Hushed

  "Yeah, I get that. You've warned me before."

  We all laughed. The situation was so ludicrous, really. And must have sounded either absurd or incestuous to those around us. We got a few funny looks.

  "I got you a coffee," I said to Ian as I grabbed it and handed it to him.

  We took our places around the table to strategize.

  "Anyone have any ideas how we go about this?" Ian looked at me.

  I grinned.

  He explained to Seth, "She's the planner in the family."

  I nodded. "True." I picked up my coffee. "We're going to have to tell Rick first," I said. "He comes in on Thursday."

  I paused, looking between the two most important guys in my life, loving them both and being so perfectly happy in the moment.

  "I was thinking it would be natural for Seth to tell his dad he'd like to introduce him to my brother," I said. "And invite him to Ian's for dessert on Thursday night."

  I turned to Seth. "Does he know you and I…" I hesitated on the words "broke up."

  Seth caught my meaning. "No. I haven't talked to him since before last Monday."

  We all knew the significance of last Monday.

  "Okay, then perfectly natural," I said. "Ian's house is private. I think that's key. We need to be able to talk, cry, scream." I glanced at my older brother. "Break furniture."

  "Good thing I don't have much." Ian winked.

  "Just to clarify—you're offering your house?" I said.

  He nodded. "You bet. It's a rental. The worst that could happen is I'll lose my deposit." He laughed.

  "Good!" I tried to sound more optimistic than I felt.

  "So we're ambushing him?" Ian eyed me over his cup as he took a sip of coffee.

  "We're letting him draw his own conclusions once he sees you. I mean, once he sees what an awesome son he has, how could he not love you? It's simple advertising." I clutched my cup. "Do you have a better plan?"

  "Knowing Dad, I agree. The element of surprise gives us the upper hand. We'll tell him together." Seth looked to Ian for confirmation.

  "All right, agreed." Ian looked at me again. "What about Mom?"

  "We tell her separately from Rick. I think at dinner on Friday. I'll tell her I've been dating someone and would like her to meet him. That's natural, too. She'll be excited."

  "So, another sneak attack," Ian said drily. "At my house?"

  I nodded. "Private is better."

  "We'll help you cook," Seth said.

  "You haven't tasted his cooking. He's good," I said to Ian. "Like the star student in the class."

  "We're good together." Seth reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "And we have to make a two-course meal for friends or family for class, anyway." He shook my hand playfully.

  "Win-win," Ian said. "Until Mom throws the china."

  I laughed, feeling better now that both guys were on my side. "You don't have any china."

  Ian took a sip of coffee. "I have Chinet."

  I rolled my eyes.

  "I got an eye roll! Excellent." Ian laughed. He was always teasing. "Send me the menu and grocery list. I'll do the shopping."

  The three of us stared at each other like three conspirators who were planning to rob a bank or something. Like we were planning something really shady and sinister.

  "This is going to work!" I put a huge dose of fake optimistic sunshine in my voice.

  "It's going to do something." Ian stared at me. "What, exactly, are we going to tell Mom?"

  "The truth, of course. We'll play it by ear." I glanced at Seth. "I hope we don't have to tell her anything. One look at Seth and she'll get that picture. Hearing his name will seal the deal. We'll go from there."

  Ian frowned as he looked at me. "And Mom"—his gaze bounced to Seth—"and Dad? Crap that sounds crazy. Do we introduce them again?"

  We all laughed nervously.

  "We leave that up to them. If they want to reconnect, that's their thing." I sounded way more confident than I felt. I set my coffee down.

  Ian scooted his chair closer to me and took my free hand. "And when Mom screams and yells that you can't be with that Butler boy?"

  "We hold our ground." I bit my lip. "Together. If Mom loved Rick like I think she did, she'll understand how I feel about Seth and why I won't break up with him."

  "That's my sis," Ian said, and sighed dramatically. "I hope my neighbors are ready for fireworks."

  Chapter 21

  Laura

  I decided to leave a day early and surprise the kids. I didn't have any meetings on Thursday afternoon, so what the heck, right? I left work a little after one, stopped by home and threw my already packed bags in the car, and headed for the university. If I made good time, I would be there by eight. Still in early twilight. I was eager to see Ian's new house.

  Over the years, I'd avoided the university for good reason. When Bruce was alive, I'd had an irrational fear of bringing up old ghosts. Going to campus and running into Rick. Was that possible? Sure. But the probability of it happening was so slim as to be impossible. But that's the thing about unreasonable fears. They don't make sense.

  I had a real fear, too, of bringing that old longing for Rick back to the surface. Life was so much easier to live without it. You would think that after all these years, it would die. That I would have found a way to murder it in its sleep. But the craziest things brought it back unbidden—an old song, like "Dream Police," on the radio. The smell of cheap beer on a hot day. A swirl of dust in spring. The university was too full of triggers. So I avoided it.

  I owed Bruce everything for coming to my rescue. All he'd asked in return was for Ian to be his son and no one to know the difference. I'd kept my end of the bargain. Once Bruce was gone, I thought the fears and the longing would recede. But they didn't.

  Now, though, I was happy again. Or at least secure. Ken was a good man, a friend. Like Bruce had been. He'd encouraged me to go to Mom's Weekend now that both kids were there. And I was out of excuses. That I could share, anyway. So why not?

  This would be fun. I could hardly wait to see the looks on the kids' faces when I showed up. I would go to Ian's first. And then the two of us would go surprise Maddie. I felt like a kid again!

  As a mom, this was the perfect opportunity to see how they really lived. I had a momentary flicker of worry. What if I caught them at something I would rather not know about?

  I brushed the fear off. Worrier, worrier! I laughed at myself and turned up the music.

  Seth

  Dad, Maddie, and I pulled up in front of Ian's house just past seven.

  "Maddie, it's nice of your brother to invite us over," Rick said. "You didn't say much about him when you visited us."

  "Didn't I?" Maddie sounded nervous.

  I guessed Dad would chalk that up to nerves over introducing us to her family. He had no idea she was introducing him to his.

  I put the car in park and reached for the door handle. My heart pounded out of control. I didn't feel like talking. I was too damn nervous and scared over the myriad ways this could blow up in our faces.

  I got out of the car. Maddie slipped out of her side and took a deep breath. I came around and took her hand.

  The shadows were long. The lighting over the wheat fields surrounding Ian's house spectacular. Rolling fields of light and shadow.

  Dad got out and paused to look at the view. "Nice place. Great view. When you said your brother had a house, I expected the usual dump on the hill up to campus. Five guys in some beat-up five-bedroom place from the forties. Not this."

  Maddie bit her lip. "He's a little older than I am."

  I glanced at her. Her face was pale. She was trying hard not to give too much away.

  "Ian's a professor, not a student."

  "Ian?" Dad stopped, suddenly on alert. "That's my middle name. Richard Ian Butler. RIB. Not great initials." He laughed nervously.

  Maddie kept her smile plastered to her face. "What a coincidence."

  I exchang
ed a look with her. Dad was getting dangerously close to the truth, acting like a dog on a scent. Maddie didn't have to say anything. In that moment, we both realized her mom had named Ian after my dad. If we'd needed more circumstantial evidence, there it was. I didn't know why I hadn't made the connection before. In my defense, why would I think about Dad's middle name?

  Dad's gaze bounced between us. "You two are awfully serious tonight."

  Maddie gave him a shaky smile. "Introducing you to my brother is a big step. Of course I'm nervous!"

  Dad flashed her a big smile that showed off that characteristic single dimple of ours. The one Ian shared with us. Dad had a soft spot for Maddie. She could have twisted him around her little finger if she'd wanted to.

  "I won't eat him. I promise." Dad winked, amused by Maddie's nerves. Like she was being adorably sweet and innocent.

  "I'll hold you to that," she said.

  We reached the front door. Dad turned to Maddie for guidance, as in, Should we knock? Or can we walk right in?

  She knocked twice, as we'd agreed she would earlier, and opened the door.

  Ian called out to us from the kitchen at the back of the house, "Come in. I'll be right there."

  Dad froze. Ian's voice was eerily similar to ours. I knew it, but I hadn't thought of that when we'd been strategizing. Our plan was to get Dad in the house before he got a look at Ian and was tipped off. But Ian's voice from the kitchen could have been mine. Or Dad's. And Dad had picked up on that.

  Maddie took Dad's arm and pulled him into the house. I closed the door behind us just as Ian came around the corner from out of sight.

  As Ian walked toward us and came into plain view, Dad paled. He saw the resemblance right away. He'd have to have been blind not to. It was unmistakable.

  Ian had a broad smile on his face. I admired his confidence as he came toward us. Shit, he even walked like Dad, had the same gait.

  "Maddie!" Ian hugged his sister.

  Dad stood mute, studying Ian as if he'd seen a ghost.

  Ian slapped me on the back. "Seth." He turned to Dad and extended his hand. "Ian Foster. Dr. Ian Richard Foster. I believe I'm your son."

  Dad stood statue straight and still while the rest of us held our collective breath. He was oddly calm. Like he was in shock. "You're Laura's son?"

  "I am." Ian's voice was steady. "And yours."

  Dad ignored Ian's outstretched hand. "How old are you?"

  Ian rattled off his birthday and dropped the hand he'd offered.

  "Damn. That fits." Dad ran one hand through his hair and looked over his shoulder like he wanted to escape. He glanced at me with question, and accusation, shining in his eyes.

  "We met less than two weeks ago. When we saw each other, we suspected. We've only known for sure less than a week." Emulating my older brother, I kept my voice steady. I refused to throw Maddie under the bus by calling her out for putting it together earlier.

  I swallowed hard. "Ian and I took a DNA test. We're brothers, Dad. Half-brothers."

  Maddie grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "We wanted to tell you in person. Together. It's awkward for all of us—"

  Dad didn't seem to hear us. "I married the wrong girl." He muttered to himself, sounding stunned, "Laura was pregnant and let me marry Colleen?"

  He studied Ian again. "I didn't know. She never told me." He sounded both hurt and shocked. But he didn't deny it. Didn't even look like he doubted at all. "Why wouldn't she tell me?" And then again, like he was talking to himself, "That's why she married Bruce." He took a deep breath and stared at Ian again, mesmerized. "You don't look like her."

  "No." Ian shifted on his feet, but he hadn't lost his confidence.

  Dad looked at me and then back to Ian. "Kind of hard to deny it. You look more like me than even Seth does. And everyone says he's my clone."

  He muttered again. Something about what a jerk he'd been and how much he'd screwed up. It wasn't particularly flattering to Mom. But then, I'd never really known her anyway. And I'd always known my parents had problems, even before I was born and she left.

  Dad looked at me again. "How do you feel about this?"

  I felt everyone's gaze on me now. It seemed as if everything rested with me, that this entire weird family's future hung on what I would say.

  Still holding Maddie's hand, I moved next to Ian and put my arm around his shoulder. "He's my brother. I'm happy to have him."

  Tears welled in Dad's eyes. Then he did the most startling thing. He threw himself at us and wrapped his arms around both of us, Ian and me.

  "My boys. My sons!" he said over and over again.

  I dropped my arm from Ian's shoulder, stepped away, and let Dad pull just Ian into a hug. I'd never seen Dad so emotional.

  "I've missed everything," he said as he finally pulled away from Ian and wiped a tear from his eyes.

  "Not everything," Ian said. "Not anything from here on out."

  Maddie wiped a tear away, too. And sniffed. I squeezed her hand.

  "Hey," I said to her. "It's all right now."

  "I know. These are tears of happiness."

  Dad looked at Maddie. "Does Laura know?"

  Laura

  I hadn't been to this university town in almost three years. It was familiar, and yet had changed since I'd spent a school year here an eon ago. And lost my innocence and my freedom. When I'd been young and foolish enough to fall for a frat boy who used me until he and his longtime girlfriend got back together. The town and I had both grown since then.

  Even though housing developments had sprung up in what had been wheat fields back in the day, and Ian's development was one of them, it wasn't hard to follow the directions on my built-in GPS to his house.

  An unfamiliar car was parked out front. I frowned. Ian had company. I hoped I wasn't interrupting anything. Oh, well. Too late now!

  I slid out of the car and grabbed my purse, stiff from the three-hundred-mile drive. When I got to the door, it was half open. Which was strange.

  From inside, I heard Ian say, "Does Laura know?"

  Since when did he call me Laura not Mom? Was that how he talked about me when I wasn't around? Or was he referring to another Laura? There weren't many his age. Maybe someone in the chemistry department.

  I pushed the door open. Ian stood in the hall with Maddie and two men who had their backs to me, one a young man, one more my age, judging from his build and the streaks of gray in his hair.

  "Does Laura know what?" I said, delighted with myself at startling them.

  Then things moved in slow motion. Frame by frame, like stop motion in a movie. The two men turned; the younger one faced me first and caught my eye.

  Suddenly, I was nineteen years old and staring into Rick's devastating eyes again. He was Rick, so much like Rick. Not quite as much as Ian at the age, but almost.

  Two seconds in town and I'd run into another trigger.

  The young man squinted and frowned, looking at me almost as if he knew me. That was when I saw he was holding Maddie's hand. I went cold. It was like an echo in time, a reverberation of Rick and me. The horror, the absolute horror sank in. My daughter was dating Rick's son. She had no clue. She had no clue who he was. Or why it was such a bad idea to date him. And they were in Ian's house—

  Getting Ian's blessing? Introducing him to the family? There wasn't a good scenario.

  I couldn't breathe.

  As the new horror hit, the older man turned fully around. "Laura?"

  He was older. Grayer. More filled out, fuller of face. There were crow's feet around his eyes. But still slender and handsome. I would have known him anywhere. Even if he'd been totally gray and fifty pounds heavier.

  Rick. I couldn't speak. Couldn't say his name to save my life.

  Maddie looked from me to Rick's son, love shining in her eyes, looking at him the way I used to look at Rick. She loved him, loved him with a kind of love that could break her and leave her an empty shell, like me. I was too late. Way too late.

&nbsp
; My knees wanted to buckle. I would have dropped my purse if it hadn't been slung over my shoulder.

  "Mom?" Ian took a step toward me, his face etched with concern.

  I couldn't miss the other look on his face. I knew exactly what it meant. They knew. They all knew. Somehow they'd unearthed the secret I'd kept for over thirty years. Ian had met his real father.

  "No. No. No!" I covered my face with my hands. My knees gave way.

  As I crumpled to the floor, Rick caught my arm. "Laura!"

  His eyes and voice were kind. Amazed. Shocked. Filled with both wonder and betrayal.

  I gasped, my lungs too thick with shock to hold air. The room, the whole house, seemed suddenly stifling. The joy of my surprise evaporated. I couldn't breathe. I needed air.

  I pulled free of Rick's grasp and dashed outside.

  Maddie called after me, "Mom! Wait! We can explain."

  I heard her footsteps, followed by Rick's voice. Or maybe it was Ian's. Or Rick's boy. They all sounded enough the same that they blended together in my shocked mind.

  "Let her go," Rick/Ian/the boy said. "Give her space."

  I glanced over my shoulder in time to see Rick's boy grab her arm and pull her into his chest, stopping her from pursuit. I didn't miss the way she cuddled into him for comfort.

  Too late. Too late. Way, way too late.

  But who would have guessed this would happen? What were the odds? I should have stopped Maddie from going to school here. I'd had a bad feeling from the beginning. Always trust your instincts. Wasn't that what the fear experts said? Instinct is pretty good at warning you about danger.

  But who even knew Rick had a son? Let alone one Maddie's age? It was…bizarre.

  I reached into my purse for the keys I'd dropped in minutes, or maybe it was lives, earlier. I felt suddenly both ancient and young at the same time. Then I realized I didn't need them. I'd let myself be thrown back in time. I had keyless entry and keyless ignition on my new car.

  "I'll talk to her," one of the men said.

  I'd almost reached the car, was just about to push the button on the door to let myself in, when he caught my arm and swung me around to face him. Rick. Just as powerful and magnetic as he'd ever been. Even more confident than the young man I remembered. More self-assured.