With This Heart

  I couldn’t do anything other than nod for fear that he would see the emotions written across my face. He said I needed to work on my poker face, and I wondered if he could see that I was royally flushed in that moment.

  We laid there for a few minutes, just studying one another, when suddenly we heard a loud snap and then something heavy fell onto the tent, making it cave inward. I squealed and jumped toward Beck. I curled into him with my face buried in his neck. My heart was beating like a hummingbird and it took me a moment to realize that Beck was running his hand down my back…while laughing.

  “ Hey, Abby. I think it was just a branch of a tree breaking off and landing on our tent.”

  “ Nope,” I protested, not willing to pull my face out of the warmth of his neck just yet. “Please make sure it’s not a bear or a serial killer.”

  “ What should I do if it’s a bear serial killer?” Beck asked, really pleased with how funny he was being at the moment. I could have killed him, if you know, the bear serial killer didn’t get to him first.

  I smiled against his skin. “Is that a bear that is a serial killer? Or a person that kills bears…serially?” I asked for clarification.

  Beck laughed and then finally sat up, which sadly meant that I had to unwrap my body from around him. He didn’t seem to mind me cuddling up to him, but then I thought back to the dreaded first kiss and any hope of future cuddles pretty much flew out the window.

  He moved forward on his hands and knees and unzipped the tent. Then he poked his head out and peered in both directions before winking back at me.

  “ I’m thinking we’re all clear. But we should probably set up night shifts to make sure. We’ll each sleep for five minute intervals,” he teased with a sexy smirk.

  “ Alright, alright. We’ll probably be killed any minute now, but who knows,” I paused and lowered my voice to a mere whisper, “ maybe I overreacted.”

  Beck laughed and rezipped the tent. “I didn’t mind the overreaction,” he murmured, looking down at his sleeping bag.

  I blushed and then tried to do a fake yawn to cover up my massive grin.

  “ I’m ready for bed,” I said, suddenly feeling exhausted from our day.

  “ Me too. I’m not trying to be creepy or anything, but I usually sleep in my boxers. I won’t do that to you tonight, but I definitely can’t sleep with my shirt on in this heat. Is that okay?”

  Like any man, woman, or child would have said no? “It’s fine, I usually sleep with my eyes closed anyway, so I won’t see.” I smiled at my attempt at playing off my nerves, and then made a show of rolling onto my back to give him some semblance of privacy. But when he started to tug the shirt off, I couldn’t keep my eyes focused on anything else. I watched the tanned muscles pull taut in his back as he threw his shirt into the corner on top of our backpacks. The second he was done, I flipped over to face away from him. The last thing I saw was his smirk that told me he knew I was watching the whole time.

  “ Night, Beck.”

  “ Night, Abby.”

  …

  Sleep was elusive that night. I tossed and turned so much that I’m not sure I slept more than one hour at a time. It was just so damn hot. I thought about stripping off my tank top and sleep shorts, but figured I should at least wait until the second night for that. Sometime after sunrise I finally turned over and realized that Beck wasn’t in his sleeping bag. I pushed up into a sitting position and unzipped the tent to find him a few yards in front of me. He’d moved one of the camping chairs to the edge of the lake and was reading in the early morning light. It looked like a nice idea, so I grabbed my kindle, slipped on my sandals, and joined him.

  The camping chair dragged in the sandy dirt behind me as I stepped closer. Beck glanced up from his book and I realized that maybe he wanted some private time. I didn’t want to encroach on that, so I placed the chair a few feet away from his. Before I could sit, though, he gave me a silly look and reached out to pull my chair closer.

  “ I brushed my teeth already so you don’t have to worry about my morning breath,” he winked.

  “ Oh, well I just woke up so you won’t be so lucky,” I grumbled, taking my seat next to him and folding my legs up into a pretzel in the chair.

  “ Ah, so no attempts at second kisses should take place this morning.”

  My head snapped up to meet his gaze. “Oh, so you think there will be more attempts ?”

  He smirked. “There will definitely be a second kiss in your life. It could even be with me if you play your cards right.”

  Confident, goofy, sonofa, jerk.

  “ Nah, I tried it that one time and it wasn’t that great. I think I’ll abstain for the rest of my life.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “What are you reading?” he asked.

  I looked down at my kindle and wondered if I should make something up or if I should tell him the truth.

  “ An awesomely cheesy romance.” I told him the truth.

  His lip turned up in a half smile. “Nice.”

  “ You?”

  He held up his book for me to read the title: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time . The cover even had a die-cut of an upside down dog.

  “ What’s the incident?” I asked, adjusting in my seat to get comfortable.

  “ I can’t tell you,” he replied.

  “ Hmph.”

  “ Want to read for a bit?” he asked.

  I nodded, but I just ended up staring off at the lake for a while, wondering where the rest of the trip would lead. Quite a lot had happened and we’d been gone for less than twenty-four hours. If the excitement of the trip was modeled on an exponential curve, we’d be having sex by tonight and I’d be pregnant and married by the end of the two weeks.

  …

  We’d packed our stuff and headed out toward greener pastures before noon, deciding that before setting out for Odessa and Marfa, we wanted to see the coast. Beaches in Texas aren’t the most pristine, but as long as you steer clear of Galveston, the water isn’t too murky. We were heading south and jamming to Ben Kweller when I asked Beck what he wanted to do with his life now that he wasn’t sure about engineering.

  “ I don’t know. Maybe release a studio album of guttural noises. It’ll be white noise for hardcore rock fans.”

  “ Like Yoko Ono?” I asked, pretending to take him seriously.

  “ Not even remotely similar. Mine will be much more guttural. Like, at least four times as guttural, maybe even twice as throaty.”

  He didn’t give me any time to expand on that ridiculous topic.

  “ What do you plan on doing to make money?” he asked, peering over at me from behind his Wayfarer sunglasses.

  “ I have absolutely zero, negative zero idea of what I want to do.” Just the thought of it brought back that immense pressure in my chest.

  “ On account of not really having a future before two months ago?” he asked.

  “ Exactly.”

  He nodded empathetically. “So now the world is your proverbial oyster and you’re finding out that maybe shucking oysters isn’t quite as easy as everyone makes it out to be. Oh, and there are far fewer pearls than you expected.”

  I nodded, thinking that I might have been in love with him in that moment.

  “ You could be the producer for my album,” he suggested. That was the very first time he suggested a solution to my future-career woes.

  “ Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “ Oh my GOD,” he shouted out of the blue, and I jerked back against my seat in fear. Were we about to hit a car or swerve off the road?

  “ WHAT?” I yelled, pressing my hand to my heart.

  “ A sign back there said to exit in five miles for a Prehistoric Dinosaur Adventure Park.”

  Dear God.

  There was no point in arguing, Beck had us turning into the nearly abandone
d park less than ten minutes later.

  “ Abby, I realize you’re containing your excitement because you’re trying to remain mysterious and aloof, but please know that if you want to squeal or cry, I wouldn’t think less of you.”

  I crossed my arms in front of my chest and kicked the gravel with my Keds. “I can’t believe you’re dragging me here.”

  “ I can feel the excitement emanating from you. It’s palpable, Abby. Wow. Minty.”

  I picked up the pace after that so that I could pay for both of us. Beck kept sneaking his card into every checkout line and I didn’t want him thinking he had to pay for everything during the trip.

  A pimply-faced kid was sitting inside of a crumbling kiosk. The remnants of the shack made it clear that at one point it had been painted vibrant colors, but the wood had started chipping ages ago and now it was just depressing.

  “ Two tickets please,” I said politely.

  The kid looked up from his Nintendo DS. “Two adults or two kids?”

  I looked behind me. There was only one other car parked in the lot and there were no kids in sight.

  “ Oh. Two adults.”

  He took my cash without a second glance and started getting my change.

  “ Don’t touch the exhibits. Don’t sit on the dinosaurs. Don’t take profane photographs using the dinosaurs as props,” the kid droned on.

  “ People do that?” Beck implored excitedly as he stepped behind me.

  The kid shrugged. “The rule is there for a reason.”

  Beck thought that was the funniest thing ever. As we walked away, he sidled up to my side and whispered in my ear, “That could be your job . You could be Ms. Prehistoric Dinosaur Adventure Park. YOU could tell people not to take sexual photos with the dinosaurs.”

  I veered away from him and started to take in the exhibits. The front kiosk had definitely foreshadowed the quality of the rest of the park. I had no clue what to expect, but it was about one-tenth the size of a normal zoo. There were cages set up with animated dinosaurs inside, but most of them had stopped working long ago. The ones that did work moved painfully slow and their growls came out sounding like distorted garbles.

  It took us hardly any time at all to lap around the entire place, but we couldn’t leave yet. It didn’t feel like we had done everything the park had to offer. I was measuring my foot in one of the “Compare Your Footprint to a T-REX” displays when Beck came up with his brilliant idea.

  “ I think you should sneak into one of the cages and climb onto a dinosaur,” he whispered quietly, as if the kid up front could hear us all the way back there.

  “ Great idea,” I beamed before dryly adding, “No.”

  “ C’mon, Abby! The kid said it was against the rules, don’t you want to do it?”

  “ Not in the least,” I answered, acknowledging that my footprint was in fact MUCH smaller than that of a T-rex.

  He stepped in front of me and blocked my path with his hands on my shoulders. “Abby. Someone has done it before, that’s why there’s a rule. Don’t you want to be that person? Don’t you want to have memories of this summer that don’t include measuring your freaking footprint?”

  I hated him for calling me out on the fact that I really was a goodie-two shoes, but living my life didn’t mean I had to break rules. Though I wasn’t sure how else I would feel alive. I’d never done anything like that before; maybe I didn’t know what I was missing.

  “ Shit. Fine, I’ll do it.”

  You wouldn’t have said no to those greenish hazel eyes either. It really wasn’t fair.

  We picked the Triceratops in a cage near the back of the park because it was lowest to the ground. Beck laced his fingers together and I wedged my Keds inside his cupped hand so that he could help me over the fence. He couldn’t come in with me because he was acting as my lookout and documentarian.

  “ Don’t look at my ass.”

  “ Wouldn’t dream of it,” he answered with a smug grin as I pushed off the ground and grabbed the top of the fence.

  “ Oh, please,” I called as I hopped over and landed with bent knees in the mulch.

  Holy crap. I was officially breaking the law. Right? Wasn’t this trespassing or something?

  “ Move, Abby. You look like a deer caught in headlights.”

  I flipped him the bird, then crouched low and ran toward the dinosaur. I didn’t want to be out in the open when I attempted to mount the damn thing, so I ran around to the other side. A couple of thumps on the dino told me that it was made of thick plaster; at least the thing would hold my weight while I was up there.

  “ Hurry!” Beck called.

  I wiped my hands on my jeans shorts and tried to get a good hold on the back of its skull where there was that giant frilly curve. I stepped up onto the back of its bent knee. Then, with a giant grunt, I pushed off the knee and pulled myself up.

  “ Woohooo!” Beck called as I repositioned myself on top.

  I knew I had less than a minute before the pimply kid looked up from his Nintendo DS, but I couldn’t move. My heart was pounding a mile a minute. Adrenaline was shooting through every vein and I sat there reveling in the feeling of being wholeheartedly alive .

  I looked over to Beck and saw him holding up his phone, ready to snap a picture. “Do something!”

  I threw my arms in the air and squealed louder than I ever had in my life.

  “ Get down! Get down! Why did you just scream? The kid’s coming over!”

  I didn’t want to get down. I threw my hands back into the air and pretended to ride the dinosaur like I was trying to rope cattle. Beck just stood there laughing hysterically and snapping photos. I leaned back and laid down, then bent my knee up like I was posing seductively. I looked right at Beck and bit my lip.

  “ Oh my God, Abby.” He wasn’t snapping photos anymore. He was looking at me like he wanted to devour me.

  “ HEY! GET DOWN!” The kid had finally arrived. I screamed and scrambled into action. My survival instincts kicked in and I jumped down and hopped the chain link fence with unusual dexterity. Once I was on the other side, Beck and I took off like we were sprinting for our lives. I’m not even sure if the kid chased after us, but we had a mission. We were the law-breakers, delinquents, and rebels without a cause trying to fight the man and get away with it. We kept sprinting through the exhibits, out of the park, and toward our car before Beck pulled my arm and stopped me.

  I was at the passenger door, leaning against the glass. He was supposed to go to his side so we could finish our getaway, but he wasn’t following protocol. He pushed me against the passenger door and pressed his lips to mine. It was a soul-stealing kiss, the kind that lifts you off your heels and makes your spine curl. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moaned into him. Our hearts were already beating rapidly from our run, but they blended together as Beck gave me the best second-first kiss anyone has ever had.

  And that, future kids, is why in an old brown box tucked deep within my closet, you’ll find a photo of me attempting to mount a Triceratops.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Abby : Hey C. We just arrived in Corpus Christi. We’re staying in a hotel on the beach for the next two days. Kiss number 1: horribly awkward, I’ll give details later. Kiss number 2: best experience of my life, details also to follow. PS. I sort of broke the law today!

  Abby : Hey Mom! Sorry I haven’t answered your calls. I wasn’t at my apartment this morning because I was visiting Caroline. Don’t worry. Love you and I’ll call you later.

  Caroline : What?! First & second kiss already AND breaking the law? I’m so proud. If I don’t answer later, I’m probably napping-don’t worry.

  Mom : Oh, alright. Well that makes me feel better. I know we’ve been hounding you lately, but it’s hard not to worry. I love you.

  “ Earth to Abby,” Beck called as we parked the car in a spot outside of the beachfront hotel. We were splu
rging for the next two days; after camping last night, we felt like we deserved a shower and a real bed.

  “ Sorry, I was texting my friend Caroline,” I replied, slipping my phone back into my purse.

  “ Is she a healthy friend or a sick friend?”

  I wondered how he would even know to ask something like that. I guess being sick for so long meant that most of the people in my life would have also been sick.

  “ Very sick friend,” I answered quietly. “She needs a liver transplant.”

  “ I thought those were one of the easier organs to get?”

  I looked out toward where I knew the ocean was. I could barely make out a thin layer of blue waves beyond the horizon. “Not if you still have cancer.”

  I couldn’t see his reaction, but I could feel his gaze on me. He never said anything, because really what was there to say?

  “ Do you think we have time to go swimming?” I asked, narrowing my eyes and trying to fight the feelings of sadness looming just a few blinks away.

  “ Probably not tonight,” he answered wistfully. “What if we went first thing in the morning?”

  I glanced back toward him. “Sounds good. Can we order pizza and eat it on the bed while we watch a movie?”

  He nodded, giving me a small smile. “After running from the law, we should probably lay low for the night,” he joked, making me smile once again.

  Our hotel room only had one bed. I pretended like I didn’t care, as though I’d casually shared a bed with dozens of hot guys in my past, but inside my organs were flip-flopping around like crazy.

  “ Abby, please try and keep your hands to yourself tonight,” Beck joked the moment we walked into the room.

  Normal-Abby would have offered a witty comeback, but the alien inside my brain at that moment could only mumble awkwardly and evade eye contact at all cost.