From Russia With Love

  He glanced at his watch. Almost time for the guests to begin to arrive. They’d hired two teenagers from the church to act as servers so Tatiana would be free to mingle with the guests. Straightening his tie, he opened his bedroom door. He felt a bit like he was about to witness a death tonight. And in a way it was. The death of his dreams and hopes.

  He went to the living room. His mother and Tatiana had decorated the room with masses of spring flowers. Candles burned in the windows and around the room on tables, their festive aroma adding to the gaiety. It only depressed Gabe further.

  Mike sat on the sofa with his feet on the coffee table. He saw Gabe’s frown and put his feet down. “Smile, Gabe. You look like you’re going to a funeral, not a party.”

  Gabe made a feeble attempt to grin. Mike frowned and opened his mouth to speak but instead let out a croak of amazement. He was looking at something behind Gabe. Gabe turned, and his jaw dropped, too.

  Tatiana wore a dress in a blend of soft blues and yellows. It fell nearly to her ankles in a soft whirl of color. The dress exposed her shoulders and long neck. Her hair was piled on her head in a profusion of curls, and faint pink stained her cheeks. She took his breath away.

  “Do I look all right?” she asked. Her blue eyes were anxious, and she smoothed the skirt of her dress nervously.

  Mike jumped from the couch and bowed. “I’ll marry you; just name the day,” he said.

  The pink in her cheeks deepened. “Your proposal is what got me in this position,” she said severely. She took a deep breath, and her gaze sought Gabe’s.

  “You look beautiful,” Gabe said. “Like a spring flower or cotton candy.”

  Mike grinned. “I didn’t know you were so poetic, Brother.”

  His mother frowned at his levity. “Mike, I need your help in the kitchen a moment.”

  “Uh-oh, I’m in for a scolding,” Mike said. He winked at Gabe and Tatiana, then followed Grace from the room.

  Tatiana looked down at the floor. “I wish we did not have to do this. This feeling of being on display, I do not like.”

  “You’ll have fun. All those men toadying up to you.”

  She shuddered. “I hate toads.”

  He chuckled. He loved the way she confused words, her fresh approach to life. In that moment, he realized it wasn’t attraction he felt to her—it was love. The revelation staggered him. The struggle not to love her had been so fierce, he hadn’t realized he’d already lost the war.

  “Why do you look at me so?”

  Her blue eyes were questioning, and he realized he’d been lost in her gaze. He cleared his throat. “Sorry.” Turning away before she could question him further, he thrust his hands in his pockets and strolled around the room. Everything looked ready. The two teens from church hovered in the hall to answer the doorbell, and the appetizers sat on the table ready to be served.

  Hopelessness welled up in him. This would be the hardest thing he’d ever done. He had to let her walk right out of his life when all he wanted to do was hold her tight and listen to her sweet voice the rest of his life. Why, God? Why did You bring her here for me to love when You’ve clearly said I can’t love her?

  The doorbell rang, and he turned. Tatiana paled, and her gaze fastened on his face. He smiled encouragingly. “Randi and Tori will get it. Just relax and be yourself.”

  A bit of color came back to her cheeks, and she nodded uncertainly. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “I am ready.”

  I wish I was. The thought tightened his stomach, but he couldn’t let her see his anguish. She didn’t care for him the same way—she merely saw him as a way out of her difficulties. Any man would do. Though he told himself this, in his heart he knew that wasn’t the truth.

  The next three hours were agony for Gabe. He smiled and introduced Tatiana to all his associates. The single men were immediately interested, and even some of the married men looked her over more than he liked. The women were friendly, but there was a wariness about them when they heard she was available. By the time the evening was over, his face hurt from smiling, and his heart ached with impending loss.

  When the last guest left, he dropped onto the sofa and groaned. “I didn’t think that would ever be over.”

  Tatiana’s eyes were bright, and she looked as fresh as when the party started. “This was a good idea, Gabe. I have cards from three men and a date tomorrow.”

  “Who?” he asked. Though he should be glad for her, jealousy stirred.

  “Robert Landis is taking me to a movie and dinner tomorrow.”

  He nodded. “Robert is a good man, though a bit stern and sober. He has a four-year-old son he’s raising alone since his wife died of cancer. If his devotion to his first wife is anything to go on, he would treat you well. He’s the one I would pick for you. Just last month he told me he’d like to marry again.”

  “He told me of his first wife. Poor man.” Her voice was full of sympathy.

  A shaft of jealousy pierced Gabe’s heart. She was slipping away from him. Tonight was the beginning of the end of their relationship. He didn’t think he could be just friends with her when she married someone else.

  He couldn’t let her go without spending some time with her first. The memories of time spent with her would have to sustain him through the long years ahead. “Will you go to church with me tomorrow? I’ll take you and Irina out for dinner in Kokomo, and we’ll go shopping.”

  “Bribery?” She lifted her eyebrows, but her smile didn’t dim.

  He shrugged. “I’ll use whatever’s necessary.”

  She laughed. “I will go.”

  “You will?” He recovered enough to try to hide his surprise. “I mean, that’s great!”

  “I am not a complete infidel, Gabe. I will admit I am curious about how your God can exert so much power on a man that he would throw his life away like Sergio did.”

  He noticed she made no mention of God’s influence in his own life. It was just as well. He didn’t know how much temptation he could take. If she questioned his resolve again, he might not be so strong.

  He put a friendly arm around her and walked her to the stairs. “I pray only for a wonderful life for you and Irina,” he said softly.

  Her blue eyes grew sad. “This I know, Gabe. I thank you for that.”

  Her eyes expressed regret and words she didn’t utter, but Gabe could read them. She didn’t understand. He didn’t blame her. He wasn’t sure he understood himself. Why had God allowed him to fall in love with a nonbeliever? Why had He brought this temptation into his life? He knew how Abraham felt when he had prepared to sacrifice Isaac. The only problem was once he let Tatiana go, he would never have her back again.

  She climbed the steps to her room, and Gabe turned and went to the kitchen. He couldn’t sleep now. The kitchen was clean and empty. Flicking on the light, he fixed a double shot of espresso and added some milk. He sat at the table and held the steaming cup in both hands, breathing in the aroma.

  Staring into the dark liquid, he struggled with the situation. Why not just marry her? She would surely be saved once she was exposed to church enough. He could ask her to agree to attend church with him. She wanted to stay enough to do that, surely. He should just go tap on her door right now and ask her. The temptation was nearly overwhelming.

  “Can’t sleep?” His mother, her terry robe cinched at the waist, padded into the kitchen. “Um, that smells good. Fix me one?”

  “Have this one. I haven’t drunk any of it yet.” He slid his toward her and got up to prepare another.

  “I think the party went well. Did you notice Robert seemed interested? I had wished she would find someone a bit more fun-loving, but at least he would be kind to her and Irina.”

  His heart clenched with pain. Did she have to remind him? He didn’t answer but slowly prepared the espresso.

  “You love her, don’t you?” Grace’s voice was tinged with sadness.

  Gabe turned slowly. “It shows?”

&nb
sp; She nodded. “To me. Probably not to anyone else. I’m sorry, Son.”

  “So am I.”

  “Have you told Tatiana?”

  He shook his head. “What good would it do? She’s not a Christian. And I don’t want her to seek God because she wants to marry me. She has to come to Him freely and willingly.” As soon as he said the words, the temptation to disobey what he knew was right fled. Much as he wanted to beg her to become a Christian so they could marry, there was too much at stake. Eternity was at stake. How could he even show her the right way to follow God when their entire marriage would be an act of direct disobedience?

  “I think she’s too honest to do anything else. Knowing you care might open the door for her to begin to seek Him, though.” Her gaze probed his.

  He shook his head. “I don’t want to risk her eternal destiny on just a chance that she really understands. I have to trust God in this, Mother. Tatiana knows I care, but she doesn’t know I love her. I don’t want her to know, either, so don’t tell her.”

  “Of course not.” She frowned at the thought. “Are you prepared to let her go?”

  He took a sip of espresso to marshal his thoughts. “I have no choice. God knows what’s best. All I can do is trust Him. Hard as it might be.”

  “Her relationship with Robert will have to move quickly if she’s to stay in the States. I don’t think I can bear to see her and Irina go back to Russia. That poor child was nothing but skin and bones when they arrived. Tatiana, too, but it was so noticeable on Irina.” His mother’s eyes filled with tears.

  “We can pray, Mother. God will provide a way, I believe.”

  “Yes, yes, I believe it, too.” She took a last sip of her espresso and stood. “Well, I’m going to bed. I leave the worry in your capable hands.”

  He chuckled. “Good night.”

  “Good night, Son.” She paused beside him. “Have I told you lately how proud I am of you? From the time you were born, I prayed for you and Mike to be men after God’s heart. You’ve surpassed my expectations.”

  The praise caught Gabe unaware. A lump grew in his throat. “I don’t feel very godly right now,” he said gruffly. “I’m questioning God’s hand in this and have found myself blaming Him for allowing it.”

  “But you’re still trusting. That says a lot. We can’t avoid temptation, but we can stand in God’s strength and not give in to it. Just as you are doing.”

  His throat closed up, and he swallowed. “Thanks, Mother. Just pray for me.”

  “Always, my dear son, always.” She kissed his cheek, then left the room.

  He thanked God for sending his mother at that moment. If she hadn’t come, he might have done something he would regret for all eternity. He bowed his head and placed Tatiana in God’s hands.

  eleven

  Tatiana checked her appearance in the full-length mirror. Her slip didn’t show, there were no runs in her hose, and every hair was in place. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous. Her heart thrummed in her chest at the thought of spending the day with Gabe. Just the three of them. They’d never done that before, and she wondered if it meant he was having second thoughts about allowing her to search for a husband.

  Taking her purse, she opened her door and went down the hall. Irina’s room was empty, and she could hear Gabe’s voice in the entry below. She descended the stairs and found the rest of the family clustered near the door. They all had their jackets on.

  “I am late?”

  Gabe shook his head. “We’re just eager for breakfast. Your daughter informs me she is starving to death.”

  Tatiana laughed. “Already, she knows how to get your attention. Look at the little piggy. She is getting fat on this good food.” She poked Irina, and the little girl giggled.

  “Oink, oink,” Mike snickered.

  “I’m not a piggy, Mat,” she protested.

  “Squeal, little piggy.” Tatiana tickled her, and she obliged with an earsplitting shriek.

  Martha was in her wheelchair, and she sniffed. “Manners, that child needs manners.”

  Tatiana stopped and raised her stricken gaze to Gabe’s. He winked at her, and her heart lightened. It was just Martha’s ill humor. The rest of the family loved Irina—she could read it in their eyes.

  She got her jacket and followed Gabe and Grace out the door. Mike maneuvered Martha’s wheelchair through the doorway. Tatiana hesitated when Gabe walked toward his Jeep.

  “You’re coming with me,” he said. “Mike will take Mother and Martha.”

  Tatiana had wondered how Gabe had convinced Mike to come to church this morning. She smiled at the thought of not having to share Gabe. She took Irina’s hand and led her toward the Jeep. Gabe lifted Irina into the car seat, and Tatiana got in the front seat with him.

  They stopped for a quick breakfast, then headed out of town to church. Tatiana’s palms were sweaty as she got out of the car. Why did anything to do with Christianity bother her so much? It was just another religion. There were hundreds in the world. This one was no different.

  But as she listened to the message that morning, she began to wonder for the first time. Pastor Parks spoke so eloquently of God’s love and how Jesus was the only way to God. Mohammed was dead, Buddha was dead, and so were all the others who had started religions. Only Jesus had risen from the dead.

  And Christians seemed different. The people at this church seemed to really care about her. She was exhausted from talking and shaking hands by the time she left church. Had she been wrong to believe all her parents had taught her? Wrong about Sergio, wrong about God? When she was ready, she would ask Gabe questions. But not yet. He would think she was only interested because she wanted him to marry her.

  Gabe seemed to sense her mood and had little to say as he turned on U.S. Highway 24 and headed toward Kokomo. This was the first time Tatiana had been out of Wabash since that first week when Grace took her to Fort Wayne to shop for clothing. The countryside was turning green, farmers were beginning to work their fields, and the scent of freshly plowed earth wafted to her nose. She rolled her window down a bit to enjoy the fragrant scent.

  “Will I be here when the roses bloom?” she asked quietly. The possibility that she might not be was disquieting.

  Gabe didn’t answer right away. “You have a date with Robert tonight,” he said finally. “Are you losing hope?”

  “Maybe this is true,” she said. “Disappointment has never failed me, but hope has often betrayed me. Hope seems to slip away from me like an outgoing drift.”

  “Tide,” he corrected. He smiled as he usually did when he corrected her, but his eyes were still sad.

  “Tide,” she amended.

  “I want you to know that I won’t abandon you and Irina, even if you have to go back to Russia. I’ll make sure you have enough money for food and housing.” His knuckles were white where he gripped the steering wheel.

  Grief touched her. He was a good man. If only Gabe realized it wasn’t his money she wanted. Her heart ached. Did he still think of her as a gold digger? “Your money I cannot take,” she said quietly. “We will be fine. I am a good cook, and I will find another job. But I have not given up yet. There is still Robert and the others.”

  He nodded as if her answer was what he expected. “Robert will be lucky to have you.” His cheerfulness sounded forced.

  They reached the city, and stopped at a locally owned Italian restaurant. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, Gabe didn’t refer to the subject again. They laughed at Irina’s spaghetti-covered face and hands, then went to the mall where he bought Tatiana and Irina jeans and matching Pooh denim shirts. They drove back to Wabash in companionable silence.

  “Thank you for the day,” she told him when they stopped outside the house. Irina was asleep in the back.

  Pain flickered across his face and was gone so quickly she wasn’t sure it was even there. He nodded soberly.

  Tears choked her, but she bit her lip and struggled not to let him see. He was pulling aw
ay again, remote behind his smile. What could she do to break through that wall, to convince him they could have a good life together? Nothing. She could do nothing to change his mind. “I must ready myself for the date with Robert.”

  “Go on in. I’ll bring Irina.”

  She opened the door and ran inside before she disgraced herself by crying in front of him. Tears wouldn’t help now.

  Robert had said to dress casually, so she put on her new jeans and shirt. It still felt odd to wear jeans. She’d always worn pants only once in a while, opting for skirts and dresses most of her life. When she was ready, she peeked in on her sleeping daughter, then went downstairs to wait for Robert. Gabe was nowhere to be found, and she breathed a sigh of relief. The less she saw of him from now on the better.

  Mike was drinking coffee in the kitchen. He raised his cup. “Join me for coffee?”

  “Little time I have. Robert will be here any minute.”

  “You’re going through with it, eh? I’d hoped you would talk some sense into that brother of mine today. He loves you, you know.”

  For a moment her heart sang with hope, then reality pricked her. She shook her head. “He cares about me, but it is not love. Otherwise, he would not urge me to marry another.”

  Mike snorted. “You don’t know Gabe and his religion. He takes it very seriously. If God told him to jump off Wabash Street Bridge, he’d do it.”

  “You do not believe.” She was beginning to see more and more clearly that faith was at the heart of the differences between the men. One was weak and undependable, the other was caring and strong, like a rock.

  Mike fell silent. “I know there is a God, but I have never been very good at being told what to do. Obedience is not a strong suit of mine. But lately, I’ve been thinking. . .” His voice trailed off, and he stared into his coffee.

  “I, too, have been thinking,” she said softly.

  His gaze jerked to her face, but she turned and walked toward the door. “I must watch for Robert,” she said. He started to say something, but Tatiana didn’t wait to hear more objections. She’d had all she could bear today. All the words in the world wouldn’t change the reality of her situation. She just had to live with it.