Susan Clegg and a Man in the House

  CHAPTER XI

  THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY

  "Well, Mrs. Lathrop," said Susan Clegg one pleasant May evening, as sheand her devoted listener leaned their elbows on the top rail of thefence, "I can't but thank Heaven as these boards is the only thing asyou ever take opposite sides from me on. I don't say as your neverdisagreein' ain't sometimes wearin', but there _are_ days as I feel I'denjoy a little discussion an' then Elijah an' I discuss on those daystill it seems like I can't live to get to you an' do it all alone bymyself. Elijah's a very young man but he's a man after all an' there'ssomethin' about a man as makes him not able to see any side of anythin'except his own side. Now it don't make any difference what we talkabout I _always_ take the other side, an' I will in confidence remark asthe South fightin' Grant had a easy job compared to me tryin' to getElijah to see any side but his own. Elijah's a very pig-headed young manan' I declare I don't know I'm sure what ailed him last night--seemed asif he was up a tree about somethin' as made him just wild over theDemocratic party. I must say--an' I said it to his face, too--as to myorder of thinkin' takin' sides about the Democrats nowadays is liketakin' sides with Pharaoh after the Red Sea had swallowed him an' allhis chariots up forever, but Elijah never gives up to no man, an' hesaid, not so, the Democrats was still ready to be the salvation of thecountry if only Bryan would give 'em a chance. He says they 've beenhandicapped so far an' it's very tryin' for any party to have to choosebetween a donkey an' a tiger for its picture of itself, for no sensibleperson likes to have to ride on either, an' no politics could _ever_make a success of a donkey for a mascot, whether you judge him from hisears or his heels. I had it in my mind to say somethin' then aboutturnin' around an' takin' a fresh start with a fresh animal as asensible person would find it nothin' but a joy to ride, but Elijah,like all newspapers, rips a thing up the back an' then shows you how youcan't do better than to sew up the tear an' go on wearin' it again, soafter he'd skinned the donkey an' the tiger both alive, so to speak, hewent on to say as never's a long game an' him laughs best who keepssober longest an' altogether his own feelin' was as America 'll soonperceive her only hope lays in electin' a new Democratic party. I justbroke in then an' told him it looked to me as if the natural run ofmankind would n't let Grover Cleveland skip eight years an' then try itagain more 'n six times more, an' that if the Republicans keep it up asthey have awhile longer no money won't be able to get 'em out 'causethey'll have all the money there is in the country right in with them,but by that time Elijah'd got his breath, an' he just shook his head an'asked me if I remembered what a lot of fuss the first billion dollarcongress made an' if I'd observed how calm they was took now? I told himI had an' then we went at it hammer an' tongs, Elijah for the Democratsan' me against 'em, although I must say I wished he'd give me the otherside, for in spite of their actin' so silly I must say I always have afeelin' as the most of the Democrats is tryin' to be honest which issomethin' as even their best friend couldn't say of the most of theRepublicans as a general thing."

  "Did--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Yes, I did, an' I don't know but we'd be talkin' yet only Mr. Dill comein on us to ask me if I would n't consider takin' Gran'ma Mullins toboard for a month or two, just to see how Hiram an' Lucy would get alongif they had the house all alone to themselves."

  "What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Well, I told him I'd think about it," said Miss Clegg. "I don't knowI'm sure why I should bed an' board Gran'ma Mullins to help Lucy an'Hiram to try to get along any better. They 're a good deal moreinterestin' to talk about the way they're gettin' along now. I never seeMrs. Macy but what she has somethin' amusin' to tell me about Hiram an'Lucy an' Gran'ma Mullins, an' I like to hear it. She says the othernight they was all three runnin' round the house one after another for ahour an' she said she most died laughin' to watch 'em. Seems Lucy gotmad an' started to run after Hiram to pull his hair, an' Gran'ma Mullinswas so scared for fear she _would_ pull his hair that she run after Lucyto ask her not to do it. Hiram run so much faster than Lucy that finallyhe caught up with Gran'ma Mullins an' then they all went to bed. Mrs.Macy says that's the way they act all the time, an' she certainly wouldn't see any more than I should why I should break up the family. I'msure I never cooked up that marriage an' I told Mr. Dill so. I asked himwhy he did n't take Gran'ma Mullins to board with him, if he was so wildto get her away from Lucy, but he said he did n't think it'd be proper,an' I said I did n't say nothin' about _bed_--I just spoke about board,an' if there was anythin' as was n't proper about boardin' Gran'maMullins he'd ought not to of mentioned the subject to me."

  "What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Oh, there was n't nothin' left for him to say then, of course; but law!I did n't see no use mooley-cowin' around Mr. Dill; what I wanted wasfor him to go so Elijah an' me could go on discussin'. Elijah thinks ourpaper ought to come out strong now that we've got one an' he said hewould in confidence remark to me as he intended to say some very pointedthings soon. He says all the editors in the country know as the plansan' the parties is all fixed up beforehand nowadays; the Republicanssay how many they'll have in each state an' then they never fail to have'em an' that's a national disgrace for nobody ought to know beforehandhow a election is goin' to pan out for it would n't be possible if folkswas anyways honest. He says for a carefully planned an' worked up thinga Republican victory is about the tamest surprise as this country evergets nowadays, an' yet we keep on gettin' them an' openin' our eyes over'em every four years like they was somethin' new.

  "I bu'st in then an' said as there was sure to come a change afore longwith prices goin' up like they is an' a reaction bound to drop in theend. Elijah laughed then an' said he knowed well enough as when thedeluge come the Republicans would grab the Democrats an' hold 'em justlike that rich man who grabbed the clerk an' held him in front of him,when they throwed that bomb at him in his office."

  "At the--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, opening her eyes.

  "Yes, the bomb was meant for him, but he held the clerk in front of himso the clerk caught it all. That's what they call presence of mind, an'as far as my observation 's extended, Mrs. Lathrop, the Republicans havegot full as much of it--they must have, for they both make money rightstraight along an' I've observed myself as they always step out when acrash comes an' let the Democrats in to do the economizin' till there'senough money saved up to make it worth while for them to take hold againwhich comes to much the same thing in the end. I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop,I see after a little as it was n't no use talkin' to Elijah so I justhad to listen to him an' he really did kind of frighten me in the end.Livin' with an editor an' readin' that book of Mr. Fisher's has openedmy eyes to a many new ideas. I've lived in a small town all my life butI've got brains an' there's no use denyin' as a woman with brains canapply 'em to the president just as easy as to the minister, once shegets to thinkin' on the subject. This country is in a very bad way an'it's all owin' to our bein' satisfied with what's told us an' notlookin' into nothin' for ourselves. We've got the Philippines now an'we've got Hawaii an' we've got the niggers an' we've got ever so manyother things. We've got the Mormons down to one wife as a general thingan' the Italians comin' in by the thousands an' more old soldiers bein'born every year an' the fifth generation of Revolutionary orphans outfilin' their pensions--an' we owe 'em all to the Republicans. Elijahsays we owe 'em a lot else, too, but I think that's enough in allconscience. Elijah says too it costs a third more to live than it didten years ago an' he knows that for a fact, an' you an' I know that,too, Mrs. Lathrop. Coal's gone up an' everythin' else. I tell you I gotkind of blue, thinkin' about it after I went to bed last night an' ittook me a long time to remember as Elijah was maybe more upset over notbein' able to go an' see 'Liza Em'ly on account of the rain, thananythin' else; but then too, Mr. Shores is very much cast down over thecountry, only I must admit as it's more 'n likely as he ain't reallyhalf as mournful over the Democrats as he is over his wife; an' thenthere's Judge Fitch as is always mad over politics an' we all know thatthat's just '
cause he's always been called 'judge' ever since he wasborn, an' nobody ain't never made him judge of nothin' bigger 'n us yet.I guess if he was sure as our paper could get him elected to congresshe'd cheer up pretty quick, but he told me yesterday as Elijah did n'tknow how to conduct a campaign to his order of thinkin'. He don't likethat cut of Elijah's being David to the city papers bein' Goliath. Hesays a cut to do him any good had ought to have him in it somewhere an'I don't know but what he's right.

  "But, Mrs. Lathrop, we are mighty bad off an' that's a fact, but still Iwill say this much an' that is that as far as my observation 'sextended folks as complains openly of anythin' is always findin' faultwith the thing because there's some secret thing as they can't findfault openly with, like Elijah an' the rain, an' Mr. Shores an' hiswife. The world's great for takin' its private miseries out publicly insome other direction, an' my own feelin' is as the Democrats is a greatcomfort to every one as the Republicans can't very conveniently givenothin' to these days. If the president was to suddenly make Sam Duruy aminister to somewhere there'd be a great change of opinion as topolitics in this town, you'd see. It would n't give Sam any more brains,but every one 'd be pleased an' the Democrats would n't cut no figure nomore."

  "But--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "That's just it," said Susan, "that's just the trouble. We're like mostof the rest of America an' the whole of Cuba an' the Philippines, toolittle an' too far off to make the big folks really care whether welike the way they do or not. I don't have no idea of carin' whetherpotato bugs mind bein' picked or not, an' no matter what they said aboutme before or after their pickin' it 'd be all one to me. An' that's justabout the way our government feels about us. An' I guess most othergovernments is much the same. Which is probably the reason why potatobugs is gettin' worse an' thicker all the time."