Hushed

  He took a deep breath. "I wish I'd been wrong about Dad not being my dad. But it is what it is. I opened Pandora's box. I was happy to keep the lid on it. Until now."

  He pulled a DNA test kit out of the paper bag and tore off the plastic shrink-wrap. "I want you to understand something—relief aside, I'm not doing this for me. I could let it lie without ever being certain or confronting your father. I'm doing this for Mads. Only for her. Because she's my baby sis. I'd kill to protect her."

  His eyes were fierce. He meant it. "This is nothing compared to that. Mom and your dad will have to pay the price, if it comes to that."

  He glared at me. "Maddie loves you, douchebag that you seem to be. I'll give her this chance at happiness."

  He pulled a swab from the DNA test kit and held it out to me.

  I hesitated.

  His gaze was steady. "Are you man enough to do the same?"

  I grabbed it from him. "How do I do this?"

  "Swab the inside of your cheek." He gave me detailed instructions.

  When I finished, he took the swab from me and bagged it up.

  "Now what?" I asked.

  "We wait. It should only take a few days. I'll get back to you as soon as I get the results." He paused. "I need your number so I can text you."

  I bit back a smartass response and rattled it off.

  "I'll text you so you have mine." He typed out a text.

  An instant later, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I ignored it.

  "I don't want you to be my brother." I blurted it out in anger, without thinking. "No offense. I'd rather avoid the mess. It's weird shit, thinking Maddie could be the sister of my brother. It's…almost incestuous."

  He put a hand on my shoulder.

  "I had this buddy in high school. His mom married a guy with three teenage daughters. One of them was incredibly hot. They all moved in together, one big, happy family.

  "Except that they weren't. My buddy lusted after the hot one. Had wet dreams about her. It was total shit that suddenly she was his sister. Off limits, completely. Drove him crazy seeing her prancing around the house half naked. They finally hooked up. It almost made me sick hearing him talk about her.

  "It nearly broke up his mom's new marriage. Everyone had to go through family counseling. His mom didn't forgive him for years. Probably still totally hasn't. His stepdad kicked him out. He had to live with his dad until he graduated. Things are still awkward for all of them."

  "Either way the test turns out, Maddie's not your sister." Ian's voice was sympathetic, as if he understood. He sounded so damn much like Dad, both the sound of his voice and his inflection. "None of us were raised as siblings or a family. We have no familial bonds. And there aren't any expectations of any. Not by me, anyway. The situation could be cleaner." He squeezed my shoulder. "But if you love my sister, you can overcome it."

  He took a deep breath. The pain on his face was a mirror of mine. We looked alike. He even stood like I did. "She feels as bad as you do about all this. As uncertain and scared. Maybe she made a mistake not telling you her suspicions. But maybe she simply loved you enough to hope she was wrong and wish for the best.

  "If you love her, and don't want to lose her, don't wait too long to let her know. Don't make the same mistake your dad did." His tone was condemning.

  I couldn't tell who he was rebuking—Dad or me. Or maybe both of us.

  He slid the swabs into the paper bag and rolled the top shut. "I'd better go."

  I walked him to the door without committing to anything, one way or the other. The way Ian walked and carried himself, his stride, it was all Dad's. And mine. If we weren't related, fate had really screwed up.

  I held the door open for him. "That test isn't going to tell us anything we don't already know."

  He patted me on the shoulder and walked off.

  Chapter 19

  Maddie

  I was desolate. Alone. Seth completely cut me off. He even skipped cooking lab and made me suffer through Chef Steven's scrutiny paired with another student whose lab partner was absent, too. Not only couldn't she cook even remotely as well as Seth, she was a complete disaster. Somehow, I made it through the chicken course and dessert without Seth. Just like I limped through the week.

  On Thursday evening, Mom called. When I heard her voice, I wanted to cry and put my head on her shoulder. Let her heal my heartbreak, sympathize and get fierce for me the way only a mother would. But the other part of me was weak with relief that she had never known about Seth. That if this was the way it was going to be, maybe she never had to. That ball was in Ian's court now, not mine.

  I put a false note of sunshine in my voice. "Mom!"

  "Baby! What are you up to? How's school?" Her voice was as soothing to my wounded heart as when she used to kiss my boo-boos and make them better. It helped, but the wound still hurt. And yet, as she asked all the usual questions, I felt like I didn't really know her at all. That she'd kept some important part of herself from me.

  Worse, I felt like I was becoming the hollow shell she was. I answered her questions, making a funny story of my disastrous cooking lab to distract her from sensing anything was off.

  "I barely squeaked by with an eighty-one percent on this lab. And that was only because Chef Steven took pity on us because our usual partners were gone." I sighed for dramatic effect. "It's going to kill my lab GPA of nearly one hundred percent. My regular lab partner is a cooking sensation." I couldn't mask the wistfulness in my voice. I hoped she didn't hear the longing.

  Mom laughed, oblivious to the real source of my pain. "So that's why you sound upset and sad today. I'm sure you'll bring your average back up as soon as your regular partner comes back." She sounded almost tongue in cheek. "What's wrong with him? Maybe he's heartsick that you won't go on another date with him."

  "Mom!" Crap. She was so close to the truth. I regretted telling her at the beginning that I'd had a date with my cooking lab partner. When she'd asked about it later, I'd lied and said we were better off friends. That I had no plans to go out with him again.

  "With any luck he'll recover quickly and be back soon."

  She had no idea what she was wishing for.

  I sighed. "Maybe."

  "Don't be such a pessimist!" She paused. "I have something to cheer you up. I've rearranged my schedule and decided not to attend the annual design conference I usually go to in April, the one that always conflicts with Mom's Weekend. With both you and Ian there now, how can I miss Mom's Weekend this year? I'm coming!"

  My mouth went dry as cotton. "What?"

  "Surprised you!" Her delight seeped through the phone. "I'll stay with Ian, of course. He has plenty of room. I'll call him next, but I wanted to tell you first."

  "Um…I don't know what to say." I blinked like this might be a bad dream. I hadn't even considered Mom would come for Mom's Weekend. Giving up her annual conference was serious stuff.

  Along with the obvious pounding fear, I felt a pang of sibling jealousy. Ian comes to the university and suddenly she makes time for Mom's Weekend, just at the worst possible time. Her announcement reinforced what I often thought. Ian was her favorite. And now I knew why. He was her love child. The boy who reminded her of the guy she'd really loved. And I was just the daughter she'd made with a good friend.

  Yeah, sure, both of her kids were here now, like she said. But deep down, I knew Ian was the real draw. Mom avoided the university when at all possible. She'd helped me move in freshman year and that was the last time she'd come to campus in nearly three years. Even then, she'd escaped as soon as possible. She must be desperate to see him.

  "You're speechless?" She laughed again.

  I took a deep breath, glad she'd misread my hesitation. "Awesome." I had to say something.

  "I've already looked at the Mom's Weekend website. I made a list of some of the events that look interesting. I'll send it to you. Some of them need reservations. Like the winetasting. I really want to go to that. Now that both my kids are twenty
-one, won't it be fun? Right in line with your major. Very posh and sophisticated. All the wines are from the state. And, according to the website, we all get a free university wineglass with the price of admission."

  Oh, no! As we were leaving his place, Seth's dad had mentioned something about being involved with the winetasting and helping set it up. And my cooking class was providing the appetizers and serving at it. I hadn't planned on volunteering to serve at it. But after that terrible lab, I could use the extra credit. And anything to keep Mom away from it.

  "I may have to work that event for class," I said, making sure to sound disappointed as I explained.

  "Get out of it," Mom said in a commanding tone. "I want the whole experience, including mother/daughter/son Mom's Weekend sweatshirts. Get together with your brother and order them. And make the reservations. Let me know how much everything costs and I'll put the money in your account to cover it." She sighed happily. "This is going to be so fun!"

  She had no idea. Who was this woman and what had she done with my mother? Why? Why now? It was as if the universe was conspiring against me.

  After we hung up, I sat stunned, trying to work up the courage to call Ian. He called me before I could.

  "We need to get together, Mads." He was completely matter of fact. "I have some things I need to talk to you about. In person. Are you busy tomorrow night? Let me take you to dinner."

  "Mom got to you, too." I was certain she'd coerced him into taking me out to make plans for her visit, and was probably paying for the dinner he'd just invited me to, too. "I can't believe she's coming for Mom's Weekend. I feel like the Grinch, We must keep Mom's Weekend from coming, but how?"

  "Yeah, bad timing."

  I hadn't told him yet that Rick was coming to town to help with the winetasting that weekend. I wondered if Mom had shared her excited plans with Ian, too. I had no idea where things stood between Ian and Seth. Or whether Ian wanted to meet Rick. I made a note to tell him tomorrow among the many things we needed to talk about.

  "We have a lot to talk about," I said.

  "We do indeed." He paused. "You haven't answered my question. Dinner tomorrow?"

  "Sounds good to me. I'm always up for free food."

  "Seven? I'll pick you up."

  "See you tomorrow."

  My brother was prompt, as always. I watched for him from the kitchen window and ran out to meet him when he pulled up.

  "Where are we going?" I asked as I slid into his car.

  He turned off his music. "Wings okay?"

  I nodded. "Absolutely!"

  We rode in a strange kind of silence to the restaurant. It was like we were each bursting to say something, but neither of us wanted to be the first. Because the news I was bursting with wasn't good. And he seemed like he was holding something back, too.

  When we got to the wing place, Ian pulled his briefcase bag out of the backseat. It seemed odd to me, but I didn't ask him about it. He slid it over his shoulder. As we walked into the restaurant, I looped my arm through his and rested my head on his shoulder. I needed my big bro just then.

  "Pretending I'm your boyfriend again?" he asked. But he didn't shake me off. "That's partly what got me in trouble with the department in the first place. I have my suspicions. I think one of the grad students saw us in the Chinese place at the start of the semester."

  "To hell with sneaky, backstabbing grad students." I was in no mood.

  He covered my hand with his like there was no way he was letting me go. "Exactly. To hell with them. Only those with dirty minds would think there's something unnatural going on between me and my sis. Let them."

  It was comforting. And it might even have been funny if he hadn't been in real trouble over it for a while. I caught myself just before saying we had the cover of Seth now, too.

  The entire situation was absurd. Ian stroked the top of my head and held the door open for me.

  We got right into the wing place. Ian asked to be seated in a quiet corner. Though, in truth, no place was quiet. Music blared. The busy restaurant hummed with crowd noise. A waitress brought us water and a basket of popcorn almost the minute we sat down. The popcorn was their signature thing instead of a breadbasket.

  It seemed ridiculous to be eating popcorn and waiting for honey barbecue wings with all I had on my mind. The discussion we had to have was too serious and weighty to have popcorn as a prelude.

  Ian waited until the waitress had gone and I had a handful of popcorn before he spoke.

  "I have something to show you." He reached into his bag and pulled out a sheaf of papers, sitting them in front of me.

  "What's this?" I looked up at him.

  "Proof. Seth is my brother." He tapped the pages in front of me and explained about the DNA tests he'd run.

  "I can't believe you went to Seth and he agreed to this."

  Ian shrugged that off. "You don't seem surprised by the results?"

  "Should I be?" I sighed. "The circumstantial evidence was too strong. The odds of all those coincidences too much. If I'd been on a jury, I would have convicted you of being brothers long before seeing this." I swallowed hard. "In fact, I did. I didn't need a test to prove it."

  Ian nodded. "I didn't do this for me. I did it for you. So you, and he, could be certain."

  My eyes filled with tears. "Does Seth know?"

  Ian shook his head. "I wanted to tell you first." He shifted in his seat. "Does this change the way you feel about him?"

  I blinked back a sudden wave of tears and shook my head. It was so typical of Ian to be selfless. "Nothing will change the way I feel about him. Not even him not loving me anymore. I wish something would."

  Ian pulled a stiff brown paper napkin from the dispenser next to him and handed it to me. "He still loves you." He paused. "I don't want to give you false hope. Loving you doesn't mean things will turn out well. I don't know how he's going to deal with it."

  I bit my lip. "How is he?"

  "Confused." Ian didn't elaborate.

  "Do you want a relationship with him?" I couldn't have stopped myself from asking if I'd cut off my tongue. "Do you want a brother?"

  "It's not totally up to me."

  "Seth is your brother. You don't have any others." I bit my lip. I couldn't be that selfish. "You should get to know him. He's a great guy."

  Ian raised one eyebrow.

  "No, I mean it." I blinked back tears and crumpled the napkin he'd given me. "If it wasn't for me and this mess we're in, I think you two would really hit it off." I tried to smile. "As long as you always like me best, I'll have no problem with it."

  "You'll always be my favorite sister." His expression was teasing, but his eyes were sympathetic.

  "Shut up! Favorite sib or the deal's off." I dabbed at my eyes with the mangled napkin.

  He handed me another. "Your mascara is running."

  "And you hand me a napkin stiff enough to gouge my eyes out. If I have a long-lost brother out there somewhere, and he carries soft tissues with him, he's going to be my favorite."

  Ian laughed.

  I sighed as I wiped my eyes. Reality didn't stay at bay long. "What are we going to do?" I paused, trying to frame my thoughts. "Do you want to meet Rick? You don't need Seth's permission. Not that you need it, but you certainly have mine."

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Whatever's best for you, Ian. I'm…I'm happy you still have a dad. It's hard to admit, especially because I thought he hurt Mom and I wanted to hate him, but Rick is a good guy. I don't know how he'll react to you. But you should give him a chance. If you want to."

  I paused again. I'd given this a lot of thought. "I'll back you up with Mom. She shouldn't have a say in this, either. However it happened, she blew her chance with Rick. That doesn't mean you should. I could arrange for you to meet him."

  Ian smiled at me, love for me shining on his face. Whatever happened, Ian was in my corner. And I was in his.

  "I would like to meet my father." He hesitated. "I won't let Seth stop
me. But I will tell him my intentions first."

  I nodded. "The opportunity to meet him is coming sooner than you think. Rick's coming to town for Mom's Weekend."

  Ian paled. "What?"

  "Well, not exactly for Mom's Weekend. You know that winetasting Mom is insisting on going to? He's donating some of his wine. He's on some kind of board or committee for it and is coming to town the day before to help arrange it. If you want to meet him on neutral ground, that's your chance."

  Ian reached across the table and grabbed my free hand, the one not desperately clutching a mascara-stained napkin. "Have I told you how much I love you, baby sis?"

  I smiled sadly at him, happy that nothing could come between us. Blood was thicker than water, as they say. Which worried me, too. Because Ian shared a blood relation with Rick and Seth. I hoped his allegiance never shifted.

  I hated to ask, but I had to. "What do we do about Mom?"

  Ian's brow furrowed. "I've given it some thought. I would like to see Rick first. If he wants nothing to do with me, we can leave Mom out of this." He squeezed my hand. "Until we introduce her to Seth and tell her who he really is and who his father is. Then we give Mom a chance to come clean first."

  "I don't think Seth is coming back."

  Ian made a waving motion, a gesture that meant sweep that thought away.

  "If Rick is the man I think he is, he'll want everything to do with you," I said. "One way or another, we're going to have to tell Mom." I bit my lip. "When are you going to tell Seth?"

  "I'll text him after I drop you off tonight."

  I nodded, thinking. "I have something I need to text him, too. Let me know when you've sent yours."

  Seth

  Maddie held me spellbound with her texts over the next few days as I mulled over what Ian had said and waited for the results of that damn test. I missed her. I wanted her. I wanted to believe her. I wasn't ready to talk. On Thursday, I skipped HBM 225 to avoid her. It was a shitty thing to do, but I couldn't help myself.