Falling (Fading Series)

  “‘The Tempest.’ It’ll run in February.”

  “I’ll have to get tickets for that.”

  “Mom, you don’t have to come to all of her performances,” I tell her as they continue to fill the stockings.

  She sets one down to take a sip of her wine before saying, “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” When she looks to Candace, she adds, “It’s fun for me to go and to know it’s you up there dancing.”

  Candace’s face lights up as my mom says this. “Thanks, Donna. But you don’t need to buy tickets. I can get you the same passes I get Ryan. It’s not a big deal.”

  Once everything is filled, they hang the stockings back up above the fireplace when Candace says, “Did Ryan tell you about his newest shoot?”

  “No.”

  “He was commissioned to shoot one of the lead principals in the company to be displayed at the Metro Gallery downtown for a special invitational showing,” she brags with a huge smile.

  When my mom turns to me, she nearly scolds, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “I just got the gig a few days ago.”

  “Apparently the director, Peter, is friends with one of my old college dance teachers whose girlfriend works at the Henry Gallery, who Ryan works closely with now. Anyway, a few of his pieces are being displayed and caught Peter’s eye, and when he found out the photographer was my boyfriend, he commissioned him for this photo shoot.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Mom says. “It amazes me the things you two have going on in your lives.”

  I laugh at my mom’s excitement as Candace continues to chat with her while we start putting the gifts under the tree. When everything is done, we say goodnight and Candace and I head up to my room to crash.

  I wake up to the smell of Candace’s shower and the commotion from downstairs. I lie there for a moment, trying to fully wake up, when she walks out of the bathroom, dressed and looking amazing for so early in the morning.

  Reaching out, I grab on to her arm and pull her on top of me. “Morning.”

  She giggles and then wraps her arms around my neck, kissing me softly. Pulling back, she stares down at me, whispering, “Merry Christmas,” with a hint of a smile.

  “I love you,” I tell her as I tangle my hands in her hair and bring her back down to my lips.

  Remembering this day last year, I was at her house after her parents tossed her out the night before. She was upset and quiet, only wanting to come home with me to hide from everything going on in her life. And now . . . now she’s mine, and that day seems like years ago. She’s happy and content in my arms, with a whole new family that she fits into flawlessly. I’m happy to have another Christmas with her, and one that isn’t buried under so much darkness. Not that the darkness isn’t there, but the rim of light is promising.

  “I’ll wait while you get ready,” she says as she shifts off of me.

  After a quick shower, I toss on some clothes and we head downstairs into the madness.

  “Uncle Ryan’s up!” Connor yells out with excitement, making Candace and me laugh, as if Christmas couldn’t start until I dragged myself down here.

  “Morning, Mom.”

  “Good morning. You better hurry and grab your coffee because these kids aren’t going to last much longer,” she says, walking out of the kitchen, stopping to kiss Candace on the cheek before going into the living room.

  Candace and I grab our coffees and then head into the other room. I make myself comfortable on the floor as Candace sits on the couch behind me. I lean my head back and she plants a kiss on my forehead followed by a wide smile before Bailey plops down on my lap.

  “Wyan,” she calls out, finally starting to get the hang of my name as she clings her tiny arms around my neck.

  She squeals when I start blowing raspberry kisses on her neck.

  “You ready to open presents?” I ask, and when her eyes widen as she nods, I call over to Trevor, “Find me a few for this princess.”

  After opening several gifts with me, she trades me in for Candace’s lap. I sit next to them on the couch as she helps Bailey unwrap the tea set we bought her. They open gift after gift, and when a box wrapped in black paper lands on my lap with Candace’s name on it, I interrupt her and Bailey, teasing, “So you can buy me a gift, but I can’t get you anything?”

  She shoots me a grin and then turns her attention back to Bailey as I peel back the paper to find that she bought me a big tintype kit for my camera.

  “I saw you eying that tintype at the Metro Gallery,” she says to me.

  “This is perfect.” I’ve been wanting to work with something a little bit different and for Candace to know that, picking up on the fact that I spent a little more time observing that piece than the others on display makes it clear how gelled we’ve become with each other.

  “Candace,” Mom says as she walks up to us from behind the couch. “Ryan made me tuck this away.” She hands Candace the gift I ordered for her and was having my mom hang on to so that Candace wouldn’t find out.

  She takes the small, wrapped box from my mom and then shakes her head as she mutters, “Ryan, I don’t . . .”

  “Don’t worry. It isn’t for you.”

  She gives me a confused look when I clarify, “It’s for Ana.”

  Her smile is warm, and when Bailey hops off of her lap, she folds her legs underneath herself as she gently unwraps the paper. Pulling out the sleek, brown leather, designer cat collar, her smile grows, showing off her sexy dimple.

  “The collar isn’t the real gift,” I tell her. “Look at the tag, babe.”

  Laying her palm flat underneath the gold tag, she reads the name I had engraved on it: Tatiana Campbell.

  “Campbell?” she questions slowly with a wary eye before asking, “So we’re keeping her?”

  “We’re keeping her.”

  She wraps her arms tightly around my neck, laughing with excitement. “Thank you.”

  I laugh at her demeanor, planting a couple kisses below her ear, and when she pulls back to look at the collar again, Tori snatches it and teases, “This is a really nice leather collar.”

  “I would have tied yarn around its neck, but I saw Candace drooling over this collar when she dragged me into some frou-frou pet store.”

  Eying Candace, she cocks a brow at her. “Really?”

  “Don’t make fun of me. I think it’s sophisticated,” she defends.

  “That’s what’s so funny about this,” she jokes as she hands the collar back to her. “I’ve got to meet this cat if Ryan was willing to bestow his last name on her,” she jokes with laughter.

  “You should see the small four-post bed Candace bought her. It’s ridiculous,” I tell Tori.

  She turns back to Candace, and says, “So Ryan has a tiny four-post kitty bed in his bedroom?”

  Candace nods her head with a grin and Tori adds, “God, I love what you’re doing to him.”

  Narrowing my eyes at her, I defend, “She didn’t give me a choice. I came home from the bar one day and there it was.”

  “Regardless, it’s still there.”

  “It’s really cute,” Candace tells her, and I laugh when I reiterate, “It’s a four-post bed!”

  “Oh my God, you guys,” Tori bursts out laughing, and we all join in, even Candace, at the absurdity of it all. But in the end, my girl is happy and that’s all that matters. She’s never had a pet, and she adores having Tatiana.

  Once the living room is completely demolished and littered in paper, my mom has everyone get the kids dressed and ready for the day while I do a clean sweep of the place. Candace takes a moment to call Jase and check in with him and Mark.

  “I got her and Jase a little something for Christmas,” Mom tells me as we take out all the trash.

  “Mom—”

  “I know, but I saw this cooking school that is down the street from your loft, and after seeing how much Jase likes to cook when he was here in July, I thought they would have fun taking a few lessons tog
ether.”

  We start heading back inside when I turn to her and say, “She’s gonna love it. So will Jase. He’s been coming over whenever he has free time and has tried teaching her a few things.”

  “Any luck?” she asks with a smile.

  “We wind up going out,” I admit with a light chuckle. “Thanks, Mom.”

  Walking back inside, Candace is standing over by the windows, looking out at the ocean. I step up from behind and slip my arms around her shoulders, resting my chin on top of her head. “Whatcha doing?”

  “Just thinking.”

  “About?”

  “Last Christmas.”

  Lifting my chin, I run my hands down her arms, and when she turns to face me, she says, “Thank you.”

  “What for?”

  She wraps her arms around my waist as I cradle her face. “For being so patient with me.”

  “You may be slow to open up and hard to read, but you’re not the type of girl you wanna rush anything with. I want every slow second.”

  When she lifts up onto her toes to kiss me, I pick her up off the floor as we seal our lips together, both realizing how far we’ve come since last year.

  Candace and I decide to get bundled up and take a long walk down the beach alone, taking our time while the mist floats its way down from the dark, grey sky. We don’t talk much, just keep close, stealing kisses along the way. When we finally get back to the house, Candace stays with my mom for most of the day in the kitchen, cooking, while I hang out with the kids, keeping them busy and out of trouble.

  After dinner, everyone is getting ready for bed when Candace and I decide to do a replay of last year. When everyone finally heads to bed, we pile a bunch of pillows and blankets onto the living room floor in front of the fireplace, and then find an old black and white to watch.

  We lie down, and I snuggle her into my arms, but this time, I can kiss her whenever I want, so I do. We make it through ‘Swing Time,’ and I think this one makes it to the top of Candace’s favorites so far, but I figured it would since it’s a love story about dancers. She keeps glued to the TV, but when ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ comes on next, our eyes drift from the screen to each other’s. It’s after midnight, and we begin to grow tired as we lie here face to face.

  Candace slides her hand along my jaw before she presses her lips to mine. Running my hand down her back, I pull her in tight against me. She begins to bury her hands in my hair when I slip past her lips and revel in the sweet taste of her mouth. I fumble my hand in the blanket until I find the remote and shut off the TV, the only light coming from the burning logs in the fireplace.

  I’m overwhelmed with her. Having her like this when a year ago I was so nervous around her. Now all I want is what we have. She’s given me everything I thought I never wanted. She’s given it in her own way, but the most perfect way for me. I used to be so disconnected and cold, but with her . . . she’s taught me how to be soft because I can’t be any other way with her. I never knew how much I needed that until I had her. It’s because of her that I no longer worry about the fears that plagued me throughout my life. She showed me what it meant to provide for someone else. She’s always been my priority. I never even had to think about it; she always was. And to see how happy she was today, I know I’m able to give her what she needs. That I can love, and I can do it well. It’s because of her that I’m the man I never thought I could be, and she makes it so easy to do.

  I’m never gonna stop wanting her—I know that. From the broken girl in the coffee shop on that rainy Halloween night to the vibrant girl who owns that stage at McCaw Theater every time she dances, I want every version of her—forever. I’ve never known beauty until her. I’ve never known how good life could be until her.

  As I slowly drag my lips away from hers, she opens her eyes as she rests her head next to mine on the pillow. She runs her small hand from my shoulder down to my chest where she keeps it, and I wrap my hand around hers. Her soft skin glows in the flicker of the fire as I stare into her hazel eyes, and I see everything I’ll ever want to see. It’s all within her. She holds every part of me, and it’s in this very moment that I feel it. It floods inside of me. A peace that only she can bring me.

  No doubt. No questioning. No hesitation.

  “Marry me.”

  “Marry me.”

  His softest words are the most powerful and hit hard inside of my heart as it begins to race when shock takes it over.

  “What?” I softly whisper because he’s caught me so off guard with his question that my mind is spinning.

  “Marry me,” he repeats with a clarity I can’t deny. With a certainty I’ve always depended on him for. He’s the warmth I draw my strength from. My safe place to rest my head when it won’t stop torturing me.

  Each word falls right through me, and all I can do is give him a nod of my head.

  His smile is perfection as he covers me in it, kissing me with his whole heart. The only heart that has been able to unravel me. The heart that showed me my heart could still breathe when I felt as if it was suffocating. He walked right inside of me and brought me back to life. He promised me he wouldn’t let me fade. I didn’t believe him at the time, but he fought for me. I thought I’d lost who I was, but with each day, he gives me a piece of my old self back. A playfulness I thought was gone. A happiness I never thought I’d feel again. A security I thought was forever stolen from me.

  When he pulls back, his face is intent, looking straight through me to my core as he says, “Tell me, babe. Give me the words.”

  Taking his face in my hands, I can’t hold in my emotions when the tears slip out. “Let’s get married.”

  He pulls me to his chest as he loops his arm behind my knees, cradling me in his hold as he picks me up. The giggles slip out, the pure reflection of joy as he carries me upstairs to his room, shutting the door behind him. Laying me down in bed, he crawls over me and pulls the sheets over us.

  “Tell me you love me,” he whispers against my skin as he runs his hand underneath my top and gently squeezes my breast.

  “I’ve only ever loved you,” I pant as he slowly grazes my nipple with his thumb.

  His lips find my neck, and he begins to kiss and nibble his way down as he grabs the hem of my shirt and slips it off of me. I know what he wants, and I want to give it to him, but knowing the house is full of people, my nerves take over.

  “Ryan, wait.”

  Lifting his head, he looks down at me and reads me well when he says, “Baby, I wanna make love to you.”

  “But—”

  “You’re all that exists for me right now,” he tells me, and my eyes fall shut with his words.

  His warm lips cover mine, and I let go of the worry, handing it over to him because I know he’ll always take care of me. Running his kisses down the center of my chest, he moves to my breast and drags his tongue over the lace bra that’s still covering me. The sensation is powerful as he gently sucks my nipple into the heat of his mouth. He takes his hand and slides it behind me, unhooking my bra and dropping it to the floor. Ryan stares down at me, then meets my eyes, saying, “I never knew it could be like this.”

  His words bring a smile to my face when I respond, “Me neither.”

  We go slow, the same way we always do. He’s never rushed with me, always taking his time, but knowing that he wants to be mine—to be my husband—creates an underlying intensity. A piece of the puzzle that we’ve finally found. A wholeness that we can bring each other. And when we have each other undressed, he quietly slips inside of me and holds himself there. Still. His breathing is heavy, and I can feel the swarm of his emotions take over him. I see it in eyes as he keeps them locked on mine.

  I pull him down to me, needing the weight of him to cover me as I press my hands into his back to keep him close. Tonight is different. Bared in a way we’ve never been with each other. The love I feel for this man is more than my body can handle, and when I release a whimper, he begins to move inside of me.

/>   His head is nestled in the curve of my neck, and I run my hands up his back and into his hair, holding his head in my hands, and when he draws his head back, I see his cheeks are damp with tears. I don’t say anything; I know exactly how he feels because his tears reflect the ones that run down the sides of my face.

  Rolling to the side, we lie face to face. He takes my leg and drapes it over his hip as he grabs me from behind, guiding me with him. I keep my hands on his face and hold him close, both of us quietly releasing our love and happiness through tears. The room fills with nothing but soft breaths of pleasure as we make love, giving ourselves entirely with the certainty that we are perfect for each other. Feeling secure, knowing that through it all our love has never stalled. It only grows.

  Waking up in the morning, the room is cold, and I snuggle in tighter to Ryan who is just starting to stir. I watch as he slowly begins to open his eyes, and before he can fully wake, he has a cheesy grin on his face when he rolls me on top of him.

  “Morning,” he says in his sexy rasp before I lower my lips to his, giving him a gentle kiss.

  When I shiver in his arms, he rolls me back onto the bed, and wraps his arms around me.

  “Mmm, you’re still naked,” he teases with a grin, and I tuck my head down into his chest. “Why are you so shy with me still?”

  “Ryan,” I softly nag.

  “I’m not complaining. I like that you’re still shy and reserved around me.”

  Peeking up at him, he kisses my forehead, and adds, “But I’m not gonna lie, I love feeling your skin all over me.”

  “Stop,” I say, feeling the blush heat my cheeks as he quietly laughs.

  He runs his hands through my hair as he looks at me, saying, “Tell me last night wasn’t a dream.”

  “Which part?”

  “The part where you said you’d marry me.”

  Smiling, I tell him, “I hope it wasn’t a dream.”

  “Do you have any idea how happy you make me?” he asks, not letting me answer when he kisses the smile on my face.

  He keeps his lips on me as he starts running his kisses across my cheek and down my neck. Holding on to him, I close my eyes as he sends tingles down my arms. “I don’t wanna wait,” I whisper.