front of him, so I did. “This thing you say you feel and haven’t been able to just let go . . . It sounds a lot like what I feel for you. It’s why I went ahead and bought the ring. It’s not an engagement ring or anything of the sort. It’s a birthday gift, period.”

  I started to shake my head but stopped when he reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “But I am still in love with you, and like you, I can’t just ignore what I’m feeling. You said things with you and this guy aren’t certain. It did take him almost seven years to realize he still felt for you.”

  I opened my mouth to begin to protest then thought better of it. At this point, I honestly didn’t care what Ryan thought and wouldn’t waste time trying to explain it.

  “Just please,” he said, squeezing my hand again. “Do me this one favor. Hold onto the ring for now. In case things don’t work out like you’re hoping, it’ll be a reminder of who is still here for you and is doing everything he can to better himself so that he can deserve you. If, in a few weeks or maybe months, you’re still not comfortable keeping it, you can give it back.”

  Glancing down at the box and feeling exasperated because all I wanted was to be done with this conversation—this breakfast date—I nodded.