Broken

  When he sucks my nipple, I can’t stop the little moan. He’s so good. He knows how to flick his tongue over it, then suck so sweet and soft. Some guys latch on as though they’re trying to breastfeed, but not Joe. He mouths my nipples, one then the other, moving on and off until I can’t stay still beneath him and have to squirm.

  He pauses long enough to help me out of my shirt and bra, then pushes me gently back against the pillows. He looks me over again the way he’d watched me eat the cake.

  Everything inside me is hot and liquid from the way he’s been sucking on my nipples. I feel shivery all over, too, when he touches me. The feelings echo between my legs. I’m wet, my panties damp and rubbing my swollen clit.

  Joe puts a hand to his belt. I get up on my elbows to watch him unbuckle it. When he opens the button of his pants, I catch myself licking my lips. I look up, and he’s watching me.

  “You sure about this, Brandy?”

  Whoa. He’s asking me? No guy bothers to ask, not once we’ve gotten this far.

  “Yeah, Joe, I’m sure.”

  I’m more than sure. I’m aching for it. Susie told me how she gets when her boyfriend goes away, how she gets so horny her pussy feels like it’s crying. I’ve never really understood what that means. I mean, I know what it’s like to be horny, but I’ve never really felt my body crave cock like it did when Joe pushed his pants down over his hips.

  He gets naked real easy, too, and why not? He has nothing to be ashamed of. His body’s just as nice bare as it is dressed. He’s lean, but muscled. Thick hair covers his legs, makes a nest for his cock, spreads up his belly to surround his nipples. More hair covers his forearms. I’ve never liked hair on a man before, but then…well, I’d only ever really been with guys before. Joe’s a man. All man.

  Intimidated, I hesitate with my hands on the elastic waist of my skirt. It’s fine for him to strip out of his clothes; he looks like something out of a fashion magazine. Me, on the other hand…

  “C’mon, Brandy,” Joe urges, his voice low. “Don’t be shy.”

  Hell, fine, okay. I push down my skirt and lay back, hella glad I put on my good panties for this date. They’re pretty and lacey and cover most of the bulges without looking like granny panties.

  Joe kneels by my shins and slides his hands up my thighs. His hands have long fingers without calluses. His nails, blunt and square, scratch lightly at my skin. My thighs, when my legs are closed, have no space between them, but his thumbs part me like a knife slicing cream cheese. He opens me slowly, carefully, leaving me no room to resist.

  His hands smooth over my legs, catching me just behind the knees and bending them a little. His smile reassures me. My heart pounds so fast I feel it in my eardrums, in the base of my throat and my wrists. Especially between my legs.

  He lifted my foot and turned his head to kiss my ankle. His mouth leaves a wet spot. My hips lift in response, but he doesn’t look away from my leg. Ankle, shin, knee. By the time he gets to my thigh he’s on his hand and knees. His mouth moves higher and his body stretches out on the bed. By the time he gets to my pussy he’s laying between my legs and I’m holding my breath.

  He props himself on his forearm and uses a finger to rub the front of my panties. Up and down, over the bump of my clit and down lower. The lace is wet, it has to be. It presses my pussy, the thin band of fabric narrowing as I shift. I can’t look down at him now. I have to throw my head back, close my eyes. Joe traces a finger along the material between my legs. He strokes my skin, then hooks his finger under the edge of my panties and pulls them down. I moan again. He’s looking at me down there, at my pussy. I might fight with my weight and worry about my ass and thighs and belly, but my pussy is always what it is.

  I tense, waiting, breathless. Joe’s tongue flicks along my belly. I think of how he’d licked the cream off the strawberry and my thighs open wider, inviting him.

  He doesn’t lick me, though. He uses his fingertip, wet from his mouth, and at first I’m disappointed. A few seconds later, though—and it’s so good, better than anything I’ve ever had before—I’m moaning and jerking, like, in five minutes.

  Sometimes when I play with myself I can come real fast, but it’s usually so much harder with guys. They don’t ever really seem to know what they’re doing. They’re too fast, too slow, too hard, too soft. I mean, they try real hard and stuff, but mostly they don’t want to take the time to really figure out how to get me off. Guys watch too many pornos where all the dude has to do is give a couple rubs and the girl’s ready to come. In real life it takes a lot more than that.

  Joe’s not having any trouble. His hands move up and down my thighs, tickling my pussy lips and even back toward my ass. I don’t have time to be thinking about anything but how good he’s making me feel. I want to come so bad I can’t think of anything else, and I think it can’t get any better until he puts his fingers inside me.

  I totally can’t stand it. My body shakes. I toss my head back and forth and arch my back, crying out his name. I don’t care who hears me, not even if Susie has come home. I can’t be quiet.

  The pressure in my pussy builds up and up. My toes curl, digging into the bed, and I push myself against his hand. I think he puts a third finger in me. I’m coming. Everything pulls in tight like a fist closing. Then I explode.

  It takes me a minute to catch my breath. I look down. Joe’s rolled onto his side, one hand on my thigh. His eyes are closed. I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

  “Joe?” I sound hesitant, but it’s just I’m not really sure I can talk.

  He cracks open an eye and tilts his head to look at me. “Yeah?”

  “Wow.” I lick my mouth, not sure what to say.

  That smile again. Super yummo. I was afraid I’d be embarrassed after that, but I’m not. I can’t be anything but, like, totally just…whoa.

  “Good?” He asks me. His hand rubs my thigh, up and down.

  “Yeah, really good.” I push up on my hands. “I want…I want to make you feel good.”

  His smile lifts more on one side than the other. “Good.”

  He moves without hurrying, getting on his knees. His cock isn’t hard, and that worries me. Maybe I’m not turning him on. I mean, I’ve never been naked with a guy who wasn’t hard. I’ve never really even seen a soft dick before, not up close. Not that Joe’s cock is soft, really, it’s sort of in between.

  I sit up. Does he want me to suck him a little bit? I wouldn’t mind. Joe strokes himself and I watch, fascinated, as his dick gets longer and stiffer. His thighs and butt are lighter than the rest of him, but his prick is a cool pinkish color that gets darker as he strokes it.

  He asks me why I’m staring, and I have to tell him the truth. I haven’t really seen a lot of dicks up close. His mouth twists again when I say this, one side going up and the other going down, like he’s not sure if he wants to laugh at me or not.

  “I mean, I’ve totally seen a few,” I say, backtracking hastily. “Just…”

  “Not up close. I get it.” Joe’s hand moves up and down along his cock and that sight is getting me turned on again. He’s so easy with himself, it’s not embarrassing at all.

  None of it is, actually, which is totally cool, because usually I’m, like, nervous being naked because I’m not small and skinny. But with Joe, I don’t feel like the bulges matter as much. Maybe because he’s not staring, he’s just…looking.

  “I haven’t been with a ton of guys,” I tell him. I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I mean, it’s actually something to boast about, you know, because lots of girls my age are total skanks and just, like fuck any guy who wants them.

  “That’s all right.” He says it like it doesn’t matter to him, one way or the other.

  He keeps stroking his dick, and I can’t tear my gaze away. His forearms are so fucking sexy, I can’t stand it. Every time he twists his wrists the cords stand out in his forearms and I want to lick them the same way I wanted to lick his chest earlier.

 
Joe moves to sit with his back against the wall, since my bed’s on a Hollywood frame and I have no headboard. He opens his legs and pumps his dick in his fist. Now it’s really hard. I can see his veins. It’s a lot bigger, too, and I’m kind of scared to think that could fit inside me. But I want it to fit inside me.

  “Come here, Brandy.”

  I move a little closer to him. Joe takes his hand away from his dick. It stands up, bobbing a little, and I bite my lips against a smile.

  “Here’s your chance to have a look.”

  I look up at his face, fast, trying to see if he’s making fun. He is smiling, but in a nice way. He leans back and puts his hands on his thighs.

  He’s all mine. Whoa. Hotness. I move closer on the bed and there’s really nothing to be shy about. In the porn movies, dicks are always these huge, purple, disgusting things. Joe’s isn’t like that. It matches the rest of him. Looking at it, I want to touch it and taste it. I want to see if I can make him feel good, too.

  He puts his hand on the top of my head when I move closer and put him in my mouth. I go too far at first and choke a little. He doesn’t push into me right away, which is totally great. I suck him a little. The skin on his dick feels thin and it moves up and down when I do. Underneath it’s hard, but not like metal or anything. It’s got a little bend to it, too, which I discover when he makes a noise.

  “Sorry.” My cheeks are hot, but Joe only shakes his head.

  “Like you’re sucking a popsicle,” he tells me. “Up and down, with a little extra at the tip.”

  I never had a guy give me pointers before, and I’m worried that I suck…at sucking. So the next time I go down on him, I concentrate on pretending his dick’s a popsicle. Cherry, ’cuz that’s my favorite. He doesn’t taste like a cherry popsicle, he’s more like spicy and tangy. It’s still good, though.

  I must be doing all right because Joe starts to pump his hips into my mouth a little. I choke again and pull off. I move like I’m going to get on top of him, thinking it would be better to just let him fuck me, but Joe stops me.

  He looks into my eyes. “Brandy. Put your hand around the bottom of my cock and use that to guide it in and out of your mouth. That way, if I thrust too hard, you can keep me from gagging you. And it feels good for me, too.”

  This feels like a lesson all of a sudden but he says it in such a way I can’t really do anything but nod. I do what he says and wrap my fingers around his dick before I slide it into my mouth. He’s right, it does give me more control over it. Even when he lifts his hips, I can keep him from pushing in too far.

  Hey, being able to keep him from sticking his dick in too far makes me actually like sucking it. I’m not afraid he’s going to gag me. And listening to him moan is a real turn-on.

  “Use your other hand on my balls.”

  I never had a guy talk to me like that, and I want to giggle. I do giggle, but I do what he says. They’re soft and warm, covered in hair. I hold them like eggs. He likes it, I can tell, because his dick pulses in my mouth and his breathing gets faster.

  Joe gathers my hair at the base of my neck to keep it out of my face. It’s totally nice of him to do that. I suck him harder and faster, and when I start to use my hand at the same time he really lets out a groan.

  The hand not holding back my hair ends up between my legs, and I move a little so it’s easier for him to reach my pussy. Facing away from him, I can also take him deeper inside my mouth, and I’m not afraid to do it now that I know how.

  I’m on my knees, a hand on his dick and one on his balls, using my mouth to suck him off. Joe’s got his hand on the back of my neck and the other stroking my clit again. He pinches and rolls it, and my hips jerk. I have to rock against his hand, hard, it’s like my body’s taken over. I suck him faster and hump his hand. I’m moving all over the place, this feels so good. Everything’s wet. My pussy’s dripping, his dick and my hand slide in my spit. I try real hard to remember his dick’s supposed to be a popsicle, but with his thumb rubbing my clit I really can’t think of anything but that.

  We’re both moving. I try to match him but my body’s shaking. I’m coming again. Whoa, I never had two orgasms before. I suck down, hard and Joe lets out a groan. He pulls my hair hard enough to pull my mouth mostly off his dick, and when he does that, he comes. His dick gets huge in my mouth and I can feel it squirting. I’m stunned as his jizz fills my mouth, and I swallow it before I really know what I’m doing. I pop my lips off his dick with a sound. My pussy’s still humping against his hand and another wave of orgasm rolls over me, smaller, but still awesome.

  Whoa. Joe just jacked off in my mouth and I didn’t puke. He made me come three times. My pussy’s leaked all over my legs and his crotch is wet with my spit and the last drops of come that missed my mouth. I think I’m in love.

  “Wow.” I roll off him and onto my back, my arms and legs loose and floppy. His knees are next to my face, but my hair’s covering them.

  I think I might fall asleep like that, I’m so busted. Joe doesn’t move either for a couple minutes. When he does, it’s to push my leg off his chest.

  I sit up. “You are so not like any guy I’ve ever been with.”

  His eyes are closed, and he doesn’t open them to answer. “Is that good?”

  “It’s great!” A giggle bursts out of me and I curl up next to him. I just want to touch him all over. I want to attach myself to him. “You’re so not a dude.”

  He cracks open an eye and tilts his head to look down at me. “I’m not a…dude?”

  I shake my head. “You’re not a boy, I mean.”

  He shifts a little out from under me. “I guess I’m not.”

  I sigh happily and put my head back on his shoulder. I can’t get close enough to him. I throw an arm over his chest and he makes a small sound, like “oof!”

  “I’m real glad you asked me out tonight, Joe.”

  He sort of goes “uh huh,” and we’re quiet for a few minutes. I’m getting a little cold, but I don’t want to get up just yet. I’m full of what I’ve heard Susie call “afterglow,” which I never understood until now.

  “Man, this is what really great sex feels like.”

  Joe shifts a bit again. “Glad I could oblige.”

  I push up on my elbow to put my head in my hand and look at him. I chew my lower lip for a second until I figure it can’t hurt to ask. “Was I okay?”

  “Yes, Brandy,” Joe says, his eyes closed again. “You were okay.”

  “Just…okay?”

  He doesn’t open his eyes, but he does smile. “You were good.”

  That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I’ve had a couple guys tell me I’m good before, but coming from Joe it seems more of a compliment. Even though he was giving me tips and stuff, he still thought I was good.

  “You must’ve been with lots of women.”

  He’s quiet for a second. “Depends on what you think is a lot.”

  “More than I’ve been with guys, I mean.”

  This makes him look at me. “I’m older than you, Brandy.”

  Yeah, I knew that. “How old are you?”

  Not that I care, really. I rub my fingers through his chest hair until he puts his hand over mine to stop it. Joe rubs his forehead a little, as if he’s getting a headache.

  “I’m going to be thirty-five.”

  “Whoa!” I hadn’t meant to sound so surprised, but it slips out. “I thought you were, like, twenty-seven or so.”

  “I’m not.”

  I sit up. “Whoa.”

  Joe sits up, too, and there’s a space between us that wasn’t there a minute ago. “Why ‘whoa?’”

  I shrug. “You’re, like, twelve years older than I am, that’s all.”

  I don’t know why he looks so annoyed by that. It’s not like I ever pretended I was older or something. I mean, what did he expect? I work in a coffee shop and go to college, how old did he think I could be?

  “Is that a problem?” I ask as he swings his legs o
ver the side of the bed.

  “No, don’t worry about it.”

  I don’t need a degree in advanced rocket science to figure out he’s leaving. “So…how come you’re leaving?”

  He looks over his shoulder at me. “I have to work in the morning, Brandy.”

  “Oh.” I don’t want my voice to sound small and hurt, but it comes out that way. “But…you’ll call me, right?”

  The second it’s out of my mouth I wish I hadn’t said it. I can tell by the way he hesitates that he’s going to say no, or say yes but be lying. I’d rather he didn’t lie.

  “I don’t think so.”

  That’s not a yes or a no, and I’m not sure what to think. “Is it because I’m fat?”

  Joe whirls, face shocked. “Brandy, no! You’re not fat.”

  He reaches out to push my hair off over my shoulders, and I believe he means it.

  “Is it because you think I’m a slut?”

  Joe sighs, real heavy, and rubs his forehead again. “I don’t think you’re a slut.”

  I frown. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’m sure.” He turns his body to face me. “You’re not fat, and you’re not a slut. You’re a nice girl and we had a good time tonight. Going to bed with me doesn’t make you a slut, okay? I hate it when girls think that.”

  “You do?” The way he says it makes me think he’s been with lots and lots of girls. Jealousy’s bubbles aren’t nearly as nice as giggles.

  “Yeah, I do. There’s nothing wrong with two people having a good time together in bed, as long as they’re both careful and they both want to do it.”

  He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself instead of me. We stare at each other for a minute. I don’t know what to think. A little while ago I was sure he was going to be my next boyfriend, but now I’m not sure I ever want to see him again. Joe seems complicated. Maybe it’s because he’s old.

  “Well then,” I ask him, “what is it?”

  “You’re young,” says Joe, as if that makes sense, even though it doesn’t.

  “Huh?”

  He sighs again and gets up to start putting on his clothes. “You’re young, Brandy. Really young.”