Susan Clegg and a Man in the House

  CHAPTER XVIII

  CELEBRATING INDEPENDENCE DAY

  "Well," said Miss Clegg to her friend the Sunday after the Fourth, "I'mthankful to say as the game is up to-morrow an' Elijah moves out of myhouse. We never had no Fourth o' July like this afore an' every one isprayin' as we'll never have such another again. It was really verypeaceful in church this mornin' an' the collection was thirty-two cents,so that shows as folks is beginnin' to take heart again, but you couldsee as they was all nervous an' even the minister kept lookin' anxiouslyout of the window whenever he thought as he heard a noise. Mr. Weskinsays he thinks a house catchin' fire from bein' disinfected comes undersome head as lets the insurance get paid anyhow an' he says if not he'lltake the case for the Browns on even halves for his heart is full o'sympathy for 'em. The Browns was in church themselves to-day, all butAmelia, an' I had the story from them straight for the first time. YoungDr. Brown says he can't understand any of it; he says the stuff must bestirred in a barrel for two hours without stoppin' an' he says he'll letany man breathe a suspicion as his mother stopped after he once set herat it! Mrs. Brown says she did n't stop neither, she says when she couldn't move her arms any more for love or money, she stuck the broomstickthrough her belt an' sat on the edge o' the barrel an' kept the stuffstirrin' so. They poured in the acid right after breakfast, an' then Dr.Brown wanted the test to be thorough, so they put a live fly in eachroom, shut the doors between, shut all the windows, took the silver outon the lawn, an' then threw a match into the barrel an' run out the coalcellar door.

  "Amelia is up at her father's an' ain't able to speak of it yet, butMrs. Brown says her own view of it will always be as it was a explosion.She says as she can't see how you could call it anythin' else in theworld. She says they was all sittin' in the arbor an' Amelia was justgettin' into the hammock an' Dr. Brown was just beginnin' on the King o'Spain's honeymoon in the paper, with a picture of a bullfight toillustrate it, when she heard such a noise as she never will forgetagain in all her life to come. She says her first thought was as Ameliahad bu'st the hammock, for she says she tries to be kind to the bosomwife of her chosen son, but Amelia is surely most awful hard on anythin'as you get in an' out of, but then she heard the second noise, an' shesays to her dyin' day she won't be able to swear to nothin' but as shethought it was San Francisco quakin' right in our very middle. Why, shesays, she never for one second doubted as it was a earthquake. Thecanary-bird cage come sailin' out o' the dinin'-room window, all thechimneys went down with a crash, an' Amelia give one yell an' fainted.Mrs. Brown says she an' young Dr. Brown did n't really know which way toturn for a minute. They could n't seem to think whether their first dutywas to shake Amelia or run around to the front of the house. The windowswas blowin' out as fast as they could an' the most awful smellin' smokeyou ever smelt was pourin' out after them! She said the smell was badenough when she was stirrin' the stuff in the barrel, but exploded, itwas just beyond all belief. In the end they left Amelia an' run 'roundbehind the house an' if there was n't all the kitchen stove lids comin'bangin' out at 'em an' all the feathers from the pillows just rainin'down like snow! They run aroun' to the side an' there was Amelia'ssheets o' music all over the lawn an' jars o' pickles with the glasslids gone, an' jelly tumblers an' weddin' gold-rimmed china, an' infront an' on top of all else if the fire did n't bu'st out!

  "Dr. Brown run for the fire engine then an' every one was at homegettin' ready for the picnic an' there wa'n't no one down town a _tall_.He was all of ten minutes findin' any one an' when he found him it wasonly Mr. Shores, an' Mrs. Brown says as gettin' out a fire engine withMr. Shores an' your house burnin' is suthin' as she trusts will never beher lot again. She says Mr. Shores would n't lay hold o' the engine tillafter the cover was folded up neatly an' then he wanted to dust thewheels afore runnin' it out. Then after it was run out an' got to thehouse, if there wa'n't no hose, an' Dr. Brown had to run away back tothe engine house for the hose an' while he was runnin' he met JohnBunyan runnin' too an' John Bunyan told him as the hose was kept coiledup in the part as sticks up behind the engine like a can. So they runback together an' got it out an' run with it to the well an' Dr. Brownwas so excited he dropped the hose in the well. Mrs. Brown says she wasnigh too mad by this time with the house explodin' all over again everyfew minutes an' things as you never have around comin' sailin' out o'the windows right in people's faces when they was only there to beneighborly an' look on. She was runnin' back an' forth an' explainin' asit was n't for want o' stirrin', for she stirred it herself, when SamDuruy come runnin' an' seems there's always another hose tied up underthe engine an' he unhooked that an' John Bunyan built a fire in the holefor fire while they fixed the new hose in the cistern, but oh my, thehouse was too far gone to be saved by that time. So they pumped some onAmelia just to try the hose, an' then they helped pick up the things aswas blowed out of the windows. Mrs. Brown says it was all most awful an'she knows from her son's face as he thinks it was all because shestopped stirrin' sometimes durin' the two hours an' she declares withtears as she never stopped stirrin' once--not _once_.

  "Mrs. Fisher says the way people is sick from the smell shows as all theflies they put in the rooms must of surely been killed, so theexperiment's a success in one way at least. Mrs. Fisher walked part wayhome with me an' we had a nice talk about the Browns. She says theBrowns is most amusin' always in the ways they use flies; she says whenyoung Dr. Brown was little, Mrs. Brown used to put a fly in thesugar-box when she went down to the square for things so she could tellwhen she come back whether he'd been at the sugar, an' so let the flyout. She says young Dr. Brown cured her o' that happy thought by takin'the fly out himself when she was down town one time an' puttin' a madbee in instead. She says she guesses Dr. Brown has given her many alittle lesson like that or he'd never be able to keep her stirrin'anythin' as smells for two hours."

  "Where--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Well, the Fitches took Amelia an' her husband of course an' Mrs. Brownis goin' over to Meadville to-morrow. Mrs. Macy says maybe old Dr.Carter will marry her now as she ain't got any house to be attached to.I don't see why that would n't be a good end for Mrs. Brown, she canstep right into Mrs. Carter's shoes--an' her clothes, too, for thatmatter, for he never give away a thing when she died. Yes, he did, too,though, she wanted her nieces to have a souvenir an' he give one thewaist an' the other the skirt to the same dress, but Mrs. Fisher sayswhat he would n't give away to no man for love or money was all herunion underwear for winter. Seems she always wore the best an' finest,an' when she died Dr. Carter said he'd keep all them union suits an'wear 'em out himself."

  "I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  "No, an' I would n't either," said Miss Clegg; "there would n't be nocomfort marryin' a man whose first wife could n't call even her unionsuits her own after she died, not to my order of thinkin'."

  "Was--" asked her friend.

  "Oh, the picnic?" said Susan, "no, that was n't a success a _tall_. Theyspread the tablecloth over a flyin' ant nest in the first place an' Mrs.Macy says shad bones is nothin' to the pickin' out as they had to dowhile eatin' as a consequence. She says they very soon found out as theywas under a wood-tick tree too, an' the children run into a burr-patchafter dinner. The minister tried to teach the twins to fish an' the bankcaved in with 'em all three, an' the minister had to go all the way homethat way. Gran'ma Mullins got a gnat in her eye an' Hiram walked wayback to town for a flaxseed to put in it to get the gnat out, an'crossin' the bridge he sneezed an' the flaxseed just disappearedcompletely, an' Lucy would n't let him go back again, so all she coulddo was to keep a-rubbin' till finally she rubbed it out. Mr. Dillclimbed up a tree to show as he could still climb up a tree an' a branchbroke an' tore him so bad he had to walk home with the minister,--Iguess every one's glad the Fourth's over."

  "How's--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Elijah? Oh, he went to town for the day. He says it's him for town whenthere 's anythin' goin' on in the country. He come back lookin' likehe'd really enjoyed himself
, but I was afraid he was goin' to have afever at first he talked so queer in his sleep that night an' began allhis sentences with 'Here's to--' an' then stopped in a most curious way.I was very much relieved when I see him come downstairs the nextmornin', only his appetite ain't what it was yet."

  "May--" suggested Mrs. Lathrop.

  "Oh, I don't think so. There ain't any one for him to be in love withanyhow unless it's 'Liza Em'ly. He's really too smart for any girl inthis community an' he ain't got a single picture among his things nor aletter as I don't know who wrote it. I thought at first as he used tocall 'Annie' in his sleep the nights after we have dumplin's, but itain't 'Annie' he says; it's 'Aunty,' an' heaven knows a aunt never brokeno man's heart yet."

  Susan rose to go home.

  "I'm glad the Fourth's over, anyway," she said as she took up herparasol and mitts. "I think it's always a great strain on the country,but even if no one never likes it nor enjoys it, I suppose we must keepon havin' it with us year after year, for Elijah says as, as a nation,we're so proud o' bein' ahead o' everythin' an' everybody, that we'lldie afore we'll go on one step further. He says what's one day o' terrora year beside the idea as we're free to do as we please. Gran'ma Mullinssays all she can say is as she thanks God for every Fourth o' July asleaves Hiram whole, for he's the only apple she's got for her eye an'she'd go stark ravin' mad if anythin' was to tear him apart in the dreamof his youth."

  "Did--" asked Mrs. Lathrop, solicitously.

  "Well, I can't stop to see if I did or did n't now," said Miss Clegg;"to-night's my last evenin' with Elijah an' I told him to be sure an' behome early. We'll try an' part pleasantly even though I should be mightymad at him if I thought as he was half as glad to go as I am to get ridof him. I don't like the ways of a man in the house, Mrs. Lathrop,--theyseem to act like they thought you enjoyed havin' 'em around. I can't seewhere they ever got the idea in the first place, but it certainly doesseem to stick by 'em most wonderful."

  "There--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

  Susan turned her head.

  "Yes, that's him comin'," she said; "well, now I must go, Mrs. Lathrop.I'll come over to-morrow an' tell you when I'm free of him, bag an'baggage."

  "Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop, "I--"

  "Yes, I do, too," said Miss Clegg, "but you see I said for three monthsan' the three months ain't up till to-morrow."